“What are you doing here, Stevie?”
“I’m here because whatever early twenties life crisis you’re going through, you don’t want to talk to your friends about it.” I twisted off the cap, taking a drink. “And since I’m not a friend, but still someone who knows you, and who has vast amounts of knowledge, life experience, and is excellent at advice, why not me?”
“You’re my therapist now?” He grabbed his beer, nipping off the top, taking a long pull.
“Psychoanalyst,” I corrected him, lifting his eyebrows. “Because you’re psycho, and I’m gonna analyze that.”
He choked on a gulp, trying to swallow through a laugh. For the first time in a long time, not counting when I was around Whiskey, a huge smile beamed across my face.
His shoulders bounced as he snickered. “Ahhh, Stevie.” He wagged his head.
“Don’t tell me you forgot my witty humor and my petulant need for everyone to agree the glass is half empty? I mean, why is it only half full? Fill that sucker up to the top,” I exclaimed, whipping my arm up.
Chris’s head raised, staring at me. “No. I could never forget that.” He shifted, regarding the fridge. “Just been a while.”
Almost two years. Not that I had noticed at all.
We were quiet for a few moments. The question he had to know was coming strained the space between us.
“So what excuse did you give Hunter as to why you are not at the hospital?” I set down my beer. “For not being by at a friend’s side while she goes through one of the worst experiences of her life?”
“Wow.” He pulled away from the table, moving around the counter, putting it between us. “You are never one to sugarcoat shit.”
“No,” I agreed. “Especially when you are being a pussy. There is no excuse; you get that, right? One of your best friend’s babies is separated from her, probably in surgery as we speak, hanging on to life.”
Chris moved around, not able to meet my gaze, his hand rubbing his forehead.
“What is going on with you?” I watched him pace like a caged tiger. “Seriously, you are acting as if the one thing you passionately love dumped you first. I know the circuit wants you back. You are pushing away your friends and being a hard-hearted asshole.”
“You mean I’m acting like you.” His head snapped to me, lids narrowed.
I felt his words like a punch. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Remember you can’t bullshit a bullshitter.” He scoffed. “It’s why we would never have worked. We both like hiding behind it. And even the person closest to us doesn’t know how dark it is.”
Inhaling through my nose, I leaned away from him, feeling each word like a bullet. I had never told anybody my secret. Not one person. It was something I buried so deep, it was like a separate entity. But it was as if Chris could peel away every layer, exposing my most guarded horrors.
A vindictive smile ghosted his face as though he was aware he hit the bull’s-eye, even if he didn’t know what it was.
“Go ahead,” I snarled, forcing myself to move up to him. “Tear me apart if that’s what makes you feel better. I know that trick too. You want the focus off you? Hurt me so it eases yours? Bring it, Ape-boy. I can take it.”
He moved in closer, his body heat slipping and sliding over my skin. His toes knocked into mine, as he loomed over me. His bare chest brushed against the fabric of my top.
“You are so full of shit,” his voice came out cruel and hoarse. “You act like you are so tough, but I know you better than you think.”
“Really? Oh please, do tell,” I mocked, glowering up at him. “I’d love to hear what profound things you know about me. I mean, since our time together was so philosophical.”
He huffed, amused.
“Right, I’m the dumb ape.” Condescension coated every syllable like batter. “Label me and keep me safe in a box, right? Like you do all the rest you deem worthy enough to receive your attention for as long as you allow. We should be grateful we got to roll in your glory for that brief moment.” He tilted his head, his mouth so close I could almost feel it against my temple, but his manner was distant and callous. “Call us character names because you don’t want us to be real to you; that would be too scary. What would happen if you allowed yourself to realize we have emotions that aren’t one-dimensional? That you might have feelings for someone else? If you control how close people get to you, we can’t hurt you and you don’t have to feel anything genuine for anyone else.”
A boa constrictor wrapped around my frame, squeezing in until I couldn’t breathe or move.
“So, tell me, Stevie.” He reached up, tucking a strand of my long wavy hair behind my ear, but it felt anything but intimate. Meticulous. Cold. As though playing with me. “What dark secret are you keeping? Because if I’m psychoanalyzing you…not long after your father died, you suddenly shifted to sleeping with girls and turned everyone you fuck into a Disney character. Hmmm…definitely throws up a red flag. But I think there’s more to it.”
Every wall ripped away, leaving me vulnerable. Terrified. “Fuck you.”
“Already did that.” He grabbed my arms, pressing his body into mine. “Oh, you probably would only recognize me by my synonym, Tarzan.”
Shoving him away, I snatched up my bag, my brain shifting into feral mode, like a cornered animal. All I knew was I had to get out. Run.
I bolted from this house and down the stairs, dashing for my car, my lungs clenching, strangling on the air trying to get into my lungs. My hands trembled with anger and fear as I fumbled to get the keys in the engine. From the corner of my eyes, I saw his silhouette in the doorway, moving down the stairs.
Fuck. No.
Desperate to get away before he reached me, I lurched the car out of the spot so fast the tires squealed. I spun the wheel, tearing out of the parking lot, leaving him merely an outline in my rearview mirror.
Where he belonged.
Darkness and shadows, no details, but masses moved around me. Hands, dozens of them, bled into the next until my whole body was frozen in place. Struggling, I strained to fight, to move. Terror lapped at my lungs, and I tried to scream, but nothing came out.
Helpless.
Petrified.
My fear fossilized my muscles.
The world shifted and twin lights blazed into my vision, again I couldn’t move. I saw the grill of the car in clearest detail, the shrill sound of a horn violent and angry, tires screeching.
All the pain. Loss. Grief.
It slammed into me…
Relief.
Bolting up in a dark room, I gasped for air, sweat trailing down my temple and back. Just a dream. It’s okay. You’re home. I rubbed my chest like I was soothing a screaming baby, my heart still thrashing against my ribs.
My gaze darted to the fan next to my bed, the whirling sound and motion hypnotic and strangely soothing. Throwing off my blankets, the bed creaked as my toes touched the wooden floor.
I walked to my window, opening the blinds. Glimmers of dawn diluted the black sky. I couldn’t decide if I wanted the light or not. With the night you could hide in the shadows, exist on another plane where things didn’t count and nothing was truly real. Then the harsh light of day showed the ugliness you found beautiful in the darkness.
Lately, the “witching hour” haunted me, bared all my truths I didn’t want to acknowledge. I wasn’t one of those people who wanted to find the meaning of life or some existential question of who I really was. I was good with keeping that crap buried. Only decent people were willing to strip down, let their cute little demons out, and face the image in the mirror.
The truly twisted knew better.
Jaymerson was the only one who could touch the darkness in me. She’d gained a similar awareness after her accident and Colton’s death. She knew there were things I didn’t tell her, but she never pushed. Otherwise, people took me at face value. Fun, snarky, flighty Stevie Colvin, who no one could pin down. Best friend in the
moment, but as soon as I walked out the door, likely to forget your name. Everyone thought they were my actual friends when, in reality, I had none until Whiskey.
I had always been a bit of a loner and independent, but there was a time when I was more open. When life was innocent and filled with magic.
Sitting on my windowsill, I curled my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. Chris’s assertion of my character rolled over me like dirt I couldn’t rub off. He wasn’t supposed to see me. Tarzan was supposed to stay in the jungle, sex the only way we communicated. He stuck around a lot longer than anyone else as it was.
Until I caught him with another girl.
I know the shock showed on my face when I walked in on him, and I hated that I let him see he could hurt me. At least that moment put him back in his place. And me in mine. I didn’t get attached. We had just been having fun and now it was over.
I loathed I let him get under my skin. Seeing him earlier was a mistake. One I wouldn’t be making again.
Tarzan, Ape-boy, and Christopher Singer…they were nothing but one-dimensional characters in a movie.
All I had to do was switch off the TV.
Chapter Six
Giggles and splashes rose from the pool as Reece and her best friend, Chloe, played on the large rafts. As usual Whiskey and I were tucked far under the large umbrella, drinking sweet tea, as if no time had passed at all.
Hunter took Cody to the hospital before both of them would head over here and join the pool party.
“Is it hotter than normal today?” I fanned myself, peeling my sticky legs up to shift on the lounge. “Shit, it’s as if I moved into Satan’s ass and started a fire.”
Jaymerson grinned at me, taking another sip of her tea.
I huffed, changing position again, the heat adding to my irritable mood. Jayme continued to watch me, her eyebrows curving up.
“What?” I wiped my forehead and took a large sip of my cool drink. I was normally a restless person, and living in New York only added to my anxiousness. Today it felt torturous to sit, but at the same time, the idea of moving sounded exhausting. No porridge, chair, or bed was just right for me today.
“Nothing.” Whiskey cranked an eyebrow up higher, a knowing curve hinted on her lips. She hadn’t asked me about the night before, but I knew she knew I went over to Tarzan’s. She was waiting for me to confess first. She understood me. Most people pushed and that just made me retreat. She sat quietly, waiting for me to burst open.
“Nothing my ass,” I snarled, sitting up and swinging my legs over to the side. My muscles itched and burned to move, like being bitten by fire ants.
“As far as I know, you stayed home, spending quality time with your mother last night.” Jayme held back her grin, shading her eyes to watch her sister cannonball off the side, sinking her friend’s raft. High-pitched giggles floated from both of them as Chloe scrambled out of the pool for her turn. “How was bonding time with Mom?”
“Shut up,” I grumbled, which got a chuckle from her. “Fine. Yes, you already know I went over to his place.”
A full smile arched her lips and she sat back, staring at me. “And?”
I wiggled, shifting around. “Didn’t exactly go as I thought.”
“What were you thinking would happen?”
Ugh. That was the question right there, wasn’t it?
“I don’t know, but…” I exhaled, pulling my legs up to my chest, staring out toward the pool but not really looking at anything. “Something is going on with him, and I guess for a stupid moment I thought…”
“He would open up to you.” She filled in for me.
“Completely ridiculous. Believe me, I know.”
“Why is it ridiculous?” Jayme turned to face me.
“Because we hate each other,” I exclaimed.
“Wow.” Whiskey grinned. “Hate, huh?”
“No, I meant we’re apathetic. We are totally indifferent to each other. We had a fling a zillion years ago, but it meant nothing. No different from the rest.”
“Sure.”
“Stop looking at me like that.” I tucked my knees higher into my chest.
“Stevie, you are good at deflecting, and maybe it works on others…but I know you. And I’ve seen you two together. Yesterday, after not seeing you two together for so long, only confirmed you guys are anything but indifferent to each other.”
I stared down at my empty glass. “I’m gonna go get a refill.”
“Hey.” She touched my arm gently. “You guys had more than a fling. It’s okay to care about him.”
Care. Caring covered so much. I cared about what color I was going to dye my hair next; I cared about the record store. But when it came to people who actually mattered, it was extremely hard for me. I didn’t do that middle ground well. Either I was neutral or I loved something so much it destroyed me.
Every bit of my mind, heart, soul, and body had already been destroyed and crushed into nothing. I rebuilt, but this time with impenetrable armor and walls so it would never happen again.
“Chris is going through something.” Jayme slipped her feet to the ground, facing me. “We all know he is not acting like himself. You can say a lot of things about Chris, but he’s not cruel or selfish. He’s the guy who will do anything for his friends.” She shook her head. “Whatever it is, he’s pushing us away.” She tapped on my wrist. “I think you are the one person who could reach him.”
“Me?” I snorted. “Obviously not.”
“Don’t give up on him, Stevie.” She slowly shook her head. “He needs you right now…and I think you might need him too.”
A forced laugh belted from my chest. “The last thing I need is Ape-boy.”
“Oh, Stevie.” She shook her head. “So wise about others, but totally blind when it comes to yourself.”
“Believe me, I’m not the girl you should be talking to,” I muttered, keeping my attention on the commotion in the pool.
“Who then? You think those one-night stands mean anything to him? Please.”
“No…” I tried to ignore a stab of anger that flushed up the back on my neck. “Maybe you should be talking to Megan.”
Her brows furrowed. “What does Meg—”
“Auntie Jay-Jay!” A little boy yelled from the door, cutting Jayme off. Hunter walked behind the waddling three-year-old, Cody’s arms outstretched for Jayme, wearing swim trunks with motorcycles all over them. He idolized his uncle. Wanted to be just like him and was obsessed with everything Hunter did.
Jayme had said it took a while for him to stop calling Hunter Daddy, but now he seemed fine with the adjustment, not appearing to remember Hunter had a different moniker at one time.
“Hey, little man.” Jayme popped up from the lounge chair and swept him up in her arms, kissing his cheek.
“I’m not little. I’m three!” He struggled to hold up three fingers.
“That’s right. You are a big man now.” She grinned at him on her hip. He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a hug.
“Hey.” Hunter came up to her side, his hand brushing her back as he kissed her temple over Cody’s head. Jayme peered up at him, both exchanging a look so full of love and heat, the temperature went up a few more notches.
“Hey, Stevie.” Hunter pulled his baseball cap down farther on his head, blocking the sun. “So how was your night?”
I glared at Jaymerson.
“What?” Her eyes went wide. “I didn’t tell him.”
“I passed by Chris’s last night on my way back from the hospital. Saw your car.” He shrugged, tugging at his shirt. “Damn, it’s hot today.”
“It’s not what you think,” I clarified.
“Sure.” He winked, pulling his T-shirt over his head, exposing his ripped torso, swim trunks riding low. “It never has been with you two.” He chuckled. “You ready to go in, big man?” Hunter reached for Cody. Cody bounded from Jayme to Hunter, chirping with excitement.
“Hunter!” Reece shrieked
from the side of the pool. She was turning eight soon and overnight had become a preteen already. She had such a sweet little girl crush on Hunter it was hilarious. She got so bubbly and excited when he was around. “You’re here!” She bounced on the edge of the pool, twirling her wet hair with one hand. The girl flirted better than I could.
“Better watch out, Whiskey; young Holloway is after your man and, I have to say, a far better flirt than you are.” I nodded to where Reece was leaping on Hunter’s back in the pool as he bobbed Cody around the shallow end.
“Yeah. I know.” Jayme smiled at the innocent infatuation, plopping back down on the chair. “I don’t remember being into boys this early, but she went from little girl to teenager overnight. I think Chloe is a huge influence. She snuck over one of those teen magazines full of boy bands, like it was contraband. They were in Reece’s room giggling and squealing over it.”
“Oh no. She’s in the boy band stage. I am so sorry. That’s a cruel, pitiless, horrible phase for all those around with ears.”
“Tell me about it.” She picked up her empty glass and scowled. “So, what did you mean earlier about…”
“Why don’t I get us both refills?” I jumped up, grabbing our glasses and heading inside, removing myself from what I knew was coming. A moment of anger had gotten the better of me. I would not let it happen again. It wasn’t worth stirring up trouble in the group.
Slipping into the kitchen, I poured more tea into our cups, watching the ruckus in the backyard. Jayme had waded into the pool just below her shorts. Hunter moved toward her and muttered something in her ear that made her blush. She rose onto her toes and kissed him. It was quick, but you could see their love. Their connection was something everyone around felt profoundly. They just belonged together. It was like a fuckin’ chick flick. It made you long for something like that at the same time you wanted to throw up in your popcorn.
She took Cody from him while he tossed Reece and Chloe around the pool. Laughter and happiness packed the air, suffocating me. Jayme told me she didn’t want to even think about kids until after thirty. She loved her career and life as it was, but I felt as though we’d stepped forward in time. I could easily see this as their life, their kids. Not necessarily here in this town. Knowing Jayme, it would probably be in Italy or some place like that, but they’d be so happy. They’d have the contentment I longed for but knew I’d never have.
Twisted Love (Blinded Love Series Book 3) Page 5