by Shari Cross
I wait for him to speak, to say anything. My body is trembling and I don’t know how much longer my legs will hold me.
“Why did you lie to me?” His voice slightly breaks with his words, and another tear slides down my face. “You know how desperate I’ve been to find out about my past, about who I am. You have known better than anyone how much it hurts me to not remember, and you lied to me.” His voice is drenched in complete fury. The least I can do is show him the dignity of looking him in the eye. I owe him that much.
I slowly make my body turn to face his and his eyes meet mine. The pupils have taken over most of his beautiful green irises, consuming them in darkness.
“How many times did I ask you, Addalynne, if there was anything else, anything at all that you remembered? How could you lie to me for all these years?” His voice is low, rough, and flooded with hurt and anger. The pain tears through me. I feel as though I’m a piece of glass with a crack spreading across me, spidering off in all directions, waiting to shatter me completely. I have to make him understand.
“I had to! If I hadn’t lied, they would have taken you away from me! They would have never let you stay if they knew you came from Incarnadine, and I couldn’t stand the thought of you leaving me! I couldn’t let them take you away, so I lied! I lied so I could keep you, so I would never have to lose you!” Our eyes are locked on each other, our chests heaving with our breaths.
“And now?” he asks, his eyes blazing.
“And now what?” My voice cracks with desperation and pain.
“Now do you still feel the same way? About me leaving?” His eyes are no longer angry. They still hold a deep intensity, but there’s another emotion there as well, one I cannot place. I know now that I can’t lie to him again. I have to start being honest with him, and myself.
“Of course I do. From the very first moment I saw you, a part of you crawled its way inside me and never left. I can’t begin to think about what life would be like without you here. I didn’t want to lose you then and I cannot bear to lose you now.”
I watch his face change, igniting with hope and determination. He moves forward, closing the space between us, and comes to a stop inches away from me. The setting sun creates a cascade of shadows across his face. He’s so beautiful it hurts. I realize now how much I’ve been lying to myself. My feelings for Drake haven’t been feelings of only friendship for a long time. I was just too naive to recognize it. I know now why no other boys ever interested me. The only boy I’ve ever been interested in is him, and everyone else saw it, except for me. But I see it now. And maybe, just maybe, he wants me too.
He slowly reaches his hand up to my face. His fingers brush along my cheekbone and down to my jaw. They continue to brush down the length of my neck and down my side, stopping only when his hand is resting on my hip. His breath is unsteady as he stares down at me, and my body ignites with a yearning stronger than I could have ever imagined. I love him. And that means I have to let him go. My heart breaks with my realization.
He slowly leans down, his lips moving closer to mine. I turn as fast as I can and walk away.
What did I just do? The only thing I want is to run back into his arms and kiss him myself, but I can’t. I can’t give in to what I want because it would hold him back. He deserves to know who he is. He’ll never be completely happy until he remembers his past, and maybe King Theoderic will be able to help him. He knows about Incarnadine, he might be able to help Drake get answers. He has to go to Synereal. I can’t make him stay here for me any longer. Now that I’ve fully realized how much I love him, I can no longer let myself be selfish.
I turn back to him. His hand is still extended in front of him, where I was standing, and the look on his face is one of pure despair. It kills me to know that I’m the one who caused it. I have to stop hurting him.
He drops his head into his hands. “What are you doing to me, Addalynne?”
I’m trying to save you from my horribly selfish ways.
Finally, he lowers his hands and looks at me. His cheeks are still slightly flushed, but the emptiness has returned to his eyes.
“What do you want from me, Addalynne? Just tell me. I need to know what you see when you look at me. Do you only see a friend that you don’t want to lose, or do you see more? I need to know, because I see more in you. I have seen more in you for a long time. But now . . . now I don’t know what to feel anymore.”
I see more, so much more. I see something I never knew I wanted—a life with Drake, not as my friend, but as my everything. But I can’t tell him because it would only make things worse. Instead, I focus on answering his first question as I stare at the trunk of a nearby tree. It’s all I can do to keep from falling apart. “I want you to go to Synereal. I want you to try to find out more about who you are. King Theoderic can give you answers. I don’t think you should tell him you’re from Incarnadine. He seems kind, but there’s no way to know how he would react to that information. Still, though, he can tell you much more about Incarnadine than any book can, and maybe it will help you piece something together.”
“And what about us, Addalynne? If I leave, what happens to us?”
I should have realized he wouldn’t let that part go. I can no longer avoid his gaze or his question. I let myself look at him, hoping I can find the words to say, but no words come. The look on his face erases everything from my mind. All the color has drained from him, leaving him ashy and pale. His eyes are filled with complete terror. But he’s not looking at me. He’s looking over me, at the southern side of the river. I open my mouth to ask what’s wrong, but he cuts me off.
“RUN! RUN, Addalynne!”
I look across the river, squinting into the fog on the southern side. There’s something headed toward the river, and it’s something massive.
I run, but not toward him like he wants me to. I run to the Grey Tree. The only thing on my mind is finally seeing what it is that everyone has been warning me about all these years.
“Where are you going? We have to get out of here!” Drake chases after me. I reach the trunk of the Grey Tree and start to climb. He gets to the trunk seconds after me and his hands wrap firmly around my hips. I try to hold on, but he pulls me down and restrains me in his arms. I shove him as hard as I can, but his grip doesn’t loosen.
“Let go of me!” I shout and continue to push against him.
He responds by readjusting his grip and walking us backward.
“I have waited my entire life to see what’s on the other side of that river. I’m not leaving. If you’re so afraid you can leave but . . .” his hand clamps down over my mouth, cutting off the rest of my words. He pushes me back against the tree, his body pressed firmly against mine.
“Shhh, don’t make a sound,” he whispers.
It’s close now. Its heavy footsteps and the sound of something dragging fills the air. I have to see it.
I carefully reach my hand down to his belt and wrap my fingers around the hilt of his sword. I begin to pull it out of its sheath, and his body stiffens. He reaches down, grabs hold of my hand and stops my progress. I plead with my eyes, wanting him to understand that I only want to see. He looks at me with contemplation for several seconds. Then he gives a subtle nod, and together we pull out the sword. He lifts it up and angles it in just the right way for me to be able to look into the reflection of the blade.
Nothing could have prepared me for what’s mirroring back at me from the sword. Though the image of the hellion on the other side of the river is slightly diluted by the fog, it’s still frighteningly clear and far beyond anything I could have ever imagined. It’s at least fifteen feet tall, with pale, grey skin that’s covered in what appears to be oozing scabs. Bones protrude out of its sunken-in body, and a single, pale, ice blue eye scans the woods around it. Its nose is long and hooked, its teeth pointy as needles. Long arms hang down to the ground, followed by fingers that have claws as large and sharp as the blades of most daggers.
The hellion w
alks down the bank of the river, moving farther away from us. When we can no longer see it, Drake leans into me, his lips brushing my ear. My body reacts immediately, sending chills down the length of my spine and a tightening in my stomach.
“Now’s our chance. We need to move quickly and quietly.”
I nod, and we begin to move away from the river.
We have only moved a few feet when my foot presses down on a stick, inevitably causing it to snap. We both freeze. Drake stares at my immobile form, his face paling. The hellion’s heavy footsteps hasten, the sound growing louder as it moves straight for us. Drake pulls on my hand, forcing me to run.
Suddenly, a shot of pain stabs my ankle and I’m swiftly swung off my feet. I scream as my body flies into the air, the branches of the trees blurring past my vision. Seconds later, my body slams back into the ground. Pain shoots through me and I gasp for air.
“Addalynne!” Drake shouts. I try to stand, but something is wrapped around my ankle and it’s pulling me back toward the river. I dig my fingers into the dirt on the ground, trying to find something, anything, to anchor me, but there’s nothing, and my fingers rake painfully through the dirt as I’m pulled.
Hands wrap around mine and I see Drake. He pulls me toward him, making my body the rope in a game of tug of war that Drake is quickly losing. My hands slip completely out of his grasp, and his face contorts into pure terror and rage. I scream for him, and he yells something in return, but I can’t make out what it is.
I manage to flip my body around. A grey, snake-like vine is wrapped around my ankle. Its inch long thorns have already cut through my boot and are piercing into my skin, sending stabs of pain into my flesh. I wrap my fingers around the vine and pull as hard as I can manage, but it’s covered in a thick slime, causing my fingers to slip off. My gaze follows the vine all the way through the fog and into the hazy opening of the hellion’s mouth. With utter horror, I realize that it’s not a vine at all; it’s the hellion’s tongue. I scream louder, completely overcome with terror. Out of the corner of my eye I see a tree branch that’s hanging low to the ground. I reach out and grab onto it, desperately trying to hold myself in place. The hellion pulls harder, its tongue cutting deeper into my ankle, sending a burning pain through my entire body. I grip the branch as tightly as I can, but the skin on my palms tears, and my hold on the branch is ripped away.
Drake sprints past me and comes to a stop in front of me, his sword raised. He swiftly brings the sword down, stabbing it into the hellion’s tongue. The agonized screams of the hellion fills the sky with the most abominable screeching I’ve ever heard. I place my hands over my ears and watch as blood flows from its tongue. It seeps through the ground, like thin red snakes slithering toward me. The blood reaches my foot and burns through my boot, melting the leather away. When the blood reaches my skin, I scream in agony. It feels as though my flesh and bone are being eaten away by a thousand razor-teethed insects. I blink against the pain and watch Drake sever the rest of the tongue. Then, he runs toward me and lifts me in his arms.
I feel my body moving through the forest, but there’s a strange weightlessness taking hold. I stare up at the tops of the trees as I try to stay conscious, but my vision is blurring. All I see around me are tendrils of vines crawling down the trees, through a dark grey fog, trying to pull me back in. I hear Drake speaking and myself screaming, and I feel my body thrashing in his arms, but my mind feels separated from it. I try to find the sunlight to calm myself, but when I look up, I see that it’s starting to rain. As the rain falls, I realize that it’s not rain at all. It’s blood and it’s burning me, sending searing pain all over my body. I wish for death as the darkness pulls me under.
* * *
Hands, more hands touching me, pulling me, moving me. Most of them I don’t want. There’s one set of hands though, one set that I feel on me. These hands are welcome. They calm me in a way no one else’s do. But I don’t know whose they are. Recognition pulls at me, but as quickly as it comes rushing in, it slips away. The only thing I’m aware of is the pain, the constant pain. I gratefully slip back into the darkness.
* * *
“I don’t know if she’s going to make it,” someone is speaking now, but I don’t recognize the voice.
“She’s a fighter. If anyone can survive this, she can,” a female replies. She sounds familiar, but I’m not sure who she is.
“She’s not going to die!” a third voice yells. It’s a voice I know very well. I try to turn toward it, but as soon as I move, a burning pain flashes through my body. An awful wailing noise is around me now. I don’t know who’s making it, but I wish they would stop. Hands again, more hands touching me, but those hands are there, too, the ones that I want. Those hands go with the voice I heard, except now it’s not angry. Now it’s telling me that I’m safe, that I’m going to be fine. The wailing noise stops, and my body begins to relax. I fall back into a deep sleep.
* * *
I’m walking through the woods, but a heavy fog is pressing in on me, making it difficult to see. Every step I take is eerily silent—no leaves stirring the wind, no birds sending their song into the air. These are not my woods; these woods offer no comfort. I feel empty here. Loneliness pours in from every direction.
I’m looking for someone, but I can’t remember who. I turn around, hoping that if I head in the opposite direction, I’ll find whoever it is I’m looking for. But my path is blocked by others. I don’t know who they are, but their presence sends biting chills down my spine. Their lifeless black eyes are fixed on my face and they begin to move around me, their grey, skeletal arms reaching for me. All at once, they start calling my name in a wailing chorus. I try to back away from them, but there are more of them behind me, trapping me. Suddenly, there’s movement in the trees above. I look up and see his face looking down at me, but just as quickly, he’s gone.
“Drake!” I scream, as I wrap my arms protectively around myself. The others are moving closer to me now. “Go away!” I shout, and I break into a run, trying desperately to find a way through them. Their fingers brush against my skin, burning my flesh. “Leave me alone!”
They’re grabbing me now, pressing against me, forcing me down onto the hard ground. Their weight suffocates me as my body sinks farther. “Drake,” I call his name one last time, before the dirt fills my mouth, choking me. My vision disappears, sending me into darkness.
Chapter 10
HIM
She looks so lifeless. If it weren’t for the flush of pink in her cheeks and her shallow breaths, I would think she was . . . no . . . I refuse to finish the thought. Lowering my head to her chest, I listen to her heartbeat. The sound of it beating is my only salvation. What she has been through would have killed most people, but not Addalynne. She will get through this.
I take her hand between mine. Her body is clearly still burning with fever, which makes me sick. This is my fault. If it weren’t for me, she would have never gone into the woods. Instead, my carelessness and stupidity once again got the better of me, and she paid the price. I’ll never forgive myself for not keeping her safe.
I let go of her hand and drop my head into my own, trying to make myself breathe. She’s been in and out of consciousness for over a month, her mind clouded with hallucinations brought on by the poison and fever. Doctor Ellers says she’s out of the worst of it and that she’ll fully recover, but when? Every time she wakes up, I pray she’ll stay conscious, that she’ll fully return to us, to me. But she always slips back into the darkness.
“Please wake up, Addy,” I plead. “You can be angry with me. I deserve it. But wake up. Let me hear your voice. You can scream at me, call me names. It doesn’t matter, as long as I get to hear your voice.” I lift my head and stare into her dormant face.
“Gregory and Walter are leaving in two days,” I continue. “I’m not going with them. I’m staying here, with you. I’m going to be here for you, in whatever form you need. If you only want a friend, I’ll be that for you. I
won’t push you to be more and I won’t let my jealousy get in the way anymore. I’ll do and be whatever you want. Just come back to me. You told me that you were going to need your friend when Gregory leaves. Well, I need my friend, too. I can’t do this without you, Addy.” I close my eyes and lean my head against the edge of her bed, trying to find any feelings of regret about my decision to no longer leave, but there are none. I know I’m making the right decision. The only thing Synereal holds for me are possible keys to my past, but my past can’t compete with my present or my future, and Addalynne is both. I won’t leave her.
A quiet moan escapes her lips. My head snaps up, my heart hammering in my chest. I wait for her lips to move again, my breath turning to dust in my throat, but she’s as still as one of Elizabeth’s dolls, her mind pulled back into a dream. I release my breath and notice that her black hair has begun to stick to her face. I gently brush it away and reach for the cloth her mother has been putting on her forehead to help with the fever. I dunk it in the cold water, ring out the excess, and place it on her forehead. Then I pick up her hand, and continue to wait.
Several minutes later, the door opens behind me.
“I heard you’ll no longer be leaving with Gregory and Walter” The voice of Addalynne’s father, Robert, drifts toward me, followed by his heavy footsteps. I keep my gaze fixed on Addalynne, refusing to look away from her.
“Yes, sir. I’ve decided to stay.”
“I understand your decision,” he says as he sits on the edge of Addalynne’s bed. I glance over at him and watch his eyes linger on his daughter. He’s trying to hide his fear, but I see it as clearly as I feel my own.
“You love my daughter,” he continues, and I return my gaze to Addalynne’s face. “That has been obvious to me for a few years.”
This takes me by surprise. “How is that possible when I didn’t even realize it myself until last year?”