by Meghann Foye
METERNITY
MEGHANN FOYE
Reader’s Guide
Q&A with Meghann Foye
Why did you want to write a book about a single woman who fakes being pregnant?
It was born out of simple frustration, jealousy and burnout. When my three closest friends announced they were pregnant and would be taking the summer off for maternity leave, it almost pushed me over the brink! I was newly 31, had been working like a dog for the past 8 years and wanted a maternity leave myself.
Do you feel there’s some injustice in the workplace for post-30 single women right now? How so?
Without meaning it, having a child is really the only excuse a woman can use to get out of regular working hours or to leave early. Single women don’t have the same luxury and therefore can become the office “secretaries,” taking on the extra work and little cleanup projects and finishing up when the mothers on staff have a hard stop. No baby = no excuse not to work.
Why is this moment a particularly tough time for women in the workplace in general? Single women and mothers alike?
After 2008, at least in New York, many of the support headcount were lost in favor of tightening up the bottom line—at least in magazines in New York. We all had to become our own assistants at work, then go home and take care of all the traditional “womanly” roles, as well. It’s become quite exhausting and a new balancing act that we’ve never experienced before. Technology is supposedly the savior and meant to pick up some of the slack, yet I think we’re all still realizing that apps have their limits and won’t tuck your kids into bed at night.
Has fervor over pregnancy, babies and new motherhood reached a peak? How so?
Yes. As an editor at RedbookMag.com, baby headlines dominate our newsfeeds each morning. Mommy wars are raging online as women redefine all the rules of parenting. I like to say we’re in an era of #norulesmoms as we analyze the fallout of our own mothers’ parenting styles and have technology and social media providing us with way too much data. Now, all the old dogma is up for reinterpretation. And it’s making us all a little nutty.
How has technology and social media changed the experience of pregnancy?
We have waaaay too much information at our fingertips as Fitbits and social media show us all the various ways we could be doing things differently. Everywhere we look, we see images of “perfect” moms from perfect Kate Middleton to sexy Kim Kardashian to creative lifestyle bloggers whose curated LA homes, stunning boho style and corresponding baby on the hip make it all look like it’s easy to be fashionable, well-slept and a perfect parent all at the same time. And with articles flying in our faces about how there are #noexcuses to lose the baby weight, it can make you feel as though you’re failing in every way.
How has social media changed things if you’re single, but hoping to find love and have a family?
Well, if you’re single, and 31, there’s a funny turning point where a succession of love, marriage and baby carriage moments are thrown at you each day, making you hyperaware of all that you’re missing. It can make you desperate and grasping, even if the men in your life aren’t Mr. Right.
How has the media (print, online, blogs, social media) changed expectations for single women and mothers?
It’s added on this extra set of expectations that were never there before. Now your choices are on view for all to judge and condemn with each and every “like.” It’s the difference between analog and hi-def parenting. It’s actually probably creating a new form of trauma that we’ll only start to understand in years to come!
What does Meternity mean for you?
It means a moment of space and time to stop and take a look at all the choices you’ve made that have led you to your current life, then taking a bit of breathing room to discover what it is that you really want out of life, love and parenting, and a moment where you get to decide exactly which choices are right for you going forward. It’s the necessary “gap” moment that our culture desperately needs before moving forward with adulthood and all its responsibilities, including motherhood.
Do all women need a break before they decide to go on to the next chapter of their lives? Why?
Yes, Gen X are now burned out at 40, Gen Y are burned out at 30 and millennials are burned out by the time they graduate college. We all desperately need an Elizabeth Gilbert, Cheryl Strayed–style heroine’s journey where we rediscover ourselves so that we can become the best parents we can be and end the cycle of heaping those expectations and unmet needs onto the next generation of children, as many of our parents, though well meaning, did to us as they were just struggling to make it through, rather than thriving.
What are the particular challenges for all women right now in balancing life, love, careers and the choice to become a mom?
When and how you will become a mother is the biggest choice we face as women, yet at this particular moment, there is a tremendous amount of stress placed on us by expectations set on social media, clashing with economic and work-life realities. It’s easy to want to overthink it, yet it’s the only area of our lives that isn’t necessarily under our control. That fact can create a tremendous amount of underlying stress for women 25–45.
Questions for Discussion
Have you experienced the office politics that Liz faces at Paddy Cakes, in which colleagues with children are given more flexibility, better work hours or less workload? Does this policy breed resentment among coworkers? Should it?
Is the action that Liz takes—to turn a misunderstanding into a fake pregnancy—illegal or just highly risky? Would you be tempted to do the same under the circumstances?
Liz says she is going to use her newly found free time to pursue more meaningful work, but instead she seems to become enamored with the idea of being pregnant. Do you think her fantasy about how motherhood would change her life is realistic? Is having a baby or being a mother essential to having a full life?
In your experience, is it harder today than twenty years ago for women to achieve a healthy work, life and love balance? Why or why not?
Do you think Tinder has had an impact on the way people date? Has it changed the way men in particular, but women as well, view commitment? How else has it affected relationships?
Liz has trouble financially making ends meet, but she also chooses to spend money on such experiences as drinking, dining and clubbing with her friends. At one point she judges her life by the things she has not yet acquired. Is she being fair to herself? Is this a valid way to look at life?
Why do you think Liz has had trouble finding the right partner in life? Is she too fussy? Not lucky enough? Do you think chance plays a role?
If you had a chance to have a “meternity” leave, how would you spend your time?
ISBN-13: 9781459293922
Meternity
Copyright © 2016 by Meghann Foye
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