‘I like having you around.’ It was the closest reference in days to the supposedly forgotten exchange they’d had when Maggie had invited Hugo to her bed. The awkward pause that followed was quite enough for them both to acknowledge the unlikelihood of forgetting a single word of that conversation. Maggie pulled on her boots with determined movements.
‘Is Joan coming back today?’
‘It didn’t sound like it when I spoke to her yesterday. Her mother seems to be getting worse rather than better.’
‘I still need to apologise.’
‘I already did that. She understands that I couldn’t make it to the exhibition opening.’
‘You didn’t really need to stay. I could have looked after myself.’
‘Hmm.’
It was a noncommittal sound and Maggie sighed. She hadn’t looked after herself very well in the first place, had she? If Hugo hadn’t been there when she’d fallen into the lake she could have been in real trouble. No wonder he thought of her as immature and irresponsible. No wonder Joan was a far more attractive proposition as an equal partner. Maggie had never stood a chance and now Hugo was being so considerate, carrying on as though nothing had changed. As though his home and his protection was as available as it had ever been. But the change was undeniable and Maggie had come to the conclusion that it was time she demonstrated some maturity.
‘I’ve decided I will take that room in Jason’s flat.’ Maggie was trying to sound mature and practical but the words came out sounding too high-pitched. Almost defensive. She cleared her throat and tried again. ‘I’m going to move in on Friday.’
‘Are you sure that’s what you want to do?’
Maggie couldn’t meet his gaze. Of course she didn’t want to but she couldn’t suffer any more like this either, being so close to Hugo. Loving him this much…and knowing he would never feel the same way. It was obvious that having her around had become uncomfortable. They had been so careful around each other since Saturday. Four days of determinedly casual contact when it had been too pointed to continue their mutual avoidance tactics. Like when Hugo had finally returned home on Sunday after so much time in his office ‘catching up’ on paperwork. Or when Maggie had stayed on station on Monday evening to sort out all the training materials she needed for the induction course.
The tension Maggie had been aware of for weeks was now there for both of them but the cause was so sadly different. Maggie loved Hugo. She wanted him. Hugo also loved Maggie but he didn’t want her. He was too kind to spell it out and she was too embarrassed and disappointed to want him to.
‘Of course it’s what I want. It’ll be great.’ Maggie managed a much more upbeat tone this time. ‘It’ll be fun. Lots of parties, I expect.’
Hugo nodded. ‘You’ll enjoy that.’
‘Absolutely.’ The smile Maggie had summoned felt dangerously wobbly. She turned away, disguising the threat of tears by giving the dogs an extra farewell cuddle.
It did the trick. Maggie swallowed her tears and gathered her new maturity around her like a cloak. She could handle this.
She had to.
It became easier by tinier degrees after the wrench of moving out of the lakeside house. And it had the advantage of making any other hassles in her life appear relatively insignificant and easy to cope with. What did it matter that her new lifestyle was messy and noisy and lacking in privacy? The distraction was a bonus, in fact. Even dealing with Donald when he arrived for his cardiology outpatient clinic that week was easy.
‘No, I don’t want to have lunch with you, Donald,’ Maggie said crisply. ‘I don’t really think that your wife would be very happy about that, would she?’
‘We’re separated, I told you that.’
‘Somebody else told me something a little different.’
‘Oh? Who said that?’
‘I would have thought that what mattered was whether it was true or not, rather than who said it.’
Donald was silent for a moment. ‘OK, I’ll be honest with you, Maggie. I am still living with my wife but it’s not going to last. We’ve had problems. We still do.’
‘I’m not surprised,’ Maggie said coolly. ‘But if you have any intention of adding me to the list of problems, you can forget it, Donald. I’m not interested.’
She wasn’t interested. And it seemed to Maggie that she would never be interested in another man for as long as she lived. She already knew that nobody existed who matched the ideal she had woven around her memories of Hugo Patterson. Now that she knew the attraction of the real man was infinitely more powerful than that blueprint, she had no intention of even trying to locate a substitute. She would only be doomed to failure and disappointment.
The cheerful companionship of her new flatmates was welcome but barely touched the emptiness that Hugo’s absence left in her life. It had been less than a week since she’d moved out and Maggie had never seen that much of Hugo during her working days so the constant awareness of missing him was unexpected. And dealing with it was harder than Maggie had anticipated. By Thursday night she was tired. The late call that came in was unwelcome.
‘Not Dulcie Payne again,’ Jason groaned. ‘Why doesn’t he lock the doors?’
‘She’s been missing for over an hour,’ Maggie sighed. ‘The police are worried that she’ll be hypothermic by the time they find her. They want us on standby in town.’
‘We’ll end up searching for her ourselves,’ Jason warned. ‘The last time she went missing she’d decided that someone’s potting shed was where she’d lived all her life. They had an awful job finding her and that was in daylight.’
‘Let’s hope it’s quicker this evening, then. And let’s grab an extra foil sheet from the storeroom in case it isn’t.’ Maggie pulled herself to her feet. ‘We’ll put a bag of IV fluids on the dash so that the heater warms it up. That’ll be the best way to warm her quickly if she is in trouble.’
It was nearly eight o’clock by the time Dulcie Payne was located, lying in the cemetery near the motor camp. She had fallen, giving herself a Colles’ fracture of her wrist and she was also dangerously cold. Maggie and Jason wrapped the frail old woman in a foil sheet and then covered her with blankets. Jason splinted her wrist while Maggie struggled with finding IV access on her other arm. Tom Payne sat on the spare stretcher, wheezing heavily as he watched the crew working.
‘It’s my fault,’ he said, yet again. ‘I let her go to the toilet by herself and she just wandered out the back door.’
‘She’s going to be fine,’ Maggie said reassuringly. ‘This warm fluid will bring her body temperature up quite quickly.’ She eyed Tom as she hooked up the giving set. ‘I’m going to give you some Ventolin,’ she decided. ‘And some oxygen. You’re having a bit more trouble than usual with your breathing, aren’t you?’
‘It gets worse…when I’m worried. I don’t know what…I’m going to do.’
Tom’s breathing had improved by the time they reached the hospital but Maggie stayed with both her patients until Hugo and Lizzie had checked Dulcie thoroughly and then taken her for an X-ray. She was still sitting with Tom when Hugo came back. He sat down beside them with a serious expression on his face.
‘We’ll put a cast on that wrist and make sure Dulcie’s completely warmed up,’ he told Tom. ‘She’s going to recover from this but it’s time we talked about the future, Tom. You can’t go on like this. Either of you.’
‘I’m not going to put her in a home.’ Tears filled the elderly man’s eyes and Maggie took his hand in hers and squeezed it.
‘It’s OK, Tom,’ she said softly. ‘We do understand how difficult this is. You love Dulcie and you want to do the best for her.’
Tom nodded. He sniffed noisily and pulled a large handkerchief from his pocket with his free hand.
‘And Dulcie loves you, even though she might not remember it most of the time,’ Maggie continued softly. ‘She would want what’s best for you as well, wouldn’t she?’
‘She always put me
first,’ Tom said brokenly. ‘Always looked after me. Sixty years we’ve been together. We were never blessed with any children so it’s only ever been the two of us. I’m not going to let anyone split us up.’
‘Nobody wants to do that, Tom.’
‘And there could be a different way to manage this,’ Maggie suggested. She turned to Hugo. ‘Are there any of those retirement villages in the area? The ones with the staged care?’
‘There’s a new facility that’s been built in Frankton. Independent units with staff available from the rest home when they’re needed. They’ve built it close to the hospital so that the on-call doctor will always be available and they’ll have access to the long-stay geriatric beds as back up.’
‘They’d have larger units for married couples, wouldn’t they?’
Hugo nodded. ‘It’s terribly expensive, though,’ he warned. ‘Especially with the kind of extra care Dulcie would need.’
‘I’ve got money,’ Tom said.
Hugo and Maggie exchanged a surprised glance. The Paynes lived in a modest house with few obvious luxuries.
‘I could have, anyway.’ Tom had intercepted the glance. ‘Have you seen the view from our old house? I’ve been offered nearly a million dollars for the section alone. I’ve always told the developers to go away. There was no way I’d make Dulcie leave her home. We’ve lived there since the day we were married.’ He sighed heavily. ‘But she doesn’t even remember it is her home, does she? She seems to spend half her life trying to escape.’
‘Having a lovely place to live in is wonderful,’ Maggie said, ‘but it’s who you live with that really matters. Would you be prepared to sell your home if it meant that you and Dulcie could stay together? Safely?’
‘I guess I could have a look at the place,’ Tom said cautiously after a long pause. ‘And see if it’s good enough for Dulcie.’
‘Would you like me to come with you? I’ve seen a lot of these places, working as an ambulance officer. I know what to look for and what questions to ask.’
The two men stood watching when Maggie left a few minutes later, having made an arrangement for such a visit the next day. Tom was smiling for the first time since he’d arrived at the hospital.
‘What a lovely girl she is. Reminds me of my Dulcie…sixty years ago, that is.’
Hugo just nodded. He was still a little stunned by Maggie’s sensitive and compassionate handling of the case and her ability to find a solution that now seemed so simple. He had been even more struck by the comment she’d made that who you lived with was more important than where you lived.
Hugo lived in the most beautiful spot on earth but since Maggie had moved out it had felt different.
It felt like the emptiest spot on earth.
CHAPTER NINE
‘JOAN! It’s so good to see you.’
‘It’s good to see you too, Hugh.’
‘I was beginning to think you were never coming back.’
‘Why don’t you sit down?’ Joan stepped away from Hugo’s hug. ‘I’ll make us some coffee. Or would you prefer wine?’
‘Coffee would be great. It’s been a long day.’ Hugo knew his smile was probably strained. This was it. He had come to the realisation that there was no way on earth his future could contain a closer relationship with Joan and it was unacceptable to let things dangle any longer. Hugo didn’t like letting people down and he didn’t want to destroy the friendship he had with Joan, but the unpleasant necessity remained and this was the first opportunity Hugo had had to speak to her face to face. He was momentarily distracted from his preoccupation over how to achieve this mission as kindly as possible by having to move a box from the cream couch to give himself room to sit down.
‘You must have brought a lot of stuff back with you. It almost looks as though you’re packing up.’
‘I am.’ Joan placed a steaming mug on the coffee-table with deliberation. ‘We need to talk, Hugh.’
Indeed they did. Hugo was a little worried by the frown of concern on Joan’s face. Had she guessed why he had come to see her tonight? Or was something else about to take priority over the subject he wanted to raise?
‘Are you still worried about your mother? Have you decided you do need to live closer?’
‘Yes.’ Joan sat down carefully, leaving a noticeable gap between herself and her guest. ‘But I wasn’t being entirely honest with you when we talked last night.’
‘Oh?’ It hadn’t been a long conversation as Hugo remembered, and he’d done most of the talking, but it had been perfectly friendly. While the decision to put an end to any hopes Joan might have of their relationship going further had already been made, it was not a conversation Hugo had considered fair to conduct over the phone. He couldn’t think of anything less than truthful Joan might have said. Mind you, the call hadn’t done much to alleviate that empty feeling at home. He had called his mother almost immediately for a much longer chat, and a long conversation with Gwen Patterson could leave anyone feeling forgetful.
‘You mean your mother isn’t that unwell?’
‘No, that’s not what I meant.’
‘Oh.’ Hugo tried to recall the other subjects they’d talked about. He had told Joan that the new ventilator had arrived for the emergency department and how pleased they all were. He’d shared the pleasure of Tom Payne’s decision to move into the retirement village with Dulcie and how well Charlie Barker was doing now that he was back home after his cardiac surgery. He’d commented on the sadness he felt now that Nancy was failing so fast and he’d even admitted that it felt lonely living by himself now that Maggie had moved out. Joan had sounded unexpectedly sympathetic that he was missing Maggie’s company. Was that what she had been less than honest about?
Joan’s face was screened by a curtain of blonde hair and it took Hugo a second or two to realise that it wasn’t just the three-week absence that was making her seem so unfamiliar. Thank goodness he’d noticed before having to be told.
‘You’re wearing your hair loose,’ he said. ‘It looks great.’
‘Thanks.’ Joan turned to meet Hugo’s gaze. She hesitated for a long moment and her words were tentative when she finally spoke again. ‘We’re friends, aren’t we, Hugh?’
‘Of course. Good friends.’
‘And friends should be honest with each other, shouldn’t they?’
‘Of course,’ Hugo said again. He found himself speaking as cautiously as Joan seemed to be doing. Hugo had the uncomfortable feeling he was about to be taken to task for his less than enthusiastic approach to their relationship. And justifiably so. Maybe Joan had used her absence to contemplate their future and had made a similar decision to the one Hugo had so recently embraced. That it was time to test their relationship with a ‘make or break’ scenario. Except that Hugo understood now that they would never ‘make’ it and it would be totally unfair to them both to even try. But Hugo was still reluctant to hurt her. His mouth went a little dry and he gripped the handle of his coffee-mug more firmly.
‘We’ve never been more than good friends, though, have we?’
‘I always thought we could be,’ Hugo said slowly. He didn’t want Joan to think he had simply been toying with her emotions. ‘Given time.’
‘I thought that, too.’ Joan’s smile was poignant. ‘I spent a long time hoping that something would happen between us.’ Her obvious regret was contagious.
‘I’m very fond of you, Joan,’ Hugo said quietly. ‘And I have the greatest admiration for your achievements. I’m really sorry I couldn’t make it for your exhibition opening.’
‘That doesn’t matter.’ Joan shook her head, dismissing the apology as irrelevant. ‘The thing is, Hugh…we’re not in love, are we?’
‘No.’ Being honest was not as difficult as Hugo had anticipated but it was sad just the same. His smile was lopsided. ‘We really like each other, though, don’t we?’
Joan’s smile was fleeting. ‘Liking someone isn’t enough,’ she said quietly. ‘Maybe a lot of peo
ple think it is and they end up with a long and successful marriage but I think that would be a bit sad. Compared to the real thing, it might even seem boring.’ Joan met Hugo’s glance again. ‘I thought I might be in love with you,’ she continued. ‘But now I know I wasn’t.’
‘How can you be so sure?’ The look he caught shining in the depths of Joan’s pale eyes answered the question all by itself and Hugo found himself smiling again as he nodded his understanding. ‘You’re in love with someone else.’
‘Yes.’
‘Lewis Evans?’
Joan nodded. ‘I didn’t mean it to happen, Hugh. I wasn’t looking for anyone else. I guess it started the night of the ball. Or maybe even before that, when he was so taken with my paintings that day. Nothing happened,’ she added quickly. ‘At least not until the exhibition opening. He could see I was disappointed that you hadn’t been able to make it and he took me out for dinner afterwards. And…and that’s what I wasn’t being honest about. It’s not just my mother who wants me to go back to Dunedin to live. Lewis has asked me to marry him and I’ve said yes.’
‘Congratulations.’ There didn’t seem much more that Hugo could say really. ‘I hope you’ll be very happy together.’
‘I know we will.’ Joan reached out and squeezed Hugo’s hand briefly. ‘You’ll find someone too, Hugh. You’ll fall in love and then you’ll know that what we had wasn’t anything like the real thing.’
Hugo was silent. He should be feeling relieved, he thought. Joan had taken the initiative and achieved exactly what he had come here to achieve. They had sorted out their relationship and Joan was not wounded or even upset. In fact, Hugo had never seen her look happier and maybe that was what was causing the odd reaction he was having. He felt…envious. Joan had found the real thing. It would never seem boring. She had found the kind of bond that had welded Charlie and Betty Barker together. Or Tom and Dulcie Payne. Something that could last and even grow stronger over a lifetime.
Hugo managed to push the envy aside. ‘I’ll keep an eye out for the real article,’ he said lightly. ‘And hope that I recognise it.’
A Courageous Doctor Page 14