by Mia Moore
And there were stacks of yearbooks, going back scores of years.
Doing some mental math (the scotch of the day before had pretty much worn off), he calculated the year she must have graduated, and pulled the appropriate volume from the shelf. He opened it and leafed through the pages.
And there she was. Young, smiling, bright eyed.
"Congratulations, Jessica," he murmured. He couldn't explain it, even to himself, but he felt wistful that he had missed her graduation.
Okay. Enough of that. Time to go. Times a wasting. He's not nervous. No, not at all…
Right.
Using his smart phone, he looked up the listing for Howard Rogers, and found it. Sydenham Street- he did a map search, and saw that he was but a few blocks away. He headed in.
About two blocks away, he was cut off by some kids on bikes. They whooshed right past him as he stood on the brakes. Just as he was about to lean on the horn and get all old fart on their asses, they burst into laughter and rounded a corner. The last child, a girl around ten or so, glanced over her shoulders and made a 'sorry about that' sort of face at him and smiled.
She had red hair. Riding with two young boys. He just waved, shaking his head.
He drove to Sydenham St and parked in front of a two story red brick home with a wide white veranda, gingerbread trim and, manicured front yard. He tried to picture Jessica living here.
After a few minutes, an older man came out of the front door, looking at the Jag parked in front of his house. He saw that the driver was watching his home, and they stared at one another. He came down the porch and walkway and approached the driver’s side door.
“Are you looking for someone? Can I help you?”
His face became warm. “Sorry sir, are you Howard Rogers? I’m a friend of your daughter’s. My name is Craig Forsyth.”
They looked each other up and down.
“She’s not here, you know- she lives in Toronto.”
“I know… I think I’m here to see you.”
“Oh well... then-” a look of alarm appeared on Howard's face “Is Jessica okay? Why are you here?” The words rushed out.
“Jessica’s fine, sir; we were together just a week ago,”
“Oh well, that’s a relief. Would you like to come inside? Any friend of Jessica’s…” Howard said with a questioning look. It was apparent he didn’t understand why his daughter’s friend was parked in front of his house and why she wasn’t with him.
He got out of the car. “Yeah, I think that’d be a good idea. Thanks for the hospitality.” Together the men walked up to the house.
Geronimo.
They entered Jessica’s childhood home. In the foyer there was high plaster ceilings and walls, varnished, gleaming woodwork and hardwood floors. It was obvious the house had been well cared for through the years. From the front hallway, a view of the living room could be seen. There was the basic furniture of two lives joined for decades- the overstuffed armchair and love seat in front of the entertainment centre joined by an end table. In his mind's eye he could see Jessica at sixteen sitting next to her Mum on the loveseat, watching some episode of whatever on a weeknight with Dad in his throne.
Next to the entertainment centre was a credenza- and on it was the photographic record of the Rogers family. Mum and Dad’s wedding picture, Jessica as a newborn, Jessica’s first day of school, Jessica’s graduation photos. On the wall over the credenza were two framed magazine articles- he didn’t have to see the byline to know that these were the first published articles Jessica wrote for Weekly News.
Craig sighed and Howard looked at him.
“Mr. Forsyth, what’s going on?”
“Call me Craig, please, Mr. Rogers.”
“Then you call me Howard, okay?”
“No sir, I can’t. Not yet.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m trying to do old school, maybe; I don’t know for sure. But you see-"
A voice from the top of the stairs interrupted him. Which was a good thing, because he didn't know what he was going to say next.
“Howard!” A woman’s voice called down from the second floor. “If that’s Eric, you tell him that you promised me you’re not going anywhere today until you finish the-” her voice stopped at the top of the stairs. He and Howard both turned to see Judy Rogers with a laundry basket of folded clothes.
“Judy! Come down and meet Jessica’s friend” Howard bellowed. She put the laundry basket down and started down the stairs. Craig recognized an older version of Jessica. Reddish hair streaked heavily with gray, same greenish olive eyes, and just a few pounds heavier than her daughter. She smiled at him and he saw Jessica.
“Judy, this is Craig Forsyth, Jessica’s friend.” Howard said.
Judy's smile evaporated. She folded her arms across her chest and leaned against the stairway newel post.
"Oh really? You're Craig."
Uh oh. The thought popped into both men’s heads simultaneously.
"Jessica phoned yesterday afternoon while you were out Howard," Judy did not take her eyes off Craig.
Howard looked at him. "Is she pregnant?" he asked, his voice even.
"NO!" chirped Craig.
"No, Howard, Jessica's not pregnant," she turned to her husband. "She's in pain," jerking her thumb towards Craig, "because of him."
Craig stayed silent. He could feel his face go hot. Geronimo and he forgot his damn chute. Why the hell didn't he just buy a damn dog today instead of coming here?
"Judy, what happened on the phone? Is Jessica alright?" asked Howard.
Standing up straight, Judy said, "She called yesterday, quite upset, let me tell you. She was crying and hiccupping. And all she could say was that she loved us, Howard. She said she knew people, she had just spent the afternoon with a woman, her best friend in Toronto, whose parents are gone, and she just wanted us to know how much she loved us. But I thought there was something more." She looked at her husband.
"Howard, I've never heard her as upset as she was on the telephone. It frightened me.
"So I kept at her, yes, I asked her if she was pregnant, and she said no. She then said maybe she's not cut out for Toronto- maybe she should move back to Kingston. Then she said, that there's probably good men in Kingston." Judy shot a look at Craig.
"And that's when I knew some guy had gotten his hooks into her. And it didn’t take long for Jessica to tell me about you, Mister Forsyth." Judy stepped up to Craig and began poking him in the chest. "Do you have ANY idea, any idea at all, how deeply you've upset that wonderful girl! You wounded her more than her husband did, you bastard!"
"I… uhhh…" He had nothing.
"Hey, honey… hey…" Howard spoke softly.
"What! He's hurt her more than Peter did! You hurt my baby! And she's so damn sweet! What did she do to deserve that?" Judy's eyes filled with tears.
"Hey honey… hey…" Howard repeated.
"What, Howard! Don't you go and take up for him! This is about Jessica!"
"And she's not here, sweetheart. No she's not, is she?"
"So?"
"But Craig is, Judy. He's standing right here and taking it like a man… more than Peter ever had the guts to do."
Judy stopped. Her eyes flew open wide. It was true. She stepped back from Craig. Looking up at him, she asked, "Just why are you here, Mister Forsyth? Why are you here seeing us? What are you up to?"
Now he had his chance to speak. Now he could explain himself to them!
"I don't have a clue," he answered honestly.
"What?" Howard and Judy asked as one.
Craig looked from Judy to Howard, "I don't know… I mean, I just wanted to see where she came from, I guess. I just wanted to see her house or something, I don't know. But then, Mr. Rogers invited me in, and I'm going with the flow…" his voice trailed off and he turned looking in the living room again. And he sighed.
"Why did you want to see her home, Craig?" Howard asked.
"Reconnaissanc
e, maybe? Planning an enemy action, Craig?" Howard's voice got icy.
"No! I just…" And he walked into the living room.
Howard and Judy watched Craig cross to the credenza where the family photos were displayed. He brushed each frame gently with a finger.
“You gave her birthday parties when she was growing up, right?”
“Sure,”
He pointed to another photo- a small girl with a knapsack in a school uniform. Judy had her arm around the child. “First day of school and you took the picture, right Mr. Rogers?”
“Yeah, went in to work two hours late that day, sniffling.”
Skipping over other photos, Craig pointed out two graduation portraits. “You probably went to her high school and university graduation ceremonies, right?”
“Why of course.” Judy and Howard said almost in unison. “So?”
“Craig,” said Howard, wandering into the living room, “what are you driving at?”
“I never had that. My father disappeared when I was little and shortly after that, so did my Mom. When I was seventeen my sister left me on my own, just as I was starting university. And now I see you. Here.”
Craig swept his arms around the room, “This is the way things are supposed to be. I don’t get this stuff. I never had it, so I can only relate to it in an abstract way. But Jessica’s not abstract. She is… well, dammit- she’s kind, and good, and loving, and smart, and… and…” his voice hitched for just a second.
Judy brushed past Howard, and went up to Craig. Reaching up, she cradled his face in her hands. Craig's hands flew up, grabbing her wrists.
"Nooo…" he groaned.
"You hush now," said Judy, "you just hush. Your FATHER left you?"
Craig nodded slightly.
"And then YOUR MOTHER?"
Another nod. Craig's eyes filled. "Yesss. I was still little…"
"And then your only sister?"
Another nod, and a sob, the tears silently running down his face. "Yes… and then Hamish died! He was my best friend."
"Oh, you poor boy! You poor, poor boy!" She took her hands from Craig's face and brought him down to her shoulder, rubbing his back.
"I can't do this…" his voice cracked, "I can't …"
"I'm not asking," said Judy, not letting go.
Geronimo.
And Craig fell.
Holding on for dear life, he clutched at Judy. Blubbering like a child, he babbled and wailed into her shoulder. And like the rock her daughter was, Judy held him. She stroked his back, softly saying over and over "You poor, poor boy…" again and again, and her own tears running freely. And grief and woe spilled out of him as it had never done before. His breath was raspy, and each wail brought forth a new wave of unending sorrow.
Watching all this unfold, Howard eased over to the coffee table and picked up a box of Kleenex. Softly, he stepped over to them and placed wads in each of their hands. He went to the dining room, opened the liquor cabinet, and poured three stiff drinks. It would have been better had the parents beaten Craig as a child- at least he would have the refuge of anger. But all he had was untold sadness and grief. He took a pull on the bottle before capping it, and brought the glasses into the living room.
Craig was coming down, surprised to still be alive. He had fallen so far. Judy was simply rocking him from side to side, his large frame draped over her. Clutching the tissues and with his eyes still closed, he wiped his face, feeling Judy do the same to hers. He leaned back.
"Hey…"
"Hello, Craig, pleased to meet you."
"I-"
Judy placed a finger on his lips. "Hushhh. Shhhh… Now listen."
He stayed silent, grateful for the respite.
"Jessica- she frightens you?"
He nodded.
"Because you love her."
"Yes! I do! An' I'm scared!"
“Good,” she said. “I’m glad she scares you. You ought to be scared, Craig. We did our best raising her, and she’s turned out better than we could have hoped. Jessica’s one in a million. Let me tell you something- don’t you think my husband and I wanted more children? We wanted a houseful of kids, and we wanted to raise them, and then have a tribe of grandchildren. It was a long, long time before we were even able to have Jessica, and the doctors told us that we were lucky to have her.”
“I suppose,” Judy continued, “God traded quality over quantity when He gave us Jessica. From the moment she was born, she had a special heart; and sharp as a tack, too. From her first day at school she was always at the top of her class. Do you know, Craig,” Judy continued, “she and I never once had an argument? Do you realize how much her father and I miss her and are so proud of her at the same time? She’s the finest woman I know; and that’s the truth.”
“She deserves to be loved so hard by a man it scares him. Don’t you worry about Jessica, though; I’m not. You concern yourself with loving her back with all you have.
"And then, when you run out of love, she’ll show you where there’s more. She’s like that.” Judy broke into a smile.
They stood there in the moment, the eternal moment, in silence.
A buzzer from the kitchen broke the spell.
"Howard…" said Judy.
"On it." Howard went into the kitchen. The timer silenced, and the sounds of an oven door opening. The clatter of a meal being plated came from the kitchen.
"I…" The aroma of a Sunday evening roast beef dinner stopped Craig cold. He hadn’t eaten since waking.
"You… are going to sit down with us for supper; isn't that what you were about to say?"
"Food any good?" Craig teased.
"Don't you go insulting the chef, mister!" and Judy playfully cuffed him alongside the head. "It won't be as good as Jessica's- no one's is, ever, but I hold my own!"
"Jessica's? Her cooking?"
"Yes, you probably already know that too. If she feeds you one supper, even swanky restaurants aren't as good. I don't know how she does it- she just knows what to do!"
"Your Jessica?"
"Yours too, I think. Of course Jessica!"
"Jessica COOKS?" He squeaked.
Judy stared at Craig. Shaking her head, she turned and headed to the dining room. "Bring the drinks Craig. God knows we earned a snort!"
Dinner was served, and the three ate. Judy was an outstanding cook. The roast beef, roast potatoes, Yorkshire pudding were as perfect as Craig had ever enjoyed. As good as any Hamish's mother put on the table- no, better; Hamish's mum always burned the Yorkshire pudding bottoms.
They chatted about everything and anything but Craig’s yesterdays.
Judy got up and brought in a family album, showing Craig all the ribbons Jessica had won at the Kingston Fair for her entries into the cooking contests.
"When she was fifteen, they asked her not to enter anymore; she wasn't giving the other people a chance," Judy said proudly. "We thought she was going to open a restaurant here in town, but she had to see the bright lights and big city, I suppose."
Jessica COOKS? Craig just kept shaking his head.
Over coffee, Howard said, "So, you're a writer, eh? So you should be able to tell us a story or two then, can't you? Jessica would always tell us a story on Sunday night."
Craig thought "Finally! I get to brag!" He started to tell them about New York, and stopped himself. No, that's for Jessica. Instead, he told them about his adventure in sky diving years earlier.
When he finished by telling them he had actually wet his pants, the laughter went on and on.
Just like at Hamish's.
The hours flew by. All three were amazed at the evening- the fellowship and comfort they all shared.
Darkness had fallen, and Craig glanced at his watch. Holy shit! It was 9:00 PM!
He stood up. "I'm sorry, but I gotta go. I have to be at Jessica's by midnight, or it's all over."
"Let's call her, Craig- tell her you're here with us!" Judy took the phone and began dialing.
Craig d
idn't resist. Jessica had paid enough of a price for his sad yesterdays. He'd love to speak with her too. He'd tell her he was on his way.
The phone rang and rang through to voice mail.
"Craig, you better scoot," Howard said.
Hugs and kisses all around, Craig took his leave.
***
Three hours later, he was ringing her buzzer with two minutes to spare. He rang and rang.
"Raaachel!" He called. From far away- as if he was standing on bluff by the ocean he called and called.
"Raachel!"
Chapter 20
Saturday afternoon found Jessica infused with new energy.
She was mad. M A D kind of mad.
After Annik left, she felt compelled to phone her mother..
Judy answered on the second ring, seeing Jessica's number on the caller ID.
"Hello, dear, how are you?"
"Oh Mommm. I love you!" And for what seemed like the millionth time that week, she burst into tears.
"Jessica! Are you okay? What's wrong honey?"
"Oh Mom! I'm," her voice paused, interrupted by a hiccup, "I'm just calling to tell you how much I love you and Daddy! How… how damn blessed I am that you two guys are still alive, and that you're okay. That you're the best set of parents anyone could ever have! I love you Mom!"
Judy Rogers was taken aback. While affection was something that ran deep in her family, for a phone call to begin like this was bewildering.
"And we love you very much, Jessica, you make us so proud, every day," Judy replied. She listened as Jessica collected herself, which means sniffling, and then the sound of the phone being held away as she blew her nose. "That's a wonderful thing to call about."
"Well, I just… it just… has kind of hit home to me this week how great you and Dad are, I guess."
"Oh? Only took twenty six years to sink in?"
Jessica smiled. "Well, I was going to wait till I turned fthirty to let ya know, but I thought I'd be generous."
Both women snickered together.
Jessica explained how her day with Annik had led her to make this phone call. She told the sadness of Annik's life, the loss of her parents and the money troubles. Not mentioning Annik's profession, she described how Annik was all alone in the world as she was trying to make her way in it.