Oh god, Fortnight players in their 60s, and 80 year olds who, in their youth, spent the best part of 14 years playing and paying dearly for World of Warcraft.
~
And every time when it’s been a month or more since I’ve left the house, I look at the world and think, I’ve missed nothing.
~
1: Anything can be a dildo if you’re brave enough.
2: Something is of worth if it can be of use.
3: You claim on the whole, everything is worthless.
4:= Therefore, you aren’t brave enough.
~
“There ain’t nothing out of place like unexpectedly seeing your dildo on the family dining table.”
~
The poetic tragedy of a pervert with erectile dysfunction.
~
K: “I’ll watch anything, I don’t mind.”
B: * Puts on something vaguely non-boring and non-sappy, something like a sci-fi movie or anything animated *
K: “Nooooooooooo, please god, noooo! Anything but this.”
~
A pair of feet sat upright against the door with a note close by saying “I’ve fucked off”. And a trail of blood on the floor dragging on into the shower where her body lay curled up, resigned and absolutely forgiven. The song is still playing, looped and loud as ever on a pair of remote speakers sitting atop the toilet. Her favorite wrong sentimental song is playing, and it’s ok, and everything is finally alright.
~
After a decent round of isolation, among the first things to visit are the new and old deficiencies of your own character, made apparent by the sudden failure to properly reciprocate humanity to humanity. And with that, also comes the resistance of untrimmed misconceivings built up in the meantime, of the world, people, their relations, and, what generally matters right now, as if it mattered, or could matter. Other than that, it’s the strangeness of your voice, never mind that it may have been a while, what’s more alarming is the trained automaticity that establishes itself in parlance, it is not quite the voice you know yourself with, perhaps it is more like forgotten habits, emulated characters, and the mixed remnants of older, more sociable selves, conjured up once again to rattle on in the name of courtesy and custom, toward the objective, toward silence.
It’s astonishing what you can forget.
~
Memory of A: “Maybe this time someone will notice.”
B: “Even if they do, it doesn’t mean they’ll care.”
~
Never again: Forced subservience to the unquestionable authority of an idiot high on theofumes.
“Manic-theofumic-elation” or “Theofumia with a touch of egotism”? Eh, whatever describes a type of power corrupted god fearing megalomaniac intent on micromanagement and enjoying your humiliation, and justifying all that with all kinds of biblical nonsenses.
~
Everyone asks for big things and big changes, but hardly anyone knows how to achieve that in any sane manner that doesn’t end in repugnant conclusions and the subsequent desperate submission to whoever shows up with big promises and good appearances. Nothing gets done properly, the only people who get what they want are those who built it for themselves in their own lives, which is good and well if everyone else is mostly distracted and disinterested (stupid preppers, amirite?), or when what’s being done is just too costly and complicated (celebrity billionaires and their toys) to really try DIY with, and so everyone just watches with hopeful eyes, but the point is at some point everyone is going to want in, and it’s not feasible for everyone on earth to become off the grid preppers, someone has to make the tools, basements, and solar panels, and grow the food, you can’t escape structure, and more than that, you can’t escape people managing that structure, so you have to negotiate that somehow in a sane and preferably non-violent way. Democracy is a joke, and egalitarianism only works when nature provides and labor is not artificially distributed, which is to say when as a society you become anything bigger than a hunter-gatherer tribe, beyond that you need well thought out and inevitably partly alienated scalable solutions, in the sense that beyond mere survival, the glue can’t be group cohesion and common psychosis anymore, so there will inevitably be people who work and come out second or third, seeing as necessity, status, and desire on the positive and arbitrary social and moral issues on the negative end, enable a lob sided game where all resources and wealth are naturally stratified, and nothing better comes around because everyone is fixated on themselves and superficial technicalities, so all there is, are band-aids, but no thorough rethinking and restructuring, because changing anything means collapse on multiple levels, especially up high, where money rules.
However, modularization/decentralization, depending of course on how it’s setup, can cause a severe loss of performance and introduce security issues because to have any kind of coherence in what you’re doing, you’re going to be forced to move “sensitive information” or “hidden knowledge”, or “classified mission critical operation data” to be able to actually render a service that is more than blind on the spot calculation/computation. You cannot escape the problem of statefulness, you can only shift it around or place the stress of it elsewhere, and that’s not always safe. Unless the people become the database, which is complicated because people are not sane or reliable. On the other hand you can try to use blockchains or similarly trustworthy but inefficient databases, but there’s two problems, 1 - scalability, 2 - you can’t not have a government, even if you manage arbitrary safe public information, information is not policy, there’s going to be a superstructure somewhere and someone’s going to have to write it and/or manage it, so it’s not a solution. There needs to be a way to destroy all politics, or at least to take the human and social element out of it, make it a physical thing that responds to its environment, which includes everything, even people. But if it is possible, and, preferably in an automatic, adaptive, and unbiased AI kind of way, then, mechanism and post-scarcity, could be a way to enable resignation from life (but to totally immersive la-la-lands of virtual reality), for anyone who should not like to suffer from life and finitude any longer.
~
Tell me, was it the institutions that sold you your face? Or did you sew it yourself with heartache and lace? Either way, do you wear it with pride, or hide behind it feeling wholly undignified?
~
If I had a penny for every
If I had a penny, I’d have money.
**
P: “Aphorism for two cents?”
C: “Ah, no thanks.”
B: “The aphorism, is it depressing?”
P: “I have those also yes.”
B: “Well then sure, I’ll take one for two cents.”
P:
B: “Eh, fair enough. You got change?”
P: “Oh come on.”
B: “Tell ya what though, I’m sat here for an hour, tell me 49 more and I’ll give you a whole dollar.”
P: “FML, right? OK, uh, hmmm.. Sports news, politics, and weather for the riffraff, titillatory ribaldry for the gentlemen, and job offers for just the best of the rest.”
B: “Ooh that’s a good one. You really remind me of someone, heh. Oh well. So, you got 48 more? Keep ‘em coming!”
…
~
Everything, but not until x, so wait until you see me/it when x. * 10 years later, repeat *
~
When you’re incapacitated but there’s a solution in reach, and the only person there that can help you is too stupid and stubborn to understand what to do, or even, that you need help.
H: “Have you tried communicating with them?”
B: “I have.”
H: “And how did it go?”
B: “Well that’s why I’m here.”
**
B: “So.. there’s hope?”
H: “There’s always hope. Have you heard of neuroplasticity?”
B: “How do you reckon that’s hope?�
��
H: “Well.. you can change, and grow and learn new ways. Wouldn’t you like that?”
B: “What’s the point of learning how to more effectively traverse a burning trash-pile? In fact, how do people pretend everything is not on fire at all?”
H: “Why do you feel the world is so bad?”
B: “Unfortunate birth, lack of opportunities, drama and trauma, let’s just say rough relationships, scars and rejections from infections of cancerous cultures, then there’s my debt and immanent homelessness.. my only friend hung himself recently, and uh, god is dead, life is meaningless, there’s mass poverty, I’m unemployable, oh and.. we have killed him, god that is. Yeah that’s about it.”
H: * talking while writing, adding to the list: ”temperamental, delusions, entitlement, grandiosity, impulsivity, possible obsessive thoughts” * “And you said earlier, that you think about your friend a lot, and that things have been looking bleak for quite a while, hey?”
B: * looks at the notes upside down * “Stop this nonsense, can you refer me to someone who talks real talk, like about the real option of euthanasia? I mean.. I’m probably not going to go that route, but, you know, let’s be real, things are shit for me. I don’t think what we’re doing here is going to help.”
H: * heavy counter-transference * “I’m sensing a lot of frustration. Perhaps we can have you committed to the ward instead, there are many cases where it has helped people in situations like yours tremendously. I can make the call, right now, if you want?”
B: * immediately gets up and runs out as fast as possible back to the car *
H: * writes some heavy scary notes, then makes the call *
B: * driving around, afraid to go home, afraid to go anywhere *
~
When it is made clear to you, that, your home is no longer your home.
~
Writing and erasing, writing and erasing.
What is there left to give?
~
Collectivism: Where all are equal so long as everyone gives and no one thinks or excels too much.
Ubuntu: “I am because we are” = virtuous deindividuation over self-substantiation.
Ubuntu: Humans are social, therefore they must either be social nicely or not be human/motho/bantu.
Ubuntu: anthropocentric, brotherly and sisterly sentiments, falling in with the same kind of solace seeking logic that comes from hollow potato masher relativism (everything and everyone is connected and that’s just wonderful, and that means we should be compassionate and love one another), with no substantial theory (ramshackle ontotheology), a slave morality (victim culture) that is incapable of ever scaling beyond small communities and especially not now, in the godless digital world, deterritorializing itself into oblivion, a world of post-material materialism, instant gratification, money and grease and oil and depression, post-humanity, post-authority, and of every other kind of perversion that would never fly under small superstitious authoritarian/sociocentric (and also often vitalistic and gerontocratic) “ethical communities” which are under the covers, often hypocritically ethnocentric and xenophobic. May the real Ubuntu please stand up?
“Ethics Under Capitalism: A Guide to Exploiting People Humanely”.
~
“Eh” is what happens to “Meh” when one instead expels a combination of pain, laziness, and most importantly rejection.
“Eh” can either be short or slightly longer, like softly mixing in a sigh with it. But there is also the rare occasion when “eh” becomes more, ehm.. bovine and guttural in nature, like shitting out a pain-body through a small constricted hole. And unlike the hypocritically undogmatic Ubu- (fluid -nessy becoming) and -ntu (re-reifying or re-becoming) of Ubuntu (auto-epistemicide from ironically self-referential mobilization of flux/fluidity/necessity-of-contingency against absolutist ways of knowing), spiritually, “eh” is a movement wherein one is forever rejecting becoming and giving up. Oh the wonders of fecundity and empty words. But hey, perhaps it’s true, what Zapffe says, perhaps only the terror of extinction will save us, when humanness has not and in its utopian impotence certainly will not. But for your peace of mind, ignore this, like you have everything else, I am devil spawn and you are the earth’s sacred people. Here, let me anticipate it for you now, to prove my point, say it, “this is resentment”. Except it’s not, I don’t want in, I want out, and I’m not even angry, like anyone, of any origin or difference, you’re most welcome to join.
~
Their Itchy Yearn for Return (sort of):
(1) Fall and Marginalization — Certain “-isms”, “-ions”, ideas, peoples, or forces are viewed, and perhaps justifiably so, as outside/r influences, or imposing alterities, which have in one way or another caused decimation or harm to the romanticized ways of life that is envisioned to have come before (physically and/or psychically).
(2) Failed Restoration and Re-Narrativization as Remedy — Being unable to meaningfully negate the imposing forces, or at least their ongoing effects, and thereby to reinvigorate and reintegrate past ways of life, the values or ideologies of the idealized past or pre-fall identity, whether it existed or not, is abstracted and reified as a politically weaponized mythos/story of identity, liberation, (re-)unification, restoration/redemption, morality, and/or virtue, which would codify their status as morally (but not ethically) superior victims who were/are oppressed, directly or in indirect systemic or otherwise virtual, retrospective, spurious, or abstract manners.
~
After trying to define everything, the frazzled philosopher lost her last strand of sanity to the wind. In the end, her mind was reduced to a grand vacuity, the center of which held a point of infinite density, wherein all but the one and final-literality had been negated. Sadly however, in her ascension, she lost the use of intelligible language and could not indicate what it was; she died trying to capture it.
~
C: “You know, you’ve survived every bad day of your life, so far, you should be proud of yourself for pulling through.”
P: “Yes, but have I truly survived it all? You know.. at what cost?”
~
Someone stabs a family man, and, as he’s slowly bleeding out, he thinks: “Ah wonderful, an early retirement, plus, at least this way the life insurance will pay out.”
~
Name for an Autobiography:
“The piece of shit who loved itself anyway”
Name for a Business Starter Guide:
“How to polish your turds and sell them”
~
B: “No but ok, tell me now, what has the law of attraction attracted for you?”
C: “Bruh, shit just shows up man, ‘is crazy. Like dude, two weeks ago I was searching online for a nca hoodie, nê, then a 80% off coupon for a clothes shop sommer shows up in my mailbox the next day.”
B: “Sure.”
“The Law of Attraction,” hope for the mild to moderately mushy of mind.
~
If the guy next door is a cunt, is he cuntiguous to me?
~
In life, you start off as the center of the universe, then scurry around for a bit before working your way toward eventually becoming dirt — now that is one grand decline.
~
And when you miss the exam by a whole 4 minutes after the taxi guy mixed up the pickup location with the destination, so now you have to pay dearly with the precious time and money of your life to repeat the whole module, which unfortunately forms a crucial part of a shitty degree that means nothing to nobody, and sure as fuck doesn’t qualify you for any kind of gainful employment, being the gallimaufry cauldron bound concoction of purest inanity that it is.
~
C: * on knees * “Dear God, why must we live?”
god: “To worship and glorify me.”
god, the greatest narcissist never to have been, but still, one hell of a traumatic phantasm.
~
Reality Goblins: they’re monstrous little creatures that will crush y
ou and your dreams with the depressing force of reality. Reality Goblins mostly go out late at night and catch people [in bed typically] when they are less than fully lucid. The tactic of these goblins is simple, they sneak up to you and strike you from behind with their cudgel of [h]in[d]sight. It’s sad, but not everyone survives a reality goblin attack, some people foster such delusions that they are immediately reduced to a mound of catatonic waste, these people typically don’t last super long, a few months at best in a palliative care facility. But of course, there are those who believe the goblins are doing the world a favor, well, this matter remains highly controversial. Regardless however, in the years since the first sightings and attacks, it has been very interesting to observe the world demographics change, media is totally different now, 80% of the world’s academics are no more, there is no more religion, racism and other bigotry is a thing of the past, over-population is no longer a crisis, crime is minimal,
Morsels for the Depressed, Depraved, Pessimistic, and Otherwise Declining Page 13