by Dave Daren
“Think she is going to hire you to defend her?” He asked jokingly.
“There might be a conflict of interest there,” I chuckled.
“Oh yeah?”
“My other client, Neptune, told me he wants her behind bars for a really long time,” I continued. “And Neptune is loaded, so you know, money talks.”
“You’re evil,” he said. “But on the subject of Cindy.”
“Yeah, what’s that?” I asked.
“Perry,” he said. “Let’s do something for the poor guy.”
“Like what?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” he said. “He’s the only one out of this whole mess who elicits sympathy. Didn’t have a dad, and his mom went nuts. Never asks for anything. We got to think of something for him.”
“Hmm...” I said. “Let me sleep on that.”
“Alright,” he said. “See you around.”
“See you around,” I said and disconnected the call.
We arrived at the farm, and I had forgotten how odd the place looked. It was an open field, mainly, with a cluster of wooden buildings in the middle. But, today, tied to every tree, shrub, and surface were blue balloons.
“I’ve never been to a baby naming party,” I said.
“Me neither,” Vicki replied. “I think I thought it would be more like a shower. I brought a gift.”
“Really?” I hadn’t noticed.
She pulled a small envelope out of her purse. “We,” she said with emphasis, “got them a gift card to Blanc, dinner for two.”
“That’s not really for the baby,” I said. “And I don’t know if Blanc is really their thing.”
“Well,” she said. “All the websites say after the new baby, self-care is important. You also need to have couple time to stay connected. So you have to prioritize your relationship.”
“Uh, huh,” I said. “And how many of those websites did you read?”
“The whole first page on Google,” she said.
“I can tell,” I said.
“And besides,” she said. “I didn’t know what to buy.”
“Ah,” I said. “The truth comes out.”
“What do you get a kid who lives in a commune?” she said. “I mean, do they use diapers? Or do they do that natural toilet training thing?”
“Natural toilet training,” I groaned. “I think my mom tried that with Phoenix for about a week. It didn’t work out.”
Natural toilet training is based on the belief that the custom of using diapers is unsanitary to the point of cruelty. Instead of diapers, parents learn to tune in to their baby’s bio-rhythms and take the baby to the toilet as needed. In theory, it works. In practice though...
“I don’t know,” I said. “These hippie helicopter parents scare me.”
“Me too,” she laughed.
We arrived to the courtyard, which was modestly decorated with balloons, a few refreshments and, it looked like, a table of craft supplies. Tranquility people milled around, and I noticed a game of hacky-sack going on in a corner. I spotted Kristen standing near a table in a blue and white plaid dress and sandals. She looked tired but happy. She clapped when she saw us.
“Thank you guys for coming,” she hugged us both. “We couldn’t thank you enough for all your help that day. You helped bring our little one into the world!”
“No,” Vicki said. “You did that all on your own. You’re a superstar, look at you. You look great!”
“Oh,” she said. “That’s so sweet, but not true. I’m so stretched out and got so many stitches, it looks like a bloody horror film with three week old lunch meat down there.”
I rubbed my face when I realized she was referring to her vagina. Fortunately, Perry found me, and gave me a quick side hug.
“Good to see you,” he said. “Thanks for coming.”
“Good to see you too,” I said.
He smiled but his face held an odd expression, as if he were empty somehow. I imagined Cindy’s arrest was probably really hard on him, especially now.
“Get some refreshments,” Kristen invited warmly.
Vicki handed her the envelope. “This is from us, just a little something for you guys.”
“Oh,” Kristen smiled. “Thank you guys so much.”
They kept talking, and I found the refreshment table. It was cookies and punch on recycled paper plates. Robbie caught up with me.
“Hey, Rob,” I said. “Good to see you.”
“You were there when it happened, right?” he asked.
I knew pretty quickly what “it” was.
“Cindy?” I asked.
He nodded.
“Yeah,” I said. “I was there it when it went down.”
“I heard you were kind of part of it,” he said.
I froze as it occurred to me how delicate this whole scenario really was.
“I tried my best to diffuse the situation,” I said. “How’s Perry with it all?”
Robbie shrugged. “He’s pretty broke up about it. But, even he knows, hey, she put a gun to a guy’s head. That’s serious.”
I nodded. “Does he know about--”
“Alister,” he supplied. “Yeah. He always suspected. But now he knows.”
Kristen blew a whistle, and the crowd of about twenty people all turned around.
“Alright,” she said. “Let’s get this party going.”
Everyone clapped and gathered in the courtyard.
“Okay,” she said. “On the table are craft supplies and naming books. Have fun thinking up great names for the little one. We need ten ideas from everyone. Think up your ten best names. Have fun brainstorming and make your list fun and crafty. It breeds creative thinking.”
She held up the baby and everyone oohed and aahed.
“At the end,” she said. “We will have a contest for the best names. We have plenty of refreshments, so eat and drink as much as you want. But, most of all, just enjoy the party.”
Everyone cheered and clapped.
Vicki and I sat at a picnic table with Robbie. The table was littered with scrapbook paper, cardstock, markers and glue. In the corner of the table was a stack of baby naming books. Kristen circulated the courtyard, and Perry looked awkward at as to what to do at the party, so he came and sat with us.
“Hey, guys,” he said. “How’s everyone?”
“Great,” I said.
“These kinds of parties aren’t my thing,” he said and scratched his head. “I’m such a guy.”
Everyone laughed, and the image of Perry with a Crayola marker did seem a little off base. But, I could tell that wasn’t what was really bothering Perry.
“Alright,” I sighed. “We’re supposed to pick names. How should we approach this?”
Vicki laughed. “It’s not a business thing. It’s fun and creative. You just let your mind be free.”
“Right,” I said. “Let my mind be free.”
Robbie sat at the table and played with his hands and then picked up a piece of paper and a marker and absentmindedly doodled. Perry wasn’t even paying attention. He just sat there staring off. Vicki grabbed a baby name book and flipped through it, but the silence at the table squashed her mood. I called out the elephant in the room.
“I’m real sorry about your mom, Perry,” I said.
He came to for the first time and looked at me, “Yeah, me too. I wish she was here. This is her kind of thing.”
I fumbled around in my head for words, but Perry had his own.
“I don’t know what got into her,” he said. “Why she had to do all that stuff. I’m sorry she put you through that. I know you’ve been chasing after that zebra for a while.”
I laughed. “It was quite the adventure, I will say. I’ve been zebra hunting and tiger hunting this month, all courtesy of Cindy Greenwood.”
He smiled. “You know she told me about Alister.”
“She did, huh?”
He nodded. “But I knew. She worked for him all my life, and he would sponsor my s
ports teams as a kid, and buy me things like computers every once in a while. At first I thought it was just because my mom worked for him. But, one time, when I was sixteen, I was out with a bunch of buddies, we were drinking and getting into all sorts of trouble, and we got arrested. They just got us on disorderly conduct, but they didn’t know about everything else we were doing. We all got booked in jail, and I was so scared. Then, Alister showed up and bailed me out. I didn’t know why he came, instead of my mom. But when I went to court, the judge told me all the charges were dropped. I knew it was because of Alister. And that was when I figured out why.”
“Did you ever wonder why he didn’t tell you?” Vicki asked.
“No,” he said. “I knew why he didn’t tell me. It would have been complicated and messy considering my mom worked for him, and she was married to someone else at the time, plus he had these other kids and it all felt too weird. So one day he and I had a really, really strange conversation, and we talked around it all. It was ultimately resolved that he knew that I knew, and we were all okay with the balance. And that was how we left it.”
We all doodled around with the markers in silence for a few minutes.
“So we’re supposed to be naming this baby,” Vicki said. “Let’s come up with some ideas.”
I had an idea, but it wasn’t for the baby.
“Excuse me,” I said as I stood and rose from the table.
“Where are you going?” Vicki asked.
“I have to make a phone call,” I said.
I stepped off to a quiet corner of the courtyard and found a seat on the couch of the lounge room. I remembered the first time I had been there, and how different things were now. I called Earnie.
“I have an idea for Perry,” I said.
“Oh yeah?” he asked. “What’s that?”
“You ever heard of Coconino Brew?” I asked.
“Isn’t that their little kombucha thing? They sell it at Blanc,” he said.
“Yeah,” I said. “And they just landed a deal with Earth Market.”
“Good for them,” he said.
“They need to expand their facilities, and I think they might need an investor,” I said. “A really big investor.”
Earnie was quiet for a moment and then he laughed. “I’d have to consult the zebra, but I think if he’s got a good rate of return, he’d be good with that.”
“Great,” I said. “Do you want to deliver the news or should I?”
“Let me handle this,” he said. “I’ve always had a soft spot for that guy.”
“Wait,” I said. “Don’t tell me that you knew, too?”
“Yeah,” he said. “Pretty much everyone knew.”
“You put the idea in my head didn’t you?” I asked.
“Me? No! I would never do such a thing,” he laughed in mock outrage.
“Alright,” I said. “Well, you call Perry. You deserve the credit.”
We ended the call, and I went back to the table. Vicki gave me an odd look, and I just shook my head. She had a silver glitter pen in her hand and doodled name lists on a red cardstock heart in elegant feminine handwriting.
“How about ‘Drexel Vann,’” Robbie said. “Sounds like an action star.”
“Sounds like a mechanic,” I said.
“What’s wrong with a mechanic?” Robbie said. “It’s a perfectly legitimate job.”
“Well, yeah,” I said. “But no one wants to sound like a car part.”
“True,” he said.
Perry checked his phone. “Sorry, guys,” he said. “I gotta take this.”
I smiled at Vicki, and everyone continued to name the baby. I looked around the party, with laughter and food and friendship, and my lovely lady sitting beside me. I had never felt so content in my life. I had been bumping elbows with some of the most powerful men in the city, and arguably the state. I had a fifty million dollar estate under my management and defeated a band of cattle rustlers and even got to shoot a tiger with a tranq dart. What else could a guy want?
Perry showed back up in the courtyard, and his face was lit up.
“Guys, guys,” he shouted and everyone quieted. “I have an announcement. I just got off the phone with Earnie Green. Alister O’Brien’s estate wants to invest in Coconino Brew.”
There was loud cheering and applause.
“They have to work out the details,” he said. “But he’s talking about a multi-million dollar deal. He wants to make Cococino a global brand.”
I wondered how Earnie planned to do that now that he was retiring to Tahiti. Maybe he changed his mind? Maybe he wanted me to take the lead? The group silenced in sobered shock before they burst into more cheers.
“We’re going global?” Robbie said. “I can’t make that much tea!”
Everyone laughed, and Perry shook his head. “No, we’re going to update to a kick ass production facility. You’ll get a corner office, Rob.”
Robbie made a face. “That’s sort of what I came out here to avoid,” he muttered quietly.
I did wonder how a global brand fit into the credo of Tranquility.
“I thought he left all the money to the zebra,” someone said.
He smiled. “Well, he said as long as the brand generates a profit for the zebra, it’s a win-win.”
I looked around the property and realized this actually might be the perfect place for the zebra.
“Well, we should name a drink after the zebra,” Robbie said. “Neptune.”
“I have a better idea,” Perry said. “Let’s name the baby after the zebra.”
“Wait, what?” Robbie said.
Kristen laughed and caught eyes with Perry.
“After all,” he smiled. “Perry’s actually my middle name. My first name is Neptune.”
End Notes
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.