He glanced out the window. “I do. You were pulling weeds from the garden, tilling the soil with your hands. Suffering for sins you did not commit.”
“Yes,” Caroline replied with a sigh. “As I toiled, tearing my hands, I looked up to this very window. Miss French—or should I say Miss Mullens—sneered down at me. Then Reginald was kissing her before leading her away from the window, presumably to his bed.”
Philip remained quiet, for which Caroline was relieved.
“I often thought about what I would say to the woman if I ever saw her again,” Caroline continued. “What I would say to her. What I would do to her. None of it was congenial. I thought that doing so would bring about relief and therefore ease the pain of that day. However, once given the chance, I found I could not do those horrid things. What I felt for the woman when I saw her today was pity.” She turned her gaze toward Philip. “Then, my husband’s brother, a man who treated me with utter disrespect and such brashness I had him thrown out of my house, he requests to spend time with my son. And I agree! Am I a fool?”
Philip gazed down at her. “You are no fool,” he replied. “You are a kind woman with a good heart and mind. What you went through for all those years still lingers inside you; the pain is still evident.”
Caroline nodded her agreement. Releasing her hurt and anger was not an easy task, and she still suffered bouts of anxiety and fear. However, she had become stronger, and she attributed that to the man beside her.
“As to Miss French,” he continued, “the woman was in the wrong; there is no doubt about that. Let her go her own way, for her path is twisted. You must find your happiness from within, not in the actions of others.”
She smiled at him. “How is it that my protector is so wise?” she asked.
“You are wise, but you doubt yourself.”
His words were sensible, and he was correct in what he said. However, she could not shake that doubt of which he spoke.
“And what of Neil?” she asked. “I cannot help but think that he is still scheming in some way. He tried to kiss me not two months ago. Now, he pleads ignorance and a desire to change his ways?” She let out a sigh. “I am unsure as to what to do.”
Her mind and soul were filled with a heavy foreboding she could not shake. Every time she thought of Neil, she then thought of Reginald. He would have been infuriated with the situation, and somehow he still held onto a small part of her deep inside. Too often, she could hear him screaming at her from the other side of the door, flinging insults at her and belittling her.
But no. He was dead and buried, and she had to release the ghost that held over her that bit of fear. If she did not, she truly would go mad.
Then Philip placed a hand on her arm, and all the fear, all the anxiety, disappeared. It was as if he had magic in his being, a magic that wiped away everything bad and replaced it with good.
“You are wise to keep him close,” Philip said. “Follow your instincts and your heart and allow them to guide you. For when the heart leads, only goodness can follow. That which is not good shall be cast aside.”
Caroline smiled. His words were as comforting as his touch, and she wished to embrace him, to have him hold her. Yet, she knew that could not happen, not now, anyway. But one day, he would be healed from his own pain, just as she would be healed from hers, and until then, she would accept his wise counsel and allow her heart to guide her. Good things, such as Philip, would remain.
Chapter Eleven
Philip looked down over the gardens from the library window, watching as Neil walked beside Oliver. The man had been by twice to see the boy over the past month, and Philip could not have been more pleased. For without the man, his plans would have been forfeit.
When the Duke had died, Philip had lamented. Not for the man’s death, of course, for the man was cruel and heartless in every way, but rather for the dissolution of the scheme he had mapped out much too carefully. Then, when Caroline had pushed Neil away, as well, he thought all had been lost.
He had spent too much time crafting his plan to change course now, which began with gaining employment at Blackwood Estates and finding his place amongst the servants. He had to observe from afar, thus why he had not attempted to work within the house. Too much could be seen, much he wished to keep hidden, if he had remained so close.
It was not difficult to allow his imagination to go off gallivanting on its own, for once his plan was executed, Philip would finally find peace in the destruction he had caused. An old grievance would be made right, and he would be free to move on with his life. The deception he had to use was regretful, but it was also necessary.
He smiled as he heard movement behind him. “Although your footsteps have become quieter,” he said without turning, “your breathing gives you away, as do your skirts.”
Caroline laughed and came to stand at his side.
“Will I ever be able to take you by surprise?” she asked with amusement.
He turned to her. His eyes had never lied to him, and therefore there was no doubt that the woman who stood before him was a beautiful creature. Her hair had been pinned back, tiny curls left to ring her heart-shaped face. He tried to ignore how her dress accentuated her slim waist and ample bosom, and he had to force back the desire to pull her into his arms and kiss her—forever if he could.
However, that would have to wait for now; for after his plan was complete. Too much was at stake to gamble for a single kiss, no matter how extraordinary it might have been.
“Perhaps one day you will,” he said, pushing the huskiness from his voice. He turned back to look out the window, if only to keep from looking at her any longer than was necessary. “The two seem happy together,” he said with a lift of his chin to indicate he spoke of Neil and Oliver.
“Yes, they do,” she replied. “Neil truly has changed since Reginald’s passing, and I believe his influence over the boy will be good.” She turned toward him. “He has invited Oliver and me to dinner in a week’s time, though I wonder if it is moving too quickly. Although he has shown he has changed, I cannot calm that tiny ball of fear that still resides inside me.”
“I believe you should go,” Philip replied, though he cringed when he realized he had blurted out the words.
“I have never seen you so enthusiastic,” Caroline teased. “Tell me, why do you wish me to go? Do you want to see me away from home…and away from you?” She looked up at him through her lashes, and if he did not know her as well as he did, he would have suspected that she was flirting with him. However, that could not be so, for they had decided, together, that they would remain only friends.
“Not at all,” he said, doing his best to rectify the situation. “It will be good to mend old ties, and I have always wanted to see his estate.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Oh, you assume you will be going with us? Has my protector now taken over my scheduling?”
His heart raced. Had he overstepped? Would everything now be lost because he had been hasty and had spoken out of turn? But no. The smile on her lips belied the severe tone of her words.
He relaxed and replied, “I cannot lie. That is my plan.”
She laughed, that glorious set of dancing crystals on a chime. Then she said, “Very well, then. I will tell Neil that we accept.”
Philip smiled as he pulled his hair over his shoulder. He had to tread very carefully here. “Please understand that I will go as your protector. I do not expect, nor would I feel comfortable with dining with you and your former brother-in-law. It would not be appropriate to have a servant at the table.” When she gave him a concerned look, he added, “Do not worry; I will be close by if any danger comes, but it is important that family sits together.”
She tilted her head in thought for a moment and then nodded. “You are right,” she agreed. “Although, I must admit that I have grown accustomed to having you dine with us. You will be missed.”
“Have no doubt that I will miss you, too,” he said, and without thi
nking, he reached out and took her hand in his. Her skin was soft and warm, gentle compared to his own, and he let it go rather than fight down those feelings of desire once again.
He forced his gaze to return to the window. “I suppose you will want to speak with Neil,” he said. “I have things to which I should attend, as well.” He gave her a bow and left the room before she could stop him.
Once in the hallway, he paused and closed his eyes for a moment. His heart was pulling him in two different directions, causing him grief. Although he wished only to return to the woman in that room, he pushed it aside. He had a mission to complete—and a letter to write—and that had to take precedence above everything else. Including his heart.
***
After so much planning and patience, Philip was finally inside the home of Lord Neil Hayward, and he could not have been more pleased. The home was large, as would be befitting of the brother of a duke, but Philip was disappointed at the drabness of the place. Few paintings hung from the walls, and the curtains on the windows had not been drawn back fully. The décor lacked color and was as flat as the man who owned it. Yet, none of that mattered; what lay beyond did.
“Well,” Neil said with a wide smile, “shall we head to the dining room?” He placed a hand on Oliver’s shoulder and smiled down at him. “I would guess you are hungry?” When he glanced up at Philip, however, that smile disappeared. “The servants’ hall is through that door behind you. Food will be brought to you shortly.”
Philip gave him a stiff bow. He had pulled his hair back and tied it with a ribbon but allowed it to still cover the sides of his face. Showing his face still did not make him comfortable, but he had promised Caroline that he would meet her halfway. Whether or not Neil approved made no difference to Philip, but he could tell the man did not. Rather than allowing anger to take over, he let Neil’s disapproval slide off him like rain on a cloak.
“Thank you, My Lord,” Philip said. “Er…may I beg a favor of you? I forgot my book in my room back at Blackwood Estates. Would it be possible to peruse your library so I might have something to read? I would not ask, but it will keep me occupied while I wait.” He looked to Caroline, hoping she would intervene and hid a smile when she did.
“That would be fine, do you not think, Neil?”
The man gave a half-snort. “My office is in there. Please wait until after you eat; I do not want my books ruined with food dropped by your careless fingers.” Without another word, the man turned and offered his arm to Caroline.
Caroline gave Philip a small smile and then placed her hand on the arm of her host. They walked down the hallway, Oliver falling close behind.
Philip shook his head and then headed through the door Neil had indicated. There he found a long table, probably used by the house servants for meals, with one place setting. A footman was setting a bowl with steam rising from its contents, and Philip could smell the hearty aroma of stew. Beside the bowl, the man placed a plate with hunks of bread on it.
“Thank you,” Philip said to the footman. He pulled out the chair and sat. In the next room, he could hear the clatter of kitchenware and was pleased that no one seemed to pay him any mind beyond seeing that he had received his food.
He was not hungry, but to not eat would arouse suspicion that he did not want. Therefore, as he consumed his meal, he allowed himself a few moments to think about how he had arrived at this point in his life.
The scheme had seemed so simple, but implementation had proven much more difficult than he had anticipated. Upon arrival at Blackwood Estates a year earlier, the Duke had rejected his offer to replace his gardener. Philip had no references; therefore, he had no proof that he had experience. However, when he offered to do the work for significantly less than the going rate, the Duke had accepted. Then, once in position, Philip had allowed himself to move to the background, to blend into his surroundings. Soon, no one noticed him; only the work he had completed with surprising competence.
What he had not anticipated was how he would react when he laid eyes on Caroline. Her beauty and heart had captivated him at that very moment, and he found that he had grown fond of her. However, he had to keep a strict discipline of not allowing his emotions to guide him. As luck would have it, he had better sensibilities than that. Or at least he hoped he did. It was certainly a struggle.
He looked down, surprised that he had finished off all the stew. He pushed the bowl away. There was no time to dwell on the past; only the future was important now, as he was fond of telling Caroline. His future resided in an office down the hallway, and he rose and thanked the cook, who gave him a wave and a smile, her opulent stomach so close to the stove, he feared she would burn herself.
The office was easy to find, and he was thankful that sunlight still peeked through the curtains. He walked over to a bookshelf containing a line of brown and blue ledgers. At the least, he had an hour to search for the information he needed, and he pulled one of the books from the shelf and set about perusing through the notations in search of one particular piece of information that would confirm his suspicions. However, he did not find what he needed. Disappointed, he returned the ledger to its place and pulled out the next, repeating the process many times. He could not have been wrong!
As the hour neared and precious light began to fade, he slammed close the cover of the ledger before him in frustration.
“Think!” he whispered. The sum for which he searched was great, and the Haywards were much too meticulous to not have noted it. He had no doubt it was here. Somewhere.
Philip placed his head in his hands, and a pen fell to the floor. As he bent to pick it up, he noticed another ledger hidden on the bottom shelf. He picked up the book and set it on the desk, returning the one he had been looking through back on the shelf so he would not forget it later.
As he looked down at the well-worn black cover, his heart began to race. This had to be it; this had to be the one for which he had been searching. He opened the book and ran his fingers down the page, until finally, his eyes fell on a set of notations. The sum had been lodged and then divided, half sent to a company he did not recognize but a name he would never forget. He wanted to scream for joy as he replaced the ledger where he had found it.
When he turned, his breath caught in his throat.
“What do you find so interesting?” Miss Mary Mullens asked with a smile. She wore an emerald-green gown, her hair in a perfect coiffure. Apparently, her servant days were behind her and she had assumed some role of importance in the house.
“I find many of the books on these shelves intriguing,” he said, cursing himself inwardly for not hearing her approach.
Her eyes looked past him, and she stepped closer, her bosom pressing against his arm, her face tilted up. “I find it hard to believe that you do not know the difference between a book that can be read and a ledger,” she said, her smile more a sneer. “Though, I also find it hard to believe a simple gardener can read.” She placed a hand on his chest, and he had to push back the revulsion that welled up inside him. “Why do you hide behind your hair?” She reached up to push it back and he grabbed her arm.
“If you will excuse me,” he said in a low voice. “I shall go wait in the kitchen.”
He went to move past her, but she shifted, blocking his exit with a laugh. “Neil will be upset if I told him what I saw,” she whispered in an overly sweet voice. “Though, perhaps we can come to an agreement that will make me change my mind.” Her smile was seductive as her finger traced circles on his chest.
“What do you want?” he asked, angry for having put himself in this situation. Had he been more alert she would not have gained the upper hand. Yet, it was past time for regret, and if she called for Neil, all would be lost.
“I see the way the Duchess looks at you, and I understand why. So, give me a single kiss now, and it will seal my lips.”
He scrunched his brow. What game was this? What man in his right mind would believe a woman such as this to keep her ton
gue quiet simply by giving her a kiss?
She shrugged. “Very well,” she said and turned to leave.
With no choice, he reached out and grabbed her arm. As much as he hated to do it, he could not allow this woman to expose him. Therefore, he leaned over and touched his lips to hers. She reached her arms around his neck and tried to pull him closer, but he pushed her away.
“You got your kiss,” he said. “Now, let me by.”
She smiled at him. “And it was a lovely kiss,” she said. “Perhaps I can receive more at another time.” Then she walked out of the room.
Philip shook his head, staring after her for a moment. Then he left the room, and the ledger, and returned to the servants’ hall.
Chapter Twelve
Caroline stifled a giggle as she watched Neil interact with Oliver. The man had truly changed, and it warmed her heart to know good did exist in him. They had completed their meal, and a footman returned for the third time this evening to refill her wine glass. The drink was making her lightheaded, making her louder than she intended.
“I apologize for my laughter,” she said as she covered her mouth with a hand. “I believe the wine is stronger than I anticipated.”
Neil look her way and smiled. “Please, there is no need for apologies. We all need laughter. Is that not right, Oliver?”
The boy nodded, a wide grin on his face. “Oh, yes,” he replied. “I like to laugh.”
“As do we all, Nephew,” Neil said.
Caroline took another sip of her wine, happy that what had been broken before was now mended. Oliver needed his family, including his uncle, and it was only right that he get to know the man in a different light. In the past, Oliver had said he did not like the man, but now, his smile told a different story.
Now that Oliver was taken care of, she needed to turn her attention to Philip and the pain he carried. Although she knew the man would be resistant at first, she believed he would come around if she was able to show him how healing life could be.
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