Always Closer

by Amelia Harlow

  ‘You say a fucking word, and I’ll kill you,’ he sneered.

  The nurses came rushing in, and Gerry threw on the charm.

  ‘Quickly, she’s fallen and hit her head, she just blacked out, I’m not sure what’s wrong!’ The sound of concern in his voice was disgusting me.

  I considered telling them he had assaulted me, but I would just be handing myself over to Alex if I did. I couldn’t risk that. The nurses fussed over me, asking all the usual questions and began cleaning up the blood from my face. It was just a small cut, but head wounds love to bleed. I managed to convince them that I hadn’t eaten much so just needed to sit down and have some water and a sandwich. They left me in the break room, and continued to check on me despite my insistence that I was fine. They called me a taxi and I went home.

  The next day I went back to the hospital to collect my car, quit my job and get myself out of that horrible situation because I finally had something I could use against Gerry. The afternoon finally came around, and Gerry met me in the courtyard as usual, only on this day I had no vials for him. Instead I held out a USB drive.

  ‘What’s this?’ He said, unamused.

  ‘Before I ran into the room last night, I caught you on film, and I didn’t stop recording. The audio is as incriminating as the video.’ I was trying to act calm and confident, but I was terrified.

  ‘You think you’re fucking clever don’t you?’ he growled.

  I stepped towards him. ‘If anything happens to me, this video will finish you.’

  His face was turning red, and I could feel his heavy breath in my face.

  ‘You better watch your fucking back miss. Watch your fucking back,’ he snarled.

  I quit my job at the hospital that day, and for the first time in months, I felt like I could breathe again.

  I didn’t like going back to the hospital, it stressed me out. I would have liked to completely avoid that place, but I wanted to be there for my dad. So, I’d take him to his appointments, and just hope that Gerry and I wouldn’t cross paths. My dad sat with the drip in his vein at the hospital for four hours, the chemotherapy drugs moving into his body at a slow pace.

  ‘You know, I appreciate what you’re doing for me,’ he said.

  ‘I know.’

  We smiled at each other and he returned to his newspaper, I returned to my book. My thoughts kept wandering back to last night at the cafe. I felt like such a fool for the way I reacted to the situation, and for pushing Hudson away. He was only trying to help, and he was so patient and kind afterwards. I wanted to send him a text message to apologise and thank him for being so understanding, but I was convinced I had scared him off, so I left my phone in my handbag.

  We drove home through the winding streets, past the meadow that had now lost its shine and over the old creek back towards home. The sky was clear and blue.

  ‘She’s a beauty,’ said my dad, as he looked out the passenger window and up at the sky.

  ‘I’ll set you up in the garden when we get home, but only if you promise to stay in the shade!’

  ‘Deal,’ he said.

  ‘Don’t suppose you’re hungry?’ I asked.

  ‘Not at all, but you’re going to make me eat anyway aren’t you?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘You’re just like your mother,’ he joked.

  We both fell quiet.

  I had work in the evening and was tired from last night. I wasn’t able to sleep with all those horrible thoughts racing around my head. Thoughts of Alex consumed me, and I still felt connected to my old life, though I desperately wanted to forget it. I showered and got ready for work, tying my hair up onto the top of my head and putting on more makeup than usual.

  Bec was just finishing her shift as I arrived at the restaurant. She whipped me on the butt with her apron. ‘Hello gorgeous! You’re looking extra beautiful today!’

  I rubbed her belly and spoke to the little one growing inside her.

  ‘Your mummy can’t see very well right now.’

  ‘Yes I can!’ Bec reassured her baby bump.

  ‘You do know that’s an actual thing, I’m not making it up. Your eyesight can change when you’re pregnant. It’s okay though, it’s only temporary, and once you push this little one out, you’ll be back to normal.’

  ‘You’ve got to learn to take a compliment,’ she said.

  ‘I’m working on it.’

  ‘I don’t suppose you’re expecting Mr Cooper to drop in?’ she asked.

  ‘Oh god, no. He absolutely will not be dropping in.’

  ‘Why? What have you done?’

  ‘Oh you know, just cried on the first date. Very cool.’

  ‘What?’

  I told her about the incident with the man in the cafe. She folded her arms across her chest and was shaking her head. She was equally as disturbed about that predator as I was.

  ‘When Hudson lifted the guy up, and grabbed him like that, it just took me back to memories of Alex. I couldn’t relax, it was horrible.’

  ‘Aww hun,’ she said, as she grabbed my hand, ‘that sounds terrible, I’m so sorry.’

  ‘Terrible and terribly awkward. Although at the time I was in such a daze I don’t think I was awkward about it. Now though... If I saw Hudson again now, so awkward.’ I said.

  ‘You didn’t tell him why you reacted like that?’

  ‘No, of course not! I mean at the time I wasn’t really able to think. But even now, I wouldn’t tell him I’m on the run from my ex. It’s all a bit much drama, and I’d rather just try and keep it buried.’

  ‘Fair enough, but he’s probably wondering what happened to you and why you reacted like that. He’s bound to ask you.’

  ‘If he does, I’ll deal with it then. But I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again after that episode.’

  ‘I think you will. I know those eyes he had for you, they’re the same eyes Andy had for me.’

  Bec and Andy had been married almost five years, and they seemed so blissfully happy. I’d spent so long just surviving with Alex that I had forgotten how a relationship is meant to make you feel. Bec and Andy had it right.

  ‘Go home and relax.’ I hugged Bec goodbye.

  ‘Yes Doc! Take it easy will you? Try not to worry.’

  ‘I’m fine! Go!’ I ushered her out the door.

  She was so sweet and caring. I felt lucky to find someone in this town that I could talk to about everything.

  Throughout my shift, I kept thinking about what Bec had said. Hudson probably was wondering why I had reacted like that. I felt like I owed him an explanation, so during my break I took out my phone and typed out a message to him. After reading it back, I deleted every letter and started over three times before putting my phone away.

  ‘Mae, you out there!’ Bill shouted through the kitchen, his voice reaching the back door where I was standing.

  I looked at the time, and I still had five minutes of my break left.

  ‘Yeah, I’m here,’ I said, as I poked my head around the corner.

  ‘Hudson Cooper’s out here, asking for ya.’

  A wave of nerves shot through me.

  ‘Oh, okay, thanks.’

  I straightened up my clothes, then made my way back through the kitchen. I didn’t have enough time to think of what to say to him. I paused by the door, trying to think of something, but nothing came, so I kept walking. I really didn’t think he’d show up here to talk to me.

  Hudson was sitting on a stool at the bar. I’m sure he wasn’t intending to draw attention to the region between his legs, but the way he was sitting with his legs wide apart made it so difficult not to glance in that direction. Nervous and severely distracted, I smiled at him and he shot me a smile back. As I moved towards him, he put up his hand in a small wave and I waved back at him in the same way.

  ‘I was hoping you’d be here tonight. Well, really, I was hoping you’d be at home unwinding, but I didn’t feel like I could just show up at your place to check up on you. So
I’m glad you’re here anyway. Now I can see that you’re still in one beautiful piece,’ he said.

  When he said “beautiful” I’m sure I blushed. I felt the heat move to my cheeks again. The way he spoke calmed my nerves, his voice was so warm and comforting.

  ‘I’m sorry I didn’t call,’ I said, then sat down at the bar next to him.

  ‘Hey, it’s okay. I took it as a sign that you were all right and didn’t need anything,’ he said as he placed his hand on my leg.

  ‘Or that something so horrible had happened to you and you were unable to call for help,’ he continued lightheartedly.

  ‘I really should explain where all of that came from,’ I said.

  ‘You don’t have to explain anything, it’s all right. Unless of course you want to talk about it then I’m all ears.’

  I nodded, acknowledging his kindness.

  ‘So, did you make it to the police station? Do they need a statement from me,’ I asked.

  ‘No, no it’s all fine, I sorted it out. Don’t worry about it, we don’t have to talk about that. It’s all taken care of now,’ he said.

  I felt like he had played over a lot of different scenarios in his head as to why I reacted the way I did last night, and I wanted to tell him the truth, but maybe I’d try and keep this thing with him light hearted. I know I really needed to just relax and have some fun.

  ‘Great, thanks for doing that,’ I said.

  ‘You’re welcome, it was no trouble,’ he said, smiling gently.

  He leant in close to my ear and whispered. ‘I guess you better get back to it before old Bill gets his knickers in a knot.’

  His warm breath sent a shiver down my spine as I drew in his rich scent. I looked over my shoulder and Bill was pacing around like a mad man. It was another busy night and I didn’t want to get on the bad side of Bill, but I could have easily sat with Hudson all evening.

  ‘I’d rather spend the rest of the night with you, and make up for last night,’ I whispered, this time leaning in towards him.

  ‘I’d like that,’ he said, as he nudged his body against me and placed his hand on my thigh, ‘but you really have nothing to make up for.’

  ‘I think I really do,’ I said.

  ‘Well, seeing as you insist, I think you should keep me company out on the waves tomorrow morning,’ he said.

  The prospect of seeing more of Hudson’s body excited me, but I was nervous about the surfing part.

  ‘You’re on,’ I said with confidence.

  ‘That’s the spirit! All right, old Bill is looking grumpy,’ he said, hurrying his talking pace, ‘I’ll pick you up at nine, how’s that?’ he asked.

  ‘That’s great.’

  ‘Great!’

  ‘See you at nine then,’ I said, as I stood up from the stool.

  Hudson placed his hand on the small of my back, stopping me from stepping backwards into an oncoming waitress. His touch was electrifying, it excited me every time to feel part of him against me. I looked up at him, into those light blue eyes and felt calm and happy.

  ‘I hope you’ve had enough time to work on your Baywatch run,’ I said.

  ‘I don’t think I’ll be needing it... I’m sure as hell not going to let you out of my sight,’ he said as his hand slid down and around to my hip, gently pulling me against him.

  My body ached for him. I was craving him, craving his touch and longing for his embrace. His full smile sent creases to the corners of his eyes as they locked onto mine. He headed for the exit, then glanced back over his shoulder as he walked out the door. I could see him through the glass, still smiling to himself, as he walked alongside the building. His jeans hugged his butt so perfectly, what a sight he was.

  For the rest of my shift, all I could think about was Hudson, he was flooding all my senses.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  I awoke soon after the sun rose and was unable to return to sleep due to my nerves. It was still early and I didn’t want to wake my dad, so I crept down the hall and into the kitchen where I made myself a coffee and made a bowl of yoghurt, fruit and granola.

  The yard was beginning to fill with sun that trickled down through the tall trees and onto the lush grass below. I sat outside at the big old oak table and had my breakfast as I overlooked the valley below. The cows on the neighbouring property looked like black dots from here, and I liked that I was far from everyone I wanted to be far from.

  Mornings out there were always so beautiful. I liked the yard, the meadows and valleys. The creaky old wooden house couldn’t have even passed for a garage or garden shed by Alex’s standards, but I liked it so much more than his house. My dad had strung up paintings all through the house that my mum had painted, mostly of the ocean. They were all so very different, which I can now see was dependent on how far out to sea my dad was. If his feet had been on dry land for a while, the paintings would be brighter, the sun would be out, and the water would be calm. When he was out on the ocean, my mum became very anxious, she would paint for hours without looking away from her easel. There were far more paintings with dark colours, menacing waves and thunderstorms, but if there was a boat in it, there would always be a ray of light shining down onto its deck.

  The morning sun began to rise over the hills and I turned my face to it, allowing it to warm my skin before I went back inside to get ready. In my room I pulled on the only swim suit I had. It was a simple black bikini, and as modest as a bikini could be. It had hardly been worn as Alex didn’t approve of anyone else looking at my body. The bikini got some use in the pools at the house, but even that was a rarity as there was always some sort of “meeting” taking place with other men around.

  I ran my hand over the scar on my left bicep, then turned to look at my back in the mirror hanging on the wall. The scars that were clustered beneath my left shoulder blade were impossible to hide, and one in particular really bothered me with its purple colouring and paper thin feel under my fingers. The t-shirt I put on would hide them for at least a little while. I just hoped if Hudson noticed them, he wouldn’t find me less attractive, or worse, ask questions I wasn’t prepared to answer. I gathered my things into a tote bag, slipped on my flip flops and waited outside for him.

  Hudson was right on time. He pulled up in his four wheel drive utility, with two surfboards in the back.

  ‘Morning!’ he called, with his arm waving out the window.

  ‘Hey!’ I called, as I walked towards him.

  He put the car into park and left it running as he stepped out to greet me. The board shorts he was wearing were short enough to show off some of those muscular thighs, and the sight of them started my blood pumping.

  ‘I hope you’re ready for this,’ he said, as he clapped his hands together and dramatically raised his big beautiful eyebrows.

  ‘Whoa! What’s this?’ I waved my hand around, pointing at his face ‘you’re meant to convince me this will be fun and easy, not give me the impression that I’m about to do battle out there!’

  He laughed to himself as he walked around to the passenger side and opened the door. He realised I hadn’t moved from where I was standing so he walked back to me. He stood at my side with both hands on each of my arms, just below the shoulders and moved in close to my ear.

  ‘You’ll be fine, I’ll make sure of it.’

  He walked me around to the passenger side, took my bag and leant into the car, placing it on the back seat. The muscles on his arm tightened, and pulled up his bicep into a round, hard shape before it relaxed again. I jumped in and he closed the door behind me with a smile. It would have only been two minutes into the drive when I could see the ocean from the top of the hill we had just climbed. We wove down the street towards the blue water that was broken by large sections of bubbling white wash.

  ‘That looks big,’ I said, unable to hide my concern.

  ‘It is big,’ said Hudson, ‘but we won’t be going that far out! …Unless you want to?’ He shot a glance at me.

  ‘No, no, I think
I’ll stay in the shallow end where the sharks can’t get me.’

  ‘They can get you in two feet of water you know? The shallow end won’t help you.’

  ‘Again, you’re not really selling this to me,’ I said.

  ‘Look at that though, surely that will sell itself,’ he said, as the car rolled over the last hill and he put the brakes on.

  Down below, there was a small, beautiful bay with white sand and blue water that was so clear. The waves that rolled in were small and tame looking. Most of the apprehension I had was slipping away, but the nerves from the morning were still there.

  ‘It’s beautiful,’ I said.

  ‘Sure is,’ he said, before steering the car to park it, ‘I learnt to surf here as a kid.’

  We both got out of the car and Hudson was already slinging both our bags across his broad shoulders. He stood the long boards against the car. The surfboards were much taller than he was and they looked heavy until he tucked them under his strong arms.

  ‘Give me something to carry,’ I said, reaching out my arm for a bag.

  ‘I’ve got it, you just watch your step down here. The wood is a bit wonky in parts and I don’t have any free arms to catch you with this time,’ he motioned his head towards a wooden staircase that descended into the bay.

  ‘You’re really not going to let me live that down are you?’ I said.

  ‘Nope!’ he laughed, ‘Oh actually, I didn’t lock the car, the keys are in my pocket, do you mind?’

  He was only wearing a tank top, so I knew he was referring to the pocket on his shorts. The board was too wide to reach past so I had to walk around in front of Hudson and between the two boards.

  ‘This one,’ he said, lifting his right hip towards me.

  I reached in with my left hand, sliding it deep inside and along his thigh. I was standing so close to him, that I could almost see an outline of everything under his swim shorts. He didn’t seem to be wearing anything under the shorts and my heart raced at the thought, pumping the blood to all the sensitive areas of my body. As my fingers found the keys, I pulled them out and held them in my hand. I walked back away from Hudson between the boards and pointed the keys towards the car, hitting the lock button on them.