I could pretty much guarantee that Beth would give it two minutes then try again so there was no point going back to sleep and no point switching it to silent as I’d not be able to settle. So much for a lie in after several nights up with the hoglets.
I lay there looking at the canvas of Thomas’s meadow on the wall opposite the bed, waiting. Sure enough, my phone rang a couple of minutes later.
‘Hi, Beth,’ I said, my tone flat. I didn’t want her to think I was pleased to hear from her because I definitely wasn’t.
‘I was beginning to think I was never going to catch you,’ she said, relief apparent in her voice. ‘Can we talk?’
I sighed. ‘Isn’t that what we’re doing now?’
‘No. Not on the phone. I need to see you. Are you free this afternoon?’
No way was I giving up an afternoon at the farm with Sammie to be with Beth. ‘I’ve got stuff to do.’
‘Please, Josh. It’s really important.’
‘If it’s about you and him moving into Alder Lea again, you can f—’
‘It isn’t that. Can you meet me in The Owl and Pussycat Tearoom at two?’
‘No.’
‘Josh! I need to speak to you.’
‘And I don’t need to speak to you. What part of “I’m not interested” don’t you understand?’
‘It’s important so I’m not going to stop calling or turning up until we’ve spoken in person. It’s your choice. Drag it out or hear me out.’
It absolutely wasn’t how I wanted to spend my afternoon but I knew it wasn’t a casual threat. She’d definitely keep bugging me. I didn’t need it and there was no way I was going to subject Sammie to it. ‘Okay,’ I snapped. ‘I’ll meet you but I won’t have long. I genuinely do have things to do in the rescue centre.’
‘Thank you. I really appreciate it.’
‘Will Archie be with you?’ I asked, the words spilling out before I could stop them.
‘Do you want him to be?’ I recognised the teasing tone in her voice and kicked myself for saying anything. I wasn’t ready to give her any indication of wanting my half-brother in my life, especially when I didn’t know what it was she was so desperate to speak to me about.
‘I was just being practical in case I got there first. I wondered whether we’d need space for a buggy.’
‘Oh. Yeah, that’s a good point.’ She sounded disappointed. ‘Yes, Archie will be with me. See you at two.’ And then she hung up.
I slumped back against the pillows for a moment then reluctantly rolled out of bed. I’d better get a shower then find Sammie in the barn and let her know I was going to have to abandon her for the afternoon.
My palms were sweating as I reversed into a parking space in the market square in Reddfield. I kept having to wipe them down my jeans. Why was I so nervous? I certainly wasn’t anxious about seeing Beth again. Any feelings I’d had for her had disappeared after the incident along with my trust and respect. I was more curious than apprehensive about whatever it was she desperately wanted to talk to me about, especially when she was adamant it wasn’t about living at Alder Lea. Which only left Archie. Was I nervous about seeing my half-brother again?
I switched off the ignition and undid my seatbelt but stayed in the car for a couple more minutes. Mum was convinced Archie had found a way into my heart already. Was she right? If so, that was definitely reasonable cause for nerves because letting Archie into my life meant maintaining contact with the two people I’d hoped never to have to see again.
The Owl and Pussycat Tearoom. Crap. I’d come close to suggesting an alternative venue but to do so would imply that the place still meant something to me and it didn’t. Not for a long time.
Sighing, I reached for the door. Best get this over with and then I could get back to Sammie, the woman I loved more than anything in the world. She couldn’t have been more different to Beth. Selfless, honest and kind versus selfish and deceitful. Right now, I had no idea why I’d ever fallen for Beth but there wasn’t time to dwell on that.
I could see her at what had become our regular table with her hands clasped round a mug of tea. Archie was asleep in a buggy beside her. I realised with a jolt that I’d hoped he’d be awake.
She spotted me and gave a half-hearted wave.
‘I ordered tea for two.’ She pointed to a large owl-shaped teapot in the middle of the table when I sat down. ‘But you can order something different if you prefer. You don’t have to have tea.’
‘Tea’s fine. Has everything been okay since Sunday?’ I asked.
‘Yes. Archie’s been fine and I’m fine and baby’s fine.’ She smiled weakly. ‘That’s a lot of fines. Sorry. Thank you for everything you did. And Samantha. I’m so grateful.’
‘But that’s not what you want to speak to me about,’ I prompted, eager to get whatever it was onto the table.
‘Wow! Straight to the point.’
‘What did you expect?’
She shrugged. ‘It’s been eighteen months. I thought we could have a catch-up first.’
My jaw clenched and I fought to keep the anger out of my voice. ‘You do realise that me coming to the hospital with you hasn’t changed anything? We’re not friends, Beth, and we never will be. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh but I once told you, right at this very table, that I’m not a convincing liar so I tend to stick to the truth.’
‘Unlike me,’ she said bitterly.
‘If the cap fits…’ I felt mean saying it but it was accurate.
‘You’ve changed,’ she snapped, narrowing her eyes at me. ‘And not for the better.’
‘Really? And who do you think might have caused that change?’
‘This was a bad idea.’ She pushed her chair back and reached for her bag.
I tutted. ‘You cannot be serious. You turn up at the farm twice, bombard me with calls and beg me to meet you today and then you walk out the minute it isn’t going your way?’
She opened her purse and slapped a ten-pound note on the table. ‘It was eighteen months ago, Josh. Stop holding a grudge, grow up and move on.’
‘I’m not holding a grudge.’
‘Really? What was that bullshit you just said? “I’m not a convincing liar so I tend to stick to the truth”.’ She adopted a cartoon-like macho voice in an attempt to mimic me, making me cringe.
‘Okay, I do hold a grudge and who can blame me after what you both did? But I have moved on and life was bloody good until you reappeared and tried to ruin it all.’
‘That’s not what I was trying to do.’ Her voice had risen and we were drawing curious looks from the other diners.
Realising we were in danger of being asked to leave, I lowered my voice. ‘I didn’t come here for an argument and I don’t think it’s in either of our interests to rake over what happened. You asked me to meet you and I’m here so what’s so urgent?’
She tossed her purse back in her bag with a sigh then pulled her chair back up to the table. ‘If I tell you why I wanted to see you, will you promise to hear me out?’
‘I promise.’
‘I mean it, Josh. Don’t get mad with me until you’ve heard the full explanation.’
‘Yes, fine, I get it. I promise.’ I held my hands up in a surrender gesture.
‘It’s your dad. I want you to see him.’
‘Beth! You know that’s not going to happen.’
‘Hello? Earth calling Joshua? What did you just promise me literally twenty seconds ago?’
‘Okay. Whatever. I’ll hear you out but I can guess how it goes. He’s sorry. He never meant to hurt me or Mum or the business. He misses me. He knows things can’t go back to how they used to be but he wants to try to move on.’ I inwardly cringed at how childish and stroppy I sounded.
Beth folded her arms and stared at me, her expression unreadable. ‘Have you quite finished?’
‘I’m only paraphrasing the voicemail he left. He didn’t need to send you to repeat what he’d already said.’
‘He didn�
�t send me. He doesn’t know I’m here.’
I narrowed my eyes at her. ‘He didn’t know you were at the farm on Sunday either.’
‘No, he didn’t, because he specifically told me not to tell you what I’m going to tell you. Yes, he’s sorry. Yes, he never meant to hurt anyone. Yes to everything else you said. The only thing he didn’t tell you is that, if there’s any chance of you two having any sort of relationship again, you’d best not leave it too long.’ Her voice cracked and tears glistened in her eyes.
The chatter around us seemed to quieten and my pulse started racing. ‘Meaning…?’ But I knew exactly what it had to mean. The thought had popped into my head when she’d turned up at Hedgehog Hollow after the Family Fun Day. It was the reason I’d unblocked her number on my phone after I left hospital last weekend. I’d pushed it away, though, because if I’d acknowledged it, I’d have started thinking differently towards him and I didn’t want to do that. After what he’d done, he didn’t deserve my compassion so I’d refused to go there.
Beth’s expression softened as she said the words. ‘Meaning he might be dying, Josh.’
I reached for that one word like a life-raft. ‘Might be?’
‘He’s got stage four Hodgkin lymphoma. He’s already had a full cycle of chemo and it hasn’t worked. He could need a stem cell transplant and if that doesn’t work…’ Tears ran down her cheeks and dripped onto the table.
31
Samantha
When I heard a vehicle pull into the farmyard shortly after four, I stepped out of the barn, hoping it was Josh. I’d been looking forward to an afternoon together but it was right that he met Beth and finally discovered what she wanted. I hadn’t relished the idea of her turning up unannounced again so it was better to deal with it.
It wasn’t Josh. It was Terry again.
‘Another hedgehog delivery for you,’ he said, taking a box out of the front passenger side footwell and handing it to me. ‘Also tangled but not in goalpost netting this time.’
‘What’s it tangled in?’ I asked.
‘Bloody rubber band. Look at this lot.’ He opened up a carrier bag revealing dozens of elastic bands. ‘I picked these up in one week.’
‘One week? Oh my goodness! Where from?’
‘Postal workers. They wander round the village with their letters bundled together in bands then they drop them instead of taking them back to the depot. On people’s drives and doorsteps and in the middle of the street. They’re a double menace. Litter and a danger to our wildlife as you can see.’
‘Do you want to watch while I treat this one?’ I asked. ‘It won’t be quite so busy today.’
‘I would but I’ve got family at mine and I abandoned them when I spotted this little fella so I’d best be getting back.’
‘Can I ask you what you’re going to do with the elastic bands?’
‘Send them back to the Post Office like I usually do.’
‘Would you mind if I hang onto them? If postal workers are dropping that many bands in your village, they’re likely doing the same in all the surrounding villages. I think there’s potential for a campaign involving local schools here and this bag of bands could be a starting point to illustrate how big a problem it is.’
He handed over the bag and smiled at me. ‘I like you, lass. You get things done.’
‘I try my best.’
I waved him off and went into the barn to check out my newest patient.
‘Aw, you poor thing. That’s got to hurt.’ The elastic band was wrapped tightly round the hog’s middle and I suspected it had wriggled into it when it was an infant and the band had become gradually tighter as it grew. ‘We’ll have that off in no time and clean up any damage.’
As I washed my hands, I hoped the damage would be external only and that the band hadn’t been pressing on any organs or it could be a very different outcome.
An hour later, Dumbledore was settled in his new crate. The wound thankfully hadn’t been too deep so, like Arwen, he shouldn’t take too long to heal. I heard another vehicle on the gravel outside, peeked out the window and spotted Josh’s jeep.
Ten minutes later, I’d wiped down the table and cleared everything away but he hadn’t appeared in the barn. I figured he must have gone straight into the farmhouse but it was empty.
‘Josh?’ I called, going back outside.
Silence.
The only other place I could think of was Thomas’s bench. I rounded the corner of the farmhouse and there he was, slumped against the back of the bench with his head back and his eyes closed.
‘Josh? Are you okay?’
He looked up at me. His face was pale and his eyes were red and puffy as though he’d been crying. ‘Not really.’
I sat down beside him. ‘What happened?’
‘My dad’s got cancer.’
‘Oh my goodness, Josh. I’m so sorry.’ I put my arms out and drew him into my embrace. No wonder Beth was so desperate to see him face to face. That definitely wasn’t news to give over the phone or by email.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’
He nodded. ‘I don’t know what to do next.’
‘Would a coffee or a beer be helpful?’
‘A beer would be very helpful. Maybe a whole keg.’ He managed a weak smile.
‘We’ll start with one bottle, eh? Back soon.’
When I returned a few minutes later with three bottles – one each and a spare for Josh as I suspected his first might go down very quickly – he was giving Misty-Blue a scratch behind her ears.
He took a drink from me, giving me a grateful smile, and took a long swig. ‘Just what I needed.’
I sat down beside him and waited.
32
Josh
I had the strangest sensation as though I was in a dream but all my senses were on high alert. I could see the vibrant colours of the meadow, hear the birds chirping, taste the fizzy tang of the lime wedged in the neck of my bottle, feel the chill of the alcohol slipping down my throat and smell Sammie’s pink grapefruit perfume as she sat by my side. Yet none of it felt real. None of it felt right. I’d spent the past eighteen months hating my father and doing my utmost to obliterate him from every part of my life.
When I’d returned from hospital the night I nearly lost Mum, I’d raced round Alder Lea like a man possessed, filling binbag after binbag with reminders of him. Photos were the obvious items but it didn’t stop there. I hurled in gifts he’d given me, books he’d loaned me, a shirt I’d worn to celebrate his birthday, a T-shirt I’d once loaned him. I didn’t care what I smashed or damaged because I didn’t care about him. After all, he clearly didn’t care about me, Mum or the business. Pouring with sweat and out of breath, I’d tossed the binbags into the attic and slammed the hatch closed.
But now he was ill and how could you hate a man who had cancer? The man I’d vehemently proclaimed was dead to me literally could be dead soon.
Sammie’s hand slipped into mine and I squeezed it gratefully. Best just say it. Maybe saying it aloud will make it seem real.
‘Dad’s got Hodgkin lymphoma.’ The words came out flat and factual. Easier that way. ‘He’s had a round of chemo already. Beth said they’d hoped that would be all he needed because most patients respond well to treatment, even when it’s caught late.’
‘They caught it late, then?’ Sammie asked.
I nodded. ‘Beth said he was permanently exhausted last summer but they thought nothing of it. Why would they? Archie arrived in June and they were both sleep-deprived. When Dad did manage to sleep, he had bad night sweats. He lost weight but it was only when Beth noticed a lump under his arm that they thought to see a doctor. Turned out it was all connected and pointing to the same thing.’
Sammie squeezed my hand again. ‘I’m so sorry. So what’s next?’
‘They’re talking about a stem cell transplant.’
She looked surprised. ‘Oh. Is that definite?’
‘I’m not sure. Beth got upset a
nd then Archie woke up and started crying so the details were a bit sketchy.’
‘Do you know anything about Hodgkin lymphoma?’ she asked.
‘Not really. I know it’s a type of blood cancer but that’s about it. Do you know much about it?’
She shrugged. ‘A basic knowledge but only because I had a patient who was in remission from it. It develops when a certain type of white blood cells stops behaving how it should by either multiplying too quickly or not dying off. I think it’s the fourth or fifth most common type of cancer and, as you said, patients with it do usually respond well to chemotherapy.’
I sighed. ‘Trust my dad to be the exception. He’s apparently in the wrong age bracket too. Beth said the variation he’s got is most common in people under thirty-five or over sixty but he’s fifty, like Mum.’
‘I’m surprised nobody told you about the original diagnosis last year.’
I slumped forward with my head in my hands. ‘I’m not.’ I cringed as I recalled my furious rant. Packing up every reminder of him hadn’t been enough. Anger still surging through my veins, I’d wanted to unleash my feelings on him but his phone repeatedly went straight to voicemail. A voice in my head kept telling me to wait until I’d calmed down but I quashed it. He needed to know the damage he’d done – they both did – and I wanted to be the one to tell them. I’d sped over to Beth’s flat. He had to be there. Where else could he be? Someone was coming out of the building so I went in without buzzing them and pounded on the door until he answered. I shoved him aside, stormed into their lounge and exploded.
‘Are you okay?’ Sammie asked, bringing me back to the present and instantly calming me, like she always did.
I lifted my head and gazed at the meadow. ‘The night it happened, I stormed round to Beth’s flat in the early hours. I told him exactly what I thought of him and, when she appeared out of the bedroom, I laid into her too. But mainly him. I told him where Mum was and why. I told him how I’d found her and pulled no punches about what would have happened if I hadn’t finished work early and gone straight there. He went white and sank down onto the sofa, shaking, but I didn’t care about him. All I cared about was what he’d done to Mum. Beth was in tears. Kept saying it was her fault because she’d given him an ultimatum of Mum or the baby and wouldn’t let Dad into the flat until he’d ended it. Hearing her wittering on about new life when my mum could have lost hers tipped me over the edge and my parting shot was…’ My voice cracked and I hung my head.
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