by Allie Kay
“I may go watch him sleep at some point, I won’t deny that. But… I really want you to sleep over tonight and I don’t want Mateo between us.”
He straightened quickly and strode down the hall. I followed and watched as he tucked Mateo in, putting Donkey up on the pillow next to him. My heart hurt from the love in that simple gesture. In that one moment, Jack was a better father than Ricky had ever been.
I carefully brushed a lock of hair away from Mateo’s face and kissed his forehead. He smiled in his sleep and rolled over. He looked so angelic.
Jack touched my shoulder and walked out of the room. After a moment, I followed him. He sat at my kitchen table, the chair sideways, his legs stretched out long into the room.
“Sit.” He motioned toward the chair beside him. “We need to talk.”
I slipped into the seat beside him, my heart in my throat. I swallowed, hard, before I could get my voice to cooperate. “About earlier—”
He held up a hand. “I know you were scared half to death. I know you didn’t mean half the shit that poured out of your mouth. But what scares me is that I don’t know which half that was.”
“I’m so messed up that I am sabotaging myself, even though I know that’s not what I want. Even as I told you to leave, I wanted to beg you not to leave my side.” Tears welled up in my eyes and poured unimpeded down my cheeks. “I really didn’t want you to leave. And I am beyond glad you stayed.”
“Shh…” He wiped the tears from my face and brushed his lips over mine. “You can’t get away from me that easily.”
“You know I’m completely screwed up because of him, right? That it may take months, years, until I stop flinching when you move suddenly? That you may, I don’t know, reach over my head to help me get a coffee cup off a tall shelf and send me into a panic attack. That my breath will catch if you raise your voice for pretty much any reason.”
“I get that. And I promise to try to be understanding about it. But I think you are worth the trouble. Mateo’s worth it. Every day is another chance for me to earn your trust.”
“My past—”
“Is never coming back for a damn good reason.” He cupped my cheek in his hand, his thumb rubbing at the corner of my mouth. “But your future’s what you make of it.”
“That’s going to take some getting used to.”
“Change is never easy, especially at first. The middle gets messy, and feelings will probably get hurt, but the end? You’ll have to trust me that the end will be worth every damn bit of it.”
I stood and straddled his lap. “I’m going to do my damnedest to have faith.”
He groaned. “Keep that up and this sleepover won’t be quite so platonic as the others.”
Licking my lips, I leaned in and whispered in his ear, “I would be so disappointed if it was.”
His hands caressed my hair lovingly, before tangling in my long locks. He tugged my head back and brought his lips to mine. Slow, sensual, at first, but I was ready for more. I shifted my hips against him, feeling him harden beneath me.
His hands moved down my body, one going behind to cup my ass, the other covered my breast.
My hands went to clutch at his shoulders, and I cursed at the bandages I still had on. “Can you help me take these off?” I broke away to ask. “They said I could take them off tonight if I wanted. And I damn well want.”
He helped me dispose of the mummy wrapping around my hands. Once my hands were free of the bindings, I reached for him once more.
Jack was a well-built man and I wanted to feel every inch of him. Stepping close, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. I sighed when our lips met.
Jack’s arms gripped my waist and pulled me even closer. His tongue slipped into my mouth on my sigh. I rose up on tiptoe, eager to get as much of me touching as much of him as possible. Before, when Jack and I had come close to having sex, it had been an escape for me, a way of forgetting the past. But not this time.
No, this time, I wanted to remember every detail. I wanted to memorize the curve of his bicep and the feel of his touch on my bare skin.
He bent down, trailing his lips down my throat while his hands slid under my t-shirt. The roughness of his hot hands teased gently against my skin. He nimbly unhooked my bra and rubbed his hands up and down my back for a moment before one slipped around to cup my breast. When the pad of his thumb grazed over my nipple, I gasped out his name.
He sucked at my pulse point, nipping and licking at the tender skin. “Bed now?” he murmured.
“Yes, please, yes.”
He swept me up into his arms, carried me to the bedroom, and lay me down gently on top of the quilt. “You are wearing entirely too many clothes.”
“So, take them off me.” I almost couldn’t believe such boldness had come out of my mouth.
A grin spread slowly across his face. “I think I will.” He sank down next to me on the bed, slipping his hands under the hem of my shirt and pulling it over my head. My bra was gone in seconds and he moved to the button on my jeans before my mind could even really register that I was now half-naked in front of the sexiest man I’d ever seen in person. The rest of my clothes soon joined my shirt on the floor.
It dawned on me that I didn’t even feel self-conscious enough to try to cover up, but before I could process why that might be, Jack stood and began stripping.
My heart raced as his nicely muscled torso was exposed. I was still holding my breath at the sight of all that tanned skin when his pants hit the floor. Oh my… Feeling his size and seeing him naked and standing proud in front of me were two different things. He looked massive.
He fished a condom from his wallet and placed it on the nightstand. The bed dipped with his weight when he settled next to me.
“I’ve waited so long for this.” His mouth covered mine and I brought my hand up to tangle in his hair. When his palm rose to cover my breast, I arched up into his touch.
His mouth trailed down, from my lips, to nibble at my throat, finally to take my nipple between his sharp teeth. He nipped lightly and I nearly came off the bed with desire. With his mouth on my nipple, his hand moved down my body, at first just lightly grazing from my breast to my knee and back up. The slow, gentle touch sent sparks of desire shooting straight to my core. Finally, his hand slipped between my thighs. He slid a finger in me, his thumb moving against my sensitive nub.
“Damn, you are so wet,” he groaned. He dipped another finger in and pumped them in and out in the most delicious rhythm.
“Jack, please,” I begged, aching for more of him.
Moving down, he pulled my legs up over his shoulders and buried his face between my thighs. He flicked his tongue against my clit and I damn near screamed. His talented tongue had me writhing on the bed, crying out his name, thanking him, begging him not to stop. When he slid a finger back inside me, I shattered, waves of pleasure crashing over me.
He kissed his way up my panting body and reached for the condom on the nightstand. Once he’d sheathed himself, he moved over me. “You sure?” he asked, a tenderness in his eyes I hadn’t expected.
“Never been more sure in my life.” I pulled him to me and he entered me slowly, gently. I let out a sigh and relaxed under the feel of him. I ran my nails down his back and he growled.
“Keep that up,” he muttered against my throat. Running his hands along my arms, he pushed them over his head and linked our fingers together. He pulled away from my throat and kissed his way down to my collarbone. Goosebumps covered my body and I arched into his hot mouth.
“Please,” I begged, not even sure what I was asking of him.
He knew though. He buried himself inside me, not just filling my body, but filling a spot in my soul I hadn’t known existed. His lips came down hard on mine, tongue pushing its way past my lips.
I melted a little more as he deepened the kiss. My entire body felt as if made of Jell-O and I couldn’t imagine feeling any better than I did right then. He thrust a
little harder within me and I moaned. He swallowed the moan and finally released my hands. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pull him closer. He thrust again and I came undone. There were stars in my eyes as another orgasm flooded my body with unexpected intensity.
“Damn, Joy.” His movements became erratic. Thrusting faster and harder, Jack worked toward his own release.
I tenderly brushed the hair from his face and nibbled his jaw.
He leaned into my touch with a groan. Burying his face against my throat, he called out my name as he came. He shuddered over me for a moment before rolling us to our sides.
“Holy hell,” he whispered before kissing me lightly. “That was amazing.”
“Mmmhmm,” I agreed. I ran my hand up and down his side. “Jack…” My words trailed off as I struggled with what I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me, how much I needed him in my life, in my son’s life. But I hesitated, because it was entirely too soon and I didn’t want to scare him off.
“Shh… I know.” He brushed his lips against mine. “I love you too.”
“How did you—”
“Know what you were trying so damn hard not to say?”
“Yes.”
“I could see it in your eyes.” He ran his thumb along the corner of my lip. “Taste it in your kiss.”
“Really?” I smiled, trying not to laugh.
“Mmm… But what clenched it for me was when you,” he dropped his voice to a whisper and the conversation took a decidedly dirty turn.
“Maybe we should try that again so I can confirm that.”
“Mmm… best idea you’ve had in hours.”
31
Jack
I woke up and stretched, a smile on my face. Christmas Eve was finally here and I couldn’t wait for tomorrow. I’d splurged a bit on Mateo this year, okay, a lot. But I wanted the day to be special for the kid.
And for Joy.
Damn was that woman hard to buy for. She hardly wore jewelry, and from what she’d said, Ricky had made jewelry a negative connotation for her. So that took away that as an option. I wouldn’t give her jewelry until I put a ring on her finger. Just needed to wait until her divorce was officially final for that.
Bright morning light began to stream in around the blinds. I watched Joy sleep for a moment, gently brushing the stray hair away from her face. This time last year I could never have imagined being where I was today.
“Mr. Jack,” Mateo whispered from the doorway.
I waved him over and tucked the blankets around him after he snuggled up to me. “We gotta talk about this Mr. Jack business. I think I’m around too much for you to call me mister every time.”
“Okay.” Mateo bit his lip and stared up at me. “Mama wouldn’t like me just calling you by your first name though.”
“Well, what do you think you should call me then?”
He buried his little face against my chest and whispered something.
“What was that?” I nudged him. “I couldn’t catch that.”
“Can I call you Daddy?” His little voice was barely audible even in the quiet room.
“Oh buddy.” I didn’t know what to say. Would Joy freak out if I said yes? Was it even appropriate for me to say yes? Hell, I wasn’t really daddy material, but for this little guy I sure wanted to try.
“Mateo,” Joy said sleepily. “That’s super sweet and all, but Jack’s not your father.”
I swallowed down the argument that had rose in my throat. Knowing I would at least be a better father than Mateo’s sperm donor also meant knowing that this was a decision I didn’t have full say in.
Mateo sat up, his little fists clenched tight. “I know he’s not. I don’t want him to be.”
“Then why…?” Joy trailed off, yawning.
“Because he’s the only daddy I never had.” Tears filled his eyes and maybe mine too. I hugged him tight. God, this kid was breaking my heart.
I couldn’t have spoken in that moment if I’d wanted to. This kid had been through more hell in his life than a lot of adults and he’d put his trust in me. I just hoped I’d never let him down.
“Jack,” Joy whispered.
I looked up and she had tears in her eyes too. Pulling her close, I held them both. She slid her arms around me and we just sat there. The three of us.
Mateo pulled away after a moment and said, “If I can’t call him Daddy, I think I’m gonna call him … Big Ol’ Stinky Butt.” He collapsed in a pile of giggles.
“See what you did?” I tickled Joy’s ribs. “Big Ol’ Stinky Butt? That’s what I have to learn to answer to now.”
She laughed. “I’ll think about what I’ve done.”
Mateo sat back up. “No, no, I got it. I’m gonna call you … Jack the Hairy-faced Reindeer.” He cracked up at his own little joke. “But at least you don’t got a red nose.”
I laughed, but Joy took on her mom face. The jokes weren’t quite amusing her as much as they did Mateo and me.
“Mateo James. You apologize to him right now.” She folded her lips up in that way moms do when you’ve pushed your luck a bit too far. “Now.”
He grinned shyly at me before saying, “I’m sorry, Daddy.”
“Mateo!” Joy scolded.
“I said sorry!” Mateo argued.
“I never agreed that you could call him Daddy.”
He shrugged. “But you never said I couldn’t.”
I laughed and she turned that glare on me. Which only made me laugh harder.
“Jack…”
By that point, I wasn’t sure I could stop laughing. Something about the way Mateo had handled her objections had done me in. I just loved that kid.
“You’re no help.” She poked me in the side.
“What do you want me to say?”
“That he shouldn’t call you Daddy.”
“I don’t think he needs to be so formal with me. I think he can call me whatever he chooses. Whether that’s Jack, Daddy, or Big Ol’ Stinky Butt.” I kissed her on the nose. “I vote we let him choose.”
She looked back and forth between me and Mateo. With a big sigh, she said, “Fine. But this double teaming me better not become a habit.”
“It will,” Mateo said with a smile. “So… About those presents in there… I was thinking, maybe I should go ahead and open these so that it will save time for tomorrow when Santa brings the rest.”
“Nice try,” Joy and I said at the same time.
“Not even one?” His bottom lip poked out.
“You can have one tonight at Sean and Talia’s,” I told him. “Go get some cereal and let me properly say good morning to your mama.”
“More kissing? Eww.” He ran out of the room like someone was chasing him.
“Good morning.” I pulled her into my arms.
“Good morning.” She snuggled in close. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”
“Woman, just let me love you already.” I covered her mouth with my own and silenced any protest she might have offered. Despite the desire to do otherwise, I kept the kisses light and the passion level restrained. Mateo could return any moment.
She pulled away slightly, breaking the kiss. “Are you sure it’s okay for Mateo and I to tag along tonight? I don’t want it to be weird.”
Her insecurity dug at me. “Oh, baby, of course it’s okay. Hell, knowing those two, I’d get my ass kicked if I didn’t bring you guys.”
“Okay,” she said, but she didn’t sound at all sure of her answer.
32
Joy
Despite how quickly Talia and I had taken to each other, my hands shook with nerves as Jack pulled the truck to a stop in front of a beautifully restored Victorian. Several cars and trucks lined the drive. I used to like to socialize. Have friends. Go to get-togethers like this.
Then Ricky came along.
I’d tried to get out of this. Tried to convince Jack that Mateo and I shouldn’t come because we hadn’t actually been invited. He’d ig
nored my feeble protests and insisted we come along.
“I’m so excited!” Mateo squealed from the backseat. “Do we have to eat first or do we get to have presents first?” He unbuckled himself and was halfway to the porch before I could get out of the truck. “I hope it’s presents!” he called over his shoulders as he hit the steps.
“Mateo, wait!” I yelled after him.
“He’ll stop at the door.” Jack grabbed a large bag of gifts from the backseat before we followed my over-eager child up onto the porch. “If not, I’ll take the blame. I’ll make sure they know you’ve taught him better, that I’m the sucky parent.”
I laughed nervously at his attempt to calm me. “Thanks for that.”
“Always.”
My heart raced like crazy as we walked up to the steps. Mateo bounced on the welcome mat, waiting impatiently for us to join him. He eagerly pushed the doorbell button.
Sean opened the door and hurried away without a word.
“Umm…” My insecurity battered against my thoughts, thinking of a thousand negative reasons why he’d open the door and take off like that. I couldn’t think of a single positive one.
“Shh… Quit that.” Jack nudged me through the door. “Go on now.”
Mateo darted through the door and then came skidding back to us. “Mama, there’s a giant tree inside the house. It makes our tree look like a little toy one! Come and see it!” He ran away once more.
We followed at a more sedate pace in the direction Mateo headed. Laughter and voices came from that part of the house as well. My steps slowed as we reached the French doors my son had ran through.
“I promise you it will be okay,” Jack said softly. “You don’t have to be afraid of anything here but maybe eating too much.”
I nodded. Swallowing down a lump of fear, I let him guide me into a people-filled library. A half dozen people waved or called out greetings as we entered the room. Christmas music softly filled the lull in conversation.
Mateo lay on the floor, staring up at the lights of a massive tree with a huge smile on his face. Bright, colorful tinsel wrapped all around the tree. The tree stood tall, illuminated by the blinking lights, flashing a rainbow of color. The twinkling lights had mesmerized my little boy and I couldn’t help but smile.