by Katie Ashley
“Say Something.”
My heart clenched so tight I found it hard to breathe. Out of all the songs in the world, why would Jake have to pick that one? The very one I had listened to on repeat last night as I cried myself to sleep. For me, that song represented everything that was mine and Rhys’s screwed-up relationship. Anytime it came on the radio, it was agony hearing it. I couldn’t even imagine singing it. I didn’t know if I could.
As Jake thrust the sheet of music in front of me, my shaking hands could barely grasp it. “Jake, I don’t know if this is a good idea.”
“You sing and play the piano, don’t you?” When I nodded, he added, “Then I don’t know why it would be a bad idea.”
Staring at the sheet music, I could barely make out the chords. “I should go back and check on Abby and the twins. I’m sure Eli could do it with you.”
Eli snorted. “Oh yeah, it’d be a dream come true to duet with Jake.”
Jake shook his head. “That’s so not happening.” Taking me by the shoulders, Jake led me over to the piano and urged me down onto the bench. “Come on, Allie-Bean. Help your big brother out.”
A resigned and painful sigh rushed from my lips. Even though I wanted to run away, I was stuck in this nightmare. At the sound of a voice behind me, my eyes snapped shut in pain.
“Uh, how much longer until our rehearsal?” Rhys asked.
“It’s gonna be awhile. Abby’s putting the twins down for a nap. But I’m going to make the most of the time by working on that fucking duet the label wants us to do.”
“With Allison?” Rhys asked.
Jake chuckled. “Yeah, why not?”
Glancing at him over my shoulder, I watched him shrug while giving me a shy smile. “Just surprised, that’s all.”
Focusing my eyes on the sheet music, I then reached out my shaky fingers to the piano keys. I began playing the melancholy chords. They echoed loudly through the practically silent auditorium. Jake came in with his part, “Say something, I'm giving up on you. I'll be the one, if you want me to…” The deep bravado of his voice echoed through my mind, momentarily making me forget about Rhys. I never tired of hearing Jake sing. As a child, it was a source of comfort to me when I was sick or hurt. But there was no comfort now—this wasn’t a wound or an ailment he could fix by singing.
Just as it came time for me to sing, I felt Rhys’s presence looming over me. He began to walk slowly around to the front of the piano. With my voice harmonizing with Jake’s, I refused to look up at Rhys even though I could feel his heated gaze singeing my cheeks. Instead, I focused on the black and white keys, noting the irony that there was nothing black and white about what had happened between us. It was the gray area that kept causing us so much grief and pain.
After singing a few more lines, I glanced up from the piano to meet Rhys’s intense gaze. I knew what line was coming, and since it meant something for me, I wanted it to mean something for him, too. As I held his stare, I sang the line directly to him because in so many ways it was the ugly truth. “You're the one that I love, and I'm saying goodbye.” And I was saying goodbye. There was no way around it—no other way to claw myself out of the suffocating pain that overwhelmed me than to say goodbye.
An expression of pure agony stretched across his face. It caused an ache in my chest so harsh that I had to look away from him. With my tears blurring the music to where I could no longer read it, I shot up off the piano bench. It clattered noisily to the floor. When I turned around, Jake stared at me in surprise. “I’m sorry. I can’t,” I whispered, before running past him into the wings.
I could hear both Jake and Rhys calling my name, but I ignored them. Instead, I just kept running until I got to the Runaway Train dressing room. After slamming myself inside, I stumbled over to the makeup table. The pain cut through me again, causing me to cry out. I doubled over at the waist. I would’ve collapsed onto the floor if I hadn’t gripped onto the sides of the table.
As I glanced up to gaze at my broken self in the mirror, I knew I had no other choice. I had to escape the torment. I had to get away from Rhys.
I was leaving.
When I had finally gotten back to the hotel, Allison had already left for the arena with Jake and Abby. I didn’t wait for the car to take me. After hailing a cab, I headed for the arena. When I got there, I searched everywhere inside for her, but I couldn’t find her. With a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the Runaway Train dressing room, I imagined she was inside with the twins.
With a defeated sigh, I made my way to the stage. I found Gabe and Eli sitting around on the stage while Jake stood at the piano. Then my stomach did a pansy little flip-flop at the sight of Allison seated at the piano bench. Trying not to let my emotions show in front of everyone, I quickly asked about when we were rehearsing. It wasn’t too surprising that rehearsal had been delayed for the twins’ naptime. But instead of having the opportunity to talk to Allison like I wanted, it was fucking frustrating that Jake had her working with him on some duet.
From the moment her fingers started floating over the black and white keys, her talent once again transfixed me. But once I realized what the song was, I felt an ache burning itself through my chest. I wasn’t too emotionally dense to realize the significance of the lyrics. If there was one song that epitomized our relationship, it was this song.
When Allison began to sing with Jake, the wildfire raged stronger in my chest. I desperately needed to see her face, so I began to slowly walk around the edges of the baby grand piano. When her face came into my line of sight, I closed my eyes in pain. Her expression read the agony she was feeling. It appeared she was trying to keep her emotions in check with every fiber of her being. Silently, I willed her to look up from the keys—to look into my eyes and see that all was not lost between us.
But when she did, it drove the knife even deeper into my chest. Staring straight at me, she sang, “You’re the one that I love, and I’m saying goodbye.”
When I started around the piano for her, the keys banged as she bolted from the bench, sending it crashing onto the stage floor. The next thing I knew she was sprinting away into the wings.
“Allison, wait!” Jake called, at the same time I shouted, “Allison!” When she continued running, he whirled around and pinned Eli with a death glare. “What the fuck have you done?” he demanded, his fists clenched at his sides.
Eli’s eyes widened as his face paled considerably. “Nothing, Jake. I swear.”
“Then why the hell did she just run out of here like that?”
Glancing from Jake to me, Eli shrugged. “I sure as hell don’t know, but I do know everything is good between us.”
With a gutted feeling, I turned and ran off stage. I started peeking in each and every one of the empty rooms. All the doors were open except two. I paused only momentarily at the Runaway Train dressing room before I flung open the door. Allison was bent over the makeup table across the room from me.
At the sound of someone behind her, Allison jerked her head up. An odd sense of déjà vu came over me as I met her gaze in the mirror, like a sickening repeat of last night. “Please leave me alone.”
I remained standing exactly where I was, my chest rising and falling with heavy breaths. Allison smacked her hands on the table. “If you have any decency left, you’ll walk out of here right now.”
My head jerked back like she had slapped me. I don’t think I had ever seen her so visibly angry. While extremely passionate, she was usually able to keep her emotions in check. Fuck, I had so screwed up. Unable to form the right words, I mumbled a weak, “I’m sorry.”
She gave a mirthless laugh. “I’m so fucking tired of you saying that.” Shaking her head at me, she said, “I can’t do this anymore. Tonight after the show, I’m leaving on the first flight out of here.”
Her words had the same effect as if she had punched me in the gut. Gut-wrenching pain caused me momentarily to double at the waist. I struggled to breathe so that I could find the words necessary to make her stay. �
�No, you can’t do that,” I argued. I closed my eyes as the agony washed over me. “Please.”
“If I stay here one minute longer with you with the way things are between us, I’m going to go crazy.”
Extreme panic crept along my spine. This was sure as hell not what I had envisioned happening when it came time to beg for Allison’s forgiveness. I started grasping at straws—anything to earn Allison’s forgiveness. “What about the internship? You can’t just walk away from the opportunity—it means too much.”
“I’ve completed most of the field work, and I can finish the designs and clothes at home. I’m sure Miriam would work with me over Skype.”
I felt myself drowning even more in the quicksand of panic about her leaving. “But what about the twins? As much as you love them, you’re just going to leave?”
Tears streaked down Allison’s face. “I love them more than anything in the world, but right now, I have to love myself more.”
I shook my head back and forth. “No, you can’t do this. I won’t let you.”
Her dark eyes narrowed at me. “Here’s a newsflash, Rhys. You don’t get to tell me what to do. Since you’re not my boyfriend, let alone a true friend, you don’t even get to suggest anything for me to do. In the vast scheme of things, you don’t matter at all. You’re just the heartless bastard who broke my heart.”
Her words cut through my chest to pierce my soul. “Allison, please believe me when I say that I’m so fucking sorry. If I could take it all back, I would.”
“No, you’re not. You say those words because they’re easy, but your actions? They’ll just keep on torturing me.”
When she started to brush past me to make it to the door, I reached out for her. “Please, Allison, let me make it right,” I said.
“Don’t touch me!” she cried, slapping my hands away.
I hung my head in shame. “I did this to you. I caused you this pain, and I have to make it right. I’m sorry. Please, please, let me make it up to you. Please…don’t go.”
Burying her face in her hands, Allison said, “Rhys, I meant it. Leave. Now!”
“I can’t. Not until you hear me out. I owe you at least that much.”
Allison jerked her head up and glared icily at me. “Here, let me help you then.” With all the strength she had in her, she shoved me toward the door. “Get out!”
“Why won’t you listen to me? I can’t leave you right now because I need you too much. And I can’t let you leave me.”
Her eyelids fluttered as she blinked rapidly. “What?”
“I’m sorry for pushing you away. I’m sorry that I lied when I said I didn’t care about you. Most of all, I’m sorry for ever causing you so much pain.” I ran my hand nervously through my hair. “This afternoon after I left you in Jake and Abby’s suite, I did some serious soul-searching.” I thought it was best to leave out the part with Sierra at the moment. “Finally, it hit me like a fucking epiphany, and it was like I saw everything clearly for the first time.” Reaching for her hand, I took it in mine and squeezed. “I’ve been lying to you about my feelings, but most of all, I’ve been lying to myself.”
“Rhys, I—” she began.
I shook my head. “Please. Just listen.” I brought her hand to my lips and kissed it gently. “Hear me when I say that I’ve fallen for you, Allison Slater—heart, soul, and body. That I probably first felt something for you when you were just sixteen—the night I kissed you for the first time. Something changed within me that night—like fate was giving me a preview of things to come. But like everything else with you, I chose to ignore it. Then I came to see you in Savannah, and while I just wanted to believe we were having fun like friends would, the truth was there all along, just waiting beneath the surface to be revealed. And then when the truth was revealed, I got scared, and like a fucking coward, I drove you away and then I ran. That was an asshole move, and I’m sorry. All the while I knew that I cared very deeply for you. I always have. When it came time to see you again for the tour, I, again, convinced myself it would be better off to be friends, to forget that wonderful night of mind blowing sex had ever happened.”
I couldn’t help smiling when red tinged her cheeks from my mentioning the sex. “But it wasn’t just the pleasure of being buried deep inside you or the way your soft skin felt like velvet against mine or the sweet as honey way you tasted on my lips. It was the fact I was making love for the first time—to someone I deeply cared about who was a best friend. A soul mate even. There was no better feeling in the world for me than when I held you in my arms and finally allowed myself to let go. ”
While Allison’s eyes bulged at my profession, I wasn’t finished yet. “During those two weeks in Savannah, I grew to love you more and more. You made me feel important…like I really mattered. And despite all my bullshit hang-ups, you wanted to be with me. I know that after the way I’ve treated you, I don’t deserve a second chance. I callously pushed you too far and for too long, and I regret my fucking abhorrent behavior. But I would give anything in the world if you would let me prove that I’m worthy of you. That I’m not worthless and that I can do right by you.”
Allison’s dark eyes widened at my words. “You really mean that? No more just being friends or ignoring how good we can be together?”
I shook my head. “No, never again.”
“What about Jake?”
With a shrug, I replied, “Well, he’ll just have to deal with it.”
“Really?” she asked, incredulously.
“Yes, really.”
“I can’t believe it. I can’t believe you’re standing in front of me right now, telling me this.”
“Believe it, Allison, because every word I say is the truth. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy and trying to make up for hurting you so much.”
Her lip trembled. “I want to believe you—I really do—it’s just I’m scared.” She hiccupped a sob. “You gutted me, Rhys. You shattered my heart so deeply that I don’t know if I can love you again. I ache, Rhys. I ache inside so bad.”
Desperation filled me. I hadn’t planned for this. I thought I could just apologize and everything would be all right. I’d been a damned fool. “What can I do to change your mind?”
“Give me time.” She wiped her eyes. “Let’s take things slow. As much as I want to, I can’t just run back into your arms today because you said some nice things. I need actions this time. Changed and consistent behavior—no more whiplash from your emotions.”
“Then I’ll give you actions—I’ll give you anything in the world. Somehow and someway I’ll prove to you that I’m the right man for you.”
“Oh Rhys,” she murmured before she threw her arms around my neck. Closing my eyes, I reveled in the feel of her pressed against me. She felt so warm, so soft, and so comforting. Her body was like home—the first one I’d ever truly had. God, this felt so right. This felt so complete—I felt so complete.
Tears stung my eyes when I realized how stupid I’d been and how close I’d come to losing her. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” I murmured over and over in her ear.
When her hand came to rub wide circles across my back, I lost it. The fact that she could still show me compassion and care after all I’d done to hurt her was too much. I sank to my knees under the strain of the emotions. Although I was mortified at my behavior, I couldn’t help it.
“Rhys?” Allison questioned, her voice ringing with concern.
“Fucking hell, I’ve been so stupid for so long,” I moaned, my head pitching forward onto the floor. The harsh carpet fibers scratched along my cheeks, and I welcomed the pain.
I felt Allison kneel down beside me. “Oh Rhys, it’s okay…it’s going to be okay.”
Raising my head up, I stared into her beautiful face. When it came down to it, I couldn’t believe such a sweet spirit like Allison actually cared for me…loved me even. “I think about how much I hurt you…” My eyes closed in agony. “You shouldn’t forgive me,
Allison.”
Her tender hands cupped my face. “You let me decide about that one.”
“You’re too good to me,” I argued.
“I know,” she said, a teasing grin lighting up her features.
I couldn’t help laughing at her comment. “You are going to make me work for your love, right?”
Smiling, she said, “Oh yes, very much so. Don’t think you’re getting any make-up sex either.”
Groaning, I replied, “You are cruel.” But then I gave her a small smile. “But I understand, and I’ll take whatever you give me.
Allison smiled as she leaned in to bring her lips to mine. It was a soft, almost chaste, kiss. When she started to pull away, I felt desperate to have her close—to feel her skin beneath my fingers, to taste her soft, warm lips. My hand came to the back of her head, keeping her locked firmly in place. My tongue ran across her lips, urging her to open for me, and when she graciously did, I shuddered at the contact. I’d needed to taste her more than anything. The hand that once held Allison’s head in place came around to cup her face. My fingers ran over her soft cheeks as our tongues slowly swirled with each other. Although I would had given anything to run my hands all over Allison’s body, I reined myself in to respect her and acknowledge the fact we were rebuilding our relationship.
The door flew open, causing me to jerk away from Allison. Eli arched his brows at us from his spot in the doorway. “Just thought you’d like to know that Jake is looking for you.”
“T-Thanks,” Allison replied, as she pulled herself off the floor. I followed close behind her.
“No problem.”
When Eli turned to go, I said, “Wait.”
He stared expectantly at me. “I’m sorry, man. I never meant for this to happen. I didn’t—”
Eli held up one of his hands to silence me. “After the other night, I knew exactly what I was up against when it came to Allison. I simply wasn’t the guy for her.”
“That’s awfully fucking noble of you. Are you going to bludgeon me in my sleep?”
“Rhys!” Allison shrieked, while Eli only chuckled.