by Nicole Helm
Because she was too afraid he’d offer another lie, and she’d believe it as gospel.
“Sun’s going down,” Tucker said, his voice rusty with disuse. “We should camp.”
“Camp,” Rachel echoed. Up to this point, she hadn’t been afraid, not really. In the moments Tucker had been fighting Shay, yes, but after that there’d been too many other feelings. Sadness, fury, hurt and the ache in her hand from punching Shay had taken up too much space to be truly afraid.
But now the idea of camping had those beats of panic starting in her chest.
“I’m sorry. It’s the only way,” Tucker said gently. He brought the horse to a halt and he got off. Since she couldn’t see the ground, she had to let him help her dismount.
Rachel immediately pulled away from his grasp, though she kept her feet in the same place since she couldn’t be sure she wouldn’t trip and fall.
“So, what’s the plan?” she asked flatly.
He handed her something. Her cane. It took her a moment to register that and to take it. They’d left in such a hurry, but he’d thought to grab her probing cane.
After lying to you about everything.
“Right now? The plan is to keep you away from North Star.”
“For how long?” she asked.
“As long as we need to.”
“We’re just going to camp in the hills until someone magically alerts us to the fact North Star no longer needs me?”
“You still have your phone,” he reminded her.
“It doesn’t have service out here.” She was completely alone in the wilderness with a man who...who she’d trusted and who’d lied to her. About the most important things. “Sarah is going to be worried sick.”
“She would be worried sick if you’d stayed—because Shay would have taken you, or someone else would have come and finished the job. At least she’ll know you’re with me.”
It was true, but that didn’t make it comforting. Maybe because she knew Tucker would have stood up for her. He would have fought and protected her against all the people North Star sent. Liar that he was. “I don’t camp.”
“I know,” he said, with enough weight that she figured he understood it was because it reminded her of that night. Of her memories or dreams. She’d been alone in the wilderness when the mountain lion had attacked, or at least that’s what she’d believed until lately.
“I’m sorry this has touched you, Rachel. I wish I could make it not.”
She wanted to ask him if that was another lie, but she understood in that statement that while Tucker had lied to her about facts, he’d never lied to her about feelings. He’d promised to try to keep her father safe—and he had been working to do that. He’d promised her father to keep her out of it.
He’d failed, and likely was busy heaping all sorts of guilt on himself. She wished that made her feel better, but it actually deflated some of her anger.
“He’s my father. It was always going to touch me no matter what you did, Tucker.”
He didn’t respond, and she could hear the sounds of him making camp. He’d gotten her out of the house so quickly she didn’t know how he’d had time to gather supplies, but he seemed to have enough.
“I know you don’t want to camp. I wish there was another way,” he finally said, so grave and... It wasn’t fair. She couldn’t be mad at him when he was beating himself up.
“You know, the same thing would have happened even if you’d told us the truth from the beginning. Didn’t Shay basically say that phone North Star gave you was tracking everything?”
“Maybe if I’d been a better liar, you’d be just fine at home.”
“Is that what you want? To be a better liar?”
He expelled a loud breath. “No.”
“That’s why you were going to quit. Well, Dad threw a wrench in your plans, and so did my dreams.”
“That sounds a lot like absolution. And misplaced blame.”
“It’s neither. You did what you had to do. And I can’t control my dreams.”
“You should be mad at me.”
“Oh, I am,” she told him. “I’m mad at you. I’m irritated with myself. I’m downright furious with Dad. I don’t want to camp. I don’t want to run. I don’t want any of this.”
“I’m sor—”
“I don’t want your apologies, either. I want the lies to end. And I want Dad back in one piece. So, we have to figure out how we’re going to do that. We can’t wait. We can’t play the hide-Rachel-away-in-a-safe-corner game. We have to fight. For my father. We have to help him. However we can.”
* * *
RACHEL SOUNDED FIERCE, and looked it, standing there in the fading daylight, probing cane grasped in one hand, the other clenched in a fist. Her expression was hard and determined.
He wished he could agree. Immediately support her. “If I knew how to do that, I would have already done it.”
It was humbling to admit. He’d seen no real way to help Duke except protect Rachel and he’d failed. He’d brought her more into the fold by not suspecting McMillan might be listening in.
The bastard had listened in on private conversations. Rachel’s dream aftermath. Talking about her mother and the buttons.
He fingered the key in his pocket. Duke already knew his past. There were no secrets to be uncovered. Whatever the key unlocked, Duke knew about it. Had locked something up. It wouldn’t help him now. In fact, it was probably best if it stayed buried.
“Dad’s being threatened by this Vianni family, through the Sons, according to North Star.”
“It’s not just North Star’s story. Your father was there when McMillan told me about it. It’s true.”
She nodded sharply. “Okay. It’s true. North Star is supposed to keep him safe, but both you and Shay acted like they’re trying to use Dad as some kind of bait to get enough evidence on the Sons. But to what end? To arrest them all? Kill them all?”
“I’m not privy to North Star’s plans.”
“No, but Shay said that it’s gotten too mission focused. They’re not caring about people. I don’t want Dad to be collateral damage.”
“I don’t either, Rachel.”
“I know you don’t.” She moved forward using her cane to avoid the dips and bumps in the ground.
Tucker had found the flattest, most even ground he could, but he’d wanted to stay in the hills and trees as much as possible.
“But North Star knows everything about Dad, and presumably they know a lot about the Viannis and the Sons. They don’t need him there.”
“They’re protecting him.”
“Are they?” she returned. “Or did they say that to you, maybe even to him, but what they really meant is they’re using him?”
It was a horrible thought. Even if he didn’t agree with everything North Star had done, he believed in their mission. “Your Dad went to them willingly. He had some connection to their leader. Or the leader’s dad. Something about him being the reason he had this WITSEC life here. He had to believe they were going to...fix things or he wouldn’t have gone.”
“But I don’t. I don’t believe that at all. When one of their own, a woman sent to take me, let’s us go instead... Something is very, very wrong. I want my father out. Screw their mission. You said that.”
“I did. And I meant it in regard to Shay’s particular mission of kidnapping you. But I don’t want to sabotage North Star. Even if I don’t approve of their methods, I approve of what they’re doing. I support what they’re doing.” How had this gotten so messed up? “Bringing down the Sons is important.”
“It is. Should my father die for it?”
“I don’t think North Star would let that happen.” But their attempted kidnapping of Rachel made him uncomfortably concerned.
“You don’t think.”
Tucker raked his
hands through his hair. “People are after him. Dangerous people. Regardless of the Sons or North Star, your father was a target.”
“Because he did something right. Don’t you know what that’s like?”
It snapped something in him. That leash on his temper and his emotions he fought so hard to keep tethered. “Yeah, I do. I know it’s living your life in fear, wondering when it shows up to take you down. I know it’s watching your brothers get hurt over and over again by this thing you escaped, while you can’t do a damn thing about it. Knowing you don’t even rate to be a target because apparently you’re not that much of a threat to their kind of evil. I know what it’s all like, Rachel, and I’m telling you, we can’t do anything about it.”
She blinked. “Tuck—”
He was so horrified by his torrent of words that had nothing to do with her or this situation, he turned his back on her. “No. It’s not about me. It’s about Duke.”
“Tucker—”
“I said no. I won’t steal your father out of the North Star’s hands, not with you. I can’t protect you both from all the different forces after you. I got you out of there so they can’t use you, can’t use your dreams. Because Duke would have wanted me to keep you safe and because it’s the right thing.” Because the thought of putting her in any more danger just about ripped him in two.
He had to stop this...emotion. It was weak. It was...
Wasn’t that what Ace told you? Emotion is weak? Caring is weak?
“Would you do it without me?” Rachel asked firmly, breaking through those old memories of his father.
He’d promised to not let himself lose control. The whole tirade about the Sons and his brothers was bad enough. He wouldn’t say anything else stupid. But how could she say that? How could she think he’d leave her behind? To think he’d ever, ever let her be a target.
He moved to her, telling himself to keep it locked down. He didn’t lose his temper. He didn’t lose control. Not because emotions were weak as Ace had always said, but because he had to handle this.
But he wanted to grab her by the arms and shake her. He wanted to do all manner of impossible, disastrously ill-advised things.
Instead, he stood in front of her, maybe a few inches too close, and kept his voice ruthlessly controlled. “Let’s make one thing very, very clear. There is not a damn thing I will do without you right now.”
She stood very still. The sun had disappeared behind the hills, though there was enough light to still make her out. She wouldn’t be able to see anything, even shapes in this light. Still, she moved unerringly into him, wrapping her arms around him.
A hug. A comfort.
He couldn’t return it. He couldn’t push her away. He could only stand there still as a statue, her arms around him and her cheek pressed to his chest.
“Hell, Rach. Be mad at me. Hate me. I can’t stand you being nice to me right now.”
“I guess it’s too bad for you, because I can’t stand to be mad at you right now.” She pulled back, tilted her head up toward his. “If you told me right now, promised me right now, that you won’t lie again, I’ll believe you.”
Even knowing he shouldn’t, he placed his palm on her cheek. “I’m sorry. I can’t do that.”
Chapter Twelve
Rachel didn’t move away from his hand, even though Tucker’s words were...not what she’d expected. At all. She liked the warmth of his calloused palm on her cheek, and she liked how close he was as night descended around them.
She shouldn’t be concerning herself with warmth. Or how nice it felt. When he was telling her that he wouldn’t promise not to lie.
“Why not?” she asked, and the fact it came out a breathy whisper surprised her, as much as the fact he didn’t remove his hand. Instead, his thumb brushed back and forth over her cheekbone.
A sparkling heat shimmered underneath her skin, in her blood. She didn’t understand it. Not when it was Tucker touching her, but she could hardly deny it existed. The feeling was too big and real and potent.
His voice was low and rough when he spoke. “I can’t promise to never lie. I lied to Brady and Cecilia last month. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done—to lie to my brother like that. Knowing they were both suspicious of me. But I’d do it all over again. I’d have to. Because I was trying to accomplish something good and right. If I had to lie to protect you, Rachel, I would. Any of you. Your sisters. My brothers. Your father. Anyone.”
She might not have believed him, except she knew from Cecilia he had definitely lied to Brady. His own brother. Even when Cecilia had been convinced he’d been turned into a Sons member, Brady had trusted him. Even with the lies.
If his own brother could—did—how could she not?
“Okay.” She didn’t dare nod because he might take his hand away. “Okay.”
“We’ll camp tonight, and maybe in the morning we’ll have a clearer idea of what to do. I managed to grab enough supplies for a day or two for us and Buttercup. This is temporary. Until we figure out how to fix this.”
She had no idea how they were going to do that, but it didn’t feel so impossible with Tucker touching her. Despite everything, she believed in him. He’d gotten them this far. He’d fought off Shay. Convinced her to let them go.
“I want my dad to be safe. I don’t want this awful thing to come back and hurt him. He did the right thing, and he had to give up his whole life. It isn’t right that he managed to build a new one and they want to take it away from him.”
“No, it isn’t. If I knew what to do... If I had any clue, I’d do it. That I can promise you.”
She nodded, the scrape of his rough hand against her cheek a lovely, sparkling distraction from the fear and confusion roiling inside of her.
He didn’t need to promise her anything, but of course he would. She had a plethora of good men in her life, and it often insulated her to the fact that bad people like Ace Wyatt and whoever was after her father existed. She so seldom remembered what an enormous miracle it was that Tucker and his brothers had escaped the Sons and become...them.
Good men, determined to do good in the world. Maybe not perfectly. He had his issues. That whole spiel about not being worth the Sons’ notice because he wasn’t a threat.
If anything underscored all her hurt, it was that. Tucker put on a face for the world that he was perfectly adjusted, a good detective, brother, man. And he was those things.
But he didn’t think he was.
She didn’t know how to make him believe he was all the things she thought he was. She could only lean into his hand, lean into him and this feeling.
She still didn’t know how she felt about being attracted to Tucker, about the possibility he felt the same way. She didn’t want to be a domino of Knight girls falling in a line for the Wyatt boys.
But everything swirled inside of her obscuring what she didn’t want. She could only think of what she did.
“If they don’t think you’re a threat, they don’t understand you. Caring about people isn’t a weakness, Tucker.” She placed her hand on his chest when the moment didn’t evaporate like she’d been afraid it would. “You don’t need to be in North Star or putting yourself in mortal danger to be as strong as your brothers, as important. You solve problems. You take care of people. That’s just as important as putting your life on the line.”
He inhaled sharply, but his hand was still on her face. He was so close, their bodies brushing in the increasing darkness around them. “Rach, I don’t know what to say to all that.”
His voice was as rough as his hand. He was as strong as she’d said, standing there so close. She couldn’t resist tipping her mouth up...wishing for something she’d promised herself she couldn’t possibly want.
Then his mouth touched hers. Featherlight. No one had ever kissed her before, and she’d always figured it would take some mirac
le—getting off the ranch, away from her overprotective father and sisters, into a life that was independent and hers, and when would that ever happen.
But it was Tucker Wyatt. She didn’t need to convince him she was independent—even when he was protecting her, it was only because that’s what he did.
It ended far too quickly. The kiss. His hand on her cheek. The sound his footsteps made had her thinking he stumbled back and away, as if he’d realized whom he’d kissed.
“We should get some sleep,” he said, his voice tight.
She barked out a laugh, couldn’t seem to help the reaction. He’d kissed her and he was talking about going to sleep. He was ignoring it. Coward. “You kissed me.”
“Forget it. It was... Just forget that.”
“Forget it? Why would I?”
“Wrong place. Wrong time. Wrong everything.”
She frowned at that. Intellectually, he was probably right. Wrong time certainly, which went along with place. But... “It didn’t feel so wrong.”
“Well, it was,” he said firmly.
So firmly that she thought maybe she was missing something. “Why?”
“Why? Because...”
She waited impatiently for him to come up with this reason she was missing. “Because?” she demanded when he was just silent.
“Because you’re...you’re like a sister to me.”
She snorted. It was such a pathetic grasping at straws. “Then you’re a pervert, Tucker. You don’t check out your sister’s boobs and then kiss her.”
“I didn’t! I never...”
“Sarah said you did.”
“I...”
“Maybe you can’t promise to lie to me, but if you lie to me about this, I won’t forgive you. Period.”
He was quiet for a long stretched-out moment. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Why did you kiss me?”
“You want the truth? Here and now of all places? Fine. Maybe I owe that to you after all this. Yeah, I’m attracted to you. I don’t have a clue as to why...why now. I just am. It’s just there. Then you had to go say all that stuff, looking up at me like you meant it.”