by Dave Daren
“I think he was drugged,” Emily whined in a tattle-tale voice, “or being held at gunpoint.”
“Oh, shut up, you got what you deserved,” Shannon shot back at her.
“Oh, why don’t you go shovel horse shit on your Amish farm,” Mila said.
“That’s it,” Shannon took off her shoe, and chased Mila around the room with it, and they both squealed and screamed obscenities.
“Omigod,” Gareth yelled. “This is how the window got broken. Didn’t you people learn anything!”
“Why can’t we all just get along?” Daphne said.
Everyone turned and looked at her and stopped for a beat. Then, Shannon turned back to Mila and started chasing her again. Emily just sat on the couch and dissolved into ugly tears.
“And I spent two years watching Gone With the Wind every Tuesday!” she blubbered. “I’m from Massachusetts! Do you know how offensive Gone With the Wind is to Bostonians?”
I sighed and gathered my things. My work here was done.
“Hey, you, pencil pusher man,” Gareth shouted. “Where are you going?”
“Yeah,” Shannon said. “You got all the money. What did you do to get it?”
I wasn’t sure what her implication was, but I didn’t like it. The whole clan suddenly gathered around me like a lynch mob. With long, confident strides I moved back to the center of the room and gave them all a death stare.
They all withered.
“My name is Henry Irving, and I’m an attorney at law,” I said. “Don’t ever call me pencil pusher again.” Then I turned and left the room. As I made my way down the hall, I heard the arguing start back up.
Earnie ran down the hall and caught up with me. “Good job,” he said. “Show them who’s boss.”
“I’m not the boss,” I said. “But I’m not getting mixed up in that bullshit.”
“Got news for you, bud,” he said. “You already are.”
I didn’t like the results of the will any more than anyone else. How the hell did I end up controlling a zebra’s estate?
“Listen,” Earnie said. “Right now, he’s got a full-time zookeeper that comes in every day and manages the animals. But, ever since, you know... he’s been asking about his job.”
We bounded down the stairs toward the great room.
“Well,” I said. “He wanted the estate all sold. So, the zoo, minus of course, the zebra, will go with it.”
“Right,” he said. “So we’re firing the zookeeper, then?”
I groaned. “He wanted the zebra well cared for by the trust, and that’s exactly what we’ll do, so if the zookeeper does a good job by the zebra, he stays.”
“Okay,” he said. “We’ve got to arrange a meeting or something to figure all of this out. Who else is on the board?”
We were in the great room now, headed toward the lobby and the front doors. I rubbed my face.
“Earnie,” I said. “We just took control of a fifty million dollar estate, ten minutes ago. Let’s let this sink in a bit.”
“You’re right,” he said as we exited the house.
“I guess we’re going to be seeing a lot more of each other,” Earnie told me.
“I guess so,” I chuckled.
“It’ll be a pleasure to work with you,” Earnie said to me.
I smiled as I clicked the disarm button on my car keys. “Likewise.”
I drove back through Sedona to the office and contemplated how I was going to tell Vicki. I decided to wait until I got there to tell her in person.
“Is it true?” AJ asked as soon as I walked in the door.
“What?” I asked.
“It’s all over Facebook. He left everything to the zebra?”
I snickered. Good news travels quickly in Sedona. “Yeah.”
“Then it is true?” Vicki asked.
I just nodded. “And that’s not even the worse part.”
“What is?” Vicki asked.
“We get the zebra,” I said.
“What do you mean we get it?” Vicki asked.
I laughed and shook my head. “We get to be on the board of trustees. We manage the zebra’s fortune.”
“Are you kidding me?” Vicki asked.
I shook my head. “I wish I was, but no.”
I sat at my desk and rubbed my face with my hands. “So, everything has to be sold, and the zebra gets it all.”
Vicki and AJ just stared at me. “Look,” I sighed. “We’ve got that thing with Phoenix tonight. Let’s just close up early, go out to the desert and blow off some steam.”
“Good idea,” Vicki said. “You know, it may not be so bad.”
I looked at her quizzically.
“I mean, it’s a steady income,” she said. “And, once we get the estate under control, it should run itself.”
I nodded. “Yeah. I just don’t need a zebra to complicate my life.”
She laughed. “It won’t complicate your life. It will make you more eccentric.”
I smirked. “Eccentricity is not my problem.”
“Like I said, the trust has enough money to hire all the best people to look after the zebra, and then you get to sit back and collect your management fees,” my strong-willed girlfriend continued. “Imagine how much easier this will be in the end than if you had to manage the trust for his kids.”
“Oh no,” I cringed. The thought of being at their beck and call at all hours of the day and night made me recoil in pain.
“Snap out of your funk,” she said. “Let’s go home and get changed for the thing with your brother.”
We locked up and headed back to the cottage. I relaxed a bit as I showered and changed into jeans and t-shirt. Driving through the red rocks trails in an ATV is a rite of passage in Sedona. It’s a common tourist attraction, and we all do it growing up from time to time.
I hadn’t gone up there in years. But Phoenix deemed it the appropriate way to say goodbye to home, and I didn’t disagree. Besides, it would be a good way to show Vicki another aspect of Sedona life.
There are parks dedicated to the sport, complete with paved parking, rental vehicles and what have you. But we knew the back trails, and how to ride the red rocks like the natives we were. Phoenix assured us that his friends had ATV’s, we just had to meet them up there. I decided we should take Vicki’s Camry out to the trails.
“So, my car is appropriate for getting dirty and possibly scratched up, but yours isn’t?” she teased.
“Well...” I stumbled. “We meet clients in my car, is all. We have to represent the red rocks, not be them.”
“You are such a snob,” she laughed.
We arrived at an open clearing near the bluffs. There was already a group assembled, and Vicki parked next to a couple of pickup trucks I didn’t recognize. As soon as we got out of the Camry, we were attacked by a squealing Harmony.
“Hey guys!” she gushed.
My sister Harmony had her brown hair pulled back in a braid and wore flared jeans and a brown tank top with a blue undershirt. She hugged Vicki so hard she nearly knocked her over, and they both squealed with delight in the embrace.
“Hey, you!” she hugged me.
“Hey,” I told her. “It’s good to see you.”
“I can’t believe our little bro is all grown up!” she whined.
“I know,” I said. “It’s hard to believe. I remember when mom told us she was pregnant.”
“Hey, Mr. Big Shot Lawyer Dude,” I heard Jeremiah yell and whistle from across the clearing.
With an agile bounce across the rising and falling inclines, Jeremiah met up with us. Jeremiah Ogilvie was Phoenix’s best friend, and they had done the movie together for the festival. He was Phoenix’s age, tall with dark hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. He wore black jeans, a t-shirt with some sort of alt brand on it, and was decked out in piercings.
“Thanks for the cash, man,” he came up and gave me a quick side handshake. “That was more money than I ever expected the movie would make.”
“Well,” I said, “I’m glad to have helped you guys out.”
“Dude,” he nodded.
Two guys I hadn’t seen before appeared from out of a pickup. They were also Phoenix’s age, and clearly brothers, with the same lanky form and matted blond hair under trucker hats. They both wore basketball shorts and oversized muscle shirts that showed so much bare skin, they would have been better off not wearing shirts at all. They both carried lit cigarettes.
“Guys,” Jeremiah told them. “This is Phoenix’s brother who got us that money from the studio. Henry, this is Justin and Jordan.”
Jordan smiled and nodded. “Cool, man. You’re a badass. Phoenix said you were all like, ‘Nah, bitch, that’s not what the contract said. Pay up, dude!’ Fuckin’ sweet, man.”
I suppressed a laugh at the paraphrase. “Nice to meet you guys. Are we going up into the mountains, or what?”
“Shit, yeah, man,” Jordan said, and took a long drag on a cigarette.
It looked like they had two four seater Polaris ATV’s. Phoenix sat in one and revved the engine.
“Hey guys,” Phoenix yelled at us over the racket.
He motioned for us to come over. As we walked, Justin fell into step with me.
“So, I wanted to ask you,” he wiped his face with the bottom of his shirt, and left a big brown stain on it. He didn’t seem to notice. “I got this thing with my apartment. They’re like charging me all kinds of shit. Trying to fucking throw me out and shit like that. They’re making up all kinds of charges and then want to take me to court for not paying. I need to talk to somebody about like, my rights.”
“You’re talking about an eviction?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said. “But I pay my rent, every month. It’s been a little late a few times, but I paid all their late fees. But now they’re just straight out making shit up. Straight out making it up, and they want to evict me for not paying.”
“Well, that doesn’t sound good,” I said.
“No, it’s not,” he said. “I was thinking, like even if you could just call them and scare them for me, it would really help me out.”
I suspected there was probably a little more to this story, but if he was genuinely dealing with a slum landlord, he was right. A quick pro bono phone call from me would scare them shitless. It would take all of about ten minutes of my time and make this kid’s year.
“Yeah,” I said. “Call my office in the morning, we’ll go over the problem, and then I’ll give them a call for you.
“Cool, man,” he grinned and nodded. He stuck the cigarette in his mouth, and in one swift motion, boarded the ATV where Phoenix sat.
“Hey,” I yelled up at Phoenix.
Phoenix smiled and nodded and revved the engine again. This was met with cheers all around. Jordan jumped out and issued helmets and assigned us to cars. Somewhere in the mix, I got directed as the driver in the other car with Jeremiah, Jordan and Justin. Vicki and Harmony rode together in the first car with Phoenix.
“We got two ATV’s, each seats four,” Jordan instructed. “We’re just going to go up through the rocks, up the trail through the flat area, and then follow the path up through the mountain and then turn back around.”
“Alright,” Jeremiah yelled. “Let’s do this!”
He let out a big whoop. The other vehicle started first, and I gunned it and bounced over the rocks. We hit the trail, a flat area of red dirt that would eventually lead up to a butte.
We lost Phoenix’s car pretty quickly. He sped up through a side incline, and the vehicle climbed up like a robotic spider. I took the trail and we rode through the desert, the dust hitting our faces, and the power of the open road vehicle roaring just beneath us.
Jordan reached behind us in a cooler and passed out beers. I declined, but everyone else was drinking. We navigated through the trail, red dust and red rocks everywhere, enjoying the speed and the air. The desert trees and shrubs lined the pathways, and an orange, purple and red striped butte loomed on the horizon.
After some time, we arrived at the mountain trail. I drove up an ever increasing incline, and here the road hugged the side of the mountain. It was a narrow two lane trail, and on the other side was a steep drop, about a hundred feet down.
The drop was lined with luscious green plants against sprouting out against the earthen blanket. It was everything Arizona is supposed to be. I drove the vehicle up the winding trail, with the desert scenery all around us. Over the roar and bouncing of the vehicle, it was difficult to talk, so there wasn’t much of it, except for the occasional drunken yell of delight.
The open road felt good. The feel of it roared and vibrated beneath my palm. I hit the accelerator harder and felt the surge of power vibrate through my foot. As we sped through the desert, dust flew in our faces, and the wind hit us hard.
The guys in my car stood up in their seats and hung out the top and sides of the vehicles and cheered as I gunned it up the steep slope at an ever increasing speed. I saw Phoenix way up on a plateau above us, so I skipped the trail. I climbed up the side of the mountain, demolishing shrubs, conquering boulders, and dodging the fledgling trees that curved along the slope. I caught up to his vehicle, and they had stopped, so I stopped too and we all got out.
The view from up here was truly stunning. The desert and the mountain hills stretched, sloped, and rolled all around us, a vibrant painted desert. Jeremiah popped open the cooler and most everyone grabbed a second (or third) beer, and we all laid around on the plateau. Vicki and I curled up together against a rock and enjoyed the view. I took out my phone and snapped a selfie of the two of us. I had my back to the rock, and she lounged casually in between my legs, with her head against my chest. I showed it to her.
“Awww,” she said. “I love it.”
She took the phone and uploaded the photo to her social media profile, with the simple title, “Happy.”
I set the selfie timer, and then caught a perfect shot of me kissing her cheek, and her lazy, satisfied smile.
“Here,” she said. She grabbed my phone, and I watched as she set the photo as my new wallpaper.
“Sexy,” I said.
She winked and I laughed. I put the phone away, and we watched the guys goof off. Justin, Jeremiah and Jordan climbed down into a gorge, and took photos of how far they could defy gravity. Considering they were all slightly inebriated, this was a bit disconcerting. Phoenix stayed safely on the plateau, directing them as he took videos on his phone. Harmony eventually made her way over to us.
“I feel like I’m babysitting,” she said as she took a seat near us.
We all laughed.
“I know,” I said. “I feel like we should take wagers on who’s going to fall down the mountain first.”
They both laughed and Vicki smacked my leg. “You are so mean.”
I just laughed. We chatted with Harmony for a little while, and it wasn’t long before the guys disappeared into the abyss of nature. Finally, once it got dark, the guys reappeared, dusty and worse for wear.
“Where did you guys go?” I asked.
“We got sick videos,” Phoenix said.
He showed us clips of the guys first jumping from gorges, and then there was a skateboard added to the mix. It was all complete madness from there.
“Wow,” Vicki said. “I can’t believe you guys made it out alive.”
They all laughed. We boarded the ATV’s and descended the mountain, back to the trails and civilization. Going downhill is a lot faster and easier. So, with a lot less effort and flair, we reached the original clearing where the cars were. Vicki and I gave Jordan back the helmets. I caught up with Phoenix.
“Do you need a ride home?” I asked.
“Nah,” he winked. “I’m driving for everybody.”
I laughed. “How responsible of you.”
“I have my moments,” he said.
“Alright,” I said, and I lingered a bit longer. “I guess this is it, then.”
He nodded and shif
ted awkwardly. “I guess so.”
“What time is your flight?” I asked.
“Eight in the morning,” he replied.
“You need a ride to the airport?” I asked.
“Nah,” he said. “My friends are coming with me. We’re all riding together.”
“Okay,” I said, as I found myself a little choked up. “You be safe out there, okay?”
“I will,” he said.
I hugged him, and then Vicki jumped in. “Don’t you forget to say goodbye to me,” she said.
We laughed, the comic relief eased the tension. Vicki hugged Phoenix, and they both said goodbye. We all stood around for a few seconds, and he shifted around awkwardly. So, I slapped him on the back, winked at him.
“Enjoy South America,” I said as I put my arm around Vicki and headed toward the car.
“Does it make you want to have a little one of your own?” she asked.
“Shit, no,” I said.
She laughed. “Yeah, me neither.”
We got in the car and watched as Harmony said her goodbyes. As we drove off, the guys were gunning up for races up the mountain in the ATV’s.
“Yeah,” I said. “Let’s get out of here before we have to be the ones to call 9-1-1.”
“Good idea,” she laughed. “Let them do it.”
We arrived home to the cottage, tired and dusty. It had been a long day, and I fell into a deep dreamless sleep.
In the morning, Vicki woke early to go grocery shopping.
“Groceries?” I mumbled in the semi-dark.
“My parents are flying in this afternoon,” she said, her voice sounded manically frantic, a little like that guy from Shine.
She had told me earlier she was concerned our pantry wouldn’t meet their standards. If anyone had pantry standards, we certainly wouldn’t meet them. Our cupboards were usually bare since we ate on the run pretty much every meal.
We were both terrible cooks, although Vicki pretended she could cook now and then. But other than that, we ate out. Now, we had to have a fully stocked pantry for appearances. Not only that, it all had to be the “right” food, whatever that was.
I didn’t know about any of that, but her frantic stumbling about the house sufficiently woke me. By the time she left, all hope of further sleep was gone. I gave up, showered, dressed, and headed to Jitters, our favorite coffee shop.