by Jacki James
Where are we going? We have no plans. She insisted.
No, we don’t, I thought back. But I’m not sitting there eating a meal that Toby cooked. We can’t get used to stuff like that. He isn’t staying.
He could stay, she insisted. He likes us.
No, he likes you and the boys, not me. And that was exactly the way I wanted it.
You are, what do you humans call it? An idiot. That’s what you are.
Possibly, I conceded but either way, we’re headed to the diner for dinner. I sat down once we arrived and ordered whatever the special was for the day. I’m sure it was good, it always was, but I didn’t taste it at all. Instead, I thought of the boys back at the house listening to Toby tell them stories while they ate whatever he cooked that had salty briny capers in it. I had to admit Sindri was right, I was an idiot. I stayed in town long enough to be sure everyone would be asleep, and when I got back to the house, I peeked in the fridge hoping to find some leftover chicken. And right there, on the top shelf, sat a plate covered in plastic wrap with a carefully written note. If you decide you want to try it, microwave it for a couple of minutes. It should reheat okay. Toby. I was so screwed. I heated the chicken and sat at the bar and savored every delicious bite.
On the fourth day, we were out back training. I worked on the punching bag and hoped to hit some of my frustration out of my system. I’d had just about as much as I could take. His freaking smell was everywhere. It was like the forest on a rainy day. Woodsy but clean and fresh. I smelled him in the kitchen when I got my coffee. I smelled him on the couch because, for some reason, he seemed to favor what was normally my spot. And I smelled him all over Sindri. The more I thought about the way he smelled, the more I needed to be near him. It was time for him to pack his shit and go back to Massachusetts or Maine or wherever the fuck he came from.
I increased the force behind my punches. My whole life other people had been making my choices for me. Punch. I was born a dragon rider. I didn’t choose to be one. Punch. It was my birthright and my destiny, but it wasn’t my choice. Punch. Punch. I didn’t choose to be responsible for four young boys at eighteen. That choice was made for me by whoever killed my parents. Punch. Punch. Punch. I didn’t choose to serve on the council for the Brotherhood. That was a duty that fell to me as the eldest of the Ormarr brothers. Punch. Punch. And I’d be damned if fate hadn’t decided I needed a mate. A gorgeous, kind, absolutely perfect mate Punch. Punch. Punch. One I didn’t fucking want or choose. At that point, I was whaling on the bag when I felt arms wrap around me and pull me back. I turned, ready to fight, and saw it was Malachite; he looked ready to defend himself, but mostly, he looked worried. I took a few deep breaths in and out, slowly getting myself under control.
“Az, dude, you need to chill. I’ve never seen you lose it like that. Look at your hands, man. You know better than to go at the bag like that without gloves on.”
I stared down at my bloodied knuckles and wondered what the hell was wrong with me. If one of the boys had done that, I would’ve kicked their ass. “You’re right. I wasn’t thinking.”
“Or you were thinking too much. You can’t keep fighting this, Az. You know you can’t.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Malachite.” And I didn’t. I couldn’t explain to him how trapped I felt here—how alone—without making him feel bad. He was no more responsible for our situation than I was, and I’d be damned if I made him feel like taking care of him and the boys was a burden. I loved my brothers, and I never wanted them to doubt it.
“Maybe you should let Doc take a look at your hands,” he suggested.
“Since when did you guys start calling him Doc? And I don’t want him to fucking touch me,” I growled. I heard a small intake of breath and my stomach fell. I slowly turned around and there he stood. The object of my desire, of my need, of my frustration—five feet behind me and he’d heard what I said. I saw the hurt in his eyes before he thrust a hand full of stuff at Malachite and turned, walking quickly back to the house. I looked to see what he’d handed him. It was a handful of first aid stuff. He’d brought everything he needed to treat my hands. Shit, I was such an asshole.
Chapter Eight
Toby
Something wasn’t right with Azaran, I thought as I stood on the back deck watching him. This was the fourth morning I’d grabbed a cup of coffee and gone out to watch them train. Each day, the sparring had been carefully controlled. I’d listened as Azaran coached them on not losing their temper and anger being their enemy. They used weapons and their fists, but no one had been injured, until today.
I watched as he punched the bag over and over. His anger growing instead of subsiding with each punch he threw. Before long the red started to appear as the force of his anger bled out of his hands. I went inside and got the supplies to treat his wounds. I only hoped he was able to beat down whatever demon he was attempting to exorcise. I came back out and saw that Malachite had stopped him. Good. I doubted that out of control was normal for Azaran, but he had been a minute ago.
I set out across the yard and got close enough to hear them when Malachite said, “Maybe you should let Doc take a look at your hands.”
But Azaran’s next words stopped me in my tracks. “I don’t want him to fucking touch me.” My breath caught in my throat at the venom in his words. Well, okay. I’d wondered if I was the only one feeling this bizarre attraction, and I guessed I got my answer. I thrust the first aid supplies at Malachite and turned and walked away. If he didn’t want me to touch him, that was fine. No matter how attractive he was, or how good he smelled, it would be a cold day in hell before I ever laid a fucking hand on him.
I went into the house, down to my room, and paced, and ranted in my head. What did I ever do to him? I didn’t even ask to be here. They brought me here. All I’d done was help Eeli and be nice to them. I even gave up my freaking vacation to hang out here so they could get to know me. Well, I’d had enough of being nice. I didn’t know what had gotten into me. Other than my patients, no one had accused Tobias Wells of being nice in a long time. I was done. I ran the layout of the house through my mind. Out back wouldn’t work because they were all out there, and the front door had an alarm. So up wasn’t an option. I’d have to go down. There was the cave opening, but that was out over the water, and while I loved the beach, I wasn’t about to jump into the ocean in a place I knew nothing about. That’d be a last resort. But these guys were nothing if not well prepared. I was betting there was another cave entrance that was on land. I stuffed all my things in my bag and quietly opened the door, checking to make sure no one was out there. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Of course, no one was out there, it wasn’t like they gave a shit if something upset me. I might have let myself get caught up in the guys’ lives, and even started to feel like part of them, but the truth was they didn’t care about me at all. The only thing they cared about was their secret and whether they could trust me with it.
I moved down the hall trying not to make any noise and slipped into the stairwell. I walked down two flights before I decided I didn’t want to go too deep because that meant the only opening would probably be the cave. I pulled open the door and found a long, dark, narrow hallway. Just inside the door was a hook with a set of keys on it. On instinct, I grabbed the keys and placed one hand on the wall to guide me and started down the passage. It wasn’t pitch dark, so light had to be coming from somewhere, and once my eyes adjusted, I could see well enough to feel more confident in my direction. I tried to stay oriented as to the way I was going, but with no landmarks, it was pretty much impossible. The passage wound around first to my right and back to my left before making a sharp turn to the right again. There was a light coming in from the end. I rushed down there only to find it blocked with a set of bars about ten feet in from the entrance. That was smart. You wouldn’t be able to see the bars from the outside, so it would look like a regular cave. I couldn’t get close enough to see what was outside, but it looked green, lik
e a forest, maybe.
I tried the bars but as I’d expected, they were locked. I dug the keys out of my pocket and tried them. The first two didn’t fit, but the third slid right into the lock, and it clicked as it turned and the bars swung open. I debated what to do next and decided that even though I wasn’t coming back, they must have a reason for keeping it locked. I didn’t want to leave them vulnerable. I pushed the gate closed and turned the key in the lock until it clicked. I reached through the bars and tossed the keys as far inside as possible. I turned and sure enough, I faced a wooded area. I wasn’t in any hurry to get lost in the woods, so I stood still and listened. I heard the water to my left and decided a walk down the beach was my best bet. As long as I moved away from the house, I was bound to find people at some point. I stepped just inside the cover of the trees and slowly made my way toward the sound of the waves crashing on the shore.
The edge of the woods led me around to the north, away from the house. But the farther I got away from it, the more anxious I grew. I had no idea what was wrong with me. More than once I thought I heard something in the woods. Finally, thoughts of bears or wolves—or god forbid, freaking dragons—overwhelmed me until finally, I left the cover of the trees. I continued to follow the tree line around, though, making sure I still heard the water to my left so I didn’t get turned around. Leaving the cover of the woods didn’t help me at all. I had that feeling like when you get out of your car late at night and have an irrational urge to rush inside and close the door so you’ll be safe. It was like the farther I went the stronger that urge was. At first, I did the same thing I did when it happened at home. I reminded myself there was nothing to be afraid of and made myself walk steadily, but slowly, forward. It became harder to breathe, and I had to concentrate on each and every step, making myself move in the direction I was pointed when everything in me wanted to turn and go back. I turned to the left, heading for the beach. I hoped I was far enough away they wouldn’t see me and maybe the peacefulness of the ocean would help calm my crazy nerves, but by the time I made it to the cliff’s edge, I was sweating and my breaths came in gulps. I couldn’t make myself go any farther. I had a pain in my chest that literally felt like my heart was ripping apart. The doctor in me knew that wasn’t possible, but the man in me felt it happening. Just as a test, I turned around and faced the way I came. I took a few tentative steps back toward the house, and the pressure in my chest eased a little and the steps came easier.
What the ever-loving fuck was going on? This made no sense at all. I turned back toward the cliff and made myself move forward. Each step was like walking in quicksand, and each breath like breathing underwater. There was a flat rock that looked out over the ocean, and I forced myself to move to it and sat down. I tried with all of my education to find a logical answer to what was happening, but I had nothing. It made about as much sense as tattoos that came to life and turned into dragons. It was like I’d wandered into some alternate universe where nothing made sense. But I wasn’t going back. If I had to sit here for a few hours, and then force myself to move twenty feet and sit down again, I would. Eventually, I’d make it somewhere.
Chapter Nine
Azaran
I watched as Toby went into the house, slamming the door on his way in. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I need to go after him,” I said. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”
“Really?” Malachite said. “And how many ways are there to mean I don’t want him to fucking touch me? Is there a way you could’ve meant that where it didn’t make you an asshole? Because let me tell you, Toby’s been nothing but nice, even though we’re basically holding him here whether he likes it or not and ruining the only vacation he’s taken since he was a kid. Sure, let’s just take that kindness and throw it back in his face by acting like a prick. He was bringing you first aid supplies for your damn hands for fuck's sake.”
I’d never seen Malachite so angry, at least not with one of us, and he was right. Toby had been patient and kind. Malachite’s reaction told me how quickly they’d accepted him. Which made sense, because he was my mate, which made him ours. “I know, Malachite, I know. But really I didn’t mean I don’t want him to touch me. When you find your mate, you’ll understand how badly I do want him to touch me. But once he does, I won’t ever be able to let him go.”
“And that’d be bad why? Having a mate isn’t a bad thing, Az. It’s a gift. Some spend their whole lives and never find the one person who’s destined to be theirs. It amazes me you’d push that away.”
“You just don’t understand, and I’m not sure how to explain it,” I said sadly.
“What don’t I understand, Az? That you’ve been responsible for us for the last ten years? That you’ve put off having a life of your own for us and for the Brotherhood? That you miss Mom and Dad so much it hurts? Or that you take your responsibility to us so seriously it’s like a weight you carry around your neck until some days I wonder how you even manage to stay on your feet? I do understand, and I appreciate all you’ve done for us, but fate brought you Toby. He wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t the right one for you. If you let him go, you may never get another chance.”
“I should go talk to him.”
“Yes, you should, and you should explain what’s going on. He doesn't understand about mates or how they work or anything. You owe him an explanation, at the very least. First, let’s get your hands cleaned up. I mean, he did go to the trouble to bring you the stuff.”
We got my hands cleaned up, but the longer we were out there the antsier I got. Something wasn’t right. Sindri felt it, too, and was squirming around on my arm wanting off. We always wore our dragons while we trained because calling them up and getting on and off quickly was a basic part of our training; but right now, Sindri wanted off. Calm down Sindri, I’ll go talk to him.
He is not here.
What do you mean he isn’t here? Of course, he’s here.
No.
I headed for the house shouting to Malachite as I ran. “Sindri says Toby’s gone.” I headed straight to Toby’s room to find him. I tried to reach out to him, but I didn’t feel anything. That was also my doing. If we’d mated, I could find him through the bond. I opened his door and his stuff was gone. All of it. How did he get out? He didn’t go out the back or we would’ve seen him. He was a smart man, so surely he didn’t go through the main cave entrance. Back upstairs, Malachite and Zale had searched the house and didn’t find anything. “We need freaking security cameras! This is ridiculous. What kind of rinky-dink operation are we running here?”
“The kind where our security flies and breathes fire. Cameras never seemed all that important,” Malachite said.
“Where’s Eeli?” I asked, but then I heard him coming up the stairs.
“Bo and I were in the side cavern. I’m pretty sure that’s how he left. I found the keys to the gate lying on the floor about thirty feet or so inside the tunnel. It looked like the gate had been opened recently.”
“Shit, okay let’s get airborne and find him. We’ll split up. If you find him, tell me so I can talk to him. This is my mess and I’ll fix it.”
“How? Dude, seriously, you need to have a plan ‘cause you done messed up.”
I turned to glare at Eeli. “Really, you don’t say. Stay here and if he comes back call me.”
We rushed to the LZ, called on our dragons, and took off. I started on the side of the cliffs where the small side cave was. If I wanted to get away, I’d go into the trees for cover. We flew over the trees looking for movement or some sign he was there. When we didn’t see anything, I took a minute to think about it. Actually, he probably wouldn’t go into the forest because he might get lost there. He was a smart guy, so what would he do? He’d look for something easy to follow that would lead him away from here but to people. Something like a road or a river or... something like a beach. I instructed Sindri to head to the beach, and then turn north away from the house. Toby wasn’t the first thing I sa
w that told me he was near; it was the flashes of colored light dancing on the sand. I looked around for the source, and there he was, sitting on a large, flat rock, using the prism Sindri had given him to shine the little colored dots of light on the ground. He looked despondent, and I felt like shit. I wasn’t sure about the best way to approach him, so straightforward it was. We landed on the beach close to where he sat, and he looked up at us.
“I tried to leave. I really did. I know you don’t want me here, so I figured I’d just leave. Then you could stop avoiding the house and acting like having me there was the worst thing that’s ever happened to you. But this is as far as I made it,” he said with a sigh.
I walked over to the rock he sat on. “Mind if I sit down?” I asked as Sindri barreled ahead and scampered up the rock until she was in his lap. He rubbed her neck and gave her a little smile.
“I missed you, too, girl.” She reached her head up and rubbed it under his chin. “And I’m probably still on your land, so I guess this is your rock, and you can sit on it if you want.”
“This is still on our property, yes, but I won’t sit by you if you don’t want me to,” I said with a shrug. It had to be up to him.
“Whatever,” he said, scooting over and making room for me. “That should give you enough room. I mean, heaven knows, you wouldn’t want to accidentally touch me.”
“I’m sorry you heard that. I didn’t mean it the way it sounded, and I know you were trying to help.”
“Well, how did you mean it, then?” he asked, not looking at me. Instead, he focused on the prism and the way the rainbow specks sparkled on the beach below.
“Look, there are things going on here that you don’t understand,” I started, but he interrupted.
“And whose fault is that? If you don’t tell me what’s going on, how am I supposed to understand?”