by Anne Malcom
My guess was confirmed as soon Appletini paled, darted his eyes to me, then pushed through the crowd.
Skye, who had been watching the whole exchange, darted her eyes between Asher and me.
“You know this dude, Lily?” she whispered to me, despite Asher stepping up to the bar, well within earshot.
I let out a little giggle. One that sounded foreign to my own ears. I didn’t giggle. Well, not until recently.
“You could say that,” I replied, not taking my eyes off him.
Skye looked generally amazed. I guess I couldn’t blame her, she knew the before Lily. The before Lily didn’t giggle, didn’t take shots on shift, and she certainly didn’t have hot bikers visit her and scare off men asking for numbers.
“Skye, Asher, Asher, Skye,” I introduced, filling the silence.
Asher gave her a chin lift.
Her mouth was still agape so she managed a little wave.
Asher turned his focus back to me. His brows were knitted as he took in my outfit. Again, this was something new Lily chose. It was conductive with the outfits I’d been wearing for two weeks. Tonight, I’d gone for tight jeans, heels and a cropped top which showed off a lot of midriff. His gaze flickered with desire when he finished his top to toe inspection, though his jaw was tight.
“You’re early,” I pointed out, leaning against my side of the bar. It helped stop the swaying.
Asher frowned. “Yeah,” was all he said.
“You want a drink?” I asked finally after he didn’t give me more of an explanation.
“Yeah. Beer please, babe,” he replied, his voice soft, even though he had to raise it to be heard over the music.
I handed him a beer, the brand I knew he liked, what I had seen him drink the limited times I’d been in his presence. Those torturous times in the beginning when Gwen or Amy had dragged me along to some gathering he’d be at. Where I’d have to put on my mask of indifference and pretend my heart didn’t bleed every time his chocolate eyes touched mine. I shook myself out of the past and the demons it held. The present had enough for me to battle with.
“You didn’t have to pick me up,” I told him after he’d taken a pull of his beer.
He regarded me. “Yeah, I did, flower,” he replied tightly.
I chewed my lip, not knowing what else to say. We didn’t exactly do small talk, which the only kind of talk we could have in a crowded bar.
He frowned, eyes on my lips. Without warning, his beer crashed down on the bar, and his hand tagged the back of my neck. His mouth fastened on mine before I knew what was going on. He kissed the ever living hell out of me for long enough that a few catcalls sounded in the distance. I say the distance because the background seemed to melt away with Asher’s lips on mine.
He finally released me and rested his forehead on mine before he let me go and leaned back on his stool, taking another pull of his beer.
I gaped at him, touching my tingling lips absently. “What was that for?” I strangled out.
Asher’s desire-filled gaze rooted me to the spot. “I wanted to kiss you,” he said simply.
My gape stayed firmly in place until I jumped when my name was called.
“I’ve got to....” I gestured with my thumb.
Asher nodded tightly. “I’m not going anywhere, babe,” he told me firmly.
I stared at him a second longer, then rushed to the other end of the bar, feeling his eyes on me. They didn’t leave me for the whole night.
“Bye,” I shouted to the girls and Jude who watched Asher, and I leave with something akin to amazement.
He wove us through the crowd effortlessly, though most people, drunk or sober seemed to move for him anyway. It might be close to closing, but the place was packed. Always was. Jude had let me go home early with a soft look on her usually hard face.
“You get some sleep, darlin’. You need it,” she had rasped and squeezed my hand. That was the closest to kind and fuzzy my tough as nails manager got. She wasn’t unkind, just brisk but fair.
Asher had seemed more than happy to drag me off. The only reason I managed to stay upright was because of the firm hand at my waist. I didn’t think much about anything else, apart from the warmth that emanated from his hand, and the desire that intensified with his touch. We made it into the parking lot, which was well lit and mostly empty. A few people loitered around, smoking or waiting for taxis, I guessed.
“Asher, can we slow to a brisk walk? I’ve been on my feet all night, I’m not really prepared to break the land speed record to make it to your bike.” I pulled back slightly, surprised at the fact I was slurring my words slightly.
Asher stopped us completely and twisted so he faced me, both his hands went to my waist and he looked down at me. No, he glared at me.
“You’re drunk again,” he stated flatly, his jaw hard.
I squinted at him. “No, I would use the term appropriately liquored,” I answered with a grin. Although, without the lack of noise and tasks to distract me, coupled with the fact I was seeing two of him, I realized Asher might have been closer to correct.
He looked up into the sky for a moment then back down to me. “What are you doing?” he asked quietly.
I tilted my head in confusion. “Well, I thought we were going home, but now we’re standing in the middle of the parking lot, having this conversation.”
His gaze didn’t move from mine. “No, flower. What are you doing? That,” he nodded his head at the doors, “the drinking, partying, dancing on fuckin’ bars. That shit ain’t you,” he declared firmly.
With his words, my drunkenness seemed to wash off like dirt. Clarity settled into my mind. As did cold fury.
I ripped out of his arms, able to do so because he wasn’t expecting it. “You don’t know me,” I yelled suddenly. “Who I am. How are you meant to know me when I have no fucking clue,” I continued to scream and scuttled backward when he tried to step closer to me. “You don’t get to ride in here after three years, up on your high Harley and dictate who I am, tell me what actions are appropriate for the Lily you thought you knew. The one you thought you had figured out after one fucking night. She’s gone,” I choked out, breathing heavily. “Maybe she never existed, I don’t know. But I know you’re not saving me. You’re not ‘taking care of me.’ I do that for myself. I always have. Always will. And if you want this,” I waved my hand between us, glad he kept his distance, “you have to realize I’m not going to cling to your leather cut and let you figure out life for me. Shield me from it. Tell me what to do. I’m not an Old Lady. I can’t give you that,” I whispered, surprised at the wetness on my cheek. I angrily swiped the tears away. I didn’t need them at this moment.
There was silence after my shouting. Well, not really silence, since the dull thumping of music in the background was pretty loud. Asher just watched me for a second, his face still soft, not showing an ounce of anger that had been there before. He stepped forward slowly.
“Flower—”
“Is there a problem here?” a voice interrupted.
Asher didn’t even turn. “Fuck off,” he muttered, his eyes on me.
Because I wasn’t a rude alpha male, and because I recognized the voice, I turned my voice to look at the figure who had stepped close to me.
“Aiden?” I asked, his attractive face was moved into a hard line.
“You okay, Lil?” He tore his gaze from Asher, who made a noise when he came to my side, touching my elbow lightly.
“Yeah, I’m-I’m fine,” I stuttered.
Aiden frowned, then glared at Asher, which was pretty brave considering the murderous glint on Asher’s gaze.
“I don’t believe you. How about I take you home?” he suggested softly.
Asher stepped forward. “I’ll be taking her home, and I’d appreciate it if you take your hand off her,” he bit out.
Aiden stepped slightly in front of me. “I don’t think I’ll be letting her go home with the biker she was screaming at in a parking lot with te
ars streaming down her face,” he told Asher, looking at him with disdain.
I put my hand on his shoulder hoping to defuse the situation. “Aiden, we’re fine, really,” I reassured him. “What are you doing here anyway? This place isn’t really your... scene.” I put that lightly. He had routinely urged me to find other employment since he found out I worked here. His upbringing made him unable to fathom the idea that I could stomach working somewhere like this. He didn’t understand that people like me didn’t get a choice.
Aiden turned his head, frowning at me. “I haven’t seen you in weeks. You weren’t at home and I knew you’d be here. I wanted to make sure you were okay,” he explained.
“By lurking in a fuckin’ parking lot?” Asher clipped, standing like a stone.
Though I didn’t like the cursing or the general aggravation in his tone, I had to agree with the sentiment.
“You’re right,” Aiden spoke to me. “This isn’t my scene. I also knew you would be finishing about this time, taking the bus home. That’s not safe. Not to mention your state of mind. I was waiting in my car to take you home.”
“Right, man, that’s firmly in stalker territory, so I’d greatly appreciate it if you stopped and stayed the fuck away from Lily,” Asher ground out, fists at his sides.
I raised a brow at Asher. “Pot, meet kettle….” I gestured at Aiden, reminding him of the night he stayed outside my apartment.
He glared. “That was different and you know it, baby. This fucker needs to realize who you belong to,” he sneered at Aiden as if I hadn’t just informed him I belonged to no one, not moments ago.
“Asher, I’ve got this,” I snapped.
Asher gave me a look but stayed silent.
Aiden looked between the two of us. “This is why you dumped me, Lily? You get a taste for biker?” he asked, a cruelness I didn’t recognize creeping into his tone.
I said, “No,” at the same time as Asher said, “Sure as fuck is.”
I glared at Asher. “Shut up,” I hissed.
Aiden’s eyes flared. He took in my attire, the way I swayed slightly. His jaw turned hard and he turned to face Asher.
“So you think you can take advantage of a grieving girl, get her to drink too much, show too much skin, turn her into some kind of biker slut?” he accused, and I gasped at the last of his words.
I also gasped when Asher’s fist plowed through Aiden’s face, causing him to tumble to the ground.
“Holy shit,” I yelled, bending to check on Aiden, who was bleeding from the nose.
I glared at Asher. “You really had to punch him? Really? Can you keep your testosterone under control long enough not to use your fists?” I snapped at him.
Asher ignored me and stepped over Aiden. “You ever refer to Lily like that again, I’ll make sure that pretty face is messed up so much even Mummy’s best plastic surgeon won’t be able to fix you,” he promised coldly.
Aiden glared at him for a long moment, then his eyes moved to me. “Is this who you want to surround yourself with, Lily? You’re better than this. This isn’t you.”
He struggled to his feet, shrugging me off when I tried to help him. “I’ll be here when you remember who you are,” he said, giving me a long look and Asher a glare before wandering into the parking lot.
I watched him for a moment. People kept telling me what wasn’t me. I wished they’d enlighten me for a second, what was me.
I slammed the door as we got into my apartment. “What the heck was that?” I half yelled at Asher.
The bike ride had made yelling impossible. And gave me a great opportunity to get even angrier.
Bex’s eyes bulged from her position on the sofa, a spoonful of cereal halfway to her mouth.
Asher turned. “What was what?”
I scoffed. “Seriously? You’re going to act like that senseless act of violence against my friend didn’t happen?” I asked in disbelief.
“Dude, please tell me it was Aiden,” Bex put in from the sofa.
I swear I saw Asher’s mouth twitch slightly before he focused on me once more.
“I wouldn’t call him referring to you as a biker slut, senseless. He should be glad he’s not eating through a straw right now,” he clipped tightly.
“Mother fucker said what?” Bex hissed.
“It was nothing, he was upset,” I reassured her quickly.
Asher’s eyes hardened. “Talking to a woman like that, that’s never nothing. No matter how upset you are. Talking to you like that? That’s something. Something not fucking acceptable. Something never fucking acceptable,” Asher clipped. “You’ve gone through enough shit. Life’s already handed you ugly. You’re not having ugly words spat in your direction. Not when there’s not one ounce of truth in them. Not when I’m around. And I intend to be around a lot,” he promised.
I sucked in a breath. It was hard to argue with a guy when he said shit like that. And as much as I abhorred violence, a tiny piece of me agreed with Asher. Aiden was definitely out of line.
I sighed, plonking my bag down by the door. “Whatever,” I relented trying to act like his words hadn’t made my legs shaky. “I’m hungry.” I stepped forward, pointing at Asher. “Use your words next time,” I ordered.
He grinned, though there was something behind the grin. I didn’t get time to analyze this, as he tagged my hips and yanked me to his body.
“I’m thinking I wanna do something that doesn’t require any words,” he murmured against my mouth.
I was caught by surprise, and my body responded accordingly, my heart thumping and breathing heavily.
“But, I’m hungry,” I protested.
His eyes flared. “So am I … starving,” he said roughly.
I swallowed.
“Um … guys, I’m still here,” Bex called from the sofa. “Take it to the bedroom.”
Asher smiled into my mouth. “What do you say, flower?”
“Food can wait,” I whispered.
“Good answer,” he murmured.
“You’re good at that,” I whispered, slightly breathless.
He had just finished making love to me. That was after he had “eaten” me like promised. It was more than amazing.
Asher’s chest vibrated as he chuckled. “Glad you think so, flower. Though how hard you came had me thinking you were enjoying yourself.” His voice was husky.
I felt myself go slightly red at his statement. Asher seemed to sense my reaction because he pulled me from my position curled against his chest to lie half on top of him. He stroked my hair out of my face, eyes searching mine.
“You don’t need to worry about that shit with me,” he told me quietly.
“What shit?” I whispered.
His thumb ran over my cheek. “Whatever shit that runs through that beautiful mind to make you curl into yourself. Turns you quiet. Gives you that glow. Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing that you get affected by shit like that,” his voice was rough, “but I don’t want you ever crawling to that place, being embarrassed of anything. Not when you’re in this bed with me. Not when you’re with me full stop,” he said firmly.
I stared into his eyes, his words filling a little of that empty space inside me. It frightened the shit out of me.
He continued. “I know that whatever turns you like that seems to turn off with me, most of the time. I want it to stay like that, flower. I want to be the one to take that weight off your chest, to take down that shield you’ve constructed, I want you to just ... be when you’re with me,” he murmured into my mouth. “And when you feel comfortable enough, I want to get to the bottom of why you think you need to hide behind that shield. As if your life depended on it….” he paused. “And now, we’re going to talk about what that was in the parking lot,” he said quietly.
I stared at him. I was silent, letting those words wash over me. I traced his jaw with my fingertip, amazed at the fact this man, this beautiful man was saying these beautiful words to me. Those beautiful words also catapulted me bac
k in time, back eleven years to memories that should be weathered and blurry with age, but instead they were clear as if they happened yesterday.
I was scared. Terrified. The headlights that illuminated our small living room meant he was home. That meant the red rage, the yelling, him hurting Mommy, saying bad words right in front of me. Sometimes saying those bad words to me.
“Okay, peanut,” Mom knelt in front of me, smiling that weird smile that didn’t seem quite right. “I need you to do your special trick and don’t say a word. Go to your place in your head. If you be really quiet, quiet as a mouse, it’ll all be okay. I promise.” She kept smiling that smile. “Just be my little quiet peanut for a little while longer, then Mommy will keep you safe. Can you do that, Lily?
I nodded, deciding to start being quiet as a mouse, right now because I could hear his key in the door.
Mommy did too because she kissed my head and stood, smoothing the pretty dress she was wearing underneath her apron.
I curled up as small as I could be on the sofa, my eyes glued to the pictures on the screen, trying not to make a sound, I even tried to make my breath silent. If I were quiet enough maybe I’d disappear, be invisible to him.
I escaped the memory before its venom could taint this beautiful moment.
“Be me,” I repeated.
“Yeah, flower,” he responded, not taking his eyes off me.
“What if I don’t know who that is?” I asked in a strangled whisper.
Asher’s hands clasped my neck firmly. “Then we’ll find out, together.”
His voice was so firm, so resolute, it made my stomach dip. Not in a good way.
“What if you find out you don’t like, who I find out I am?”
His eyes hardened. “Not fuckin’ possible,” he declared.
I chewed my lip. Emotions like I was feeling, this, I didn’t know how to figure it out. I didn’t know how to figure out anything in my life. I could barely figure out my past, apart from the fact the last time someone looked out for me was when my abusive father had a heart attack in our kitchen, while my mother lay bloodied on the floor, after he caught her trying to leave. He would have killed her in that moment, even my nine-year-old eyes could have seen that. Something intervened to give her escape, freedom, a life. For eleven more years at least. That same thing decided to rob of her of that. Rob me of that.