Reaching up, he curls his fingers around the back of my head, tangling them in my hair as his thumb brushes against the expanse of my cheek, and I almost can’t look at him. The heat in his eyes, the want and desperate need I see reflecting back at me—the same emotions I know are written all over my face—are overwhelming. Scary as hell, while at the same time it loosens something inside my chest.
His forehead rests on mine, and I can’t help but want to pull him closer. We share breath, never kissing, but our lips never part, either. I grip him around his neck, my other hand digging into the flesh of his ass, encouraging his thrusts, getting lost in the feel of us together.
In all the times I’ve thought about this with Jason—hell, in all the times I’ve had sex before—I never thought it could be like this.
He finally kisses me, his tongue slipping into my mouth, and I don’t think about anything but the feel of him connecting us completely. He breaks away and presses his lips down my chest to my breasts, sucking a nipple into his mouth. I arch into him, gripping him by his hair to hold him close to me, the movement pressing my clit against him even more.
“God,” I breathe, my eyes fluttering closed.
After he’s shown the same attention to my other breast, he pulls away and sits back on his knees, his hands gripping my hips as he stays motionless, seated fully inside me. I’m laid out in front of him, spread wide open and more exposed than I’m comfortable with. But then he looks at me—really looks at me—and the hunger in his eyes is unmistakable. His hands are open, his fingers spread out against the expanse of my stomach, his thumbs brushing just above where I need his touch. My head shifts back and forth on the pillow, my hips arching to bring his touch closer to where I want it, and all he does is chuckle.
“Need something?”
I groan, squeezing my eyes shut as I fist the pillow on either side of my head.
“All you have to do is say the words, baby, and I’ll give you whatever you want. Whatever you want . . .” He punctuates that with a thrust of his hips, pulling me onto him.
“Shit, oh God, please,” I say, my words jumbled and probably incoherent.
“You want more of that?” he asks, but he doesn’t expect an answer, because he gives another thrust, his attention now focused on the place where he’s slipping in and out of me. “Fuck, you look so pretty wrapped around me, taking me all the way in.”
His words only stoke the fire inside, building me up without ever actually giving me the push I need to find completion. He still hasn’t touched me where I need him to, and the urge is too much. Finally I slide my hand down my body and find myself wet with want.
He groans, tipping his head back before he looks at me again. “Christ, you’re trying to kill me.”
The smile doesn’t get far across my face before my mouth opens in a moan as he thrusts harder and faster, bringing me onto him with a renewed urgency. I rub my clit in tighter circles, my face turned into my arm as I concentrate on the feelings he’s wringing from my body.
Keeping up with his thrusts, he leans down, taking a nipple into his mouth, his tongue laving it before he scrapes his teeth against it and then gives a gentle tug.
That’s all it takes and my mouth opens in a gasp, my entire body going taut, and then Jason’s curses are lost among the thrumming heartbeat overwhelming my senses as I fall over, waves rocking through my body.
“Jesus, Tess . . .” And then he’s groaning, gripping me harder as he loses himself, his body bent toward mine, his forehead resting against my neck.
He breathes me in, and I let him, my hands tangled in his hair, trying to regulate my heartbeat again. Trying to make my mind work after he jumbled it all up.
I thought I’d be filled with uncertainty after having sex with Jason. I thought there’d be this giant question mark hanging over my head as to what came next. Instead, everything about it felt right. Perfect.
And that scares me even more.
jason
If I’d known sex with Tessa was going to be like that, I would’ve stopped being such a pussy about it and fucked her a long time ago. Jesus Christ.
I’m not even sure if I can move, especially when Tessa’s fingers are running through my hair and over my back, but I need to take care of the messy part of what was an amazing time. With a kiss on her chest, I pull away and pull out of her, eliciting a groan from us both, and walk to the bathroom to take care of the condom. When I get back in the room, Tessa’s on her side, the sheet pulled up and covering all the good parts of her I intend to study later and in great detail.
I slip in bed behind her, sliding up until her back is pressed to my front, and place a kiss on her shoulder. She hasn’t said anything, hasn’t given me a clue as to how she’s taking this whole thing. I know she had a good time. Three good times, so the chemistry between us obviously isn’t an issue. And I tried my hardest to show her exactly how much I wanted her while she gave herself to me.
I also know exactly what kind of history I have and that Tessa hasn’t been ignorant of it, and I feel this overwhelming need to reassure her.
“Hey,” I say against her skin.
“Hmm . . .”
I glance over her shoulder to look down at her face. Her eyes are closed and a small smile curves her lips, and finally I relax into the bed, letting my head drop to the pillow.
“Okay?” I ask as I wrap my arm around her stomach, tugging her back to me though there’s already no space between us.
She shrugs. “Yeah, just okay.”
I huff out a laugh, reaching my arm around to cup her breast, my thumb swiping over her nipple. My smile only grows when she arches back to me, her ass pressing harder against my cock, which already has grand plans for round two. “If that’s ‘just okay,’ I’m going to have a good fucking time finding out what’s amazing.”
She twists back and looks at me over her shoulder, her eyes flitting between my own, and she’s trying to figure something out, looking for something in my expression; I’m just not sure what.
Not able to take the silence anymore, I lean forward and kiss her, tracing the outline of her lips with my tongue. Soft and sweet and the complete opposite of everything I want to do to her right now . . . everything I want to do to her again, but I don’t push.
She smiles against my mouth, then pulls away enough to say, “Keep this up and you just might be able to tonight.”
I groan and drop my head to her shoulder. There’s no way she can’t feel how hard I am against her, and I’ve never had this before. This want to please the woman I’m with. To study her, every single inch of her body and find out all her secrets. I want to give Tessa what no one’s given her before. I want to give her what I’ve never given anyone before.
Connection without an expiration date.
EIGHTEEN
tessa
The early-morning light streams through my window, waking me from a night of not nearly enough sleep. I stretch, feeling the pull in muscles that haven’t been worked in a very long time, and smile. Jason got his wish to see what I deemed amazing. Twice more.
My eyelids flutter open, and Haley stands off to the side of my bed, her face right above mine. “Haley! God . . .” I say with a hand to my chest as my heart attempts to recover from the jolt she just gave it. “I told you not to wake me up like that anymore.”
“Sorry, Mama,” she says, but she’s still grinning, the little shit.
She briefly glances over my shoulder before looking at me again, and I freeze, my entire body going still as I remember exactly who she’s seeing. I’ve never had a guy stay the night before. Even when I was seeing David, my last semi-serious boyfriend, I didn’t invite him to stay. I wanted to keep that part of my life separate from Haley. I didn’t want her feeling uncomfortable in her own home, and I certainly didn’t want to introduce someone into her life who may not be there for the long haul.
None of that even entered my mind with Jason.
Unsure of what to say to Hal
ey, I reach back for Jason. Except instead of finding warm, solid man, my hand encounters cool sheets and an empty bed, and my heart plummets.
Unaware of my thoughts, Haley asks, “Can we have pamcakes for breakfast?”
I answer automatically, my mind going a thousand miles an hour on where Jason is and why he left. “Pancakes,” I correct. “And yeah.”
She hisses out a yes, then takes off out of my room, and I’m left alone with only my thoughts. Which aren’t a great place to be right now.
Maybe he had an early class. Except it’s Sunday.
Maybe he had an appointment he had to get to. Except Jason doesn’t make appointments for anything before noon.
Maybe he had to be at his parents’ place. Except he goes only once a week on Tuesdays, and he’d rather cut off his own balls with a rusty knife than subject himself to more than that.
No matter what I come up with, I can’t think of a plausible excuse for him to have bailed other than the obvious answer I don’t even want to consider. My stomach churns as I get out of bed, throwing on a pair of flannel pajama pants and a tank, zipping a hoodie over it. I’m going to enjoy my day with my daughter, and I’m absolutely not going to think about why Jason would have sex with me three times, hold me in my sleep, and then bail before I wake up.
Haley’s in her bedroom playing with her dolls when I walk past. I poke my head through her doorway. “Blueberry or plain?”
“Chocolate chip!”
“Nice try. You do not need any extra sugar, girl. Blueberry or plain?”
She pouts, but says, “Blueberry, please.”
I smile and head down the hall and toward the kitchen, stopping short when I get to the end of the hallway where it opens to the living room. Because there on the couch, his arms crossed over his chest, face turned toward the cushions at the back, is a sleeping Jason. My heart stops, then leaps, my stomach doing somersaults, because he’s here.
He’s here.
He didn’t leave like I feared he would. He didn’t run off and escape. He didn’t bail on me and whatever it was we shared last night.
“Jay!” Haley squeals and tears past me, giving him just enough notice to wake up and protect all the important parts as she jumps on him, bouncing against his stomach. “What’re you doin’ here?” she asks, leaning right in his face. “Mama’s makin’ pamcakes. Wanna stay for breakfast?”
He looks past her until his eyes connect with mine, and then he smiles. A smile I’ve never seen on him before. It’s not his confident and sure smile he flashes to everyone. Not his cocky smirk that’s nearly a permanent fixture on his face, the one he flaunts when he’s getting his way.
His soft expression sends a wave of regret through me that I immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion when I didn’t find him in bed with me. Because this smile . . . it’s for me.
It’s mine and mine alone.
jason
It’s been only fifteen minutes, but it feels like it’s been fifteen hours by the time Haley is finally engrossed enough in coloring that I’m able to sneak out of the living room and into the kitchen. I walk up behind Tess, bracing my arms on the counter on either side of her as she flips the pancakes.
She smells like her fruity shampoo and sex and me, and it does nothing to assuage the overwhelming want I have to bend her over the counter and fuck her against it.
I brush my lips over the base of her neck, smiling into her skin when she shudders.
“You were gone when I got up . . .” She doesn’t pose it as a question, but I know she wants to know why I wasn’t there.
“Yeah, I set the alarm on my phone for the ass-crack of dawn. I wasn’t sure you wanted . . . Well, I didn’t know if you’d ever had someone . . .” Christ, why is this so hard to say? Probably because I’d rather slice off my own balls than think of Tessa’s previous circumstances . . . circumstances where men might’ve stayed the night. I clear my throat and try again, “I didn’t know what you wanted Haley to know.”
She freezes, the spatula in her hand poised and ready to flip a pancake, and then she looks at me over her shoulder. “I thought you left. I thought you bailed.”
And even though I figured it would take more than a night full of amazing sex to convince her this was different for me, her words still cut deep. I grip her hips, lower my face until I can press a kiss on the side of her neck. Quietly, I say, “I wouldn’t do that. Not with you.”
She nods, her face turned toward mine, so I drop a kiss on her lips, too.
“Believe me, I’d much rather have stayed in bed with all your sweet parts pressed up against me.” She drops her head back to rest on my shoulder, and I brush my lips down her neck. “Would’ve been a lot better than lying on a couch by myself at five in the morning.”
She laughs, but it dies off, and by the way she’s scraping her teeth against her bottom lip, I know she’s got something to say. I grab the spatula from her and finish the job of flipping the rest of the pancakes, then I spin her around to face me. Raising an eyebrow, I stare at her and wait.
She tries to outlast me, but eventually she huffs and crosses her arms, rolling her eyes. “I hate when you do that.”
“If you’d just tell me what’s on your mind from the get-go I wouldn’t have to do it.”
Her eyes narrow for a moment, then sincerity takes hold of her features. “I wanted to wake up with you, too . . .”
“But?”
She heaves a deep sigh. “But I’m not sure it’s such a good idea. Yet.”
Despite the disappointment that settles in my gut, I nod. “Okay. Because of Haley?”
She nods in confirmation. “I’ve never had someone stay the night, Jason. Never. And as much as I want to see where this thing between us goes, I have to look out for her. Her comfort is my number one priority.”
I get it. I understand completely, even if I wish it were different. But the part I’m focusing on is when she said she’d never had anyone stay the night. And how I can’t wait to be the first.
tessa
“Is Cade coming home this week?” Jason asks.
“No, why would he be coming home this week?”
Jason’s eyebrows lift as he looks at me over a stack of pancakes drenched in syrup. He’s worse than Haley, I swear. “Thanksgiving . . . ?”
“That’s this Thursday?”
“Yep.”
“Crap, I forgot all about it. Um, no, I don’t think he is. He was just hoping he’d be able to get back for Christmas. His schedule’s pretty crazy right now.”
“So what are you guys doing, then?”
I shrug, taking a bite of my breakfast. “I dunno. I’m certainly not cooking a turkey, that much is for sure. Probably just hang out at home, unless Paige drags us to her parents’ house.”
He’s quiet for a minute, the kind of silence that’s weighted, and I lift my eyes to meet his. “How about I drag you to mine?”
I stop chewing. I’d probably choke if I attempted to swallow. And then with a mouthful of food, I ask, “Do what now?”
I couldn’t have heard him right. Because anything to deal with his parents is a no-go zone. We don’t talk about it, unless I bully him into it, and he certainly doesn’t bring people to his childhood house unless he’s forced to.
“My family dinner was switched to Thursday instead of Tuesday this week, so I have to be there. I want you to come with me.”
“To your parents’.”
“Yes.”
My eyes flit over to Haley, because Jason’s parents have never made it a secret that they don’t approve of my choice to keep her at my young age. While I’ve met them only a few times, Cade had that privilege plenty more, and every time he came back, he’d be fuming. Finally I flat out asked him what the problem was, and he managed to evade the question. Then one day both he and Jason came back, and neither knew I was home. Cade ranted to Jason about how narrow-minded his parents were, about how they had their heads so far up their snooty asses, they couldn’t se
e an amazing girl making the right choice for her—a hard choice, yeah, but one they should accept and let be. Jason didn’t disagree, but neither did he ever extend to me an invitation to his house.
“Haley would be with me,” I say.
“I know that.”
“And you’re still inviting us?”
He stares at me, his eyes locking on mine, locking me in, and there are a thousand things in his glance. This is one way for him to show me I’m different. And that he doesn’t give one single shit about what his parents think of us—of me and Haley. That he wants us in his life, and, unfortunately, that life sometimes includes the assholes he came from. The assholes he’s nothing like.
He’s offering me something he hasn’t ever offered anyone before, and yet again, a piece inside me holding tight to fear wriggles loose. I never expected something like this from him, not in my wildest dreams. Never allowed myself to imagine it. But what would it be like if the future I’m so desperate for could be found with the one guy who makes me see stars?
“Okay.”
His smile would’ve knocked me on my ass if I weren’t already sitting. Relaxing back into his chair, he gives a satisfied nod, then starts up a conversation with Haley, asking what her favorite foods are at Thanksgiving. And when he bends his head low, his brow creased in concentration as though the fact that she likes green beans over peas is the most interesting piece of knowledge he ever gained, I melt.
Right there at the dining table over a late breakfast with my daughter—the person who’s my whole world—and Jason—the person who’s beginning to take a place right next to her—I melt. And I’m finally honest with myself.
Despite all my best intentions, all the walls I put up and precautions I made sure I took with him, none of it matters.
I’m falling for him whether I like it or not.
NINETEEN
tessa
I get to the restaurant late, having had to give Haley fifteen good-bye and good-night kisses as she simultaneously talked the ear off Becky, the sitter I use as often as I can because she gets along so well with my daughter. Paige is already seated when I slide into the booth across from her, blowing my hair out of my face.
Tessa Ever After Page 14