by Kira Blakely
“Bad things,” I reply. “I hurt people.”
“Did you kill anyone?” The question comes out strong. I can tell this would be a deal breaker for her, but I won’t lie to her regardless. I’m not big on lies.
This entire weekend has sat under my skin. Irritated me.
“No,” I reply. “Never. And neither has my brother. He pulled me out of it before it was too late. Holden had friends in places higher than the muck. He was always good at that type of thing. Talking to people, making them see sense. I was the hothead. Always flying off the handle. Not much has changed.”
“Hot and cold,” she mutters.
I sit on the cusp of asking her which she prefers, but don’t. Not tonight.
“So, that’s me. I had my family, and I left them behind.”
“And now?” Dani takes the sponge from me. She runs it down my abs and washes carefully but doesn’t look down. Her touch only makes my dick harder, but I ignore that.
He might be into it, but my mind is elsewhere. “What about now?”
“You still have family.”
“Kind of,” I reply. “But nothing solid. Nothing real. My brother’s family, but—”
“No ex-girlfriends? Ex-wives?” she asks.
“No,” I snort. “I’m not into that type of thing. I wasn’t.” That correction is necessary, because the more time I spend with Dani, the more I realize that it can change. All the partying, the fucking random chicks for the hell of it, can change.
It has changed.
We finish up in the shower in silence, and Dani seems happier now. She gets out by herself, but I wrap the towel around her then one around myself. I walk her through to the bedroom, and she sits down on the end of the bed, yawning.
“You should get some rest,” I say.
“You’re not going to stay with me?” she asks.
Fuck, isn’t that a killer? “No, I can’t. I have to go look for him. I can’t leave it like this.”
“Family,” she says and nods, with another yawn.
“Family.” I kiss her on the forehead, just a quick brush, because anything more and I’ll stay instead of leaving, and that won’t help lift the metric ton of shit wedged into place on top of me. “None of this is your fault. Don’t forget that. It’s mine.”
Dani doesn’t reply, but she probably doesn’t believe me either.
“Later,” I say, and that’s a god damn problem.
She nods and settles back against the cushions, still moist form her shower.
I leave before the sight of her like that glues me to the floor.
Chapter 17
Danielle
Tik-tik-kkkrrttzzz.
The noise breaks through my dreams, through the soft warmth that envelops me. I open my eyes in the dark and frown. The sun set a long time ago, but my bedroom windows are thrown wide, the pale curtains billowing in the Caribbean breeze.
Tik-tik-kkkrrttzzz.
What the hell? What is that?
I force myself upright and look around in the dark, eyes wide as they can go. I absorb dull shapes. The outline of the armoire, the dresser, the mirror, and the closed bedroom door. There’s not much light from outside. Clouds scud across the inky black sky and block the moon from my view.
“Hello?” I whisper, and the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.
Fuck, why did Joey have to leave? Gosh, well, obviously, I know why he had to leave, but this is…
Tik-tik-kkkrrttzzz.
“Who’s there!?” I yell, throwing back my covers. I’m naked underneath. I swing my legs out and place my feet on a towel—the one I threw off after my shower with Joey.
My bedroom door’s knob turns, and the door swings inward. A tall figure moves into view, and I hold my breath, fear thrilling through me.
I grab for the blanket and pull it toward my chest, then reach for the light switch.
A click and the room floods with buttery yellow light.
And there he is.
It’s Holden, wearing a pair of PJ pants and nothing else. His arms are covered by tattoo sleeves, and his chest matches it. He’s got way more tattoos than Joey, but on his chest are the twins, back to back. Warriors.
They have matching tattoos.
My gaze skates from his naked, chiseled torso to his face, and I absorb the sight of this man whom I’ve dreamed about, fantasized about, wanted for what feels like ages.
“Hi,” I say, and it comes out choked. “I didn’t think you’d come back.”
“Why?” Holden asks, standing dead still. He could be a statue but for the rise and fall of his chest and the movement of his lips, the occasional blink.
He’d make a perfect sculpture. He’d definitely put that small-dicked David to shame.
“I—after this afternoon.” Do I really need to explain this? I fucked him. I fucked his brother, and then they fucked me. It’s not exactly a complicated equation. Kinda.
Well, it is, but understanding there’s a problem isn’t exactly a stretch.
“We need to talk,” he says. “About everything. Not only the sex.”
“All right,” I reply and scooch back on the bed. I hold the sheet up against my naked breasts, only because I don’t want him to think that the sex is all I’m into with him.
Holden stands still a moment longer, then sets off from his spot and walks to the bed. He sits down close to me, holds out his hand.
I take it.
This is not what I expected.
He wants to touch me rather than shun me.
“So, let’s talk,” I say. “I’ve been waiting for this for a month, more than that, now.”
“You have?”
“Yes,” I say, and I can’t help the blush that creeps up my cheeks. “You didn’t know? I’ve been crushing on you since the day you hired me. When I got the invite, Holden, I hoped that you’d sent it. I saw you had one, too, or I’d never have come.”
“You don’t need to explain that part to me,” he says, and he clenches his teeth together. “I understand why you’re here and how.”
“I shouldn’t have come,” I say. But I can’t look back on being with him with unhappiness. “I know this will complicate things.”
“Yes, it will,” he says and sighs. “I don’t want you to leave the house, Danielle. I think you’re a fantastic nanny. Jessie’s gotten used to having you around, but I don’t see how we can continue what we’ve done here back in New York. It just wouldn’t work. It would upset my daughter.”
I have to agree with him there. Jessie’s only just gotten used to going to see her mother on weekends. She’s easing into the life of having two parental groups instead of one. This would throw her off for sure.
“I’m not selfish. I totally understand that,” I say.
I’m not selfish? Ha, I’m the one who took the risk to come here. But I’ve been driven wild by desire for way too long. It built up, and I acted crazy.
“But that might not always be the case.” He strokes my knuckles with his thumb. “One day, Jessie might be ready to have another family member to be introduced to our unit. I can’t, however, expect you to wait that long for me to be ready.”
I gulp. “So, what are you saying?”
“That’s just the thing, I don’t know what I’m saying.” He kisses my knuckles, then turns my hand over and does the same with the palm. “I don’t know about any of this, and that’s what fucking gets me. You know how I am.”
He always knows everything. He’s a billionaire. He makes quick decisions and business deals under huge pressure.
“I only know one thing,” he says.
“And what’s that?” My breath catches. Tell me you love me. Say you want me to yourself. Say you’ll be mine.
“That while I can’t expect you to wait, I won’t be comfortable with you fucking my brother. Ever.”
Oh, god. My stomach sinks because of that. It actually sinks. Joey is… complicated.
“What does it matter what I do with
him?” It’s a dumbass question, but I don’t stop it from slipping free of my lips.
“It matters to me,” he says, and his upper lip twitches, then curls back. “My brother should’ve been off-limits from the start.”
“I didn’t—”
“I know you didn’t know.”
There were no pictures of them together in the house. In the month I’d been there, Joey had never visited, and the brief conversations we’d had had revolved around Jessie and making sure that she had what Holden had never been privy to—a mother and a father, a real happy family, even if it was split in two.
“But you do know now,” he says. “Let me explain something about him to you, Danielle. He’s not the same type of man I am. He’s—not into women the way you think.”
“He’s gay?”
“No,” Holden replies, with a shake of his head and a tight smile. “I fucking wish he was because then he’d never gone anywhere near you. Then again, he might’ve anyway just to spite me. We’ve always had a… healthy sense of competition.”
I understand that. I have five sisters, after all, but I’ve never fucked one of their exes or potential boyfriends.
“We’re fighters, and sometimes we fight each other,” Holden continues. “We’re opposites. I’m the family man. He’s the free spirit. If fucking a different woman each night means free.”
My stomach twists around an invisible blade. “OK,” I say, because how the fuck else should I respond to that? I can’t judge him for it. I’m a firm believer in respecting others’ choices, but it still eats at me.
He was so genuine in the shower with me. Would he turn around and fuck someone else?
Oh, my god, who the hell am I to talk? I fucked both of them this afternoon.
“He’s only into sex and nothing else,” Holden says. “He’ll never give you what you want, emotionally. I can give you what you want. I can fight for you. I can fuck you. I can be your man. Just not now.”
Not now.
Ugh, that blade twists again, equally as deep and as hard.
“Not now,” I say.
“But someday.” Holden’s gaze holds too much hope. He wants me to tell him that I’ll wait as long as it takes for him to be ready. And a part of me wants to. He’s so perfect.
Joey’s face, his sincerity, our conversation today and the one on the beach after he gave me the shirt off his back, it all floats to the surface in my mind.
I can’t make any promises I won’t keep.
Telling Holden how I feel about him won’t make a difference either. He has to put his daughter and his family first, and I will always respect that about him. I don’t want Jessie hurt either.
Holden drags me closer and presses his lips to mine.
The kiss is sweet, soft, and it melts me through and through, brushes doubts across the surface of whatever meager certainty I’d gathered during our conversation.
We part, and Holden brushes his nose against mine. “I admire everything about you. Especially the way you are with my daughter.”
The words are there, unspoken. This afternoon was a mistake.
I release the question I’ve been holding back since he entered my bedroom. “So, what happens now?”
Chapter 18
Holden
“What happens?” I release her hand at last. It takes actual effort to do it. “I never have and I never will be a second option, particularly not when my brother is the first. You’ll have to choose between us.”
“I—You just said I shouldn’t wait for you,” she replies, still holding the sheet to her chest though I’ve already seen what’s underneath. The outlines of her nipples poke at the cotton. “And you said I can’t be with your brother. So, that’s not much of a choice, is it?”
“Exactly,” I say, and my tone is gruff again.
“Then the choice will be you or just… leaving?”
That’s exactly the opposite of what I want. It makes me heavy inside, drags my arms and legs down. Losing her will eat at me, but we can’t go on this way.
“Take your time making the decision, Danielle,” I say. “I don’t want you to regret it.”
“This isn’t fair.” Her eyes flame, and she folds her arms across her chest. The sheet slips a little, revealing more of that tan cleavage. I look away. “I’m the one who has to make the decision for all three of us?”
“Well, I think you’ll find Joey and I are both biased toward one particular decision.” I slip off the edge of the bed and brush off my shirt. “Think about it.” I lean over and kiss her on the forehead, inhale her scent. Today it’s patchouli and something fruity. I walk for the door and head out across the living room, past the fucking sofa.
The sofa where I finally filled Danielle, and the one where my brother did, too.
This is a nightmare. It’s my worst nightmare for many reasons.
For as long as I can remember, my brother and I have been in competition. Equally. We’ve been the only two there for each other. Inseparable. We fought against and with each other.
It’s the reason we started the business together. It’s the reason he’s our “enforcer” and I’m the one with the home base in New York. The more we see of each other, the more we clash.
There’s a fine line to walk here, and Danielle has totally corroded it.
Not that it’s her fault.
No, this is Joey’s dumbass fault.
Trust him to try take my life into his hands. He’s always had the bullshit opinion that his carefree lifestyle, fucking chicks, partying, waking up with a hangover six days out of seven, is better than mine.
In a way, this is sabotage.
I open the front door and trudge out across the sand. There’s hardly any light tonight except for the lamps along the boardwalk that leads up to the main buildings, and a few solitary torches out on the sand, their flames guttering in the wind.
This is not the usual atmosphere. It’s not mellow or sexual. It’s tense.
The world holds its breath.
I shake my head at the stupidity—the world doesn’t give a fuck about our problems—and move down Danielle’s short path and out onto the beach. My villa isn’t far, but I need time alone tonight.
The sun will likely rise soon. Already the sky’s color lightens in increments. My skin prickles, and I stop walking, frown, look around.
A figure leans against a palm tree nearby, shrouded in darkness.
“What?” I shrug at him. It’s obviously Joey. Who else would lurk under a tree outside Danielle’s place? “You got something to say to me?”
“I heard what you said about me,” Joey replies, a little too loudly. His voice carries across the sand, and a gust of wind whips some of the fine powder across the beach. It stings the backs of my ankles.
“From there?” I ask. “What do you think you heard?”
“Not from here, cunt.” Joey pushes off from the tree and strides over.
I draw myself up and glare at him. The closer he gets, the clearer the anger on his face becomes. His lips curl back in a rictus, every line is pronounced, contorted.
“Oh, yeah? Then from where? You lurking outside Danielle’s window, waiting for scraps?”
He growls low. “Doesn’t matter where I was standing. I heard what you said to Dani.”
I hate it that he calls her that. It’s like he’s trivializing who she is. It’s a reminder that he doesn’t know her as well as I do, and that he shouldn’t. That he never will. “And what was that?”
“That I’m only in it for the sex.”
I snort. “So? That’s exactly true.”
“No, it’s not. It’s different with her,” Joey says. “It’s more than sex. And I don’t appreciate you implying otherwise.”
“I don’t give a fuck what you don’t appreciate, Joseph,” I reply. “Now, get the fuck out of my way.”
“Or what?” He cocks his head to one side. He’s a mirror image of me in some ways, in others, completely different. “You know
I’m the fighter between the two of us. I’ll fucking kill you, Holden. I’ll destroy you. You stay away from her.”
I laugh in his face.
“That’s funny to you?” he asks.
“It’s fucking hilarious.”
Gray light spreads among the trees. Joey’s muscles are taut. He flexes them then slaps one of his cheeks. “Let’s see how funny you find this.” He swings up his other fist and pounds me in the stomach.
I grunt a breath but don’t back down. Never back down.
Adrenaline streaks through me. My muscles are steel, corded, pumped up. I charge at him, a wordless roar tearing from my throat, collide with him and tackle him onto the sand.
“Motherfucker,” I growl. I’m on top of him, but we’re equally matched. Same height, same strength, same size knuckles.
I punch down at his face, and he punches up at mine.
We crack each other, and my head snaps back. Stars sparkle in front of my eyes, but I blink them away, sway, regain my hold on the slippery fuck.
“Gerrof,” Joey roars and aims punches at my abdomen.
I grab him by the throat, pin him in the sand, the veins on the back of my hand protruding.
I’m zoomed in on him. Totally focused.
“Stop it! Stop!” Danielle’s voice splits the fight in two. Her arms latch onto my neck, and she tugs. “Get off him. You’re hurting him.”
“He deserves it.”
“Fuck you,” Joey snaps, spit frothing from him lips. “You’d better fucking kill me, because if you don’t—” He thuds another punch into my stomach, and I wheeze. A trail of blood trickles from his nose.
Hopefully I fucking broke it for him.
“Holden, get off.”
I shrug off Danielle’s arms and raise another fist.
“Hey!” A male’s voice snaps through the sand, but I don’t stop. I aim a punch at Joey’s jaw.
He tugs away, and it impacts the sand instead.
Joey wraps his legs around my waist and flips us over. My back hits the sand, and the wind rushes from my lungs. I tighten my grip on his throat and he chokes, reddens.
“Fuck-in—” He can’t get the words out properly.
“Stop!” Another scream from Danielle.