by Mia Moore
“I don't know. I'll call you tomorrow when I have an idea how it's going. How's that?”
“If that's how you want it, then work hard and concentrate.” Her face had hardened. She took her arms from his waist and stood there as he let himself out.
The door clicked shut.
Not even a kiss on the lips.
Chapter 14
Craig got into his car, rolled up the windows and started the engine.
“Shit! Shit! Shit! SHIT!” He hammered the steering wheel with his hands. This night had gone so well! The sex had been- let's face it- the best he ever had, and that's saying a lot.
Why the hell did he have to bolt like that? His book just needed a couple of hours of work- more tidying up than anything. He could see the hurt in Jessica's eyes, you'd have to be blind not to. This was so screwed up. Sighing, he put the car in gear and drove home.
He knew what the hell his problem was. The goddamn 'L' word. Why the hell did he have to let that slip out for crying out loud. Sure Jessica's a hell of a woman, but LOVE? No damn way. He had his chances with that crap- and look how swell it turned out, right? What the hell, she probably didn't even hear him say it anyway- he only said it, what, once or something? And in the heat of the moment, she probably didn't hear him.
Yeah, right. Women hear that loud and clear, no matter how quiet you say it, who's he trying to kid?
Did he love her? Could he love her?
God knows she's one in million. And she's crazy about him, too. If not her, who?
Parking his car, he locked it and let himself in to his home. If not her, who, dammit? What the hell are you looking for in a woman anyway? She's wonderful, and he knew it. It was a mystery to him that she could still be single. It was no mystery to him that he was still single!
And what the hell is so wrong with being single anyway? It wasn't that he needed someone to warm his bed, thank you very much. He was perfectly content with the life he had- especially now, with the stuff that was coming down the pipe in New York this week.
But if that was the case, why had he pursued her then? Sure, it started out as a sort of a game- take the dewy-eyed innocent for a walk on the wild side. The role playing was fun, for sure. What a load of bull- it was hot! He entered the kitchen and got a bottle of water out of the fridge.
Leaning against the kitchen island, he took a swig. Bah! He put the water back in the fridge, grabbed a beer and took a long pull. Ahhh! He leaned back on the kitchen island. But you don't play Scrabble with some babe you're just going to bang, do you? And if she was just a babe to bang why the hell did he take so long to get her into the sack? They had their first tiff because of his foot dragging, not any coy school girl crap on her part! He snorted at the irony of that!
Jessica would have laughed out loud too.
Shut up!
He wasn't playing a head game with her either by dragging his feet.
Then what the hell was it? He took another pull on the beer, hoping for inspiration by ethanol. Maybe he should have a scotch.
She's a smart, funny, beautiful, professional woman who has a 'What the hell, let's try it' attitude when it comes to sex. Hell, she didn't seem to mind Lidia kissing her! Where that could lead was a turn on. And she thinks the world of him. Well, maybe not the whole planet now- not from the look in her eyes as he left. But she IS crazy about him too. So what's the problem here Forsyth?
As if you didn't know.
“I don't know!”
Sure you do, Mikey. You sure do.
“No I DON'T.”
She's great, she's awesome, a regular Miss Universe, and she's nuts about ya, right?
“So?”
Mikey, Mikey, how bad is it gonna hurt when she bails on ya?
“Who said anything about anybody bailing?”
You just bailed on her, Mikey; and a good thing, too. Saved yourself a lotta heartache.
“Then why do I feel like such a heel?”
You'll get over it, don't worry. And so will she, don't worry about her- she's a strong gal; as strong as you, maybe. But…
“But what?”
But this- you won't be able to handle it when SHE bails on YOU. Mikey, Mikey… c'mon, man… They ALWAYS do.
“They always do. They always, always do…”
Great, now he's talking to himself. Next thing you know he's going to buy a dog. Probably a couple of dogs…
Craig gave his head a shake. Enough of that- a dog would probably run away too!
Finishing his beer he headed up to bed. Lying on his back, he came up with a plan. They needed to back off from this whole thing. Maybe they could just be friends? Friends with benefits, but no more than that. After all, they weren't looking to get married or anything anyway. Okay then- he'd give her a call in a few days, and fill her in.
Maybe they could have more sex that way, who knows?
Craig stirred in the midst of a powerful dream. He was at Paradox’s with Josee. Jessica was with his friend Kevin. He knew he wanted to talk to Jessica about something, but Josee would not stop talking at him. If only she would shut up, he could get away to speak with Jessica! Why was she there with Kevin? He watched as Jessica was fastened to the St Andrew’s cross and Kevin whipped across her breasts and thighs. Oh no! He was using the metal tipped cat o’ nine tails and drops of blood appeared on her skin. Jessica cried out with pain – RED! Craig started to head over to put a stop to it. Josee reached out and grabbed his arm, raising her voice to demand his attention. But he couldn’t let Kevin continue. Jessica had called RED; she didn’t like a lot of pain. He broke away from Josee and hurried across the room to Kevin and Jessica. But it was like walking in quicksand! He had to get over there! She needs him!
He woke with a start. What the hell- he was sweating? The memory of the dream was already fading as he looked at the clock. Seven AM- he may as well get the hell up.
He got up and carried on with his Saturday routine- rowing and then to work on the book. Things were progressing well when the phone rang. Call display showed that it was Jessica. No, he wouldn't answer – he'd check her message later, when he was finished.
Finally around six pm, he felt done in with writing. Pleased with having the chapters complete, he wandered into the kitchen and grabbed a beer. He stood looking out the window taking a few swallows, delaying the telephone message, just to show himself that he could. He casually walked to the phone to hear her message.
“Hi Craig,
Hope you're making good progress. I didn’t want to interrupt you but I'm makin' an offa I hope ya cant refuse. How would you like to have dinner here with me? This is an honor because, as you know, I don’t cook much. How does tossed salad, chicken cordon bleu and a bottle of chilled white wine sound? If you can take a minute to let me know, that’d be great.” And then she clicked off.
He stood still for a few moments as his heart tumbled down to his knees. Her face at the door of his apartment flashed in front of his mind’s eye. How could he have just left, hurt her so much? What kind of asshole was he? She was so…sweet. And the phone call, the invitation to dinner just proved that once more. His hands went to his face, dry scrubbing it. Trying to wash the feelings of guilt and sadness away.
Well… a little late to be getting back to her anyway. He called the pizza place he liked, opened another beer and sat down with his laptop. He skimmed through email and then read the Times. An hour later his doorbell rang and dinner was ready.
As he ate, he acknowledged to himself that he was completely off kilter. On one level he was doing the right thing in shutting Jessica out but on another level there was the guilt of not calling her as he had said. And then there was the level he wouldn’t admit – he wanted to call her, to hear her voice.
After finishing a few slices of pizza, he grabbed another cold beer and turned on the TV. Hockey was in the final playoffs. The scene opened with Don Cherry and Don McLean – Don Cherry made him think of Kingston and then Jessica. Stop it!
A couple
of periods later the game ended and he went to bed with a good book. After an hour he drifted off to sleep.
***
Jessica had burst into tears after Craig left. What had happened? Everything had gone so well at Paradox’s and then the sex - finally. And it had been great. He had rushed out so fast. Not even a kiss; just a peck on the forehead. She tried to pull herself together. That's enough of that- you're over reacting, girl. Wasn't she? She was certainly in a daze by how fast he’d left.
She wandered into the bathroom and took a quick bath, leaving her brand new outfit and that stupid Bumblebee on the floor. She dried off and went to bed.
It was a restless night, and when she finally dozed off, she had vivid dreams. People dressed in costumes surrounded her, closing in on her and pulling her in four different directions by her arms and legs. In another she was being beaten severely by that guy Kevin, and was crying out for him to stop. She could see Craig standing in the room, chatting with some woman, ignoring her. She woke up several times and finally drifted into a peaceful sleep at around six, sleeping in until 11:00 the next morning.
She went through her Saturday morning routine reflecting on the night before. Up until the last three minutes it had been like a movie for her. She enjoyed Paradox's more than she expected. The atmosphere was so sensual and yet elegant at the same time. And the food… yum! The people Craig introduced her to, were stimulating as well. And a girl had kissed her. She shook her head recalling Lidia's exuberance. It was a wonderful evening.
And the sex. It was truly the best she ever had. Each time she climaxed with Craig had set the bar for all the experiences she had up until now. In her mind's eye she could see his deep brown eyes, turning almost black as he achieved his own pleasure in perfect timing with her own, repeating his love for her again and again…
And then gone like a thief in the night moments later.
I guess it was pretty intense for him too. The guy probably just needs a chance to regroup, that's all.
Right? A ball of foreboding in the pit of her stomach answered that question. She shook her head. He'll come around!
She filled the rest of her morning and early afternoon tidying up the apartment, exercise, and some shopping. She thought about Craig and decided she would cook him dinner. He’d said he was going to work hard to get ready for New York. He might appreciate dinner and…if there WAS something wrong, she’d have the chance to find out. She gave her head a shake smiling. I stopped cooking years ago! And I’m thinking of making dinner for Craig. Who AM I?
She picked up her telephone and called him. The phone rang about five times and then went to voice mail. She left a message inviting him for dinner and asking him to confirm if he would be able to make it. He probably was holed up in his study writing and had the telephone turned off. Well, hopefully he’d take a break soon and check messages.
Forcing an optimistic outlook, she prepared ahead, so that she could just pop things in the oven last minute, leaving more time to get ready and more time with Craig. She turned on some soft rock and sang along as she worked. Glancing at the clock she noticed it was almost five.
Was he still working? Maybe he hadn’t checked his messages.
She poured a long hot bath, scenting it with her favorite fragrance. She brought the phone into the bathroom so she could hear it while she enjoyed a leisurely soak.
Hmmmm… it was five forty and no call yet. Getting up from the sudsy water, she frowned. She slipped on a bathrobe, dried her hair and then touched up her make-up. What should she do? Call him again in case he didn’t get the message or give it another half hour – maybe he was lost in his writing. She knew from her own job what it was like to have the bit in your teeth; the world disappears. And he did have deadlines after all.
She decided to give it a half hour and picked up the novel she had been reading, settling herself on the couch. She glanced at the clock and it was now 6:30. She tried calling Craig again, still no answer. She hung up without leaving a message.
Jessica got up and started cooking the dinner she had prepared earlier. Well, even if Craig couldn’t make it, she knew she had to eat. And if he called later, he may be interested in coming over and having some leftovers.
Jessica went back to her book waiting for the chicken in the oven to bake. Was everything okay with him? Maybe there was a family emergency or God forbid, an accident. She sighed and went into the kitchen as the timer buzzed. She ate a solitary dinner, tidied up and decided to take her book to bed. She read for a couple of hours and then drifted off to sleep.
The next morning, she went for a brisk walk. When she returned home, she saw the message light blinking on her phone. A message!
Her heart sank a little when she heard her mother’s voice, asking her to call, wondering how Jessica was doing. She loved her parents dearly. She should have called them this week. But why couldn’t the message have been from Craig? What a school girl ninny she was becoming. She called her mother and spent the next hour talking with her. The chat with her mother perked her up. She decided to treat herself to lunch at a local bistro, where she whiled away a couple hours or so reading the paper and people watching. It dawned on her that she was doing the big girl version of sitting by the phone as she walked home.
When she arrived at her apartment, she checked her email and voice mail – still nothing from him.
That's it. This was downright rude now.
The joy of their lovemaking on Friday was now transforming into something cheap. Not only hadn't he respected her the next day, but two days and he couldn't be bothered to pick up the damn phone? Or send an email? Or a measly text message? He had plenty of time for that while he was seducing her! But now that he got his jollies, nothing?
She dialed a cab. So what if she was intruding into his space with deadlines and all. He had intruded into her entire weekend. Who was she kidding? Her life! And to leave her hanging like this was so unfair. He better have had an accident… He better have a damn good reason!
Twenty minutes later her taxi pulled up in front of Craig's home. She paid the driver and taking another twenty, she gave him that too. She told him to restart his meter, and that he could leave when the money ran out.
“Hey, doll, I've seen this happen before. It's a deal, and I'll hang out a few more minutes even after, okay?”
Jessica peered over the seat at his license on display. “Thank you Daniel, you're very kind.”
“Daniel's what the nuns called me, doll; my friends call me Danny. You can call me Master of da Universe!” He replied laughing. “Good luck kid. I'll stick around.”
She ran up the walkway and rang Craig’s doorbell. After a few minutes, he opened the door.
“Jessica! Is anything wrong? What are you doing here?”
“I was going to ask you the same thing. Are you okay? Did you get my phone message?”
“Well… yeah, but I’ve been busy writing.” He stared at her. Surprise showed on his face.
“Are you going to ask me in, Craig?”
“Oh! Yeah! I guess…” he held the door open.
She swept past and turned to face him. A soccer game was playing on TV.
“Writing, eh?”
“Well, I was taking a break…”
“Yeah. Sure. I'll bet you five bucks your computer's not even turned on.”
Craig was busted. “What are you doing here?”
“I was worried about you. I asked you to come to dinner. You didn’t return my call or even email me. What’s up with that! Wait! I’ll tell you. It’s RUDE and inconsiderate!” She scowled at him.
“Jessica, I’m sorry you worried. I SHOULD have called. You’re right. But…I don’t know…maybe this is getting too intense, too fast…”
“Whoa!” She put her hand up like a traffic cop, cutting him off. “You mean to tell me that the SEX WAS TOO GOOD? Now that's a first!” Shaking her head she started to laugh.
Craig looked steadily at her. In an even voice, he said “You mi
ght think that's funny, but I'm not laughing.”
“You don't think this is absurd? Are you kidding me? Forty eight hours ago, I had the best sex of my entire life- and frankly Professor Forsyth, I think it was good for you too! I think it was so God damned good, it scared the shit out of you! And if that's the case, you're behaving like a scared kid!”
He cut her off with a wave of his hand. “YOU!” he paused for a moment and looked away. “You have no idea…” turning back to face her, she could see his eyes were filmy.
Seeing the look in his eyes, her heart went from antagonism to compassion in a single beat. She took a breath in the moment of silence between them. “No, I don't. I'm completely in the dark and it scares me. What's going on? Tell me, Craig.”
“I… I can't.” Keeping her at bay, he looked away again for just a second. Looking back at her, his voice now cold, “I won't”
She could see his eyes filling. What was with him? What had she done? “Craig, I'm here… tell me, I have no idea about…” She stepped to him, arms outstretched.
Craig brought his arm up to her chest, stopping her with a straight arm. “I said…no.”
She stepped back, her own eyes now filling. “Craig… I thought you not calling me was hard… this is harder.”
He stared at her in silence, both of their hearts, asunder.
“Craig, can't you see? This is so hard for you, because it's that good? Can't you see that?”
“I need space, Jessica.” His eyes were now dry; the pain locked deep inside, where it belonged.
His words wounded her anew and she hung her head in sorrow. After a few seconds, she raised her head in defiance, her jaw now set. “I see. You need 'space'.”
“Yes.”
“For what?”
“To figure this out.”
“Really? I don't believe you.”
“It's the truth.”
“No it's not. You already figured it out, and you're trying to let me down easy. You're hoping I walk out that door, and that will be that, because you're so damn scared. You're too chicken to fight your own demons for the sake of what we created in these last few weeks; these few wonderful weeks! You're chicken.”