Chapter 5
With her sister not talking to her and Moth shooting her angry looks, Sabrina turned to the book her grandmother had given her when they had arrived in the city.
A Midsummer Nights Dream was a play, starring Puck and his obnoxious parents. Cobweb and Moth were in it as well. Though the old-fashioned writing was challenging, it didn't take a brain surgeon to realize Shakespeare had his hands full with Oberon and Titania. He described them both as petty, jealous, and manipulative. Apparently, Sabrina realized, nothing had changed in the four hundred plus years since the play had been written.
When Granny returned to the room, Mr. Canis was with her. Except for a glimpse that morning, Sabrina hadn't seen him since the night before. She was shocked at his appearance. He had grown several inches in height and packed on twenty pounds of muscle. His shock of white hair now had brown streaks in it and he had what looked like the definite beginnings of a beard and mustache. Sabrina knew what was happening to the old man. Lately, whenever he tapped into the Big Bad Wolf's power, he lost a little more of himself. She wondered what the family would do when there was no more of Mr. Canis to lose, but she said nothing. Granny didn't mention anything either, and acted as if all was well. She was eager to get back on the case and urged the girls to hurry and put on their coats, hats, and mittens.
Most of the day was spent scurrying from one neighborhood to the next, hoping beyond hope that they would stumble upon an Everafter. Bess had given them plenty of leads but all had been dead ends. Still, Granny Relda was determined. She must have poked her head into every dark restaurant and creepy alley in Manhattan. They spoke to dozens of street people, who knew more neighborhood secrets than anyone else. Many were homeless, and Granny Relda thanked them all for their time and information with five-dollar bills, insisting they use the money to put something warm in their bellies. But none of their tips led the family to Everafters. The closest the detectives got was discovering a man wearing a wedding dress riding a multicolored bicycle around Washington Square Park. He turned out to be human.
With Mr. Hamstead and Bess no doubt sharing a romantic meal somewhere, the rest of the investigators decided to stop for an early dinner at a small Chinese restaurant called the Happy Duck. As they went inside, Sabrina noticed eight roasted ducks hanging in the window and wondered if they were all that happy.
The restaurant was the kind of place where the menu was as big as a phone book, the staff spoke little English, and the tables were crowded together. The waiters eyed Puck's cocoon and pinched their noses in disgust as the group made their way to a table in the back near a huge fish tank. Daphne ordered for the whole table, and enough food for several others, and Sabrina relaxed, thinking the meal would be a welcome, cheering break from tramping through the snow. But Granny snuck off to make a phone call halfway through the feast; Mr. Canis sat silently throughout with his eyes closed, breathing in and out in a slow pattern; Puck's cocoon kept rubbing up against Sabrina, drenching her in sticky goo; Daphne was still not talking to her; and Moth refused to eat, saying the food was a travesty and unfit for pigs. It was the most uncomfortable meal of Sabrina's entire life. She couldn't have been more relieved when her grandmother returned to the table.
"Your Uncle Jacob says everything is well," Granny said.
"Has he found a way to wake up Mom and Dad?" Sabrina asked, hopefully.
Granny shook her head. "He said he was trying every magical potion we have in the house. Unfortunately, he's had to abandon the place for a couple of days."
"Why? What happened?"
"He made the mistake of giving Elvis a plate of sausage."
Giving their dog Elvis sausage was a big no-no. It did bad things to the two-hundred-pound Great Dane. Very bad, very smelly things. The last time Daphne had given him sausage they'd almost had to move.
"I miss Elvis," the little girl said. She leaned back in her chair and rubbed her protruding belly. "Look at me. I'm having a baby. I'm going to name him Number 15 with Egg Roll."
Granny laughed.
"Liebling, you've got food all down the front of your shirt. Let me take you into the bathroom and clean you up."
Daphne shrugged as if she didn't care but followed the old woman anyway.
"I believe I would like to wash my hands," Mr. Canis said, and got up as well. Unfortunately, that left Sabrina and Moth alone. Sabrina tried to ignore the fairy girl but Moth's angry eyes were boring into her.
"Let's make something clear, human," Moth said. "If you attempt to interfere in my relationship with Puck you will regret it. He is my fiancee!"
"Listen, I don't want your fiancee. I'm eleven. I'm not even allowed to have a boyfriend, so when Puck finally crawls out of his icky ball you can be sure he's all yours."
"You do not love him?" Moth said.
"NO!" Sabrina said a little too loudly. She looked around the room and felt every eye on her, including those of Mr. Canis, who was waiting in line for the bathroom. He had a smile on his face, but when she shot him an angry look it disappeared, and he went back to studying the ceiling.
"I do not want anything to confuse Puck when he finally reconsiders Oberon's choice," Moth said.
"What are you talking about? What is Oberon's choice?"
"Me,
I am Oberon's choice. He selected me to be Puck's bride," Moth said.
"What do you mean he selected you?"
"It's called the father's privilege. Fairy fathers choose their son's mates."
"Oh, I bet Puck loved that! I wish I could have seen his face when his dad made that announcement!"
Moth snarled, and Sabrina realized the girl took the subject very seriously.
"So then what happened?" Sabrina asked.
"The prince was confused…"
"You mean he dumped you," Sabrina said.
"He made a mistake and, unfortunately, his father punished him for it. Puck was banished from Faerie. That was more than ten years ago and we hadn't heard from him… until yesterday," Moth said.
"He's been stuck in Ferryport Landing. It's like a big roach motel. You can check in but you can't check out," Sabrina said. "From what I know of him you shouldn't be too upset he left. Puck would drive you crazy. You're better off without him."
"How dare you!" Moth cried. "King Puck is a great fairy."
"Sorry," Sabrina said. "But I have to ask you, if he left town to avoid getting married once, why do you think things are going to be different this time?"
Moth snarled but said nothing.
"Well, I hope it works out for you," Sabrina said sarcastically. "The Trickster King is a real catch."
The two girls sat in silence until the others returned to the table.
"Who wants some lychee ice cream?" Daphne cried. "You're still hungry?" Mr. Canis asked. "I'm still awake, aren't I?"
While everyone looked over the dessert menu, Sabrina took her mother's little pink wallet out of her pocket and flipped it open. She stole a peek at her mom's picture. Just then she noticed a small flap hidden behind the photo. She opened it, stuck her fingers inside, and pulled out an oddly colored business card. It was dark blue and covered in little moons and stars and had an inscription:
Scrooges Financial and Spiritual Advice Affordable Rates! 18 West 18th Street Voted Best Psychic by
Time Out New York
Magazine
Sabrina flipped the card over and discovered handwriting on the other side.
Veronica, stop by anytime. I owe you one! E. Scrooge
"What did you find?" Granny Relda asked.
"Just some old business card in my mother's wallet," Sabrina said, handing it over. "I think it's for a psychic or something."
Granny read the inscription and a big grin filled her face. "Sabrina, for someone who doesn't want to be a detective you're very good at it. You just found an important clue!"
Sabrina was dumbfounded. "Clue? It's just a card for some scam artist."
"Maybe, maybe not," the old woman said, wav
ing the card like it was a winning lottery ticket. "But whether he's the real deal doesn't matter. What's important is that he's an Everafter and we've got his address!"
Daphne took the card and read the inscription. "What makes you think he's an Everafter?"
"Look at the name on the card--E. Scrooge!"
"Yeah, so?" Sabrina said.
"E. Scrooge… as in Ebenezer Scrooge," Granny said. "The guy from
A Christmas Carol?"
Daphne said as she prepared her palm for biting. "The one and only," Granny said. Daphne bit down hard.
* * *
Eighteenth Street was a pothole-riddled road in a part of town called Chelsea. As the group made their way to Scrooge's shop, they passed an art supply store, a vintage record outlet, a children's bookstore, and several places where a person could buy mannequins and sewing machine parts. Scrooge's Financial and Spiritual Advice was in the middle of the block. In the grimy window was an enormous green-neon sign with an eye that blinked every few moments below the words SPIRITS AND SAVINGS BONDS.
Sabrina studied the sign for a moment, running through everything she knew about Scrooge in her mind. Charles Dickens had documented the story: A greedy businessman was visited by the ghosts of Christmas. She had seen the musical at Madison Square Garden when she was little and clearly remembered Scrooge as a nasty old man.
The waiting room was crowded with some of the strangest people Sabrina had ever seen. They wore what could only be called holiday-themed costumes, from every holiday imaginable--patriotic uniforms with sparklers, bright emerald suits covered in shamrocks, turkey costumes, cupid outfits--there was even a guy wearing a big paper top hat and a pair of glasses that read HAPPY NEW YEAR.'
The family approached an empty desk at the far end of the room. A little sign on top read TIM CRATCHIT. Next to it was a silver bell with another sign that read RING BELL FOR SERVICE. Granny tapped it lightly, sending a chiming sound into the air.
"I'll be right out!" a voice shouted from behind a closed door near the desk. The voice was followed by a mechanical sound, like an engine, and another noise, like something heavy had crashed into a box of fine china. Moments later, a kid with a round face and freckles appeared in the doorway on a motorized chair. He seemed to have no control over the machine and he repeatedly slammed it into the doorframe. After several minutes of labored backing up, and then failed efforts to roll forward, he finally got the chair through the narrow doorway. Unfortunately, his problems didn't stop there. Once he entered the room, he slammed the chair into the desk and sent it crashing to the floor.
"Blast it!" the kid shouted in a thick English accent. He tried to pull the desk upright and nearly tipped himself onto the floor in the process. Exhausted just from watching him, Sabrina stepped in and lifted the desk upright. Once the boy was comfortably situated, the waiting room crowd rushed forward, jostling the investigators to the back of the line. Everyone began arguing at once.
"I have to be somewhere in fifteen minutes," said the man wearing New Year's glasses. He took a small plastic horn out of his mouth and gave it an angry toot.
"Well, I was here first," a giant complained as he pushed himself to the front. He was covered in leaves and pinecones and smelled like a forest.
Tim Cratchit whistled loudly and the crowd grew silent. "Are any of you paying customers?"
"C'mon, Tim!" an enormous man in a bunny suit said. "We've been waiting all day."
"And you'll wait all night!" Tim cried. "You buggers show up anytime you please. Mr. Scrooge is a busy man and hasn't the time to waste on a bunch of penniless layabouts."
"Uh, we've got money," Granny said.
Tim's eyes searched for her in the crowd and then he smiled. "Are you alive?" Sabrina and Daphne eyed each other. "Last time I checked," Sabrina said.
"Well, I can't just take your word for it," Tim said as he accidentally pushed a button that sent the chair slamming into the desk again. "We're very busy here and we only have time for paying and living customers."
His words caused the crowd to erupt in protest.
"You want proof that we're alive?" Mr. Canis asked as he and the others approached the desk. "How do we do that?"
The boy reached over to Sabrina and Daphne and gave them both painful pinches on the arm. They yelped angrily and Daphne kicked the boy's chair.
"OK, I'm satisfied. Now, are you here for the boss's financial expertise or are you interested in his supernatural skills?"
"I'm not really sure," Granny said. "We want to ask him a few questions."
"Well, have a seat and I'll see if he can fit you in," Tim said as he began the laborious effort of turning his mechanical chair around and steering it back through the door from which he had come. When he disappeared through it, there were more loud crashes and then shouts from another, angry voice.
"Tim Cratchit! Do you have any idea how much a box of crystal balls costs these days? I didn't buy you that mechanical chair so you could race through the store trashing everything."
"Sorry, boss," Tim shouted. "You've got customers… and they're breathers!"
Suddenly, the door flew open and a thin, wiry old man in a black suit hurried into the room. His hair was bushy and white and stood up in all directions, almost as if he had been repeatedly scared out of his wits.
"So, who was next?" he said with a broad smile.
Everyone in the waiting room said, "Me!"
"Only the living people, people!" Scrooge bellowed.
"That would be us," Granny said, taking the opportunity to usher the girls and Mr. Canis forward.
"Excellent," the old man said as he gestured for the group to follow him into the back. They had to wait for Tim to get out of the doorway, but once this was accomplished, they found themselves in a room decorated in ruby and midnight-blue tapestries with fluffy pillows scattered on the floor. Incense burned in a small pot on a shelf. In the middle of the room was a round table surrounded by six high-backed chairs. The old man invited everyone to sit down and then did so himself.
"I apologize for that mob scene. I hired Tim to keep them out but I think the boy is in over his head," he continued. "Ghosts can be quite a handful."
"Ghosts!" Sabrina said with a laugh.
If the man heard the doubt in her voice he ignored it. "They're like mice. I can't get rid of them. Ever since that business with the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future, all the spirits in the astral plane feel it's their duty to come and show me how I've ruined the holidays of everyone I know. I'll admit, I was a pain at Christmastime, but since then I've been haunted by the Ghosts of Easter, Passover, Thanksgiving, Yom Kippur, the anniversary of the Boxer Rebellion, Bastille Day, Lincoln's Birthday; anything you can think of! The whole thing has gotten ridiculous. How many Arbor Days could I have ruined? Not to mention Kwanzaa, Secretary's Day, and the anniversary of the Woodstock concert. It got so bad I was fired from my job at the bank. It's really difficult to approve home loans with the Ghost of Earth Day Future walking around turning off all the office computers to save energy."
Scrooge bent under the table and came up with a calculator and a crystal ball. "OK, let's get down to business. We do two things here: finances and phantoms. What's it going to be?"
Granny reached into her handbag and removed the business card Sabrina had found in her mother's wallet. Scrooge took it, flipped it over, and then smiled.
"Ah, Veronica," he said, wistfully. "Where did you get this?"
"She's my mom," Daphne said.
The man grinned. "Your mother is a saint. She helped me get the lease on this store when I decided to go into business for myself. She's lovely. Just lovely! What can I do for you?"
"We're investigating King Oberon's death and we were hoping you might--"
"Of course!" Scrooge said, cutting off Granny Relda. "Everybody grab hands and close your eyes."
"Mr. Scrooge, I'm a bit confused. We aren't here to talk to spirits," the old woman said.
"Oh."
"We were hoping you might be able to give us some information. Anything you might know about who would've wanted to kill the king."
Scrooge laughed. "Well, you don't need a psychic for that. Everyone wanted to kill the king. I wanted to kill the king. He was a jerk!"
"--azoid," Daphne finished.
"He was arrogant, stupid, meddling," Scrooge cried. "He'd send his goons down here to collect his tax--extortion money if you ask me. Most of us thought he was a royal pain in the--"
"You weren't at the meeting yesterday," Mr. Canis interrupted.
"No, I gave up on all that nonsense when the real Faerie fell," Scrooge said.
"Yes, we keep hearing about Faerie," Sabrina said.
"Faerie was a great idea, a neighborhood of Everafters. It used to be downtown but people started moving in and Everafters kept getting moved out. Pretty soon, we were way out in Jersey City, New Jersey. Well, I wasn't going to tolerate that! An Everafter has got to have standards. Before I knew it we were pushed out of Jersey, too. Eventually, someone suggested the park. No one lives there but the squirrels. They had a witch set up the Golden Egg. Oberon said we'd buy land and start anew, but it never happened.
We couldn't get along long enough to make anything work. But if you want to know about stuff like this you should take it right from the horse's mouth--Oberon himself."
"Old man, did we not just tell you the king is dead?" Mr. Canis snapped.
"You read the sign on the door, right? You people aren't getting it, are you? Here, take my hand," Scrooge said, snatching Sabrina's in his own. "Now, close your eyes. We have to concentrate to get Oberon's attention."
"Is this going to give me nightmares?" Daphne cried, taking Scrooge's other hand.
"Depends… was his head chopped off or anything like that? They often come back looking the way they did when they died."
"He was poisoned," Granny Relda said, sounding a little uneasy.
Once Upon a Crime (The Sisters Grimm, Book 4) Page 7