by Stella Rhys
“Oh God.”
“See, there was this girl at the pub. I was by no means interested in her but eh, I had sex with her last week anyway because, pfft,” he looked in his big hands for an answer, “I don’t know, she was pretty and when she took her shirt off I forgot that she had a history of stalking and breaking and entering, so you know, she was there that day. And she was trying to take me home again even though the last time wasn’t very good. She had this little cunt of a cat that had no hair and it was givin’ me growlers while she was going down on me and I’d been drinking that time since well before noon so I looked in its eyes and I felt… like it was telling me something.”
Callum’s forehead hit my shoulder as he laughed. Even Ana was starting to lose her business poise as she giggled.
“I don’t know. It’s possible I dropped acid that day too but I swear to God that hairless cat was saying, ‘Fucking save me, Osborne. Take me away from this wretched woman. She’s a crazy one.’ I swear I heard it. He said, ‘I can’t live another minute with her, she’s mad. I was happy before I met her. I had hair before I met her and now look at me, I’m a fucking bald headed bastard.’ I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.”
“Were you hearing it?” Callum objected.
“I couldn’t believe what I imagined I was hearing. I was so horrified and I believed this woman was crazy because I’d seen it with my own two eyes. I knew I had to get out of this situation because I didn’t want to end up a hairless bastard. So I stole the cat and I left.” Ana gasped. Oz laughed and clarified that he did not actually steal the cat. “No, I ran out without the ugly thing but it was one of the worst sexual experiences to date for me and for some reason this girl was still flirting with me the next week so I turned to Callum, I said, ‘Hey, mate, it’s been a pleasure talking to you and I’d like to continue this lovely conversation but I’ve got to escape that pretty girl over there because she’s a wee bit crazy and her bald cat is pure Satan,’ and it made no sense whatsoever to Callum but he said, ‘Say no more,’ and fuckin’ off we went. Hand-in-hand, into the sunset.”
Ana burst out laughing so hard she fell onto Callum’s shoulder. I overlooked it because I had to – we were all dying.
“I need to contest the hand-in-hand part but yeah, it was around sunset.”
“And the friendship was real enough for Cal to overlook the bit about the Satan cat.”
“Which he did explain at the next bar,” Callum said, holding me against his chest as he wiped his eyes with the knuckle of his thumb. Ana was a limp mess of giggles on the couch. Once again, I ignored the way she grabbed Callum’s thigh to get back up. I was in too good a mood from the story and it carried all the way over to the hotel, a charming cottage that overlooked a bright green hill and the ruins of a Fourteenth century castle. I was gazing out our breathtaking window when Callum came up behind me.
“Hey.” I turned to see him grinning with his hands behind his back. “Give me your hand.” I did and he clasped a sparkling, rose gold bangle around my wrist. “Happy birthday.” My mouth parted as I stared down in awe of the rose-cut gems, gleaming with a life of their own. “In case you’re ever crazy enough to think you aren’t worth it, you can look in the mirror while you’re wearing this and see that you upstage diamonds you’re so fucking perfect.”
My fingers touched to my lips as I admired it over my skin. I wasn’t sure if it was the bracelet or his words that had me feeling more radiant than the precious stones. “It’s so beautiful, Callum,” I breathed. He smiled and brought me to the edge of the bed, holding both my hands.
“I’m going to try to make the shoot go by as fast as possible today. I’m going to make sure I’ll make it to dinner with you,” he said. Ana claimed the photographer had an emergency and had to leave early, which meant portraits had to be pushed up to my birthday. Callum had planned for most of the day off but now he was going to be tied up till well into the evening. I had a feeling Ana had something to do with the change of plans but I refused to let it upset me because I was in Scotland, for God’s sake, and everything around me was beautiful. I could easily spend the day exploring and end my evening with a romantic dinner with Callum. I wanted to finally accommodate his work schedule so it was perfect, really.
“I have a whole list of places I want to see, so don’t stress about rushing. Just make sure you’ll be around to give me at least the last few hours of my birthday together.”
He kissed me. “That won’t be a problem.”
*
I was sure my mood was radiating from my cheeks as I skipped out of the hotel. I had a long, dusty pink sweater on that matched my new bracelet from Callum and there were rose-colored threads in the knee-high socks I wore under my long suede boots. I felt like a walking smile. I hardly minded that I walked ten minutes before realizing I’d forgotten my wallet at the hotel. There was still a bounce in my step as I walked through the front doors but I slowed down when I heard Ana’s distinct drawl behind the wall of the lobby bar.
“I just wouldn’t have seen you with a girl like her. She seems… obvious. Vapid pretty girl. Not a whole lot up here but enough right here to distract you from that.”
I froze next to the entrance, on the other side of the wall she sat against. My body was immediately tense and I prayed right away that Ana was just on the phone. With a friend. Maybe an ex. But the sentence that followed dashed what little hope I had for that.
“You seemed too smart to fall for that kind of superficial trap, Callum.”
My heart pounded at his name and the pain built in my chest as he took his time to respond.
“You seem to think you know me well for someone who met me five months ago.”
“I do know you better than any of the other women you’re generous enough to give the time of day to. For starters, I’ve been interviewing you for months. Then there’s the fact that we’ve been fucking regularly since April.”
The pain in my chest sank like a knife to my stomach.
Fucking. Regularly.
Since April.
I clutched the wall, my brain sinking instantly into a dark well that crawled with red flags and confirmed suspicions. So I wasn’t being at all paranoid that night at The Pike – the night that Callum and I had sex for the first time since I came back. There was something between him and Ana. Something significant.
I heard Callum’s short laugh. “That doesn’t do much to prove that you know me. I’ve slept with a lot of women.”
“You haven’t given many interviews to the Times though.” It was quiet for a second and I knew the triumphant “mm” Ana hummed was a response to Callum’s silence. “Let’s not forget the fact that you’d just taken your cock out of me when you got a text and said, ‘Fuck this, you’ve got to be kidding.’ Couldn’t help but observe that you weren’t exactly excited for her to come back. I mean – hmm. What else did you say? That she was ‘poison’? That she didn’t ‘belong’ in your life? You suspected from the jump that she was going to be a burden and an embarrassment to you and what do you know – you were right.”
With those words, I went dizzy.
I was poison. A burden. I didn’t belong. They were my more paranoid suspicions but here they were, confirmed by the smug lips of Ana Hale from the Times. I was seething, humiliated but I couldn’t hide behind the wall anymore. I stiffly turned the corner and stood there before them, waiting to be noticed, the tears in my eyes clouding every bit of my vision aside from Callum, his chair and his stupid Scotch in his hand.
“Oh, Christ.” I heard Ana’s groan. I didn’t have to see her face to know that she’d seen me. I hated the pang of shame I felt and refused to back away, watching in slow motion as Callum turned around. The second his eyes settled on me, he let out a very long, very guilty breath. God. Damn it, Callum. I shook my head at him, disgust creeping into my fury and betrayal emanating from the pit of my closing throat.
“I don’t belong in your life?” I whispered, staring at him, unable to
believe the cold, icy look in his eye as he rose to his feet, grabbed my forearms and walked me backward.
“Not now, Lake.”
“What the hell, Callum?” I breathed, reading nothing but anger in the vacant stare he gave me. God, I hated it. I always had but in this moment, I hated that look a million times more than I ever had in my life. “You were sleeping with Ana? Since April? You told her about me? What else did you tell her? How long were you going to keep this a secret?”
“Lake, I’m not talking about this. I have work to do. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the cameras are in there – they’re setting up right now.” I looked past his tightly flexed arm, where his finger pointed. I saw the rest of the lounge my tear-filled vision had missed a second before. Aside from Ana, there was a photographer. A lighting crew. I saw Oz turned around in his seat at the bar. The man serving him his drink was frozen with him. Every last person in there was turned to me, staring. Gaping. Joining my fury now was mortification and that very embarrassment Ana had mentioned. I looked back to Callum and down at his fingers wrapped around my wrists, trying desperately to pull me out of sight. To hide me.
“Do I belong in your life, Callum?” I whispered the question.
“Don’t do this to me.”
“Just answer me.”
“I won’t.”
My heart twisted at the bite with which he enunciated his words. It started sinking slowly under my shrinking ribs, getting sucked into that bitter quicksand. Still, I tried to fight the pull. My wet eyes flicked back and forth between Callum and Ana as she came up behind him, leaning in the doorframe, cocking an eyebrow at me and tapping the platinum watch on her wrist. Tick tock. I could almost hear her saying it. Drawling it.
Tick tock.
The words brought me suddenly back to Sunstone – flashed images of my stepfather before my eyes. They asked me if I’d fought and clawed and come back for nothing. If I was wrong to think I belonged anywhere else but there. “Callum.” I hated that my tears were spilling in front of everyone and most of all, that woman. I tried to lower my voice so she couldn’t hear me. “Just tell me, Callum,” I demanded under my breath. “Tell me if you mean it. If you think I’m poison.”
“Lake – Christ.” He released my wrists and I stumbled back. I could feel the shock and hurt in my face as he glared at me, an inferno of white-hot flames blazing behind those wolfish blue eyes. “You’re demanding answers?” Callum’s growl was low, from his chest. “Go ahead. Demand them. But then so will I. I’ve waited too goddamned long, Lake, so if you wanna play this game, let’s play it. But you’re going to give me the truth first. Tell me the fucking secret – whatever it is – right here, right now. Tell me what you’re so fucking certain I can’t get past.”
Silence hung in the air till Ana lilted.
“Please do.”
“Shut up,” Callum snarled at her without tearing his eyes from me. “Go, Lake. Say it. Tell me now.”
I couldn’t breathe. I looked at her and then him. I had no idea where to start and all I could see was the horrific end I’d caused to be able to come back. Something escaped my lips. I wasn’t sure if it was a word and suddenly, Ana was marching forward and reaching for Callum.
“I can’t watch another second of this bullshit,” she hissed. “We need to start, Callum. She’s wasting your time and she’s never even going to be your girlfriend, you said it yourself.”
Her bombshell stung my skin. Every inch of it. My eyes flickered to Callum and I stared at him, pleading a silent question but he didn’t answer me, and he didn’t refute her. Only then did I realize how many more awful and humiliating things he could’ve told her. Ana read the shock on my face and cooed.
“Unless I recall incorrectly. But didn’t you say that, Callum?” She asked him but tilted her head at me. “That she’d never be your girlfriend?” My eyes returned to Callum just in time for his cold answer.
“Yes.”
It was all I needed to hear to walk – no, run out the door.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Lake
It was green hills, blue sky and clock towers before me but I couldn’t see anything but the dirt road leading into Sunstone. And it had nothing to do with the wall of tears clouding my eyes. It was just that my feet were carrying me away from the hotel and my mind was carrying me away from sanity, bringing me right back to the trailer park on the day I left New York for Trish.
I took a cab from the airport to the address she gave me. I didn’t know a lot about Virginia. I’d never been there. When I lived with Trish as a kid, we were in Texas, where she had met my dad. The sight of palm trees surprised and actually excited me because they reminded me of the vacations Caroline would take me and Callum and my grandma on. I passed by several places that made me look out the window till we drove out of sight. I liked a lot of what I saw. But that all changed the closer we got to Sunstone.
Trish had said it was a mobile home park not a trailer park because the latter made it sound like she lived in a trashy place, which she didn’t. She insisted Sunstone Communities was opened to be “one of those classy parks” and I actually saw on the website that it didn’t look like what I thought of when I heard the term trailer park. It looked new and almost nice.
But then I saw it and it was exactly what I had imagined before searching pictures online. None of the trailers looked new like they did on the website. They were all old, tattered and some of them were completely boarded up. When I walked past them, they stank like people or animals had died in there and someone figured they’d rather nail planks to the windows than clean it up. I couldn’t believe I had the audacity to judge a house with a sunken porch on the way over. That place was luxury compared to this. The floor here was just dirt and gravel and random piles of cement blocks. There were rusty wires hanging loose from phone poles. They dangled at me like they wanted to touch my shoulder.
Ten seconds in, I wanted to turn and run. I couldn’t do it. I actually hadn’t imagined it would be this bad. I told myself that it might actually be interesting and I could maybe feel freer, like I didn’t have to worry about what the other kids and parents would be saying all the time. Three years removed from high school and the Mercer crowd was still so interconnected that everyone still knew everyone’s business. I knew Theo Spencer had transferred schools, everyone knew that Callum had been hired out of his internship, they all rolled their eyes at the fact that I went to FIT. The only bright side I could think of leaving New York was leaving those snooty-ass people.
But I missed them the second I saw my new neighbors. There were so many of them outside their trailers doing nothing and they all stared at me. Every last one of them. I reeked of being different and they sized me up in their lawn chairs. A lady with a toothless smile flat-out pointed at me and hacked a laugh while smoking. Everything felt different to the point of being bizarre. No one thought twice of watching me and even following a bit so they could gawk and squint for longer. The adults wore less clothes than I’d ever seen adults wear in public and the kids ran around half to fully naked.
I jumped when someone tickled the back of my palm to get my attention. I turned to see a rail-thin stranger with a scraggly beard who laughed, said I was from Hollywood and then asked if I had a cigarette. When I said I didn’t, he took me in from head to toe and muttered like it was a threat, “You’re too pretty, girl.”
He and a friend followed three steps behind me for a good minute till I swallowed my pride and started running to Trish’s home.
By the time I got there, I prayed she’d see me, cry my name and throw her arms around me with the kind of hug every mom knew how to give her scared baby. But she wasn’t even there.
“She went for beers.”
I turned to see a sweaty, shirtless boy sitting in the passenger seat of the truck parked across from Trish’s trailer. He had the door open and a leg dangling out. It had a big, shitty tattoo of a giant squid down the calf. The only part that was done right wa
s the shiny, massive eye just staring at me. I know it took too long for me to look away.
“You must be Lake.”
I looked up at him and nodded. The first thing I noticed was the crazy Einstein hair. He’d be handsome without it. Next were his green eyes at least ten times lighter than mine. So light they were unsettling, almost scary in contrast to his skin. It was tanned dark and a little red. I could see a tan line peeking out the low hang of his shorts and it told me that his natural skin color was paper white. He had to spend all day in the sun. “Yeah,” I finally said, processing him. “You must be Hunt.”
He hopped out of the truck and pulled the shorts up on his narrow hips as he came to me. “Yeah. Come on. I’ll help you with your shit.”
Helping me with my shit involved taking my bag while I rolled the suitcase and tossing it onto a chair once we got into the trailer. It was bigger than I thought it would be with two full bedrooms but it was messy and cramped. Some walls were chipped, grey and unpainted but then others were lime green out of nowhere. There were crushed cans of Keystone Light in every direction, on every surface.
“That’s her cleaning for you,” Hunt said.
I turned to him and saw the wry, crooked smile on his lips. I gave as much a look of amusement as I could muster and took irrational comfort in the fact that he had a sense of humor I could relate to for at least that second. It was the first thing to make me feel even a hair more comfortable since I got in. He tossed me a can of beer from a cooler but went ten minutes or so before talking again.
“Hey, man,” he said. I turned to him. I laughed a little on the inside. I was pretty sure no one had ever called me “man” before. “I know you didn’t want to come back here. I wish you didn’t have to. I’m sorry about what they put you through. Both of them. But she…” Hunt winced, like talking sucked and he hated ever having to do it. “Trish is just trying to get us away and then when she does, she’s going to make it right. She can get mean but she’s a good person. He…” Hunt made a face and rubbed the back of his neck. I knew he was struggling to say something about his dad. Dean, who had beaten someone with a bat and put him in a coma. The one who had Trish scared all the time. I had been sending her the money so she could save up and escape him but every time we almost reached the mark, something happened. The first time, she said she needed enough money to bring Hunt. The second time, she said Dean found the wad of cash she hoarded and went ballistic. The third time, there was a leak to fix. There were tons of excuses but after awhile, I was just sending her money so she’d leave me alone for a couple months. I hated being out with my friends, laughing, having a good time when suddenly, a pang of anxiety shrunk my ribs, squeezed my heart. I know I went pale sometimes because Dara liked to point it out. I hated thinking about Trish, dreaded her contact. But the one time I blocked her on Facebook, she emailed my school address. She started to get volatile after that one, latching onto the idea that I thought I was better than her, despite the fact that she made me.