'Can I use your loo?' he asked Dee.
'Sure.' She took him out into the hall and pointed him towards the staff loo and then went back in to Peggy. 'Well?'
'Good news and bad. She was expecting twins but she lost one last month.'
'Oh, God, that's awful. When is she due?'
'Eight weeks.'
'I still don't understand why he wouldn't tell us.' Dee took down two more glasses, poured the wine and handed a glass to Peggy.
'He was still afraid it would affect your decision about Sam and also he thought it would be bad luck to talk about the baby. He seems to be fairly traumatized by the loss and he hates being away from Benita at such a time.'
'Then why doesn't he just go back?' Dee said.
Neil appeared in the doorway. 'Because if I hang on here with Andrew for another five weeks I will have enough money for an apartment for us. I can't let Benita and the baby come home to a room in a boarding house, what kind of start in life would that be?'
'If you want to be with her then you should go,' Peggy told him, 'I'll give you the rest of the money.'
'Oh, no, Peggy,' Dee started.
Neil flopped into his chair and shook his head in disgust. 'Dear God, she thinks I've made this all up just to get money out of you.'
'I didn't say that,' Dee protested.
'But you thought it.' Neil stood again and going to the counter, took up Dee's pad and pen. 'Thanks for the offer, Mam, but no. In fact, if you want to help me, please don't ever offer me money again. You can buy something for the new house or for the baby, that would be very kind, but never offer me or Benita money.'
'What are you doing?' Peggy asked as he sat down at the table and started to write.
'This is Benita's number. I want you to call her and talk to her and get her side of the story. Her English is very good so you should be fine. And this is Andrew Charles's number, he's my boss. He'll be able to verify the whole story.'
'Oh, Neil, why didn't you just tell us the truth in the first place?' she asked, tears rolling unchecked down her face.
He smiled sadly, his own eyes full of tears. 'I was ashamed, Mam. To admit what I had done to Dee was hard enough but to tell you that I had gone to prison.' He shook his head. 'I just couldn't do it.'
'Is that everything now?' Dee asked, dashing a hand across her eyes.
He nodded. 'That's everything. I'm so sorry for all the lies and the hurt and I can't prove to you that I won't gamble again in the future. All I can tell you is that I've never had more reason to try not to.'
Chapter 42
Once Neil finally opened up it was as if he couldn't stop. There were tears all round as he told them of some of the lengths he'd gone to to finance his gambling, and his horror when he'd found himself in a Spanish jail. He explained, quite movingly, how he felt he couldn't face Peggy as he'd let her down so much.
'You always taught me the importance of honesty and having a good name and I thought you would be ashamed of me if you knew how much I'd lied and cheated,' he said.
'I'm your mother,' she cried. 'There is nothing you could do or say that would ever make me disown you.'
She explained to Neil how she had found out everything she could about the addiction and how she'd talked to the counsellors and asked for their advice.
'And I bet they told you to protect yourself,' he guessed.
She nodded. 'But the reason I didn't trust you and I went through your things was because they said that if you'd really stopped gambling, you would be able to talk about it.'
'But it was different because I was out of the country,' he explained. 'You hadn't seen me at my worst and I thought I'd got away with it. I thought I'd be able to swan back here looking rich and successful and you'd be proud of me.' He looked at her from tear-filled eyes. 'Pathetic, I know.'
Peggy took him in her arms as if he was still a child and Dee crept out of the room to give them some privacy. She went up to Sam's room and sat on his bed and wished he was there so she could hold him.
After twenty minutes or so, she gathered up some photo albums and returned to the kitchen. 'I thought you might like to see these,' she said, setting them down on the table in front of Neil. Within minutes they were all laughing and smiling as they flicked through Sam's life in pictures.
'Dear God, Pauline is laughing in this!' Neil gasped in amazement at the photo of Sam as a toddler, sitting on his great-aunt's knee. 'I don't think I ever saw the woman crack a smile.'
'Sam brings out the best in her,' Dee agreed, 'and I've never heard Jack talk as much as he does when he's with Sam.'
'That's because he never usually gets a word in edgewise,' Neil laughed.
With the atmosphere less charged they finally began to discuss how they could introduce Sam to his father.
'I can't believe you're going to let me do this,' Neil said. 'Thank you, Dee.'
'I'm doing it for him as much as for you, but please understand that it will be a while before I can let you spend time with him alone,' she replied.
'And you'll be going back to Spain in a few weeks so we have to be careful that he doesn't feel he's found you and lost you again, all in a very short time,' Peggy fretted.
'They can talk on the phone and write, or email,' Dee reminded her.
'I don't have a computer,' Neil said, 'but there's an Internet café very near the apartment.'
'I think that will work out fine.' Dee sighed. 'I'm not so sure, though, how he's going to feel when I tell him that Peggy is his granny.'
'I've given that some thought,' Neil said slowly, 'and I think we have to tell him that I haven't been well and that you were protecting him from me but that you wanted Peggy to be in his life, even if it wasn't possible to tell him exactly who she was.'
'That's a good idea,' Peggy agreed. 'It will make sense to him, he's used to us always trying to protect him and he's a very clever little boy. Maybe you could ask Lisa what she thinks. She knows him well and she's trained in childcare.'
Dee nodded. 'I'll do that.'
After she'd locked up, Dee curled up on the sofa and called Conor. He picked up on the second ring.
'Hi,' she said.
'Hi. Are you okay?'
'Yeah, fine. Is Sam?'
'He's great,' Conor said and she could hear the smile in his voice. 'We've had a busy evening feeding the cows, playing football, cooking—'
'Cooking?' Dee couldn't believe her ears.
'Well, barbecuing but don't worry, Sam was in charge of the marinade and the salad.'
Dee laughed. 'Sounds like fun.'
'Yes and we were just settling down to watch a programme about whales when Mum and Dad arrived so he spent the rest of the evening trashing us all at Snap.'
'He's fast,' Dee said proudly. 'Was he okay about going to bed in a strange room?'
'He conked out within minutes of his head hitting the pillow,' Conor assured her. 'So, tell me, how did it go?'
'Really well, although it's been a very traumatic evening. Peggy looked ten years older at the end of it and Neil wasn't much better.'
'And you?'
She thought about it for a moment. 'I feel more relaxed and at peace than I have in a long time.'
'I'm glad.'
She went on to give him a quick synopsis of the evening's conversation and finished up with the news that not only was Neil in a relationship but he was going to be a father again.
'I finally feel that he has been completely straight and honest with us,' she said when she'd finished, 'and he's working hard to make a new and better life for himself and Benita.'
There was a short silence on the other end of the phone. 'Are you okay with that, Dee?'
She smiled at the hint of doubt in his voice. 'I am one hundred per cent okay with that, Conor. I've told you Neil is Sam's father, nothing more. I loved him once but that was a very long time ago.'
'So when are you going to introduce them?'
'Probably some time next week. I want to talk to Lisa f
irst, she might be able to advise me on the best way to broach the subject with Sam.'
'No one knows Sam like you do; follow your instincts.'
'Thanks, Conor.' Dee yawned. 'Oh, I'm sorry.'
'That's okay, I won't take it personally,' he said with a chuckle. 'You've had a rather tiring and stressful day. Go to bed. You need to be here at ten sharp tomorrow morning.'
She groaned. 'But Conor—'
'No buts, Dee,' he said firmly. 'Sam and I are going to buy some chickens and you're coming with us.'
'Okay, then,' she agreed, too tired to argue, 'see you at ten.'
Dee dragged herself out of bed and into the shower at eight o'clock the following morning. Though she was very tired she also felt exhilarated and high on life. Things really couldn't get much better. Then she remembered the ridiculous question she'd asked Conor. Well, maybe things could be a bit better, but she wasn't going to dwell on it. She certainly wasn't going to ask any more stupid questions. Conor had put so much money and effort into transforming his home just for her son; if that wasn't a declaration of love, what was? She dressed quickly in her denim skirt, white T-shirt and cowboy boots. Grabbing her jacket, bag and the apple tart she'd made for Conor yesterday before Peggy and Neil arrived – it may not be as good as Aidan's mother's but he still loved it – Dee went out to the car. She was just turning back to lock up the house when she saw Vi standing at the gate. 'Vi!'
'Hello, Dee.' Vi came towards her, a nervous smile on her lips. 'I was hoping for a quick word, but I can see you're going out.'
'I have a minute. Come inside.'
Vi followed her into the hall and stood looking at her, obviously uncomfortable.
'I'd offer you a cuppa only I'm expected up at the farm,' Dee said.
'That's okay, I can't stay.'
Dee waited but Vi was busy studying her feet and not showing any sign of talking.
'It was Ronan, wasn't it?' Dee said eventually. 'He was the father of your baby.'
Vi nodded, still not looking up.
'Does he know?'
Vi lifted her head and her eyes met Dee's. 'No.'
'Oh, Vi, how can you live like this? How can you see him every day and not say anything?'
Vi shrugged. 'What's the point in saying anything now? It's too late and it would only hurt him and maybe Julia too.'
'You still love him, don't you?' Dee said softly. 'Don't you find it hard being so close to him but not, if you know what I mean?'
Vi's beautiful eyes glittered with tears. 'It's nicer than not seeing him at all.'
'He's very fond of you too, I could see that yesterday.'
'Maybe, but he's married to Julia and he's a wonderful, honest, loyal man; I wouldn't have it any other way.'
Dee stepped forward and put her arms around her. 'You are a very special lady.'
Vi smiled. 'Thank you, my darling, you're very kind. Now, can I ask you to keep this little secret of mine, secret?'
'Vi, of course! I would never tell a soul, you know that.'
'Yes, I suppose I do; it's just that with you being with Conor—'
'You have my word,' Dee said solemnly.
'Thank you, my darling.' Vi gave her another quick hug and turned to go.
'And I'm always here if you ever want to talk about – anything.'
'Likewise,' Vi said and was gone.
Dee pulled into the farmyard to find a very excited Sam waiting for her. He chattered non-stop about his evening with Conor and she sat and drank the tea Conor had made her, listened to her son, and watched the man move gracefully around the kitchen as he cleared up after their breakfast.
It was a lovely, fun-filled morning and as well as going to the poultry farm, they visited a donkey sanctuary. On the way home, Conor took them to eat in a cheery pub in the middle of nowhere that served the most delicious home-cooked food.
'How did you find this place?' Dee marvelled as they sat back and surveyed their empty plates.
'I used to stop off here on my way to and from Clare,' Conor told her. 'Great, isn't it?'
'Wonderful.' Dee studied the menu with interest. 'I could adapt some of these dishes and use them in the crèche and the café.'
'Work, work, work,' he teased, 'you high-powered entrepreneurs are all the same.'
Sam fell asleep almost as soon as they were back in the car and they were finally able to talk.
'Are you still feeling okay about what you agreed last night?' he asked, careful to keep his voice low, just in case. 'No second thoughts?'
Dee shook her head. 'No, I feel absolutely fine. In a way it's as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I love the idea that we' – she nodded into the back at her son – 'won't have any more secrets between us. I' m still a little nervous of that first "chat", I have to admit.'
'It will be fine, you'll be fine.' He put a hand on her thigh and smiled at her. 'You look tired; why don't you take a leaf out of your son's book and have a nap?'
Dee yawned and shifted in her seat slightly. 'You wouldn't mind?'
'Of course not, you must be exhausted. Recline your seat a little. Dee? Dee?' But she was already gone.
'Okay, you two, we're home.' Conor had already unloaded the trailer and the chickens were now checking out their new home.
Sam rubbed his eyes sleepily and groaned. Conor came around, opened his door and his safety belt. 'Don't you want to check on your new babies?'
Immediately, Sam's eyes were wide open and he was scrambling down and running towards the hen house.
'Dee,' Conor said gently, 'we're home.'
Dee stretched and opened her eyes. 'Speak for yourself,' she complained, 'I still have a ten-minute drive.'
'Not yet you don't,' he said, helping her out of the jeep. 'I want to show you the barn.'
Dee smiled. 'Great.' She was a lot more interested in a cup of tea than in seeing the barn, but the least she could do was show some enthusiasm and give Conor the same support that he'd shown her.
When they walked through the door, she didn't initially notice any difference other than that it was tidier than usual. Then she realized it looked smaller. 'This is going to be a general storage area and, of course,' he waved a hand towards the glass case on the floor in the corner, 'the wormery.'
'You don't have to go to all that trouble for Sam,' she protested.
'Are you kidding? A wormery is a great way of converting waste into compost.'
She smiled. 'If you say so.'
'Come on.' He took her hand and led her back outside and around to the side of the barn and stopped at another door.
'I never noticed this before,' she said.
'That's because it wasn't here before.' He opened it with a flourish and flicked on a light switch. 'What do you think?'
Dee walked into the brightly lit room and stared around her. The walls were lined with white units at both floor and eye level with long, narrow stainless-steel handles and a sophisticated black-granite worktop. But it was the large island in the centre of the room, also with a granite worktop, a double sink and a place for a hob, that really took Dee's breath away. 'Wow! What on earth are you going to do in here?'
He watched her steadily. 'Nothing.'
She laughed. 'I don't understand.'
'Well, it's like this. Lisa has lots of plans for Happy Days and she really could do with more space and I thought that if you and Sam moved out she'd have more room.'
Dee opened her mouth to speak but he held up his hand and hurried on.
'You're going to need more space for the new business, too; there's no way you can do it all from your own kitchen even if you do outsource some of the cooking. There's plenty of room here for you to both cook and store goods. I didn't install any appliances because, well, I don't know anything about them and I knew you'd have very firm ideas about what you wanted and needed.'
'I don't know what to say,' she said faintly, dragging her eyes from the kitchen back to his face.
He looked at her. 'You as
ked me a question yesterday—'
She pressed her hands to her hot cheeks. 'Oh, please, forget that!'
He ignored her. 'And the answer was yes. I have been in love. Just once.'
She nodded silently, not taking her eyes off him.
'And I still am.' He smiled. 'I love you, Dee. You and you alone. There's never been anyone else like you. Not in Clare and not in Dublin. You're the only one for me.'
'Oh, Conor.' Dee almost fell into his arms, her eyes bright with tears. 'What a lovely thing to say.'
He smiled. 'Well, it's about time, I suppose.'
'I was beginning to wonder,' she admitted. 'I knew you liked me but you never seemed to want it to grow into anything more. That's why I got it into my head that there must have been someone special in Clare.'
Conor shook his head. 'There was no one special. I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to say all of this, Dee, but you see, I didn't feel I had any right to ask you for any kind of commitment. I've spent every minute of my time since I started this farm scrimping and saving. I had nothing to offer you and you had Sam to think of. Be honest, you never would have brought him to live here in the state this place was in. You hated him even visiting!'
'That's not true.'
He raised an eyebrow and she smiled. 'Okay, maybe it's a little bit true.'
'I'm an old-fashioned kind of guy, Dee, and there was no way I was going to propose unless I could afford to offer you and Sam a decent life.'
'Propose?' she murmured.
'And then Neil turned up in his big car and his business in Spain and I thought that was that.'
'Oh, Conor.'
But he'd started, and he was determined to finish. 'So I went to my accountant and asked him if he had any ideas of how I could raise money.'
It's All About Him Page 34