"He's outside and I'll get him in a few," he says. He grabs a chair and pulls it up to my bed. "What the hell were you thinking?"
"He was going to find out," I insist. "Noah was never going to let me live when he found out I knew everything. I wanted to be sure you had enough to keep him away from me."
Chase sighs and shakes his head. "That's my job. Not yours. You could have been killed. That boy out there is losing his mind thinking you had been shot dead."
"I'm sorry," I say with a sniffle. Tears start to form in my eyes, but I wipe them away quickly. Chase reaches over and wraps an arm around me. I let him comfort me for a little while. I've been holding everything in for too long. So tired of pretending, I let it go for a few minutes.
"I need to get your statement and I'll let him come in," he says.
I take a deep breath and pull out of his hold. With my chin high, I tell Chase what happened. I tell him about the day I was attacked and how Noah ordered for me to be killed. I give him the best description I can of the man who tried to kill him. I tell him about what was said when they found me watching them. Noah wanted me dead, but when I was found without my memory, that was good enough.
"My phone," I almost shout. "I had it recording the whole time."
"Okay. I will see if we can find it," Chase says.
A nurse bustles in and brings me Jell-O. "Sorry, dear. Dinner is over, but I snagged this knowing you would hungry."
"Thank you."
Chase stands and runs his hands through his light hair. He looks exhausted, still in his work uniform. He must have been waiting around all night for me wake up. "I'll send them in."
"Them?" I ask.
Chase smiles. "You have more people on your side than you think."
"One at time," the nurse shouts after him.
Chase pretends not to hear her, and a few minutes later, we break her rule. Paige, Aaron, Landon, and even Dr. Mason, come in, surrounding my hospital bed.
"You bitch," Paige whispers as she squeezes the air out me. "You scared me."
"I'm sorry," I say into her hair, my eyes meeting Landon's over her shoulder.
"Good thing you have such a hard head," Aaron jokes. I actually laugh, grateful for the break in the tension.
Once Paige pulls back, Dr. Mason squeezes my hand gently. "I'm glad to see you're okay."
I smile, but my eyes haven't left Landon. He's hanging back, watching us. His lip is busted and there's a small bandage over his right eyebrow. I can't read the expression on his face. I don't know what to expect from him. I would understand it if he was mad at me or never wanted to see me again. I lied to him, pushed him away, and almost got him killed.
"We will leave you two alone. I'll be back," Dr. Mason says. Almost like a father with his kids, he ushers Aaron and Paige out of the room. They whine a little but are pushed out anyway. It's silent when it's just the two of us. We continue to stare and I want to break the silence, but I don't know what to say. I hold my breath as he slowly walks toward me.
"I thought I lost you," Landon whispers.
"I'm so sorry," I say. More tears come but I don't wipe them away. This is the one person I don't need to hide from.
"Don't cry," he says with a broken look. "You're okay."
His large arms wrap around my body and I instantly feel protected. I hear his steady heartbeat in his chest and feel the warmth of his skin. He's real and he's here.
"You scared the shit out me, Willow," he says into my hair. "I thought you were gone."
I squeeze him harder, letting him know I'm here. The pain in his voice is all my fault. Landon pulls away, holding my face with both hands. I feel so small in his hold. His eyes are dark and glistening as they take in my face; it’s like he's seeing me for the first time.
"The image of you covered in blood will forever be etched in my mind," he rasps.
"It wasn't mine," I offer, although I know it doesn't change it.
He gives me a small smile and drops his hands to mine. "I also will never forget when you told me goodbye. I can replay finding that ring on your finger and leaving you in that closet all day long. The heartbreak that came with it. I'll never let go of how lost I felt without you."
"Landon," I plead.
I have no words that can take that back. For most of his life, Landon never let anyone close because he knew when they let him down, he would never be able to forget nor forgive. Wrapped in my own loneliness, I couldn't see how he could do that and never have anyone close. I see it now. The way my heart is breaking now is something I never want to relive.
"Shh," he whispers while putting his finger to my lips. "I also remember our first kiss and the way my heart beats faster whenever you're near. I can see you naked, sweaty, and glowing underneath me whenever I want. I hear you crying you love me over and over in my head."
Tears are streaming down my face and I feel them drip down to my chest but I don't dare move. I can barely breathe. When I thought it was all over, I let the truth finally be free. I told Landon I loved him because I never wanted him to think otherwise. It was the first honest thing I had said in so long; the relief was exhilarating.
"I can't change the way my mind works. I've tried for so long because I always saw this as a curse. But something has changed for me, Willow"
"What?" I ask. I feel like I'm standing on the ledge and ready to fall over. I just don't know what will catch my fall. His hands are tight on mine and everything fades around us.
"You. Every memory with you is worth all of the bad," he finally says. "I want all my memories to be with you. I want to continue to memorize your face, your laugh, and your body. I love you. "
I let out something that's a mixture of a cry and a laugh before throwing my arms around his neck. He breathes into my neck and holds me tight.
"I love you," I say through the tears. "I'm so sorry."
Landon holds me while I let my tears dry up and subside. They're tears of happiness, sadness, fear, and relief. The weight of my previous life lifts off my body, leaving me feeling light. I'm refreshed, a blank slate. Except I'm dirty and covered in dried blood. I pull back with the realization and look down at my hands.
"Come on. Let's shower," Landon says as he helps me to my feet. He leads me to the attached bathroom and locks the door behind us. I raise an eyebrow at him when he comes and starts to undo the strings of the grown.
"There's probably some sort of rule against this," I tease. The gown falls to my feet and I feel his eyes on my body like it's a physical touch. I watch silently as he undresses and starts the water. The shower stall is big enough for several people. I'm sure it was designed for that reason, but not the way we will be using it.
Landon eases me under the water, watching me closely as the spray hits my back. I feel like he's studying me. Memorizing me. I tilt my head back and let the water run through my hair. I feel his body on mine before Landon's fingers run through my hair. He takes his time, washing my hair carefully. His large hands are gentle and he’s careful to avoid touching my stitching.
The water at my feet is rusty colored as it washes the night away from our bodies. We take turns rubbing the soap over each other until our bodies are spotless. Landon looks perfect except for the few cuts on his lip and face and bruising on his chest. We were both so lucky to make it out of there in one piece.
"I'm sorry I hurt you," I say. My words don't feel like enough. "I never wanted you to get hurt, so I had to convince Noah that I didn't care about you."
"Willow," Landon interrupts. "We can't change the past. There's no point in living in it. Let's move forward."
I push up on my toes and slam my lips to his. Landon grunts and I remember the cut in his lip, but when I pull away, he pulls me back. Ignoring everything else, I kiss him like there's nothing in my way anymore, because there's not. No more lies or confusion. There's no one telling us to stop. No one else matters but Willow and Landon.
Landon drops to his knees, kissing a path from my chest down my
stomach. His lips touch every bruise and he wipes away the pain. I twist my fingers through his wet hair as he tastes every inch of my body. A small moan escapes when his tongue licks between my legs. He moans and I feel the vibration through my entire body. My legs start to tremble as the pleasure ricochets through by body.
Landon jumps to his feet and takes my lips in a hard kiss. Our tongues battle for power as he backs me against the wall. His hands grip my hips and lift. My legs wrap around his waist and I gasp when I feel him hard against me. Landon moans in my mouth as I rub against him, wanting every single piece I can get.
"Take me," I pant into the falling water. "Please."
He kisses my neck before pulling back to look at me. "I never could say no to you," he teases with a gentle smile.
Landon eases back and slowly pushes into me. I hold my breath and feel him stretching and sliding inside. Landon's eyes fall closed and I watch the clench in his jaw. When he's deep inside me, I let out the breath I was holding. I feel full and complete. Landon's eyes open and lock onto mine. His look is passionate and possessive and so hot. I feel myself clench around him and he starts to move.
Our panting echoes off the tiled walls. The water is going cold but neither one of us seems to notice. I feel myself building inside and getting higher. Every thrust pushes away the old. Every kiss erases the pain. The final pieces of the puzzle are connected. Me and Landon.
"Willow," Landon moans into my neck. "I love you."
"I love you," I whisper, my body clenching and convulsing around him as an orgasm rips through me.
I dig my nails into his back to keep from screaming his name. Landon pushes harder before burying himself deep and stilling. He nips and sucks at my neck, and I can feel him pulsing inside me. His grunts are muffled in my neck and I slowly come back down. We stay tangled together under the cold water for a while, trying to catch our breaths. When I shiver, Landon slowly eases me down to my feet and shuts off the water.
"Did I hurt you?" he asks with a worried expression.
"I'm perfect." Landon smiles and wraps a towel around me.
"Miss. Thorne!" A voice booms from the other side of the door followed by hard knocking. "Get out here. You're supposed to be resting!"
The nurse grumbles about kids these days and extra hormones in the chicken. I bite my lip but can't keep in the giggle. Landon laughs, resting his forehead on mine. I look up into his eyes and I finally feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.
I wake with a pain in my neck. With the adrenaline worn off, I finally feel all the aches and pains that I didn't feel last night. I groan as I sit up and lean back in my chair. The nurses took pity on me and allowed me to stay the night with Willow. I hear hushed voices and her hand is still in mine when I open my eyes.
"Morning," she says quietly. She looks tired but still beautiful. Even with the small scrapes and bruising. I glance around and notice we aren't alone.
"Landon," Dr. Mason greets, looking pointedly at our hands. I don't bother letting go. "I came to check on Willow. And you."
"I'm okay," I tell him. "I, um, I can explain," I start. I search for an excuse, but I really don't have one. He warned me not to become involved with a patient but I did anyways. I can't lie because I'm pretty sure I made that obvious last night. My project is probably at risk and he is most definitely going to be ending the project.
"No need," he says with a dismissive shrug. "As far as I'm concerned, your research is complete and your theory has substantial credit."
"What?" I ask, because really the project has been the last thing on my mind lately. At some point it stopped becoming about the research and about helping Willow.
"After reading the journal and hearing her story, I'm convinced that you collected valuable information on post-traumatic amnesia operates," he explains. "Willow gained her memory days ago. It's done."
I blink at him, letting it sink in. He's letting it go?
"It's obvious that her brain not only blocked out the memory of the attack, but everything that was associated with it. Such as the last three years she was involved with Noah," he continues. He glares at me, waiting for me to catch up.
"Oh," I whisper, and Willow shakes her head in amusement. "Right, I came up with that weeks ago."
The doctor stands and shakes my hand. "I can't wait to see the rough draft of the report soon. Take care. See you soon, Willow."
I watch Willow as she smiles and says goodbye. She looks small in the bed and it reminds me of when I first saw her. There's a difference now, though. Then, she was scared and weak, broken down by what had happened. Today, I see a girl strong enough to fight back and accept what she went through. She wasn't ready for it months ago, but she is now.
"Why are looking at me like that?" she asks me when she catches me staring.
"Just proud of you," I tell her honestly. I don't get to elaborate because the door swings open, startling us both.
"I'm here to spring you from this joint," Paige announces. She places some clothes on the bed and kisses Willow on the cheek. Aaron wanders in behind her and gives me a nod.
"Thanks," Willow says, picking up the clothes and looking at them. "Shit. I have nowhere to go. All my things, my clothes, everything is his! I don't want any of it."
"Well," Aaron interrupts her. "You can't get any of it, either. Feds have all his money and real estate seized at the moment."
"You can stay with me," Paige offers. "We have your violin!"
Willow's eyes light up and Aaron nods in agreement. I mouth a thank you to him. No matter what, we’ve always had each other's backs and it means the world he's looking out for Willow, too.
"Good," Willow says firmly. "I don't want any of it. That's all that was truly mine. I'm starting over."
The doctor arrives shortly after and completes the discharge for her. I help Willow change and she has to continually swat my hands off her. I can't help myself. Just knowing I can touch her whenever I want to makes it so much better. There are no consequences, fear, or hiding anymore. She's mine and I'm hers. There's nothing else that matters anymore.
"You know," I whisper against her lips. "You can stay with me if you want."
Willow leans up and kisses me softly. "I think I should stay with Paige for a little while." I raise an eyebrow and back away slowly so I can see her face.
"Because," Willow continues, seeing my confusion, "I love you, but I want to pick myself back up. I don't want someone else to do it for me. This time, I need to do this. I don't want to feel like you are holding me together."
I want to argue with her. I bite my tongue and fight the urge to throw her over my shoulder like a caveman and take her to my bed. I wouldn't mind locking her up in my room and keeping her there. But I know she needs this. As much as I want to fix it all for her, I believe she can do it for herself. Willow is stronger than she knows and needs to prove it to herself.
"However, I think it's perfectly acceptable to have sleepovers with my boyfriend," Willow says, her voice low and flirty.
"I like the sound of that," I tell her with a kiss. "Just know I will do anything for you."
"I know. Let's get out of here."
We find Aaron and Paige waiting in the hall. The four of us load into Aaron's Jeep and drive to Paige's apartment near campus. The area is nice with mostly student residents. She will be safe here and will always have Paige to lean on. When school starts, she will be close to campus and to her work. I hate admitting it’s almost perfect.
The inside of Paige's apartment is nice with a very girlish feel to it. It's decorated in bright colors and bursting with light. It feels more like a home than Willow's apartment ever did. The faded yellow couch is soft and swallows you in, complete with red accent pillows and an orange throw blanket. Paige's style is all over the small space.
My brother and I stay with the girls for dinner. Willow doesn't have much experience cooking since she never had to, but luckily Paige can cook. The four of chat and joke easily, ignori
ng what will come tomorrow or what happened the night before. I can tell when Willow thinks about it. Her eyes glaze over and she gets lost in her thoughts. I pull her out it with a kiss or a touch. Just like that, she's back with us.
When we stand to leave, Willow walks me to the door. Her hands are trembling in mine. I see the worry and questions in her eyes. What happens tomorrow? What comes next? How does she start over knowing everything she knows? The future used to be all that she could see, but now it's too blurry to make out.
I lean down, taking her lips in kiss. With a hand on the back of her head, I pull her closer and slip my tongue past her lips. I taste and nip until I'm sure I’ve wiped out any other thoughts.
"Can I stay tonight?" I whisper in her ear. I see her shiver when I breathe down her neck and she nods.
"I'd like that," she admits. With a relieved smile, she leads me to the bedroom that will be hers for now.
"I'm not going anywhere," I tell her.
And I'm not. I will be here for whatever she needs. If she wants space, I will give it to her. When she needs to be kissed and forget everything around her, I will do that for her. Willow wants to stand on her own two feet, but I will be braced behind her to cheer her on or catch her if she falls. I will be here to watch her stand up from the rubble. I will be her lifesaver when she's drowning.
I hold Willow as she sleeps. Her smell wraps around me and I listen to the sound of her breathing, grateful for every breath. When someone falls asleep, the brain recaps the day’s events as you drift into unconsciousness. As the memories flash in my head like a slide show, I see the smile on her face. I feel the way her hand felt in mine—warm and mine. The bad will always be there, but it won't control me or smother out the good I see with Willow.
Noah's trial dragged on for eight months. His father hired the best lawyer money could buy. After many delays and extensions, Noah finally saw his day in court. Noah pled guilty on the charges of soliciting my attack, so thankfully I never had to testify in court. In exchange for his testimony on other players involved in the trafficking, he took a plea deal. He won't see the outside of a jail cell for a very long time.
Memorized Page 20