by Amy Richie
“Willow?” Gage’s voice started to cut through the haze. “Willow?”
“Huh?”
“Did you hear what I said?”
“Carlie knows your name,” I mumbled.
“Did I lose you there?”
“Uh - huh.”
“Carlie knows who I am but she said she wouldn’t tell you.”
“She didn’t,” I said quickly.
“She said I should tell you.”
“She did?”
“Said you would want to know.”
Did I? I wasn’t sure. It didn’t seem that important anymore. “I don’t really care what your name is, Gage. You don’t have to tell me and I won’t ask Carlie.” I knew as I said the words that they were true. I didn’t care what he was called; he would always be Gage to me.
“In ancient mythology a name is very powerful. Knowing a thing’s name gives you power over it.”
I wasn’t stupid enough to tell him we didn’t live in a myth. “I don’t want power over you,” I said instead.
“I believe you,” he reached over to squeeze my hand but let it go almost immediately.
“We should go back.” I jumped to my feet, filled with a strong desire to go back to the cabin. Gage had the power to change everything and I just didn’t know if I was ready for that.
“Willow, please sit down.” I obeyed without thinking. “I want you to know my name because I want you to know who I am.”
My heart sped up. “You’re Gage.”
“Gage is just a made up name; you already know that.” His grey eyes held me prisoner. “Just as your name is made up.”
“I don’t even know my true name, so I am Willow. It has become who I am.”
“Gage is not who I am.” The words were soft but the echoes were deafening.
“You are to me,” I croaked.
“We’ve come as far along this path as we can.”
I hated when he started talking like an old man. “Gage.” Would he think I was childish if I stuck my fingers in my ears and started singing?
“I want to tell you, Willow. I think it’s … important that you know.”
He was so serious, so intent; there really wasn’t anything else I could do. What harm would it do anyways? I’d just have to learn to call him by a different name. I could do that. “All right,” I pressed my hands firmly in my lap, “I’m ready to hear your true name.”
He smiled indulgently. “Good.”
“But it won’t make any difference to me. I don’t care who you are. I … ” I took a deep breath, “I love you … no matter what your name is.”
His eyes widened and then softened. “I love you, too.” He looked so concerned about this fact that it took away most of my elation at hearing the words.
“Well good,” I jerked my head back, “now that we’ve gotten that out of the way - next.”
“Willow,” he took my hand in his; his tongue darting out to moisten his lips.
For one wild moment I thought he was going to propose to me. Maybe that was why he needed me to know his true name. He would want me to take that name, not his made up one. I held my breath, trying to force my heart to slow down. This was it and I already knew what I was going to tell him.
“My true name is Mikhaul.”
“Yes!” My smile froze. Wait, what?!
I jerked my hand away from his as his words sank into my head one at a time. “That’s not funny,” I shook my head.
“I’m not trying to be funny. I’m Mikhaul.”
“No you’re not.”
“Try to understand.” He reached for me but I jerked my hand back.
His words were like fire rushing through my brain, eating everything else up. “That’s not funny,” I repeated.
“I’m Mikhaul.” But the words came from far away, not possibly from Gage. It wasn’t possible.
Chapter Thirty-Four
What?!
My thoughts raced around in my head so fast it was hard to think straight, but it wasn’t really many thoughts - it was just one thought. Gage had just told me he was Mikhaul. He was lying, of course he was lying, but why? My breath came out in short rasps, echoing around inside my hollowed out heart.
“That’s … that’s not true,” my voice was shaking. “I don’t know why you’re lying … ” I swallowed hard to keep the knot at bay.
Gage was staring at me, his grey eyes alert and bright. “I’m not going to hurt you, Willow,” he held both hands out to me, “I never would.”
“You’re not Mikhaul.”
“Willow … ”
“No.” I pushed hard at his hands. “I know you’re not him. You know how I know that?”
“How?” he asked in a miserable sort of voice.
“Because Mikhaul … he … he … ”
“I am Mikhaul.”
“But he wants to eat my heart,” it came out mostly as a strangled sort of sound that I couldn’t be sure he even understood until he responded.
“That’s ridiculous. The things Bella told you … ”
“She wanted to keep me safe.” Without consent a tear started its slow trek down my face. When I went to wipe it away I was shocked to feel that most of my face was wet.
He cupped my face with his massive hand. “I will keep you safe,” he murmured.
I closed my eyes, wishing it wasn’t true, but I knew then that he really was Mikhaul. Maybe I had always known it. Well, maybe not always, but at least since the night I told the boys about Abigail Lewis. Gage hadn’t been sent there to protect us. He was Mikhaul and he had come here to kill us. I pulled roughly away from him but his hand stayed out, reaching for me still.
“You know,” I tightened my lips and half rolled my eyes, “Mikhaul,” I almost spit the poisonous name out, “you don’t have a very good track record for protecting your females.”
“Willow … ” I saw his heart breaking in those ancient grey orbs but he had lied to me, and in such a big way. I couldn’t stop myself. The feeling of betrayal outdid any of the sympathy I might have felt for him.
“First you let Abigail die.”
He flinched back.
“Then you killed Noreen.”
“Willow.” Was he only just going to keep saying my name?
“You turned on your own kind.”
“They turned on me first.”
“All those wolves slaughtered at your hand.” As if shot by my words, the hand that had been reaching for me fell limply back to his side.
“I wanted you to trust me.” I hated how low his voice sounded, or maybe I just hated how I wanted to react to it.
“By lying to me?”
“I told you the truth.”
My breath came out in a soft moan. When he would have wrapped his arms around my waist, I sprang to my feet. “Don’t you touch me!”
“I know this is hard for you to understand.”
“You’re wrong,” I half screamed, “this is easy to understand. You’re Mikhaul, the one wolf who starred in all my nightmares as a kid. The reason I slept under my bed for almost two years.” I didn’t bother to wipe away the now steady flow of tears that were making my voice sound funny. “I only had to stop because Bella found me there one night. And she was so pissed she called me a coward. She threatened to kick me out of her house. You know why?” He just stared at me, his mouth hanging slightly open. “Because I was fourteen.”
I turned away from him with a broken sob. It was then that Ivy and I had stopped being close. She had stopped being afraid of him, but I couldn’t let go of the cold fear that had taken residence inside my heart, until it became what I was.
“I didn’t even know you were alive.” He said that like it was supposed to help me feel better.
“I knew you were.”
“Bella was only trying to frighten you.”
“No,” I shook my head in denial, “no, Mikhaul, she was afraid of you.”
“She didn’t need to be. She wasn’t … ever in any danger.”
“Good to know,” I snapped.
“Did you even know Noreen?”
“I saw her once,” I sniffed.
“You did?”
“Don’t act all shocked,” I snarled, “I already told you that Ivy and I were meant to lead one of her packs.”
“I don’t know what to say to make this better, Willow.” He was right behind me but he didn’t touch me.
“There’s nothing you can say.”
“I just … wanted you to know the truth.”
“Why?” I whirled around to face him, not able to hide my hurt.
“W … ” He brought his fist up to cover his mouth, his own eyes as glossy as mine, “we’re here talking about love. I needed you to know; to decide … when you have all the facts.”
I covered my face with my hands but he pulled them away, trying to keep hold of me, but I pulled back. “What do you expect me to say?”
“Whatever you feel.”
“What I feel?” I crossed my arms over my chest to stop from taking his hands, which were still searching for mine. “I feel like it wasn’t fair for you to tell me and then expect everything to be ok.”
“I don’t expect anything.”
I shook my head, no words coming to me. “I don’t know what to say.”
“I know.” He rubbed briskly on my shoulders. “I’ll leave you alone for a while.” He tried to smile.
“You’re leaving?” Despite all that his true name meant, I didn’t want him to just disappear.
“I won’t go far,” he sniffed. “Just back to the cabin.”
“Carlie’s there.”
“I won’t go in. I’ll just … wait outside.” He turned to walk away.
“It’s a lot to take in, you know,” I called to him.
He hesitated. “I love you, Willow.” There was the soft sound of his morph and then he was gone.
I sank back to the ground, allowing my grief to momentarily overcome me. I felt like I had just lost a piece of myself; that’s what losing Gage felt like. Even though he was still walking in his own body, it wasn’t still him. Gage was gone and Mikhaul was here, I would never be able to see Gage again.
After my grief was spent over Gage I had to face the other facts. Mikhaul was here with us now. All my worst fears had become a reality. But really, I wasn’t afraid at all.
When I really thought about it I was more afraid of him leaving than of him staying.
I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. Did that mean I loved Mikhaul? No, but I loved the boy he pretended to be. Was that the same thing? Maybe. How much of Gage was real?
In eighth grade I had an English teacher who always told us to look at things from all perspectives. What about Mikhail’s perspective? What had Noreen really been like? Was it possible that she deserved what she got?
Noreen set her pack against their own brother. That was no kind of leader. I had met Noreen only once and then all she did was smile a lot. After she was gone, Bella refused to talk about her. Bella must have known her well, though, I realized with a jolt. She had been willing to raise Ivy and I for her.
Mikhaul.
I shook my head. So many things made more sense now. Gage always insisted that Mikhaul was harmless, that he wouldn’t hurt us. I almost laughed out loud when I thought of the night I had warned the boys about Mikhaul. It must have been hard for him not to laugh when I said he could hear his name from anywhere.
My ears pricked when I heard the sounds of someone approaching. Was he coming back already? I hadn’t really decided anything yet, except that I was really confused. I waited, tense, for him to appear but when he finally came into view everything else seemed to fade away. I knew that look - something was wrong.
“Gage?” I jumped to my feet and rushed to him. “What’s wrong?”
“We have to get back to the cabin.” His nostrils were flared and his eyes were wide.
“Where are the boys?” Of course they were my first concern, it was only natural.
“I’m … ” He turned his head to listen for a second but his face didn’t clear with relief. “I’m not sure.”
“Are they ok?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
There was a moment of tense silence. “You said we had to go back to the cabin,” my eyes searched the familiar grey ones that were so close to me, “is Carlie ok?”
“For now.”
“Meaning?”
“Others have come.”
Others? I felt an odd ringing in my ears. “You mean other wolves?”
“Yes.”
I sucked in a sharp breath. “Who are they?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “As soon as I realized there were others in the area I came back to you. I just left you alone in the night … anything could have happened.”
“Nothing did.” He nodded and his eyes darted quickly back and forth.
“I would have never forgiven myself,” he snarled softly.
“We need to get back to Carlie.”
“Send the boys to her. Warn them of the others but tell them to approach as human.”
I morphed quickly. My legs were shaking so badly it was a relief to be off of them. “Hey,” I called out. I felt their excitement and knew they heard me. “Get to the cabin as fast as you can. There are other wolves there and Carlie is alone. When you get close, make sure you morph back. I’ll meet you there.” I morphed back and turned to Gage, who nodded once in approval. “We could get there faster.”
“Not on two legs.”
“We should … ”
“They could be Knights. The less they know, the better.” He grabbed my hand and started pulling me along. “If they are Knights, then Carlie is fine anyway.”
“If they are Knights, then I just sent the boys right to them.”
“The boys will be fine. They’ll stick together, and be in their human form.”
“How many others are there?”
“As far as I can tell only two.”
He kept a tight hold on my hand as we ran through the trees. I thought back to earlier that night when we had walked out to the clearing and about how different it was coming back to the cabin.
“They don’t seem hostile,” Gage said quietly.
“That’s good then,” I tried to nod but just managed to bite down on my tongue. “Maybe they were just passing through and came across our scent.”
“It’s not likely,” he dashed my hopes before they had really taken root. “They’d have to be very experienced to catch the pack’s scent and even then they’d have to be looking.”
“But Gage, you smelled them,” I panted.
“I’m experienced,” he flashed a brief grin back to me, “and they are old.”
“So the older the wolf, the stronger the scent?” I recalled him saying something like that during our brief lessons at the clearing.
“The older the wolf,” he grunted and ducked low to avoid a thick branch, “the more dominant the wolf gene; so yeah - the old are easier to smell.” I heard him chuckle but I was too out of breath to find it funny. “It’s just a different sort of smell. You’ll recognize it one day.”
“Will they be able to smell you?”
“I’m sure.”
He pulled me to an abrupt stop behind him just as the cabin came into view. I tried to test the air but I didn’t smell anything different.
“What does he want?” I heard Gage whisper.
“He? He who?” He didn’t answer but his customary scowl was in place.
“Come on.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
The Return of the Council Man
The tension was incredibly thick in the air around the cabin when Gage and I walked up. We had walked slow enough to catch our breath so at least I wasn’t panting by the time we reached the others.
The boys were in a tight circle, all six of them, with Carlie in the middle. I couldn’t see much of her, but I tried to smile her way. Colby and
Steven moved aside to allow me to join Carlie and then closed ranks quickly.
“You ok,” I whispered.
“I don’t even know what’s going on,” she whispered back. “They started knocking on the door like crazy people and as soon as I came out,” she pointed to indicate the only parts of the boys we could see; their backs.
I still hadn’t seen anyone else. Gage had disappeared though and the boys were still really tense. I could feel their questions but no one said anything.
I searched all around us. I thought I should probably go and find out if anyone was even here or not. Maybe it was a false alarm, or maybe if there had been anyone here we had scared them away.
Just as I took a step forward though, a new scent came to me on the breeze. It was unlike anything I had ever smelled before, a sweet sort of musk, but it was almost immediately gone. “Did you smell that?” I asked eagerly. Carlie shook her head but the boys closed in a little more until we were all almost touching.
“What do we have here?” a deep voice called. The sound of it made my heart plummet to my feet. I knew that voice from somewhere.
“What do you want?” Rueben demanded harshly.
“To check on things,” the familiar stranger replied in a false voice. It was easy to hear the rage under it, but rage at what?
“You could have just come to me Blake,” came a more welcome voice.
“Ah, Gage. I had wondered where you were,” cooed Blake.
Blake? I racked my brain, trying to place him, until finally it came to me. “From the council,” I said out loud.
“Yes, I’m from the council. Surely you haven’t forgotten me so soon, Willow?” He took a step in our direction but Rueben stopped him with a fierce growl. Well, as fierce as it could sound since he was still human. “I’m not going to hurt her,” Blake said coldly.
“Who have you brought with you?” Gage asked.
Blake didn’t answer him. Instead, he continued to address Rueben. “I must say, I’m very glad to see how well you have taken to your young leader.”
It seemed ridiculous to stay hidden when Blake already knew I was there. “Let me pass,” I demanded in a low voice. A million memories came flooding back to me when I came face to face with the handsome young man who had changed my life.