by Raven Dark
Good God, help me.
“Well, enjoy your…whatever that is. I’m going back to bed.” The less time I spent around this man, the safer I was.
I turned to head back to the bedrooms, but his hand captured my elbow. His grip wasn’t rough, but there was an unmistakable command in it.
“What are you running from, alia?”
“I…nothing. I’m just not hungry.”
“And yet you were here, at the food dispenser.” His soft voice washed over me. His grip felt suddenly hot and forbidden on my skin, coaxing to the fore-feelings I was far from ready to deal with.
“Z’pheer, just let me go, okay?”
He shook his head and carefully pulled me back so that I was standing beside the dispenser, in front of him once more. “Tell me what you’re running from.”
“I’m tired.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Oh? Are you an expert on human sleep cycles, kassak?” It pissed me the hell off that I was anything but tired, every muscle in me coiled with longings that, if I acted on them, would only take me deeper into the minefield of emotions he evoked.
His brow lifted at my tone. His hand left my arm only for the back of his hand to caress my cheek, a feather light touch that made me shiver with delight. “What are you afraid of?”
“I’m…” I trailed off. His eyes searched mine, and I swore he could see right through me. Right through to the terror that tore at my insides. Terror that he could hurt me in a way so much deeper than Raul, and without even laying a hand on me. “It’s complicated, Z’pheer.”
His lips twitched. “In my experience, alia, when a woman says that to a man, it means that man, or men, has made her feel things she thinks she isn’t supposed to feel. She feels things in here…” He touched my temple. “…that don’t match what is here.” He pressed his palm to my heart. “It means she is trying to reconcile the two. And it means she is thinking too much.”
“The way women do, right, Z’pheer?”
He smiled at the hint of a bite there. “Yes.”
I dropped my arms, the agony of my own conflict tearing me in two. “What am I supposed to do?”
When he spoke, his voice was low and husky. “Don’t think so much.”
“Oh, it’s that easy is it?”
He nodded. “Open this.” He patted my chest again. “Shut this off.” He tapped my temple.
Shit, he was so gentle, so understanding, sometimes I could hardly imagine he was part of the same Bra’an Circle, that he spent so much time with Raul or Malek. “How?”
He pressed his lips together, then nodded, apparently deciding something. “Food is a good start. What do you want?”
I looked at the dispenser and sighed. “I wanted something, but I don’t know what half this stuff is.” I indicated the images on the control panel.
“What sort of food are you in the mood for?”
I put my head back. “You know what I want? Something sweet. Something that has zero nutritional value, tastes like heaven, and I’ll pay hell for it tomorrow. Or my hips will, at least.”
His smile made him look incredibly boyish. “I know what you need. Here.”
Z’pheer took a bowl from the cupboard beside the dispenser, then pressed a few buttons on the console. It beeped, and a thick almost iridescent blue stream of something with the consistency of ice cream came out of it. It coiled in the bottom of the bowl, filling it with glowing blue swirls. Then, out of a smaller nozzle, a bright yellow sauce came out, covering the blue cream. When he was done, Z’pheer handed me the bowl in both hands.
Taking the bowl from him slowly, I licked my lips. The confection was even chilled like ice cream. “It looks fantastic. What the hell is it?”
“Suma.” He grabbed a spoon from the silverware compartment and handed it to me. “It’s good. This, alia, fits your specifications exactly. No nutritional value, tastes like it came from the gods, and it has so many calories, it should be outlawed. Try it.” He dipped the end of his protein bar thing in the swirls and scooped up some of the blue and yellow concoction, then bit off the chunk.
I eagerly scooped up a spoonful and slipped the chilled cream into my mouth.
Oh, wow. Wow. The stuff hit the taste buds like a wave of perfection, sweet, cold, and mixed with something that tasted like berry, but better. I rolled my eyes and nodded. “It’s perfect.”
His eyes took in my face, and his pupils went huge. “I like that expression.” His voice was suddenly gruff. “If eating suma does that to you, I want to see you eat the whole thing right now.”
“Oh, no.” I grinned. “I had fuck-me face, didn’t I?”
He laughed, a full, rich deep sound that went all the way to my toes. “Yes. Eat more.” He dipped his bar in the cream and bit off another piece, then waited for me to take some more.
I spooned another mouthful in and rolled my eyes again at the heavenly taste.
He traced my lips, his eyes fixating on them as if he were imagining how they’d taste. “Good girl.”
“You’re a pervert,” I said around another mouthful.
“You say that like its bad thing.”
I giggled. The sound escaped before I’d thought about it. Why did he have to make it so easy to be around him? “I’ll eat the rest only if you eat it with me.” God, what was I doing? I needed to get away from him, not invite him for a midnight snack like this was some kind of late-night space date.
He finished his protein bar, grabbed a spoon, and dunked it in.
Standing by the food dispenser, we ate the rest of the suma in companionable silence. The warmth of his presence spread through me, no match for the chill of the suma.
It certainly took my mind off the chaos of my thoughts, just as he’d said it would. The trouble was, high calorie food, as good as it was, never got rid of one’s troubles, and when the bowl was empty, my thoughts still swirled with all the forbidden thoughts I’d had before I’d eaten.
“I better get to bed.” Without daring to look at him, I sadly set the dish down and started for the bridge before I could say something even more foolish than eating with him had been.
Once again, his hand caught my elbow. His hold was as gentle as his tone. “Evidently, you haven’t managed to shut that brain of yours off enough.”
“Oh, yeah?” I forced myself to meet his hungry silver eyes. “How can you tell?”
“You’re still eager to run as far from me as you can.” He pushed me up against the wall beside the dispenser just hard enough to make me gasp.
“Z’pheer—”
“Shh.” He set his palm on the middle of my chest. There was no force behind it, but the heat of his palm made my skin hum with awareness of him, making my blood run hot.
My eyes flicked up to his, and I immediately wished they hadn’t. His beautiful eyes burned with so much need, so much fire, they looked like molten steel. My chest rose and fell rapidly with something close to panic.
“Z’pheer, this is a bad idea. I can’t—”
“Alia. Stop.” He put his finger to my lips.
“Stop what?”
“Stop talking. Stop thinking.”
“I—”
Z’pheer’s head swooped in, and he replaced his finger with his lips, claiming my mouth hard.
Jesus Christ. The heat of his kiss sent my pulse rate through the roof, electrifying every nerve in my body until I couldn’t form a single thought.
I pushed at his chest. His hands captured my wrists, holding them still between our chests. His body pinned mine to the wall while his mouth caressed mine, taking command of my entire being. My head dropped back, my lips parting eagerly.
A growly sound left him. and his tongue swept in, searing everything it touched. I groaned, my knees threatening to fold under me. Z’pheer’s arm slid around my waist like a steel bar, an embrace meant to hold me up. His other hand slid around the back of my nape, his long fingers massaging the muscles there with just the right pressure until the
y turned to putty.
I dropped against the wall, devouring his kiss, my tongue meeting his thrust for thrust.
Fuck, this man knew exactly where to touch, how to kiss.
Both of his hands slid down my sides and over my ass, pressing me so hard against him I felt the steely ridge of his cock against my stomach. His fingers kneaded my ass cheeks just right. I jolted at the pleasure shooting through me.
He drew back. “What is it? Did I hurt you?”
He meant from Raul’s beating my ass. I shook my head, dazed. “No, I’m not sore anymore.”
His eyes danced. “Good. If you’re not sore, then when I take your ass now, it won’t be entirely unpleasant.”
Oh, crap. His words should have utterly killed the mood, especially after what had happened with Raul. They did scare me, but coming from Z’pheer, they also made me curious. The look in his eyes promised pleasure more than pain, and part of me burned with need, eager to see how good he could make something so painful feel.
I let my head drop back against the wall. “That’s a really bad idea, Z’pheer. Last time…”
He leaned in, inhaling deep, still massaging my ass. “Forget about last time, alia. That was a punishment.” His lips brushed my ear, making me shiver with delight. “I will show you what it feels like when it’s done for pleasure. I will show you how to take it so that it won’t hurt as much next time.”
“As much?” I drew back, staring at him, the beginnings of new panic rising.
He slid his hands away from my ass, up along my sides, then cupped both of my breasts through the silk-like material of Raul’s robe, massaging them with expert hands.
Jesus, had he gone to some sort of barbarian sex school for this? Did they teach him exactly how to drive a woman mad with need? My back bowed, pushing my breasts into his palms.
“It feels different for everyone, alia. It may always hurt, or it may not, but I will teach you how to take as much pleasure from it as possible. Every part of you was made for us, and I will show you how to give the part that is hardest for you to give.”
My heart constricted as if it were aware of the danger it was in. Z’pheer made me feel too much, and his words were like a spell, one he cast on my mind and body. I closed my eyes and tears stung them, his gentleness more lethal to me than any pain.
He let out a soft sigh and cradled my nape with his palm. “There is no decision to make here, alia. I am you’re V’ir, and I want you in my bed, face down, ass up. Don’t think. Just feel. You don’t have to feel guilty for what happens now, because I will make it happen. The beauty of being a slave is that decisions are not yours to make.” He kissed my ear, massaging my nape. “I and I alone am responsible for what happens now. I absolve you of any guilt, so put it all on me. I can take it.”
What he was telling me sank in. I didn’t have to feel the shame and pain of enjoying something I shouldn’t enjoy. He was letting the responsibility of my pleasure, and of all the conflict I felt, rest on his shoulders. The decision wasn’t mine, it was his. All I had to do was take what he gave me.
All I had to do was submit.
The words felt like a strange gift, so filled with compassion, so aware of what I needed that it made me want to cry.
All at once, that time with Malek in the bath at the shelter flooded through my mind.
When you learn to submit and enjoy what we give you, you’ll see how beautiful this world can be. That’s what Malek had said. Z’pheer was telling me the same thing now.
Could I give up the fight? My God, I was tired of fighting, that was for sure. But still…
I sniffed, too terrified to take the next step.
He took my face in his hands and locked my gaze on his. One of his fingers wiped my tears away. “No more thinking, nayna. Just feel. Just let go.”
My God, he made that title sound so right. He made me want his mastery, made me want to give all of myself to him.
As his slave.
And by extension, he made me long to give the same to Raul and Malek as well.
Oh, God, what was happening here?
I deflated against him, putting my forehead against his chest. Closing my eyes, letting the fear fall from my eyes in salty, hot tears. Shaking with the knowledge that there was no way to escape losing my heart to all of these men, or ending up in his bed now.
“Shh.” He cradled my nape, kissing away my tears. “It’s all right, sweet girl. I’ll take care of you. We will dance the line of pleasure and pain until you won’t know where one ends and the other begins. I will make you come so hard you’ll forget your own name.” His fingers traced my lips. “Everything will be all right, alia. Trust me.”
It was too agonizing, too scary to look at him.
Trust him. I wanted—no, needed—to trust him with everything in me.
I closed my eyes and nodded.
Z’pheer’s fingers titled my chin up with infinite gentleness. I opened my eyes.
The victory in his gaze was so damn hot. His fingers traced my lips, a single caress that set fire to my blood and left no doubt of his intentions.
“Now, the lesson begins.”
30
The Benefit of the Doubt
Now the lesson begins.
Z’pheer’s words sent a mix of fear and excitement zinging along my veins in an intoxicating mixture. My body seemed to feed off the fear, and the fear seemed to heighten the need taking root.
Before my thoughts could spiral out of control, he scooped me up into his arms.
I felt so small and fragile, as breakable as glass and far too vulnerable. I buried my face in his chest, clutching at his powerful shoulders.
In his bedroom at the back of the ship, I looked around. Unlike on the other ship, the men all had their own rooms, and each with the same thick red carpeting and gold trim on the jet-black walls, a large bed, and their own walk-in showers. The automatic lights flicked on when we entered, filling the room with a warm, dim glow. He crossed the room and the doors hissed shut behind him.
Z’pheer set me down gently on my feet. His big hands slid Raul’s robe slowly from my shoulders, his eyes never leaving mine. The look in them, hungry and possessive, made my stomach dance. I bit my lip. He scooped me up again and laid me down on his bed with my head on the pillows.
Self-consciousness heated every inch of my skin, and I started to sit up. My go-to protective position, legs pulled up to my chest, my arms around them.
“Stay there. Don’t move.” He pointed a finger at me, his silver eyes twinkling as he went to his pack and drew several things out of it.
I sighed and sank into the mattress, looking everywhere but at him.
Z’pheer set the items he’d taken from his pack on top of the nightstand beside his bed. My brows shot up, looking at them.
A container of that cream he’d previously used on me for pain sat there, along with a tube of what I was pretty sure was lube.
My cheeks flamed and I put my arm across my face. The man had no shame at all.
“I’m not getting out of this, am I?” I moaned.
“No.” The bed shifted with his weight as he sat beside me on the mattress. His fingers encircled my arm, gentle, yet firm, pulling it from my face. Refusing to let me hide. He kissed the back of my hand. “You need to learn how to take what we give you and take pleasure from it without this guilt and shame you feel. Xandari men enjoy every kind of sex, alia. Every. Kind.” He bent and ran his lips across my belly, leaving a hot trail in their wake.
I blinked at the ceiling. “I don’t know if I’ll ever not feel that way.”
“You will. Give it time. You were made for us, just as we were made for you.” He sat up and squeezed my hip. “Roll over.”
I heaved a breath. The tender yet firm sound of his voice called obedience up in me like fucking magic.
Rolling over on my stomach, I squirmed into the mattress, somehow willing away the urge to turn my head away, to conceal what he wouldn’t allow me to cover.
My damn ass was bared to him in all its surely inadequate glory.
He ran his hands over the globes, massaging them and sending ripples of pleasure through me. “Don’t be so shy, alia. It’s perfect.” He kissed each cheek.
I lifted my head, looking back at him, stunned.
He grinned. Fuck, he really had no shame!
Z’pheer went to the end of the bed and climbed on. I watched his muscles flex and ripple with every movement as he pushed my legs apart and knelt between them. His palms glided over my ass as if he was trying to savor every inch. I tensed, burying my face in the pillows as my muscles tightened and fear nibbled away at me.
“Alia.” His voice was husky as his palms ran up the length of my back, working my muscles there loose. “Relaxation is key, here. Do exactly what I tell you. It is going to hurt at first but be worth it for both of us if you relax. You have to trust me.” His hands cupped my shoulders and he leaned down, his mouth close to my ear. “Do you understand? You have to trust me.”
I wanted to roll away, but I found myself also wanting to trust him. I nodded mutely.
“Say it, alia. I need to hear it.”
I closed my eyes. Why were the words so hard to say? Why did it feel like they cost so much? “I trust you, V’ir.”
He kissed my shoulder, humming his approval. “Such nice words from such a sweet mouth.”
The praise brought a smile to my lips.
He took my arms and lifted them above my head, my fingers gripping the edge of the mattress. “Keep your hands there unless I tell you. I’d love to tie you up, but this is about trust. I want you to keep them there because I told you to, not because you have no choice.”
Oh, fuck, how did he make this so hot? I wanted to keep my hands there, and moreover, I felt an inexplicable pain deep within myself at the idea of not obeying him. Doing so would displease him, and it hurt to even think of doing such a thing.
Z’pheer took one the pillows from the head of the bed, lifted my hips with one arm, and pushed the pillow under them. He swatted my ass and I whimpered.