by Dave Daren
“So, you just up and quit and ran off to join the circus?” I asked.
“Basically,” he said. “It feels like a different lifetime. I can’t believe that I ever lived like that. But my boss had been on a power trip for a while, and he just decided he had it out for me, and he had been on my case every move I made for like, weeks, it seemed. Nothing I did was right, even if I did the exact same thing everyone else did.”
The two girls left, and a professional couple in their mid-thirties came up with a lot of questions, and engaged both Perry and Kristen in the health benefits of Kombucha. Robbie peered over at them and made a face.
“I can’t stand those bourgeois assholes,” he said. “Not you guys. You guys are cool. But those people that think they’re better than everyone because they wear the right clothes and drive the right cars and have the right friends and take their infants to yoga. Whatever. Sure, you make good money. But you’re so busy trying to make ‘the right lifestyle’ work, you can’t enjoy it. Ugh. I can’t stand people like that.”
I raised an eyebrow and decided to take no offense, although I did drive a BMW and I am sure that the labels on my clothes would be considered “right” by the alleged offending parties. I nodded to the couple, and they smiled and nodded back, and wandered off with their cups of Tennessee blend kombucha.
“Well, aren’t you doing the same to them?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“You’re judging them based on what clothes they wear, what they drive, and how much money you think they make, without bothering to get to know them. Isn’t that the very thing you don’t like about them?”
He shrugged. “That’s actually my ex-girlfriend’s ex-stepdad and his new wife. They’re horrible.”
I laughed. “Okay, that’s fair. So, what’s the rest of your moving to Sedona story? I’m actually quite interested.”
Robbie smiled. “Anyway, the day my friends were going to Sedona I was at work, and my boss scolded me like a twelve-year-old in front of everyone in a staff meeting. Looking back, I would say it was likely that I was acting like a twelve-year-old. I was only nineteen and thought I was the shit. I wanted to be that guy you know, who goofs off all the time and then turns around and presses a few keys, and ‘presto’ cures cancer, and then goes back to goofing off.”
I laughed. “I, unfortunately, have met a few of those guys in my life.”
“Yeah,” he said. “I was one of them, but my boss was not impressed. So anyway, after he freaked out, I stood up in the meeting and said, ‘I quit.’
I went home to my apartment, packed a few bags, and in the morning left for Sedona with everyone. They were only planning to stay a few days, but I knew I wasn’t going back. I found Perry and Kristen the first day, and I never looked back. It was the best decision I ever made, too.
Kristen showed back up, “Did he tell you the bad boss story yet?” she rolled her eyes.
Robbie laughed. “You didn’t live through it.”
She smiled. “I’m torn between my ideals of free living and my new maternal instincts to tell you that life is just life sometimes.”
“What did you do before Tranquility, Kristen?” I asked. After Robbie’s unlikely story, I wondered if Kristen’s was just as odd. She shifted uncomfortably, and Robbie quickly went to join Perry straightening the table.
“You don’t have to,” I said because I sensed this was a sensitive issue, so I backed out. “It’s okay.”
“No,” she said. “I’m pretty open about it. I do speaking engagements sometimes. I… didn’t have the best of childhoods. And so I ran away from home at fourteen. I moved in with what I thought was a nice man, and I… ended up in… the trafficking industry.”
My mouth dropped. I didn’t expect that, not one bit. I found myself looking her over, a nicely dressed, happily married woman, secure and confident. If there was a type that I thought the trafficking industry was drawn to, it wouldn’t be the woman in front of me.
“Oh my gosh,” Vicki said. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
She smiled graciously. “You’re so sweet. I was in it for about two-and-a-half years, and I escaped five years ago. That’s one of the reasons I moved to Tranquility. I wanted a place off the radar, where they couldn’t find me. I met Perry at the farm, and he and I went through a lot when we were dating. I had a lot of trust issues, didn’t know how to love people, really. Living at the farm has taught me a lot about letting people in, and loving and trusting others. It’s been good.”
I listened to her words and thought about my initial impression of Tranquility. I always thought a commune was for lazy people who didn’t want to hack it out in the real world, so they found a philosophical reason to object, and lived on the fringes of society. But I didn’t realize it could do so much good for someone. Still, it certainly wasn’t for me.
“I’ve… been pregnant before,” Kristen said. “But this is the first one I’ve been... allowed to carry to term... So, this is pregnancy is such a significant moment for me. All pregnancies are significant, but this one is especially meaningful. It’s like it’s a closure to that time in my life.”
Vicki was tearing up, “That’s so beautiful,” she said. “I just want to hug you. Can I hug you?”
Kristen smiled, and Vicki embraced her, and they both laughed. “Did you have a shower already? I want to throw you a shower.”
Kristen laughed. “That’s so sweet,” she said. “But we already had one.”
I was getting a little overwhelmed by the estrogen from the feminine bonding moment, so while Vicki and Kristen continued to talk, I wandered off to see what Perry and Robbie were doing. They were sitting on the other end of the table in lawn chairs and they didn’t see me approach.
“But she does the speaking engagements,” Robbie said.
“Yeah,” Perry frowned. “That’s in the schools, and we’re in and out. I want her to let people in, but outside people aren’t as open as Tranquility people. She worked really hard to let her walls down, and I’d hate for some insensitive jerk to say something, and she just shuts down.”
“I think they’re good people,” Robbie said.
I raised an eyebrow when I realized the topic was whether they could trust us with Kristen’s story. “Hey, guys,” I said as I approached. “Good turnout tonight.”
Perry nodded and smiled. “We get a commission on all ticket sales, and everyone gets a free drink. If we upsell them, then we make that. But we just want to raise awareness and break even.”
I was about to make a comment about how I didn’t think that they were so interested in making money, when I saw a man with a Black Horse logo t-shirt. He was a tall, lanky fellow in Wranglers and cowboy boots. He walked with the bow-legged gait that happens when people spend a lifetime riding.
He was with a woman, blonde, stunningly gorgeous and spoiled. They talked to someone at the booth and then turned around. As soon as he saw me watching him, he whispered to her. I pretended to look away, and she saw me and glanced away. Then they both quickly disappeared. I was about to follow them, when we heard we heard Kristen scream.
“Perry,” she shrieked. “It’s time.”
Everyone looked at her wide-eyed, and the three Tranquility people started talking all over each other.
“We’ve got to call the midwife,” Perry said.
“Who’s the midwife?” Robbie asked. He was literally walking around in circles with his hands clasped over his head.
“Jamie Crenshaw,” Perry replied.
“Jamie Crenshaw is in Paris,” Robbie said.
“Jamie’s in Paris?” Perry asked Kristen.
“I don’t know,” she said. “She was supposed to go next week. Oh, no wait, she said that last week.”
“So was she going this week or next week?” Perry asked
“This week,” Kristen whined. “Get me out of here.”
“What do we do?” Perry asked.
Robbie wandered around
in circles muttering, “Oh, no, what do we do? What do we do?”
“We should call the birthing center,” I said.
They all looked at me. “The birthing center,” Perry nodded. “Yeah, let’s do that. Where do we get that number?”
“Perry,” Kristen yelled. “Get it together and get me out of here!”
Perry snapped to attention. “Right, right.”
Robbie finally devoted his misplaced adrenaline to packing up the booth at a rapid speed. Perry threw me a set of keys. “We’ve got the only orange Volkswagen van in the parking lot. Can you bring it around?”
It looked like the mysterious Black Horse couple would have to wait.
“Yes, I can,” I smiled.
Vicki found Kristen a chair and started taking her through Lamaze exercises. I didn’t know where she had learned that, and I looked at her quizzically. She shrugged and gave me a look meaning she was faking her way through it.
I jogged out to the parking area and found the only orange van and brought it to the front entrance where Vicki was waiting with Perry and Kristen. They boarded the van in a frenzy, and Perry told me, “Get us to Tranquility. They found us a midwife, and she’s on her way out there.”
“Are we waiting for Robbie?” I asked.
“No,” Perry said. “He’ll finish packing and meet us out there.”
I shifted into gear and navigated the festival traffic with a screaming woman in the backseat. Vicki ran YouTube videos of Lamaze instructors who talked about contractions and being relaxed and focusing on breathing. Kristen screamed louder and Vicki changed videos to another soft spoken instructor who babbled on about being relaxed and gently instructed changing positions.
Perry kept telling her she was doing great, and it wouldn’t be long, and repeated whatever the instructor said. But the GPS registered thirty minutes, and with the traffic, the number was going up, not down. About the fourth time Kristen screamed, I motioned for Perry.
He leaned over my seat and I showed him my phone screen with the estimated time of arrival. He sighed.
“Let me call the midwife,” he said. “Maybe she can talk us through it on speaker.”
“Do we have any ice?” Vicki asked. “It helps if they chew on ice.”
“There’s an ice chest in the back,” Perry said as he searched for the midwife’s number in his phone.
Vicki leaned over the seat and a few minutes later emerged with a cup of ice. I kept glancing in the rearview to see a miserable, sweaty Kristen desperately chomp the ice. I wasn’t sure what ice did for labor, but I did hear it was helpful.
The midwife didn’t pick up. “Voicemail,” Perry mumbled and haplessly tapped his phone in his hand. The traffic here was at a standstill and Kristen looked like she was going to die.
I did the unthinkable. “The hospital is just another block that way,” I suggested. “It would be faster.”
Everyone in the vehicle stared at me with such silent disdain you would have thought I suggested she sacrifice her child to on a pyre and then eat it.
“We shouldn’t be long,” I continued the party line. “We’re on the way.”
We were still thirty minutes away, even though we had been in the vehicle over ten minutes. Traffic started moving, so at least we were making some progress.
“You’re doing great,” Perry told Kristen.
“How do you know I’m doing great?” she yelled. “Don’t tell me that again! When the fuck are we getting there?”
“We will be there as soon as we can,” my tone was silk and placating.
Perry called the midwife again. “Voicemail,” he grumbled.
Kristen started to cry. “I just wanted this to be perfect,” she blubbered. “This was supposed to be perfect and now it’s all ruined.”
“How is it ruined?” Perry asked as he stroked her sweaty hair out of her face.
“It’s ruined,” she cried. “My midwife is in Paris, and I’m dying.”
“You are not dying,” Perry told her. “And we found another midwife. She’ll meet us at the farm.”
“But we have to fill up the bathtub,” she cried. “And I practiced with Jamie.”
“I know,” he said. “But this other one will know what she’s doing too. Hey, maybe she’s even better than Jamie.”
She cried. “No one is better than Jamie, and oh, God, this hurts!”
Another scream, I think I counted five within the two streets we had traveled. Suddenly, she let out the most guttural scream I had heard. I pulled over.
“This baby is coming now!” Kristin yelled, and the rest of us looked at each other. I had mental images of bloody videos I had seen of childbirth, and I knew that was the last thing I was qualified to do. I glanced around the dirty van, filled with sweet potatoes and squash that had fallen out of crates and now rolled around on the floorboard. If the pilgrims were coming for dinner, we would be fine. Unfortunately, it did little for the impending arrival of a member of the human species.
But given that she wouldn’t let me take her to the hospital. What other choice did we have?
“How far is the birthing center?” Vicki asked me.
I shrugged, and she pulled it up on her phone. “Eight minutes,” she said. “Can we get her there at least?”
I programmed it in, and it didn’t seem like it would be that far. “Do you want to go to the birthing center?” I shouted to her over her panting and guttural screaming.
She looked at me helplessly, and I took that as a yes. I started the van and Perry got on the phone with the midwife to tell her we were changing locations. Vicki got on the phone with the birthing center to tell them we were on the way.
I pulled my best Steve McQueen moves through the Sedona city streets and practically dared the cops to pull me over so I could use the “woman in labor” excuse. There was seriously not a cop in sight. It did occur to me that, if I were the type, this would be a perfect opportunity to commit a crime.
Meanwhile, the trio in the backseat periodically screamed as I slid them around, tires squealing and horns honking. Finally, I squealed into the parking lot of Serenity Birthing Center. It was locked up and closed.
“I thought you called them,” I told Vicki.
“I did,” she said. “They sent me to the answering service, who said the midwife would have a key.”
“Who’s our midwife?” I asked, aware that I had chosen “our” as a pronoun. I guess I was in it for the long haul now.
Perry answered in a preoccupied tone. “Her name is Saffron. Saffron Irving.”
Chapter 16
My mother arrived in the family’s painted Volkswagen bus. She looked every bit the part of the midwife and arrived in blue scrubs, with her long frizzy brown hair pulled up into a scarf.
As soon as she pulled up, Vicki threw the door to the van open, and she and Perry jumped out to meet her. My mom looked surprised to see Vicki, but that didn’t slow her down. They conferenced for a moment, then my mother came to the van.
“Okay, Kristen,” she said in a gentle tone that took me right back to my childhood scrapes and bruises. “We’re going to get you inside.”
Kristen nodded, and suddenly the parking lot filled with cars. Four vehicles arrived, and birthing center employees jumped out of the cars and raced into action.
I breathed a sigh of relief, and my mother shot me a quick smile, and then entered the van and to help Kristen out of the vehicle.
“I’m going to go inside and get a wheelchair,” she said. “You’re already very far along.”
Kristen made some sort of consenting noise around her pain, and my mother went inside and joined the birthing center staff for a few minutes.
“Dude,” Perry glanced back at me while she gingerly stepped out. “I forgot she was your mom.”
I smiled. “It’s a small town.”
“Well not as small as it used to be,” he smiled. “We’re increasing the population, by exactly one.”
“Or two if it’s twins,
” I said.
He looked at me horrified, as if the idea had never occurred to him.
“Good luck in there,” I said as I turned the van off and got out.
My mother reappeared with the wheelchair, and she and Perry helped Kristen into it. Perry rambled the whole time, explaining to my mom the timeline of the contractions and birth plan details. My mother just listened and nodded. I put my arm around Vicki, and we followed them inside.
Serenity Birthing Center was a small building. The inside was designed to look more like a contemporary styled spa, rather than a hospital. A dimly lit lobby had tranquil music piped in overhead. White leather couches sat in an L shaped around a glass coffee table, and a black chrome electric fireplace was carved into the marble wall. A couple of staffers in polos and slacks jettisoned around the room, flipping light switches and gathering paperwork.
“Just down there,” my mother pointed down a hall, and Perry wheeled Kristen down it, with a staffer leading the way to a closed door. My mother conferenced with another staffer for a beat and then turned to Vicki and me.
“I’m so glad you guys could be here for this,” she said. “Birthing new life is a beautiful, extraordinary moment. Messy, crazy, but beautiful.”
“Well,” I laughed. “It wasn’t how we expected to spend the evening.”
She smiled, and I saw a glint in her eye I hadn’t seen in a while. She was a nurturer, an earth mother. With Phoenix gone, she needed something to nurture. I was just glad she found something to make her happy.
“It may be awhile,” my mother said. “I can’t put a time on how long these things take. It all depends on the little one. But you are welcome to wait here, I’m sure.”
Vicki and I looked at each other and shrugged. “We’ll wait a bit,” I said. I expected Robbie and the others from Tranquility to arrive shortly, so it would likely turn into commune family time anyway soon.
“Okay,” my mother said. “We’ll let you know if there’s any progress.”
We settled into a couch, and a wall mounted television played a movie channel on mute. Vicki and I snuggled up and watched Titanic in subtitles.