“I’ll tell you what I’ll do,” I said suddenly. “I’ll have a talk with the best man. He’s another old friend. Older than Peter. We were at school together. You’ll meet him, of course. Such a good chap.”
“Blow the best man,” said Bébé. “What are you here for? Give Peter my love and say that you and I—”
“Like Tye so much that if he doesn’t take it, we shall.”
“Think it’s a priceless place and that – Oh, just make him have it. You will, won’t you?”
She laid a hand on my shoulder and looked up at me with her great eyes. I gazed back steadily. Then:
“I don’t know which I like best,” I said, “your eyes or your mouth.”
Bébé lowered the former and looked at the springing turf. “Of course,” she said slowly, “if it’s a question of commission—”
“But it isn’t,” said I. “It’s a question of taste. Besides, I don’t – er – take commissions.”
“No?”
“No, Bébé. Nor advantage either. And now I won’t tease her any more. If I can do anything, and the price isn’t wicked, Daffodil shall be mistress of Tye within the month.”
She looked up quickly, an eager smile on her parted lips.
“Thank you,” she said simply.
The fingers slipped from my shoulder. I took a deep breath. Then:
“End of the second act,” said I.
She shot me a mischievous glance.
“How many acts are there?” she said.
“Only three,” said I.
We strolled back to the house. The coachman was in the forecourt, feeding the pigeons. I tipped him and made a note of his name. He was very grateful. Then we thanked him for his services and passed into the avenue. When the house disappeared, I turned to the girl.
“The third act,” I said, “is very exciting. The scene is laid between here and the next bend. You can see the lodge from there.”
“What a pity you’ll have to play it alone!” said Bébé.
I raised my eyebrows.
“I don’t think the audience–” I began.
“Here and the next bend,” murmured Bébé.
The next minute she was running like a hare. Frowning, I strove to remember that I was to be the best man. At the bend of the drive she stopped. I followed at a leisurely walk. As I came up:
“End of the third act,” she said triumphantly.
I glanced down the avenue. The lodge was not in sight. Bébé was facing me. I took her by the shoulders and turned her round.
“Oh!” she said.
“Yes,” said I, “I made a mistake.” I pointed over her shoulder. “That’s the last bend. I’ll carry you so far. You must be tired with your run.”
She looked up out of my arms.
“You said there were only three acts,” she said reproachfully.
“So there are,” said I. “This is an epilogue.”
At the end of the reach I set her down and looked at her.
“I know which I like best now,” I said.
Thoughtfully she drew on a glove. Then:
“Which?” she said softly.
On Wednesday the twenty-eighth Peter purchased Tye Gordon.
At twelve o’clock on Thursday, complete with gardenia, I entered the room.
“Oh, he’s dressed,” said Jill.
“Yes,” said Berry, “it’s a new rule. Didn’t you know? In future all bridegrooms’ supporters must come clothed.”
“Look at our new trouserings,” said Jonah. “They’re not new,” I said indignantly. “Speak for yourself. I don’t have to buy a new outfit just because—”
“Going to take Peter to lunch, dear?” said Daphne.
I nodded.
“Just to steady him,” said I. “Well, so long.” I turned to the door. “Mind you’re not late.”
“You might meet us at the Circus,” said Berry; “we shall be coming by Tube – number four lift. Don’t leave your gloves at the ABC.”
The bride looked very beautiful, but the bridesmaid’s face was a picture, the eyes grave as ever. But the mouth… After all…
2: Contempt of Court
“Do you mean to tell me today’s the twenty-ninth?” said Daphne.
“To be frank,” said I, “I don’t. To begin with, it’s the thirtieth.”
My sister sat back in her chair pondering, one white hand to her lips. Then:
“So it is,” she said slowly. “How this month has gone! You know, I keep on thinking today’s Sunday.”
“Comes of changing your bath night,” said her husband, pouring himself another glass of sherry. “After having it on Sundays all these years—”
“Bound to feel it, of course,” said I. “At this time of life, I mean. I remember an old horsekeeper doing much the same thing. He used—”
Before I could catch it, the tangerine fell into Berry’s finger-bowl, which was about equidistant from its owner and myself. Daphne and Jill squeaked with delight. Then:
“After that, the deluge,” said my sister coolly.
“In the neck,” said Jonah, from the other side of the table.
“Pardon me,” said Berry, wiping the water out of his eyes. “Mostly in the left eye and ear. A certain amount inasmuch as, and the rest in blank. Highly dangerous. And me on the Grand Jury tomorrow.”
“The marked decay of table manners,” said I, smearing my chest with a napkin, “is as deplorable as it is manifest. I sat down to dinner in a shirt. Thanks to a loving sister’s care, I shall arise in a compress. Death was due to heart failure, consequent upon a severe chill.”
“Have some sherry wine, brother,” said Berry sympathetically, pushing across the decanter. “If you approve, we’ll have a whole bottle at your wake. Till then, let us ignore the rude behaviour. After all, the mockers are below the salted almonds.”
“The incident then terminated,” said Jonah.
“Jill and I are going in with you tomorrow,” said Daphne. “Derry said he’d put us on the Bench for a little.”
“These High Sheriffs,” groaned her husband.
“I’m going in, anyway,” said I. “Jimmy Aylwin’s the Judge’s Marshal this time. He sent me a card asking me to roll up.”
“I will not have this Court turned into a theatre,” said Berry pompously. “The Bench isn’t a stage. When you three and Derry and the Marshal get going, people’ll think it’s a Revue. Will the Victoria Girls be there?”
“I’m afraid not,” said I, “but the Judge will. And what with the footmen—”
“To change the numbers… Exactly. Well, don’t come to me for bail if you’re committed for Contempt of Court. That’s all. You’ve never been over the gaol, have you?”
“I do hope I shall remember to say ‘Rabbits’ first tomorrow,” said Jill suddenly.
We stared at her. Then:
“I suppose you must,” said Berry. “Belgian hares wouldn’t do, would they? Or French bustards, or any little trifle like that? It must be rabbits?”
“Oh, yes, it must be rabbits,” said Jill gravely.
“Dear, dear,” said Berry.
“D’you think you could write it?” said I.
“No, Boy, you’ve got to say it, or it doesn’t count.”
“Ah, well, that settles it,” I sighed.
“Don’t take any notice of the fools,” said Daphne. “What do you mean ‘it doesn’t count,’ Jilly dear?”
“Didn’t I tell you?” said Jill. “I heard it when I was staying with the Scarlets. On the first day of the month you have to say ‘Rabbits.’ If you say it to me first, I have to give you a present, and if I say it to you first, you have to give me a present. It’s just whichever says it first.”
“I’m glad you told us,” said Berry. “Otherwise we should have been somewhat handicapped. I mean, of course, one never knows. I might have quite innocently chanced to say – er – ‘Rabbits.’ Just like that. ‘Rabbits.’ But it would have been a fluke. It would have been because
I had just observed in the Sportsman that Kent were all out for twenty-seven, or something like that. The odds are you’d have had it all your own way.”
“Well, you know now,” said Jill. “And if I remember to say it before you do, I want another tennis-racket.”
“Right you are, sweetheart. And should it first occur to me to name the burrowing rodents, please remember that I have long desired—”
He paused to select a piece of ginger. We waited interestedly. At last:
“Go on,” said Daphne. “The suspense is awful.”
“A wherewithal,” said her husband. “A really good one.”
Jill’s grey eyes looked puzzled.
“A wherewithal?” she said slowly. “Where does one get wherewithals?”
“You might try the Stores,” said I. “But they’d probably have to get it for you. Of course, there are so many different kinds.” I turned to Berry. “For what purpose do you require the wherewithal, brother?”
“I want the wherewithal to do penance for a wicked spouse,” he said. “Things are come to a pretty pass when one has to humble one’s own body to atone for the backsliding of those we love. But there you are.” He looked across at his wife. “I suppose you know your name’s going to be a hissing,” he added.
“She’ll be able to get the sort of wherewithal you want at the Stores,” said Jonah. “In the Surgical Instruments Department.”
Berry started.
“No, no,” he said hurriedly. “In the Drapery. I was thinking of a hair shirt. So – er – appropriate.”
The next morning I awoke to hear a servant drawing the blinds.
“What time is it, William?” said I.
“A quarter past seven, sir,” said the man, coming to the side of my bed. “And Mr Pleydell’s compliments, sir, and ‘Rabbits.’”
“My compliments to Mr Pleydell, and there’s nothing doing, because he must say it himself.”
“Very good, sir.”
Whilst I was shaving an idea occurred to me. I opened my door and walked quickly to the bathroom Daphne and Jill use. There I stood listening. The lazy lap of water against the side of the bath told me that it was occupied. With a crafty smile I cleared my throat. Then:
“Jilly,” I said anxiously.
“What’s the matter, Boy?” cried my victim, falling into the trap.
“Er – only—”
“Rabbits,” whispered Daphne over my shoulder, slipping a warm arm round my neck. “And it just serves you right, old chap, for trying to do Jilly down. Kiss me.”
I obeyed in some dudgeon.
“You shall give me one of those old little Japanese cedars,” she went on. “A nice gnarled one in a blue-and-white pot.”
I groaned.
“They’re awfully expensive,” I began. “Surely there’s some limit—”
Suddenly, “O-o-oh!” came from the bathroom. Followed the sound of troubled waters and the padding of bare feet on the floor. The next moment Jill was beating upon the door and crying:
“Rabbits, Boy, rabbits. I said it first.”
My sister began to laugh softly. I took a deep breath. Then:
“What sort of a racket d’you want, dear?” said I. “Tell me the worst.”
After all, a racket couldn’t cost much more than thirty shillings.
“Oh, Berry’s going to give me the racket,” cried Jill, audibly dancing with excitement. “I thought perhaps you’d give me a panorama camera.”
“Don’t hang back,” said I. “Quite sure you wouldn’t sooner have a gold-fitted dressing case?”
“I’ll have that next month.”
“Off Berry or Jonah, then” said I. “This ‘Rabbits’ stunt’s a bit too thick for me. In future I shall clear out at the end of every month and–” Suddenly I thought of Berry and Jonah. My face cleared. “Anyway,” I added, “I’ll fix the others all right. If I touch each of them for a fiver – that’s fair enough – I’ll get out about square.”
The wariness with which, half an hour later, I entered the dining-room was worthy of a scoutmaster. But only the girls were there. I was in good time. All the same, I took the precaution of looking under the table. There was Jonah, reading the paper. We said the plural together. After some argument we agreed that it should be counted a dead heat. Berry remained. Not for long. Of course, I suppose I might have suspected something when William came and told me that the garage wanted me on the telephone… Or, at any rate, when, after an idle question about the cars, the chauffeur asked me to hold the line. My sole consolation is that I was just able to eat all the mushrooms before Berry got back to the house.
An hour later we were all in the car, slipping along the curling ways to Brooch. It was a glorious day, this first of July. There had been rain in the night, but now the sky was cloudless, and the great sun blazed out of it, bleaching the wet brown roads, setting the stout hedgerows a-glitter, and lending to the countryside an air of health and gaiety and joie de vivre that got into the blood and made the heart light and merry.
We stopped a moment at Fell to drop Jonah, who was going fishing, and could not be persuaded to lose his pleasure by the promise of grave revelry at the Castle. Another twenty minutes, and we swept round the corner of Loose Thicket, to see Brooch lying, all warm and smiling, in the valley below.
Brooch is a place of memories, a cathedral city and a fair market town. Standards have floated from its castle’s tower; blood has run in its gutters. Kings’ standards, men’s blood. Great-hearted gentlemen have lain in its gaol, demoniac Roundheads have mouthed blasphemy in its cathedral, till the gaping clowns licked up the lust of havoc, splintered the precious panes they had been taught to wonder at, and battered down the glorious statuary Piety had set up. Savage days. Later a trembling mayor has mumbled the Riot Act in the market-place, the mob roaring before him, while two score of troopers sit steadily in the background, waiting grimly, rather contemptuously, but waiting…
And now – Brooch is different now. Very peaceful, almost sleepy. Of course, it has its police sports once a year, and the city football team – colours, black and green – won two out of the three home matches last season; but, on the whole, Brooch has become sleepy. Still, there remain its ways, its buildings, its memories. Memories of high things. The place has made history.
We set down Berry at the Castle that he might join his Fellows of the Grand Inquest, after which we slipped silently down to the old Close. We were for the Judge’s lodgings. We left the car outside the old archway and strolled a while under the shadow of the great church. There was no one about, and, when the gorgeous coach lumbered into the Close and drew up before the low red building which houses His Majesty’s Judges in Brooch, Time might have stepped back over a hundred years. Jill and Daphne watched as if fascinated. Even the appearance of Derry Bagot in blue and silver, with white silk stockings, did not shatter the illusion. The Sheriffs and the Chaplain entered the lodgings, while the footmen stalked to and fro in the sunshine, very pompous. The wigged coachman sat his hammercloth very solemnly. Presently the doors were opened again and a little procession came out. As before, the Sheriffs and the Chaplain, then the Judge in his scarlet, his Marshal following behind. Uncovered, the latter watched them into the coach. The door was shut, the footmen clambered stiffly to their perch, and the equipage rumbled away. My Lord was gone to be churched.
For a moment the Marshal stood watching the swaying vehicle. Then he pushed his hat to the back of his head, took out a cigarette-case and lighted a cigarette.
Sic transit.
I introduced Jimmy, and we took him up to the Castle in the car.
The subsequent appearance of Daphne and Jill upon the Bench caused quite a sensation – at any rate, amongst the junior members of the Bar. They certainly looked lovely, and Derry and the Marshal were most attentive. They proposed to stay about half an hour; but by the time I had heard two men plead guilty, one to the larceny of a garden-fork and the other to obtaining one shilling and eightpence of
the moneys of somebody else by false pretences, I felt that I had got the hang of the thing, and retired to the cool of the corridor and the stone stairs.
It was rather dark in the corridor.
“I say, are you the Marshal?” said a voice.
“Well, not exactly,” said I. “But I expect I’d do. Some people like me better.”
A girl’s laughter. Then:
“I rather want to see you,” she said. “D’you think—”
“And I simply must see you,” I said. “Let us assemble by the casement, shall not we? There’s one just round the corner, commanding an extensive view, and, incidentally, admitting such light as a blank wall three paces away allows of. You will observe from my diction that the dusty atmosphere of Legal Proceedings has already – Oh, I forgot. Excuse me, but ‘Rabbits.’”
My lady struggled with her merriment. Then:
“What do you know of ‘Rabbits’?” she said.
“Well, thanks to them, so far I’m anything from ten to fifteen pounds down on the day. That’s not counting this one.”
“And do you think I’m going to give a present to a man I’ve never seen?”
“I base my claim on custom,” said I. “Besides, if you’ll only come to the aforesaid casement—”
We made our way to the window and surveyed one another amusedly.
Wonderfully long lashes she had, and a proud, strong face that I seemed to have seen before somewhere. Recently, too. Warm brown eyes looked at me, while a quiet smile played on the small soft mouth. I marked the short upper lip and the promise of a broad forehead under the dark hair.
“And now,” said she, “for the Marshal.”
“He’s engaged just now,” said I. “He is, really. On the Bench. I’ve just left him.”
A pause. Then:
“D’you want him very much? “said I. “Because if—”
She laughed.
“I’ve never seen him in my life,” she said. “I don’t want him. I only want to know what time they’ll rise for lunch.”
“I can find out that for you,” said I. “Will you wait here?”
She nodded.
I slipped back on to the Bench. Jimmy was sitting with Jill and Daphne, obviously whispering information about the antique procedure. I came up behind them.
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