“Drinking,” said Griffin, not looking at me.
“There are other places to drink.”
“Most of them don’t have naked girls in them, though.”
I grabbed him by the shoulder. “So you’ve got no problem looking at girls doing that, but you don’t want me to do it? If you think stripping’s so awful, shouldn’t you boycott it?”
He stopped. He took me by the chin. “It’s not that I think it’s wrong. It’s that I don’t want them to see... I don’t want you to...” He let go of me in frustration. “If you’re showing your tits to everyone, then it’s not exactly like letting me see them was anything special, was it?”
I swallowed. Being with Griffin had been special. I thought it had. And then he’d left me. He didn’t have any claim over me after what he’d done. I felt anger rise inside me. “Special? Jesus, Griffin. What are you, twelve? There’s nothing special about any of it.”
“Right,” he said. “Right, because God knows how many guys had already been there before I put my hands on you, right? You had threesomes and every single one of your friends was also fucking you occasionally.”
“Not every one of my friends.”
“How many guys have you slept with since I left?”
I drew back, hurt. “None.”
He laughed again. “I saw how that guy touched you. The pretty one in the suit. Casually running his hands over you. Like he hasn’t had a piece of you.”
“It wasn’t—”
“I knew it,” he said. He started walking again. “Stay away from me, Leigh.”
“It was a long time ago,” I called after him. “And besides, if I owed you any kind of faithfulness, it stopped the minute you abandoned me.”
He kept walking.
“You said you would keep me safe,” I said, my voice cracking.
He slowed.
I hurried after him, as fast as I could with my high heels. “You changed things, Griffin. When you were around, I felt like...” Damn it. I looked down at the money in my hand. I’d better put it someplace safe. Griffin was running off on me, and I couldn’t go back to the club.
“Like what?” he said.
I looked up. He had stopped walking and turned to face me.
I closed the distance between us. “Like maybe my life was worth something. Because if you wanted to keep me alive, then... maybe it meant that I was important.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets.
I gazed into his eyes, and all I saw there was anger and pain. I looked at my shoes. My toe nail polish was chipping. “Look, I guess I used to sleep around a lot. I liked... feeling important. Like, if I was with a guy, then for that little bit of time, I was the most important thing to him. And I liked that feeling.”
“That’s the most fucked-up thing I’ve ever heard.”
I hung my head. “I guess so.”
“I can’t be that, Leigh,” he said. “I can’t be the only reason you take care of yourself. I’m going to let you down, and when I do, you can’t fall apart.”
“That’s not... what you are,” I said.
“No?” he said. “I leave you, and you start working in a strip club.”
“Just because I needed money,” I said. “Not because I don’t respect myself.”
He shook his head. “You don’t have any idea what that was like. No man on earth wants to see a roomful of guys staring at the woman he loves half-naked. That was horrible.”
“Did you just say—”
“Don’t,” he said. He took me by the arm. “I’m no good for you, you understand that?”
My heart was soaring. “You just said you loved me.”
He started walking, dragging me along again. “You don’t want my love.”
* * *
“Do you really think you should be driving?” I was standing outside a car as Griffin tugged open the door. “I mean, you’ve had a lot to drink.”
“You’re right,” he said. “I’m unsafe. Run along. Being around me is dangerous.”
“I could drive,” I said.
“In those heels?” He snorted.
Okay. He had a point. I opened the passenger side door.
“Seriously,” he said. “Be a smart girl. Get the hell away from me.”
I sat down in the car and pulled the door closed.
“Last chance, Leigh,” he said.
“I don’t want to be away from you,” I said. “I didn’t want it before, and I don’t want it now.”
“Because I make you feel like you’re important,” he said in a mocking voice, yanking out wires underneath the dashboard.
“No,” I said. “Because I love you. Are you stealing this car?”
“I’ve already stolen this car. Days ago.” The engine roared to life. He put it in reverse. The tires squealed as he pulled out of his parking spot.
I buckled my seatbelt, cringing.
Griffin drove one handed and way too fast. “Let me know if you want out.”
“You’re just doing it to scare me,” I said.
“Maybe it’s like this,” he said, settling back in his seat. He grinned at me. “I’ll play armchair psychologist.”
“Watch the road,” I said.
We soared through a yellow light just as it changed to red. “Obviously, you have daddy issues. He never loved you, so you sought the attention of all kinds of boys, but you were so much of a slut that none of them wanted you.”
“Griffin, please don’t call me names.”
He screeched to a stop at the next light. “Funny how you fell for the one guy on earth who can’t screw you. What do you think that’s about?” He turned to me, eyebrows raised.
I swallowed. “Just because you haven’t doesn’t mean that you can’t.”
The light turned green. We rushed forward, pushing me back in my seat. I clutched the arm rest.
“Anyway, at this point, you’re so messed up in the head over guys that you can’t tell who’s good for you and who isn’t. You’d take anyone, as long as he made you feel important, the way daddy never did. And that’s why you’re staying with me now, when it’s painfully obvious that I’m falling apart here.”
“I thought I was falling apart,” I said.
Abruptly, he turned the car into the parking lot of a hotel and careened into the parking lot. He squealed to a stop in one of the spaces and put the car in park. “Guess we’re both falling apart.”
“Because you’re drinking and going to strip clubs?”
He chuckled. “That’s just the tip of the iceberg, doll.” He leaned over me and unbuckled my seatbelt. “I’ve got a hotel room, and Knox is inside.”
“You didn’t kill him?”
He unzipped the hoodie, baring my skin. “I’m torturing him.” His hand closed over my breast. “I’m doing it for you.” His thumb ran over my nipple.
A little jolt ran through me. I had to admit, I felt afraid.
“He’s going to tell me everyone who knows that you got the serum. Once he does, then I can go find those people and kill them.” He looked into my eyes. “And then you’ll be safe. Like I promised.”
He squeezed my breast. It hurt.
“Griffin—”
“What?” he said. “I thought you loved me. I thought you’d stay with me no matter what.”
I bit my lip.
He lowered his mouth to my nipple, and he was gentle. I closed my eyes, warmth and arousal washing over me.
“If you stay,” he whispered into my flesh, “your body is for my eyes only.”
“I wouldn’t—”
But he was out of the car, slamming the door.
I zipped up the hoodie and hurried after him. “Griffin, you can’t torture people. Not for me, not for anyone.”
He laughed, swinging open the door to the hotel.
I barely caught it before it closed. He was walking too fast, and my damned heels made it hard to keep up. I would have lost him, but he stopped at the elevator. I made it there just in
time for the doors to open.
We went inside, the doors closed. Griffin pressed a button for the third floor.
“Besides,” I said, “even if you killed every person that knows I have the serum, then Op Wraith would still know about you. I’d be safe, but you wouldn’t. We couldn’t be together.”
He leaned up against the wall. I’d forgotten how good he was at leaning. “You sure you want to be anywhere near me?”
I hesitated.
“That’s what I thought.” The elevator doors opened. Griffin ambled out. He walked down the hallway, stopped in front of a door with a do-not-disturb sign, and went inside.
I followed him, closing the door behind me.
Griffin switched on the light. “Knox doesn’t mind. Do you, Knox?”
Knox was lying face up on one of the room’s two double beds. He was tied down, spread eagle, and he wasn’t wearing anything except a pair of boxers. His skin was covered in dried blood, but he didn’t seem to be hurt anywhere anymore. He’d healed, I supposed.
“Why isn’t he dressed, Griffin?” I said, feeling sick.
Griffin smiled at me. “Because not having clothes makes people feel vulnerable.” He looked at Knox. “Well, most people, anyway. Not Leigh here. She loves to take off her clothes for strangers.”
“Oh, for God’s sake,” I said. “I had nowhere to go, you jerk.”
Griffin ignored my outburst. He nudged Knox. “Knox was just telling me this morning about how he deserved everything I was doing to him. He said he hated himself for what he did to Beth, and that if I killed him, it would be too good for him, because he’d have peace. Weren’t you, Knox?”
Knox swallowed, looking terrified. “Griffin, you gotta believe me. I tried to stop Finn. I never wanted Beth to die. I wanted to help her.”
“But you didn’t help her,” said Griffin. “Did you?”
“No,” said Knox. “It was all my fault.”
“Sure as fuck was,” said Griffin. He pulled out a gun with a silencer and put it against Knox’s head. He pulled the trigger.
I looked away.
Griffin threw the gun on the other bed. “Except that’s not true. Not exactly. It’s partly my fault.”
Slowly, I raised my gaze to Knox. He was a bloody mess.
“He’ll be fine,” said Griffin. “He’ll heal up in an hour or so.” He ran a hand over his face. “Sometimes I’m not sure if I’m only hurting him the way I wish someone was hurting me.”
I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t stop looking at Knox’s ruined face. I backed up until I hit the wall. And then I hugged myself.
Griffin looked at me. “Damn it.”
“What?”
“It’s harder than I thought having you see me like this.”
“Don’t be like this then,” I said to him.
He crossed to me. He snapped my garter straps against my leg. “I don’t want you wearing this stuff anymore.”
“I don’t have anything else.”
“I’ll give you a pair of sweatpants,” he said. He got them out of his pack and handed them to me.
I started to go into the bathroom.
“Why is it a big deal to take it off in front of me? You were going to get totally naked in front of that whole room of people weren’t you?”
I looked at Knox.
“He’s dark,” said Griffin. “It’s like he’s not here.”
I tried to swallow, but my mouth was dry. “You want a strip tease, Griffin?” I raised my hand to the zipper of the hoodie.
He stopped me. “No.” He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He rested his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry I left you. I’m sorry the money got stolen. I’m sorry you felt like you had to work at a strip club. I’m sorry I’m a complete asshole.”
I reached up to touch his cheek. His beard prickled my fingertips.
“I’m so sorry.” He let go of me and let me go into the bathroom to change.
When I came out, my feet were bare and Griffin’s sweatpants were pooling around my ankles. I had pulled the drawstring tight around my hips or they would be falling down. Griffin was bending over Knox. He was untying him.
“Griffin?”
He looked at me. “I think he’s telling the truth. I don’t think he wanted Beth to get hurt. He did kill Finn.” He went back to working at the knots. “He keeps saying he wants to help me take down Operation Wraith. After everything I’ve done to him, he keeps saying he wants to help me.”
I sat down on the bed. “You aren’t going to kill him?”
He let out a long, unsteady breath. “I don’t want to kill people. They’re the ones who wanted me to kill people.” He massaged the bridge of his nose. “I can’t stand the way you’ve been looking at me since we got in here. I don’t...”
I reached out and touched his shoulder. “It’s okay. I think... I think we’re going to be okay.”
* * *
We had to leave the hotel, because there was blood everywhere, and Griffin thought it was suspicious. Knox hadn’t woken up yet, so Griffin bundled him up in sheets and took him down the stairs to the bottom floor. Then he found a different car to steal, because apparently, it was good to change it up.
We drove. I was quiet. I didn’t know what to say or do.
Griffin pulled into a Wal-Mart and told me to go in and buy clothes. I shopped fast, picking up three pairs of pants and three shirts in my size. I grabbed some underwear and bras too. I didn’t try them on. I just bought them.
When I got back to the car, Griffin was standing outside, leaning against it. He looked anxious. “Are you okay?”
“Fine.” I walked over to the passenger side. The window was open. I threw the bag of new clothes in.
He followed me over to my side of the car and put a gentle hand on my shoulder. “I fucked up.”
“We both did.” I started to open the car door.
“No, wait.”
I turned to look at him.
“I really fucked up,” he said. “You didn’t. This was all me.”
I shrugged. “I guess I should have respected myself a little more than working at a strip club. You were right. I’m kind of slutty.”
“You are not. I didn’t mean that. When I said that...” He became very interested in his shoes. “I think I just switched off.”
I tucked my hair behind my ears. “Like they taught you at Op Wraith?”
He nodded. “Yeah. Like I turned off all my emotions. And I might never have come out of it if I hadn’t seen you.” He touched me. “You woke me up.”
I pulled away. “I... I don’t know if I can be that for you, Griffin. I can’t be pulling you back from the edge all the time.”
He ran a hand over his head. He laughed. “Oh. Nicely done. You threw that right back in my face.”
“Because you’re right,” I said. “I can’t depend on you to make me a better person, and you can’t depend on me—”
“Why not?” he said. “What if what I said back there wasn’t right? What if it was bullshit? What if people can’t be better if they don’t have someone to be better for?”
I wasn’t sure what to say.
He fidgeted for a second, and then he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me close. His gaze searched mine. “Is it so awful to think that you make me better? That I make you better?”
I shook my head. “No. It’s not awful at all.” I wrapped my arms around him.
And our lips came together.
“You two going to stop sucking face long enough to tell me what the hell’s going on?” said a voice from inside the car.
Oh. Knox was awake.
* * *
Griffin was in the bathroom, shaving his head. We were in a new hotel now. I could hear the whirr of the electric shaver from the bathroom. Knox was standing in the doorway to the adjoining room where he was going to sleep.
“I don’t get it,” I said to Knox. “Why are you still here with Griffin?”
“Why are you?�
� said Knox.
“I’m in love with him,” I said. “You can’t be in love with him too, not after he tortured you for weeks.”
Knox laughed. “Yeah, not so much.” He shrugged. “I wanted out of Op Wraith. I’m out now. And, um, I want to take them down. I think Griffin’s the guy to do it.”
The whirring noise shut off. Griffin came back into the bedroom. He looked like himself again. His hair was cropped close against his head. His beard had been shaved off. “Take down Op Wraith? Like the whole thing? We can do that?”
“I think so,” said Knox. “You, uh, you kept my pack, right? I saw it in the other hotel room.”
Griffin sat down on the bed in the room, right next to me. “Yeah, it’s in the car.”
Knox nodded. He disappeared for a few minutes, and then came back in, a pack nearly identical to the one that Griffin carried slung over his shoulder. He grabbed a chair from the room’s desk and dragged it over to the bed. Opening his pack, he took out folded-up paper and handed it to Griffin. “Check this out.”
Griffin unfolded the paper. “It’s an email.”
“Look who it’s from,” said Knox.
“Gerald Norman,” said Griffin. “The head of Dewhurst-McFarland. So what?”
Knox clasped his hands together. “That’s an email from years ago, telling everyone to discontinue the Dura Project.”
“So what?” said Griffin. “We know that project got discontinued.”
“What is it again?” I asked. I couldn’t remember what Griffin had told me.
“The project that created the serum,” said Knox. “Norman told them to destroy all of the remaining serum.”
Griffin furrowed his brow. “But they didn’t do that. They used it to start Operation Wraith.”
“Exactly,” said Knox. “Without the knowledge of anyone in the organization.”
Griffin straightened. “You’re kidding.”
“I’m not,” said Knox. “The only people who know about Op Wraith in Dewhurst-McFarland are the four people who run it. Frank Thorn, Jim Bradford, Jolene French, and Bart Caldwell.”
“Three people,” said Griffin. “Frank Thorn’s dead.”
My dad. “My dad headed up Op Wraith?” I said. “I thought he just worked for Dewhurst-McFarland.”
“Sorry, doll,” said Griffin. “I thought you knew.”
Slow Burn: A Bad Boy Romance (Assassins Book 1) Page 21