by Anna Wilson
For the real Bibi, who took us on an amazing safari in Botswana and told us wonderful stories about animals and his life.
Ke a leboga, Rra!
CONTENTS
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4
CHAPTER 5
CHAPTER 6
CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER 8
CHAPTER 9
CHAPTER 10
CHAPTER 11
CHAPTER 12
CHAPTER 13
CHAPTER 14
CHAPTER 15
CHAPTER 16
CHAPTER 17
CHAPTER 18
CHAPTER 19
CHAPTER 20
CHAPTER 21
EPILOGUE
A MESSAGE FROM THE AUTHOR
GLOSSARY
DO YOU LOVE ANIMALS TOO?
As soon as Flo discovered about the trip to Africa she said, ‘We absolutely have to start practising with the camera.’
Felix chewed his bottom lip. ‘When you say “we” . . .’ he began.
But Flo was not listening. ‘Everyone knows that it is important to practise with Technological Equipment before you try it In The Field.’
Felix frowned. ‘But I’m not going into a field. I’m going to Botswana, which is in east Africa. I don’t think they have fields. They have The Bush, though,’ he added eagerly.
Flo rolled her eyes and puffed at her fluffy blonde fringe. ‘Just listen!’ she demanded. ‘We are going to make a Natural History Documentary starting right here. In your house. Now.’
‘But . . .’ Felix began.
Flo was On A Roll, however.
‘Before we go to Africa,’ she went on, ‘we’ll have to Make Do with filming the wildlife around us. It is what other people do. Look at all those cameramen – and women –’ she added, with emphasis, ‘who film all the mice and birds and frogs and whatnot for that Spring Safari Live programme on the telly. I bet they really wish they were in Africa filming lions and giraffes and things, but they probably haven’t had enough training yet. I s’pect the telly people get them to film frogs and whatnot first, and once they have done that enough times, they get to go to Africa. So, it Stands To Reason, that is what we will have to do.’
‘You keep saying “we” . . .’ Felix tried again, but Flo was already prowling around, looking for things to film with Dad’s camera.
‘Your dog!’ Flo cried, coming across Felix’s fat Labrador, who was snoozing on the landing. ‘Perfect . . .’ And she shoved the camera into Felix’s hands and commanded him to ‘Press record!’
Then Flo noisily cleared her throat and importantly consulted the clipboard which she had insisted on having ‘because I am the Director of this film, and that is what Directors do’.
Felix sighed and trained the camera on Flo and his dog, Dyson.
‘Here we have a typical example of the species Labradorus, er, fattifus,’ Flo said. She was leaning forward in a strange, hunched-up way and talking in a whispery voice.
Felix stopped filming. ‘Why are you being weird?’ he asked.
Flo scowled. ‘I am not “being weird”,’ she said. ‘I am talking like all the Professionals do.’ She cleared her throat again and gestured to Felix to carry on filming. ‘This typical example of Labradorus fattifus,’ she continued, ‘is called Dyson. He lives in a house and lies about all day. In the wild this beast would have to hunt for his food, which would make him less fattifus and more thinnifus.’
‘Sorry,’ Felix said, looking around the camera at his dog. ‘Flo doesn’t mean to be rude, Dyson.’
‘Rowf?’ Dyson lifted his head at the sound of Felix calling his name and looked hopefully at him, thinking that perhaps ‘walkies’ or ‘food’ might be on the agenda.
Flo gave Dyson a stern look, then continued along the landing. Felix noted with dread that she was heading towards his older brother’s bedroom.
‘And now,’ she hissed, glancing furtively around, ‘we are going into a particularly dangerous and stinky habitat of Much Smelliness. We shall have to Proceed With Caution to avoid startling the Resident of this Domain.’
‘What are you doing now, Flo?’ asked Felix anxiously. ‘Oh! Watch out!’
Flo had just trodden on something and was tottering backwards, her arms flailing. ‘What –?’ she cried as she fell.
‘MIIIIAAAAOOOOW!’ said the ‘something’ which, it now became clear, was Colin the cat, who had been snoozing in a patch of sunlight on the carpet.
Colin arched his back, his fur standing on end. He hissed and spat at Felix and Flo before streaking down the landing like an angry, furry rocket.
‘Quick!’ Flo cried, picking herself up off the carpet. ‘Record it! This is excellent Filming Material.’ She began scribbling furiously on her clipboard.
Felix decided that if he could not beat Flo, he may as well join her. He leaped into action and managed to catch the scene on film, while delivering his own excitable commentary in what he thought was a marvellous Voice-Over Effect.
‘An excellent example of the species Catticus evillus!’ he exclaimed. ‘As you can see, this animal is very upset at being disturbed from its afternoon sleep. You can clearly see the sharpness of the creature’s claws and the nastiness of its teeth ’n’ fur ’n’ stuff—’
Felix did not get the chance to finish his Voice-Over Effect, as a hand had come from behind him, grabbing the camera.
‘HEY!’ Felix shouted, whirling around to come face to face with his older brother, Merv, who was grinning maliciously and pointing the camera directly at Felix.
Flo had managed to melt mysteriously into the wallpaper.
‘And here we have the species Squirticus farticus,’ said Merv, continuing the documentary in his own style. ‘An annoying little beast who creeps up on you unawares and is generally found where he is least wanted—’
‘Gimme that!’ Felix snarled. He made a lunge for his brother. ‘You are the only Farticus around here! Farticus maximus, in fact.’
Merv had the advantage of being quite a bit taller and stronger than poor Felix, so he simply held the camera aloft and left it running in order to capture the full extent of Felix’s fury. With his other hand Merv pushed against Felix’s head to stop Felix from running at him.
‘GrrrrrrRRRR!’ said Felix.
‘A feisty creature, I’m sure our viewers will agree,’ said Merv, raising his voice over his little brother’s growling. ‘Listen to those noises of aggression.’
‘Gimme the camera! You’ll break it, you great smelly . . . IDIOT!’ Felix shouted.
‘Oooh, I am so scared of you,’ said Merv, deadpan.
Felix swiped uselessly with both hands as his brother pushed harder on his head.
‘What are you up to?’ Mum’s voice roared.
She appeared at the top of the stairs just as Felix realized he was losing this particular battle. He relaxed ever so slightly and stopped leaning into Merv just at the moment that Merv decided to let him go.
And that is how Felix found himself careering backwards into Mum, who quickly grabbed hold of the banister with one hand and Felix with the other.
‘D’OH!’ Mum cried. ‘Am I glad you two will be on separate continents by the end of the week!’ Then she spotted Flo, who was sitting on her haunches in an attempt to make herself look as invisible as possible. ‘I might have known you would be involved in this commotion, madam,’ Mum added. (She was Not That Keen on Flo and quite often called her ‘madam’.) ‘It’s just as well you are not coming to Africa with us.’
‘What?’ Flo shouted, forgetting she was supposed to be invisible. ‘You told me I was coming too, Felix!’
Felix blanched. ‘I never!’
‘Did too!’ Flo
protested. All her bossiness had melted away and her bottom lip was now trembling dangerously.
Felix was appalled. He had never told Flo that. He had tried to correct her whenever she had said ‘when we go to Africa’, but she had not let him Get A Word In Edgeways!
Merv watched the scene with barely concealed amusement, while Mum rolled her eyes and went back downstairs muttering, ‘Here we go again . . .’ as Flo became suddenly and rather terrifyingly taller than normal.
She took three strides over to Felix, ignoring Merv who was laughing out loud, and pushed her face up close to him.
‘I cannot believe,’ she said, through gritted teeth, ‘that you could even think of going to Africa without me, your BEST FRIEND!’
Felix tried to back away but realized he was dangerously near the top of the stairs. ‘S-s-sorry, Flo,’ he stammered. ‘We are only going cos of Dad’s business trip and I did try to tell you – Merv is not coming either, cos he’s got exams and—’
Flo pushed her face even closer to Felix’s and spat her words out so that Felix felt his face get a bit wet. ‘Listen, buster,’ said Flo in a very mean voice. ‘You had better do something about this, or we will NEVER be friends again. Do you understand?’
And with that, she pushed past Felix and ran out of the house crying noisily.
It was true: Felix’s dad was going on a business trip to Africa, and he had decided it was a fantastic opportunity for Felix and Mum to come, too.
As Felix had said to Flo, Merv had to stay behind to do his exams, but as he put it, ‘I wouldn’t want to go on holiday with my fart-face of a little brother anyway,’ so that was all right.
Felix was over the moon with happiness: he had wanted to go to Africa ever since he could remember, mainly because he loved animals so much, but also because his uncle Zed had travelled around Africa and had told him so many stories about it.
So when Dad had suggested to Mum, ‘Why don’t you take your brother Zed? He could get one of his contacts in Botswana to take you on a safari,’ Felix had been so over the moon, he felt as if he had turned into a spaceship and been sent zooming out of the Solar System into the farthest part of the Milky Way.
‘Yaaaaaay!’ Felix had yelled, hurtling around the table at top speed, doing an impression of said spaceship.
‘Well done, Ian,’ Mum had said darkly. ‘We could have had that little chat IN PRIVATE first . . .’
The next day was a Saturday. Felix asked Mum to take him to his uncle’s narrowboat so that he could ‘hang out and ask questions about Africa’. Zed and his girlfriend Silver knew loads about Africa because of their travels. (Even their narrowboat where they lived was called an African word: Kiboko, which is the Swahili word for ‘hippo’.)
But although Felix did, of course, want to talk about Africa, he also really wanted to talk about Flo going bananas-doolally when she had discovered that she was not coming to Africa with them.
‘What am I going to do about Flo?’ he asked his uncle.
‘I dunno, man.’ Zed shook his head sadly, which set the beads in his long, blond dreads tinkling. ‘It’s a tricky one. I mean, like, she is your best friend, so I guess it’s understandable that she’s peeved about missing out on your trip of a lifetime.’ He popped a whole chocolate biscuit into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully.
While Zed chewed and thought, Felix took a biscuit too and found himself thinking deeply about how he could not remember a time before Flo Small and he had become Best Friends. It did not matter that she was a girl; she was so not like other girls that most of the time Felix did not notice she was a girl at all. She was tough and funny and had the most amazing blonde, mad and curly hair, and she laughed like a hyena. And best of all, she thought that animals were the most Important Thing In The World. So, naturally, she and Felix got on very well indeed. But the trouble was, she did not get on very well with Felix’s mum and dad – particularly since the Monkey Incident at Shortfleet Safari Park. Therefore there was never going to be any way in a million years that she was going to be allowed to go on holiday with them.
Felix swallowed the rest of his chocolate biscuit and said, ‘I should be feeling the most happiest I have ever felt in my Whole Entire Life, but instead I am worried that when I come back Flo will not be my Best Friend any more.’
‘I get what you’re saying, dude.’ Zed nodded wisely. ‘Hey, Silvs!’ he called out to his girlfriend. ‘Feels here is having girl trouble!’
Felix blushed furiously. ‘Don’t say that!’ he hissed.
Silver had already heard, however, and emerged from the boat’s galley, holding two mugs of sweet peppermint tea. ‘I’m all ears, Felix,’ she said, smiling.
Silver was always so kind, and she did totally understand How To Handle Flo, so Felix explained the problem.
‘Easy,’ said Silver. ‘Buy her some cool African jewellery. Works every time,’ she added, jingling her armoury of bangles and winking at Zed.
Zed grinned. ‘Yeah, man, you can get away with a lot if you buy a girl jewellery.’
Silver stuck out her tongue and they both laughed.
Felix wriggled. ‘I don’t know. I think Flo would want something much more special than that. Do you have any other ideas?’ he added hopefully.
Silver pulled a face. ‘Not sure. You’ll have to ask Bibi.’
‘Who’s “B.B.”?’ said Felix.
‘Bibi, man! He’s the dude who’s going to take us on safari,’ said Zed. He handed Felix the biscuit tin again. Zed believed that biscuits were ‘an aid to good conversation’, which was one of the many, many reasons that Felix loved his uncle so much. ‘Not only that,’ Zed went on. ‘Bibi’s the best guy I’ve ever met, isn’t he, Silvs?’
Silver nodded. ‘We met him the last time we went to Botswana. Zed has contacted him and asked him to take you around the Moremi Game Reserve. He’ll look after you like you’re his own family.’
‘Yeah,’ said Zed. ‘And he knows everything there is to know about wildlife. I learned all I know from him,’ he added.
Felix had a sneaking suspicion that Zed and Silver were trying to Change The Subject.
‘Yeah, so we’ll, like, get to go to his village and stay a night at his house,’ Zed went on, ‘and then he’ll take us into a game reserve to look at the animals and birds. Any questions you have – about nature or even special presents for girls –’ he broke off and winked at Silver – ‘well, let’s just say Bibi is your man.’
‘Wow, I am soooooo jealous!’ said Silver, with a sigh.
‘Can’t you come too?’ Felix asked her.
‘That would be sweet,’ said Silver. ‘But there’s no way your mum could cope with me and Zed on holiday.’
‘Yeah,’ Zed agreed. ‘The vibe would make it wrong, man.’
Felix frowned. ‘Just don’t bring The Vibe then,’ he said.
Zed chuckled and ruffled Felix’s hair.
‘I’m going to stay and look after your brother,’ said Silver. ‘Someone’s got to make sure Merv does some work. And I have to feed Colin and Dyson – and Hammer the hamster!’
Felix picked up Yin, one of his uncle’s cats, and touched its nose with his own. ‘Merv never does any work, so good luck with that. But Hammer certainly needs looking after while Colin is around.’
Yin licked Felix’s face gently and purred. Not for the first time, Felix found himself wondering why his cat Colin could not be as cute as his uncle’s cats, Yin and Yang.
Zed chuckled as if he could read Felix’s mind. ‘If you think Colin is bad, you wait till you see his big brothers and sisters in the wild.’
Felix frowned. ‘What?’
‘Big cats, man! Lions – the kings of Africa!’
Then Zed started on a long story about the first time he had seen a lion in the wild. Felix grinned, sat back with another chocolate biscuit and completely forgot about his problems with Flo.
Unfortunately for Felix, Flo did not forget. In fact, she made her feelings very clear indeed at school
on Monday morning. She refused to sit next to Felix; she wrote secret notes to the Pink Brigade (aka Millie Hampton and Sophie Disbry); she giggled and whispered; and, worst of all, she ignored Felix at break-time.
‘I don’t know why I miss playing with her when she is being so nasty,’ Felix muttered to himself.
He did know really. It was because Flo was the only person who had ever made school bearable and the only person who knew the difference between a black and a white rhino, or an African and an Indian elephant.
She was also the only person who liked poking around in the dirt with sticks to look for bugs.
Felix took himself off to the far side of the playground and found a stick to poke around with on his own. Usually poking around with a stick made him feel Calm and Peaceful, as he would get lost in looking at the tiny creatures that lived in the soil. But today, even this did not make him feel any better.
Felix sat back on his heels and sighed as he looked up at the world of humans.
I bet ants don’t get cross with their Best Friend just because their Best Friend is going to Africa and they can’t go with them, he thought.
Suddenly Felix realized that Flo and the Pink Brigade were coming towards him. Before he could move away from his corner of the playground, they had circled him.
Flo exchanged a knowing look with the others, then she stepped forward, with her hands on her hips.
Felix cringed. Much as he missed having Flo as his Best Friend, there was always something to be feared about the hands-on-the-hips pose.
‘I have decided to forgive you,’ Flo announced.
The Pink Brigade sniggered.
‘Oh?’ said Felix. He glanced nervously around the group before him.
‘Yes,’ Flo went on importantly. ‘I have decided to forgive you – but ON ONE CONDITION!’
Felix shuddered. ‘Hmm?’ he said worriedly.
You have to bring me back Something Very, VERY Special to make up for leaving me behind,’ she said.