I should have left it there. I should have made my escape, dignity almost intact but I couldn’t quell the urge to have the last word. I ran to the door and shouted down the corridor, ‘Yeah and Mum was your wife and I was your son first, not that you gave a shit about that while you were out pulling seventeen-year-olds.’
He paused for a moment, body rigid, then continued after Anna and out of sight. I heard murmurs and giggles from the waiting room. Thank God I didn’t have to go back in there to collect anything.
After storming outside, I leaned against the wall and rubbed my hands down my face. That hadn’t been one of my finest moments but I was so disgusted at him for not enquiring after Beth and Archie, for his clear insinuation that something was going on between us, and for not immediately reaching for his son. Surely a man who’d been so desperate for more kids would have shown more concern than he had just now. Could there be trouble in paradise already? He’d caused so much pain to others that, if their relationship was on the rocks, it was karma. Ha!
I glanced across to the taxi rank where a car was waiting for a fare and started towards it but I kept seeing Beth’s face as she’d begged me to stay. I shook my head as I reluctantly retraced my steps. Much as I wanted to flee back to Hedgehog Hollow, I knew I had to stick around to make sure Beth and the new baby were okay. I definitely had no feelings for her anymore but I wasn’t completely heartless. Besides, Sam would ask and telling her, ‘I had words with the twat and stormed out before finding out about Beth and the baby,’ was hardly an acceptable response. I didn’t need to see Beth again, though. I could ask that nurse. That would be enough.
18
Samantha
I heard a key turn in the front door shortly after 7.30 p.m. and went into the hall to investigate. ‘You’re back! I thought you were going to call me when you were ready for a lift home.’
Josh kicked off his Converse, the strain from the day’s events evident in the hunch of his shoulders. ‘I needed to get out of there so I got a taxi.’
‘How was it?’ I asked tentatively.
He straightened up and shook his head. ‘Awful. He came to the hospital and we had words.’ His tone was flat but the expression on his face told of the pain of that encounter.
‘Oh, Josh. Come here.’ I reached out my arms and held him close. ‘I’m so sorry.’
When he released me, I sent him into the lounge to put his feet up while I made us both a mug of tea.
‘Are Beth and Archie okay?’ I asked, curling up on the opposite end of the sofa to him.
‘Yes. The nurse confirmed that Archie had some more fluids but you’d done a brilliant job of getting his body temperature down so he was fine. Beth’s bruised and shaken. She’s got low blood pressure so they’re keeping her in for observation but she had a scan and the new baby shows no sign of stress.’ He presented it all in a very monotone way, as though he could just about manage to relay the facts as long as he kept all the emotion out of it. It was too early to push on how he’d felt seeing his half-brother for the first time, especially in such dramatic circumstances.
‘That’s good news. And what about your dad?’
He relayed the phone call and the confrontation at the hospital. His voice rose in pitch and volume as it all tumbled out, then he exhaled and shook his head. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound off.’
‘Don’t worry about that. You have every right to be livid with him after what he did.’
‘I shouldn’t have said those things to him but I saw red. If he’d just turned up, hugged Archie and asked after him and Beth, it could have remained civil but he had to be in there with the insinuations first. How’s that his first priority? I don’t get it.’
I shrugged. ‘Stress and worry can make people behave strangely. Imagine it from his perspective. You haven’t spoken to each other in eighteen months and then, out of the blue, he gets a call from you to say his girlfriend and baby son are at hospital and you’re with them. Yes, he’s going to be worried about them but he’s also going to be wondering why they’re with you. He obviously had no idea she was coming to the farm so Beth must have lied about where she was going. If I was your dad, my mind would be working overtime. When he walked into the waiting room and saw you cuddling his son I’d suggest that those unanswered questions toppled out first. We’re all guilty of speaking first, thinking later when under pressure.’
Josh scrunched his eyes for a moment and ran his fingers through his hair. ‘You’re so right.’ He looked at me. ‘How do you do it? How do you always see the best in people?’
‘A lifetime of practice with my mum but also with Chloe to a certain extent. If either of them said anything cutting or did anything questionable, I’d try to find a positive reason for it. It helped ease some of the hurt.’
He bit his lip, grimacing. ‘I never used to be like this. I always saw the best in people. I didn’t even know I had a temper until the incident.’
‘And I didn’t know I had one either until Chloe told me the truth about when she and James got together. I yelled at her big time when that came out. I think even the most patient, reasonable person has a breaking point. Chloe found mine and your dad found yours.’
‘I can’t imagine you losing your temper,’ he said.
‘Hopefully you’ll never see it. It wasn’t pretty.’
We sat in silence for a couple of minutes. His discomfort was obvious and I wished there was something I could say or do to take the pain away but only time could do that.
‘The first time seeing your dad was always going to be difficult,’ I said eventually. ‘Besides, it sounds like he threw the first verbal punch.’
‘I know, but I went for the jugular.’
‘It’s hard not to lash out when you’re hurting but I bet he regrets what he said too. I know you’re not going to be able to forget about it but try not to dwell on it too much. The important thing is that Beth and Archie are okay.’
A buzzer sounded from the kitchen. ‘I made a shepherd’s pie,’ I said. ‘Hungry?’
‘Starving.’ He smiled for the first time since coming home. ‘Have I got time to get changed first? When I come back down, will you promise me something? Can we talk about anything but him and Beth?’
‘I promise.’
Josh went upstairs and I went into the kitchen to switch off the Aga, breathing in the rich aroma. It was the perfect comfort food for our current situation.
As I lay out the cutlery and plates, it struck me that I still didn’t know why Beth was so desperate to speak to Josh that she’d turned up at the farm twice. Would she have said anything in the ambulance? I was dying to ask but a promise was a promise. It could wait until another day.
19
Josh
I kissed Sam goodbye the following morning and set off to the practice feeling tense. She’d been adamant that she felt well, there’d been no more dizziness, and she didn’t need to call in sick. I wasn’t convinced. Thanks to Beth, yesterday had been far from relaxing for any of us. What could I do? Sam was a nurse so if she said she was well enough to work, she was well enough to work.
Back-to-back appointments all morning should have kept my mind occupied but, between clients, I couldn’t let go of yesterday. I kept seeing Beth inert on the ground. For a few seconds, I’d feared the worst and it was confusing. I still hated her but I was worried about her too. As for him, he’d done sod all to redeem himself. Who did he think he was?
When I returned to my office at lunchtime, there were two missed calls from him on my mobile but no voicemail. Good. I didn’t want to hear his whining apology.
I missed another call while I was in afternoon surgery but, that time, he left a message. I sat at my desk staring at my phone. Picked it up, put it down, picked it up again. Shoved it in my drawer. Took it out. Dialled into voicemail and ended the call before it connected.
‘Bloody hell!’ I cried at the phone. ‘Leave me alone!’
Everyone had left and the silence
in the practice amplified my troubled thoughts. I needed to go home and be with Sam. She’d tell me to listen to the message. She’d say, ‘It’s only a voicemail. What’s the worst that could happen? And what’s the best?’ I sat in reception and contemplated that. There was nothing he could say that would make me think any worse of him than I already did and an apology might make me feel a little better. Might. Shaking my head, I dialled into the message.
‘Hi Josh, it’s your dad.’ Pause. ‘I’m really sorry about yesterday. I should never have… I don’t know what I was thinking. Beth said you and your girlfriend saved Archie yesterday. I can’t thank you enough.’ Pause. ‘Look, I know what I did to you and your mum was unforgiveable and I understand why you’ve wanted nothing to do with me since then but I miss you. I wish you were still in my life and I’m sure Archie and his sister would love to have a big brother as they grow up.’ Pause. ‘I won’t bombard you with calls but if there’s any chance of me repairing even a tiny bit of the damage I’ve caused, I’d jump at it.’ Pause. ‘You know where I am, son. Bye.’
His voice was heavy with emotion and I could hear the sadness and regret but I wasn’t going to let it weaken me.
‘Should have thought about that sooner,’ I muttered. ‘You knew what you were doing and you knew there’d be repercussions.’ I was about to delete the message but decided to save it instead. Only so Sam could hear it. No way was I interested in listening to it again.
Back at Hedgehog Hollow, Sam and I sat on Thomas’s bench with mugs of tea.
‘What do you make of it?’ I asked after she’d listened to the voicemail.
‘It’s weird hearing your dad’s voice. He sounds so much like you. As for the message itself, I don’t know. It certainly sounds heartfelt. How do you feel?’
‘I honestly don’t know. He does sound genuinely sorry but there’s this niggle. I still don’t know what Beth was desperate to talk to me about. Last time I spoke to her – the day I met you – she was on a mission to convince me to let them live in Alder Lea because it was too cramped in their flat for two adults and a baby. The new baby’s due in a couple of months’ time so I can’t help thinking that’s what they’re both after and they’re on the charm offensive to get what they want.’
‘You might be right about them wanting the house. The timing would fit. Your dad sounds pretty genuine to me but I’m conscious I’ve never met him. Is he good at putting on an act?’
I shrugged. ‘I’d have said not but he put on an act for seven years, pretending he was a caring dad and husband and, all the while, he was seeing Beth. I don’t know what to believe anymore and I can’t stand the thought of the pair of them manipulating me like that just to get my house. I have such fond memories of being there with my grandparents when I was younger and I loved living there, feeling close to them. Or I did before they tainted things.’
We sat in silence for a moment, sipping on our drinks.
‘So Beth’s expecting a girl?’ Sam said after a while.
‘It would appear so.’
‘And how was it holding Archie yesterday?’
I pondered for a moment. ‘Weird.’
‘Good weird or bad weird?’
‘Just weird. I’m thirty years old and he’s not even one yet and we’re half-brothers. That’s a hell of an age gap. It just didn’t feel like we could be related.’
‘Did you feel anything?’
‘I felt something but… I don’t know. I think it was just an urge to protect him after what happened.’ I didn’t know how to feel about him. I’d been adamant I didn’t want Archie in my life so I’d expected to feel some sort of animosity or resentment towards him. But I didn’t.
‘Are you going to call your dad back?’
‘I’ve no idea. As far as I was concerned, he was out of my life. Dead to me. I was so angry with him but now…’
‘But now…?’ Sam prompted.
I smiled and took her hand in mine. ‘But now I’ve got you and I feel happy every day instead of angry. After I nearly lost you, my priorities are different.’
‘So you want to give him a chance to fix things?’
She sounded excited and I felt terrible. I should have been clearer. That wasn’t where my head was at. Not even close. I grimaced. ‘Not with him. He destroyed my mum, he destroyed me and he could have destroyed the practice. I have no intention of ever letting him back in my life.’ I heard the bitterness and added in a lighter tone. ‘It’s the kids I was thinking of. None of this is their fault. I’m thinking I—’
My phone rang.
‘I’ve got to go,’ I said to Sam when I’d taken the details of the emergency callout. ‘Don’t wait up for me.’ We both stood up and I drew her into a hug but she felt stiff in my arms. ‘Have I upset you by saying that?’
She stepped back and looked me in the eyes. ‘No. It’s just that, if my mum had ever reached out to me like that, I’d have bitten her hand off for a reconciliation.’
‘Before you had that big bust-up?’
Sam shrugged. ‘Yes, but maybe even now, crazy as that sounds. She’s still my mum. Life with her has always been tough but you were close to your dad. That makes me sad.’ She shook her head. ‘Ignore me. It’s your choice and I honestly do understand why you feel the way you do and I’ll support you whatever happens.’
She looked so hopeful and I knew I had to tell her. Not now but soon. Then she’d think differently.
20
Samantha
I awoke with a start at the sound of a car door slamming. Was that Josh back? But a soft snuffle indicated he was in bed beside me. Fear gripped me and my pulse raced as I flicked on the bedside light.
‘Are you okay?’ Josh murmured as I raced to the window and peered out into the darkness.
The sight of a vehicle’s taillights disappearing down the farm track transported me back to the night of the fire and my whole body shuddered.
‘I think they’re back. The Grimes boys.’
‘Shit!’
We raced down the stairs together. I thrust my feet into my wellies by the front door while Josh pulled on his Converse and we both grabbed torches.
Outside, I sniffed the cool night air but it was fresh – no smoke – although the Grimes boys would have had to be even more stupid than we believed to have gone for arson again. The security lights illuminated the yard as we ran towards the barn.
‘The lock’s intact,’ Josh called, reaching it first.
‘What about the windows? You take the back, I’ll take the front.’
I ran along the front of the barn, directing the beam of my torch at the windows but the glass wasn’t smashed.
‘All clear,’ Josh called from the other end.
‘Then I don’t know what they—’ I stopped dead, my heart thumping. ‘Josh!’
‘What is it?’ He ran to my side.
‘Look!’ I shone the torch along the stonework. Daubed in red paint – still dripping so that it looked like blood trickling down the wall – were the words ‘GOLD DIGGER’.
Josh ran his beam along the graffiti too and I squealed as it caught something I’d missed: a squashed hedgehog nailed into the cement.
He put his arm out and turned me away from the sickening vision. I slumped against him, head buried into his shoulder, and sobbed. ‘When’s it going to end?’
‘I wish I could answer that.’ He sighed. ‘Come on, the hogs are safe so let’s get back inside and call the police again.’
My legs felt like jelly and my stomach was churning as I let him lead me across the farmyard and back into the house.
Inside, I curled up on the sofa, wrapped in a throw, while Josh relayed the latest incident over the phone. It had to end soon. They’d be sentenced and put away and if it was other family members instead, surely they’d get bored. Or caught. Because I couldn’t do this anymore.
21
Samantha
The following day Dad must have finished work early because his car was in
the farmyard when I arrived home from college. Beth’s car had gone so presumably someone had been to collect it.
‘I’m so sorry, poppet.’ Dad strode towards me with his arms outstretched. ‘It’s awful.’
Hugs from my dad always made me feel safe and protected. When I was younger and Mum would yell at me, he’d hold me close, covering my ears with his strong arms, trying to block out the sound. He couldn’t block out the sting, though.
I stepped back and nodded towards the barn. ‘Guess what I’ll be doing tonight?’ The graffiti remained but Josh had removed the gruesome attachment first thing and taken it to the practice this morning for cremation. I’d been terrified that the Grimes boys might have deliberately impaled an innocent creature but he’d confirmed it had definitely been a victim of roadkill first.
Dad shook his head. ‘No you won’t. Rich and Dave will be here around six and the three of us will sort it out. Dave’s got some stuff he says will clear the paint off the stones.’
I hugged him again, a lump forming in my throat at such a kind gesture. ‘Thanks for sorting that out, Dad. I wasn’t looking forward to it.’ Rich and Dave were such good friends. I’d rented their spare bedroom when I first relocated from Whitsborough Bay to the Wolds and Thomas had adored them. When he’d left Hedgehog Hollow to me, he’d also left instructions and a sizeable budget with Dave to organise a team to help him sort out the barn and restore the farm back to its former glory. There was still money left in the pot but I hadn’t had time to think about where to direct it yet. Another thing for my mounting to-do list.
‘It was Josh’s idea,’ Dad said. ‘He’s caught up in surgery, by the way.’
‘Thanks. I thought that might be the case.’ I took one more look at the graffiti and shuddered. The sooner that was gone, the better. Time to focus on more pleasant things. ‘Do you want to meet Gollum and Katniss?’
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