We stood there in the cave hugging for a while. He scooped me up in his arms and took me to the other side of the cave where our makeshift pallet lay, and he gently placed me on it.
He came down on top of me, the weight of his massive body enveloping me. I couldn't move if I wanted to, but I didn't want to. It just felt nice to be with a man so powerful and sexy like Elijah, that I didn't care if he lay on top of me the entire night.
Elijah laughed and lifted up the condom that he had taken off of his dick. It looked like an engorged water balloon.
"Wow!" I exclaimed. "That's a lot of cum!"
It didn’t really surprise me though, since everything about Elijah was big.
"Yeah well, that's what happens when your pussy fits my dick like a tight glove. You are so sexy and amazing. But I agree, that's a whole lot of cum. I don't think I have ever cum that hard. He paused, and then said, “I take that back, I know I’ve never cum that hard."
The look of bewilderment on his face told me that he was being honest. He shook his head, stood up, and began getting dressed. I stood up and put my clothes on too.
The wind was starting to pick up, howling as it whipped snow into the cave, causing water to pool at the entrance. I was glad he had continued to keep our fire going so that it wasn’t too cold.
Elijah walked toward the cave opening and peered out. He sighed deeply.
"Well, it looks like we'll be staying here for longer than we thought," he said, shaking his head and walking toward the back of the cave where there were supplies lined up against the wall.
I looked out at the rain, beginning to worry. I had agreed to come on this trip because I planned on being available to work for Whitney and Harlow. Now, this storm was trapping me in a cave miles away from where I was supposed to be to watch their children. I felt the pangs of guilt welling up.
"You don't think that we can make a run for it to the car?" He shook his head emphatically.
"No, there's no way. It's just not safe. Trees fall down and trap people. Snowdrifts build up and fall unpredictably,” he said. “I would hate it if something were to happen to you."
The soft way in which he said it touched my heart. It was good to know that he cared about me so much. He spoke like a gentleman.
"Thank you," I said, gratefully. "I'm just worried about the kids. I wanted to make myself useful to the Bradfords while they are on vacation, but it looks like this storm is making that impossible. Not to mention, I'm starting to get a little scared that we won't ever make it back."
I walked over to the back of the cave where he sat rearranging cans of food. He had a fairly large stockpile of cans.
"Whoa! You thought of everything," I said.
He had a wide variety of canned meats, vegetables, and other nonperishable food items.
"I really do have things under control," he said, winking and smiling at me. "Don't worry; I have everything covered. I’m used to nature’s elements. You are safe with me. I will protect you."
The cave had gotten darker because the fire had died down to red embers. Elijah walked over to the fire and began stirring it with a stick, red streaks jumping up as they scattered across the floor. He added more logs of wood to the fire, fanning the embers so they sparked and caught flame.
The fire began to build until the yellow flames blazed brightly, the flames reaching up, bending back and forth. A black cloud of smoke started to fill the cave. Elijah fanned the flames toward the opening of the cave, letting the smoke escape until all that was left was a hearty fire. Once he finished with the fire, he came and sat down next to me, staring into the fire.
"If I didn't know any better, I'd think that you planned all of this," I told him jokingly.
"How so?" he asked.
"Maybe you looked at the weather forecast and saw the storm and thought that it would be a good idea to get trapped in a cave."
He laughed loudly, his deep voice bouncing off the walls of the cave.
"You know, if I could have thought that far ahead, I guess that that would have been a great plan."
"Well, how else do you explain us being trapped here, but you have all these supplies that would let us survive for weeks or maybe even months? To me that shows that you are almost prepared for just about anything."
"Actually, I have all of these supplies out here because I like to come here to get away from the cabin."
"Why would you want to get away from the cabin?" I asked, thoroughly confused. "There are no other people out here. And you have a nice, comfortable cabin. Why would you come out here to no man's land?"
"While I’m very happy about how things worked out for us, I come here a lot to escape from reality, I guess,” he said. “Coming out here helps me to get away from it all and just be one with nature. It helps me to escape the nightmares that bother me all the time."
He turned his face away from me. The way that he said that made me feel sorry for him. I didn't like to hear that he had nightmares so bad that he was basically a man on the run from his own thoughts.
Getting away is wonderful. In fact, I wished that I could come out here from time to time to get away from my situation with my dad. But, I couldn't imagine what it must be like to constantly be doing it. Maybe that was what Harlow had meant when he said there was something “off” about Elijah.
I wanted to cry for poor Elijah and whatever demons were chasing him. In fact, I could feel hot tears begin to well up and pour out before I had a chance to stop them.
"Oh no! What's wrong?" asked Elijah, scanning my face worriedly. "Did I do something? Say something wrong? I’m not the best with words, which is why I try not to say too many of them."
I blinked, trying to make the steady stream of tears stop.
"No," I said, shaking my head. "It's just... sometimes I feel so weighed down..."
Elijah nodded, grabbed a few cans and a can opener, and walked to a place just in front of the fire. Smiling, he beckoned for me to join him. He took my hands in his and pulled me down with him, sitting with his legs crossed one on top of the other.
His dark brown eyes looked longingly into mine. His face was so gentle, an unexpected contrast to his muscular mountain man persona. He said something to me that I knew right then I would never forget.
"You tell me about your demons and I'll tell you about mine. Maybe we can help chase them off together, for good.”
Chapter 20 - Michelle
Elijah opened up a can of potted meat and green beans and put them on the ground in front of him side-by-side. He produced two beat up tin plates and two plastic spoons.
"It might not be four-star restaurant quality, but it will take the hunger pangs away," he said sheepishly.
"I'm definitely grateful that you have this out here,” I told him. “I turn into a real bear when I'm hungry. I wouldn't want you to see that."
"Trust me, I've seen some things that are worse than anything that you could ever imagine."
The way that he said that chilled my bones. It was almost as if a dark cloud had descended down over his head. Whatever it was, it was enough for him to feel like he needed to go out into a cave to try to forget about it.
He heaped a few spoonfuls from each can onto a tin plate and handed it to me. I took the food graciously and began eating it. It was cold and didn't taste all that great. But, I smiled and thanked him anyway. I wanted him to know that I really did appreciate the effort he was making.
"So, tell me about these nightmares," said Elijah, wiping gravy away from his mouth with his sleeve.
I stared down at my plate, trying to figure out how exactly to begin.
"It's a long story..." I said, turning my head and looking away from him.
"It's okay," he said, winking. "We've got a little time."
I laughed. He put his hand on mine, encouraging me to continue.
"To understand my nightmares, you would have to know the situation between my parents..."
As I began to tell him the story, my mind w
ent back to what I’d always thought of as the day that changed my life.
I had just gotten home from the shopping mall where I’d gone to pick up new headphones so that I could listen to music on my phone. I had found some really nice ones. I was excited because they were on sale, so I was able to get them, plus a new pair of tennis shoes that I really liked, on the rather meager spending money budget I kept based off my nannying salary.
I walked in all proud of myself. I went to my parents’ bedroom, eager to tell my mother about my shopping win, and found her running around the room stuffing clothes into a giant suitcase that was becoming fuller as she gathered up handfuls of items and threw them on top of the suitcase. She looked frantic, like she was afraid of something.
"Mom! What's going on? What's wrong?"
She stopped dead in her tracks, hung her head, and turned to face me.
"What's wrong?" I asked again.
My mother had always been the glue that held out family together. She was soft spoken and accommodating. Even though I knew she wasn’t happy with my father, I couldn't remember them ever even having so much as a fight in front of me. I couldn't fathom what was happening and I needed for her to help me understand.
"Honey, I'm leaving your father."
The words seeped into my brain like venom. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I hadn’t seen this coming at all. I felt completely blindsided.
She sighed deeply, walked over to me, and held my face in her hands.
"This might be too much for you to understand right now. Maybe once you get older, you might understand. Your father and I have not been happy for a very long time. Your father doesn't care, either. He is fine with us just coexisting with each other, and with not paying any attention to me or downright scoffing at my ideas when I try to talk to him about them. Me, I want passion. I want the same things that he talked about when we were dating. I want that exciting man back that I dated all those years ago. I can't remember when life stopped being fun."
I looked at my mother: a nervous, frail woman. She had gotten thinner in the last few years. She was really beginning to show her age. I hadn't ever looked at her before the same way that I did that day.
I saw a tired woman, a woman so desperate that she would be willing to do anything for a tiny corner of happiness. I guess I had been too caught up in my own world to notice that she wasn't happy.
Things were just so normal at home that I hadn't thought about my mother as a woman with needs and I couldn't quite comprehend yet, since I have never been with a man. I thought that my throat was going to close up as I told Elijah the story.
"It's okay," he said softly, reassuring me to continue.
My tongue felt thick in my mouth and I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to keep talking. I tried to talk and choked on sobs that I didn't know were about to come out.
"It's all my fault!" I said remorsefully.
"What is?" said Elijah, confused.
So, I told him the rest of the story.
Chapter 21 - Michelle
"I tried to talk her out of leaving, not necessarily for my dad, but for me. My dad and I didn't exactly have the worst relationship, but it certainly wasn't the best, either. I didn't know what would happen if she left. For as long as I could remember, she had always been the one to make things work in our lives.”
I had vivid memories of my father sitting on the end of the bed waiting for my mom to bring him a pair of socks. She literally did everything for him, brought him everything he needed— yet, she still felt unappreciated by him.
“She told me that she had to leave right away,” I continued. “I begged her to let me come with her. She refused, saying that she didn't really have all of the details worked out yet. But she promised to come back for me as soon as she could. I cried and told her that I didn't want to wait and that I didn't care where we went, as long as I could be with her.”
She’d caressed my face and smiled. She’d kissed me on my forehead and brushed back loose curls that had fallen over my eyes.
She’d told me, “I know that you don't understand, but I am doing this for you just as much as I am doing it for me. I want you to always remember that you have to go after what you love and what makes you happy. Don't settle for a life that isn't the best life that you can have, of your own design. And if ever you feel that you are stuck or unhappy, run. Run as fast and as far as you can until you don't feel that stuck feeling anymore. If you don't remember anything that I say to you honey, please remember that.”
Now, I look up into Elijah’s eyes— or as much as I can make out by the light of the fire in the dark cave— as I finish telling him the story.
“She slammed her suitcase shut, told me that she loved me, and disappeared quickly out the front door. That was the last time that I would ever see her. Alive, that is.”
I gulped and tried to hold back my tears before continuing. “She got into a really bad car crash and died instantly. My heart was ripped to shreds. I loved my mom so much. And the worst part about it is that my father was completely heartbroken. I had never see him cry up until that point. The way that he cried tore me apart. He seemed so lost. He would go between blankly staring and crying.”
“I’m so sorry,” Elijah said, holding my hand tight.
I plunged forward with the story. “At her funeral, everyone said very nice things about my mother. They called her an angel and talked about how she always made everyone feel welcome and loved. They were right.”
Next was the part I didn’t want to tell him. I hadn’t told a soul. But, as Elijah had suggested, maybe if told each other about our demons, we could make them start going away. I took a deep breath and then continued.
“But, there was a man there at her funeral that I didn't know. When the ceremony was over, he came up to me, tapped me on the shoulder, and told me that he had something to tell me. I was curious as to what he had to say, so I walked out of the funeral home and talked to him.
‘My name is Jean,’ he said, nervously. ‘I didn't know if I should reach out to you, but I figured that I would rather say something than not. Your mother was coming to meet me the night that she got into the accident. She and I had been seeing each other for a few years. The reason that I wanted to tell you that is because I believe that she was going to tell your father about us.’”
Elijah’s deep intake of breath showed the same shock I’d felt that day the stranger had approached me.
“I asked him, ‘So, why are you telling me now? And at her funeral of all places!” I was livid! I understand that it was my mother's choice to be with this man, but I certainly did not have to stand there at her funeral while I was grieving and listen to this. And I absolutely wasn't about to let this man upset my father any more than he already was.”
“I completely understand,” Elijah said, his fingers tracing the veins of my hand as he continued to hold it. “I would feel the same way. The nerve of that guy!”
“I told him, ‘Look sir, I appreciate what you trying to do in keeping my mother's wishes and memories alive, and I’m sure that you think this confession will somehow help you deal with your own grief, but I think that you need to just go away.’”
“What did he say back?” Elijah asked.
“He just said, ‘I see,’ and hung his head as he turned to walk away. So I said, ‘One last thing. The next time that you feel that you want to ruin your dead girlfriend's funeral, please think twice and don’t do it.’”
Elijah said, “ha!” and I added, “I know that my words were mean, but I didn't care. He was rude and inappropriate and what he told me wasn’t the right time or right place.”
“I agree,” Elijah declared, solemnly. “I wish I could go find him and kick his fucking ass for you.”
“I would let you, except that for whatever reason, I guess my mom loved this asshole. So, I really try to understand things from his point of view,” I said.
“Well, that’s awfully nice of you.” Elijah scowled
, and I was touched by his loyalty.
“The night that my mother left, she made me promise that I wouldn't say anything to my dad until long after she was gone,” I continued, finally unburdening my guilt onto another human being. “I was hesitant because I didn't want to have to be the one to tell him. But more than that, I didn't want to take any part in breaking my father's heart. I had never really seen him upset, but I'm sure that knowing that his world was being turned upside down would have been enough to upset him, at the very least.”
“Yeah,” Elijah agreed. “That’s understandable.”
“So, I didn't tell him. And when he cried out, asking where she had been going, begging for answers, I felt so guilty,” I confessed. “I felt like I personally had something to do with her death. No, I wasn't the person who killed her, but I had more information on what was going on than anyone. And now that her boyfriend had come forward with more details, I had even more information.”
I gulped again. “But I won’t ever tell him. I vowed that I would never tell him. I decided to just do my best to be a good daughter and hope that he will somehow come to terms with the fact that his wife is gone. Anything more and God knows what kind of strain it would put on him.”
“It’s definitely not your job to tell him,” Elijah said. “I can see how you would struggle with it, though.”
“I thought he was going to figure it out one day because about a week after she left, he called me and asked me if I knew where their old suitcase was.
‘Why are you looking for it?’ I asked curiously.
‘Oh, I just noticed it was gone,’ he said. “It's been in our closet for years and it's not there anymore.’
I lied and suggested that maybe Mom had donated it to the Salvation Army before she passed away. I said I think I had seen it in the donation pile. But he paused like he was processing what I was saying.
‘You can't remember if you saw a huge suitcase in there or not?’ he asked.
‘No, Dad,’ I told him, having to go along with the lie now that I’d started it. ‘It was a crazy week for me. I was trying to figure some things out with the kids that I work with, so I really wasn't focused on what was in the donation pile.’”
Hold Onto Me_A Secret Baby Romance Page 132