I drove the speed limit throughout the winding mountain roads. The trees became thicker as I made my way back towards Darren and Hope's cabin.
"I'm starting to recognize things now," she said. "We're almost there."
My heart sank a little. I didn't want this to be over yet. I wished that there was a way I could freeze time so that we could spend more of it together.
Once we got to the cabin, I pulled into the driveway, drove up to the front door and put the car in park. I turned off the engine and the silence was uncomfortable
"We're here," I announced loudly, trying my best to sound upbeat.
I got out of the car and walked over to the passenger's side to open her door. She reached her hand out to mine, so I could help her step down from the truck. Somehow, she still managed to trip just a little, but fell into my arms. I loved her combination of clumsiness and grace. We stood there for a minute hugging, staring at each other.
I got lost in my thoughts of what I wished would happen for us. I fantasized that she would leave the city life behind and come live with me. She could spend her days with me in the woods, doing whatever she wanted to do. We could explore all the caves and fuck in endless places in the woods. Waking up to her every day would be exciting.
But I knew that was just a dream, a useless thought that would never happen. As soon as she walked into Darren and Hope's cabin, she would most likely become a stranger to me yet again. It would almost be like we’d never met. It would be just like when I had dated that girl back in high school. Only this time might be even worse because I really liked her— an “adult” kind of like, rather than a naïve high school kid kind of like— and I could tell that she liked me right back.
I tried to hide my sadness as I got ready to walk back to my side of the car.
"Hey, would you want to come in and say hi?" Michelle asked. “I know it’s not really your style to socialize, but I thought I’d ask. And while you're here, maybe you can help me out by explaining to them what happened and why I wasn't able to come back due to the storm. I'm pretty sure they will understand because they wouldn't expect me to be out in such a horrific storm… but having you back me up would definitely make it look and sound a whole lot more authentic. What do you say?"
I froze. She was right about me not wanting to go in and speak to them. All I needed was to hear my ex-SEAL buddies calling me names and teasing me, saying that I was a coward for what I had confessed to Michelle. That was a silly thought, since I knew she wouldn’t tell them, but she had been pushing me to tell them, and I saw her point… so, what if I gave in and told them and they laughed or kicked me out?
I struggled enough with myself, feeling like I had let everyone down. Lone isolation helped to avoid feeling that way all the time. I didn't want to voluntarily put myself in a situation where I might hear negative things directed towards me.
But then I thought about what Michelle had said. I thought there might be truth to her theory about it all being in my head. Maybe they didn't think of me as a coward and things would be fine. If they did think I was weird, perhaps explaining to them what my hold-up has been all this time would help them understand me.
Who knows? I thought. I might even enjoy being in their company.
Being in Darren's house would also give me more of a chance to be around Michelle. Her eyes were all but begging me to go inside. I would have walked across hot coals for her. She made my heart happy; not to mention my cock.
I wanted to spend as much time around her as I could. I wanted to shout from the roof top, to tell everyone, that she was mine and I was hers.
But for the moment, I would settle on walking into the house with her. I reached out, grabbed her hand and smiled.
"Let's go," I said, stepping up to the door and knocking hard.
Chapter 27 - Michelle
The door swung open and Whitney was standing there with the baby on her hip.
"Oh, my goodness! Michelle, what happened? We were worried sick!"
I walked in and instinctively took the baby from her.
"It's a long story, Whit," I said, hoping that she didn't notice my cheeks reddened as Elijah smiled at me coyly.
I could tell that he was remembering what had happened in the cave. I could still feel the ache from him being inside of me. But, I didn't want to tell any of them about it.
"It's my fault," said Elijah, stepping forward.
"Come on in," said Darren, walking past the door and disappearing down a long hallway. We stepped into the foyer, stomping snow off our shoes onto the welcome mat, and Hope appeared, inviting us to join her for tea in the kitchen. It was warm, and the house smelled like delicious chocolate chip cookies.
"I knew it!" called out Harlow from the living room. "I knew that something bad would happen and tried to warn you."
"Oh Harlow, stop it," I said, trying to hide my irritation with him.
We had barely been in the house for a few minutes before he was already starting in on Elijah. I wished that he would get whatever chip he had on his shoulder off and leave Elijah alone, for once and for all.
"No, it's okay," said Elijah, waving a hand in my direction. "The huge storm started as soon as we got to my other place, the cave in the woods. And since I didn't want to risk either of us getting hurt, I suggested that we wait out the storm.”
“Yeah,” Whitney said, nodding her head. “We knew you must have gotten trapped in the storm. We were just hoping nothing bad had happened. We called the police and they were about to start a search crew, but they said that Elijah knew the lay of the land and probably knew how to hide out and protect himself from the elements until it blew over, so, they wanted to give it a couple days for the weather to clear up. We are just so glad you weren’t hurt.”
Elijah looked proud to hear that the local authorities knew he knew how to take care of himself. I was proud of him, too.
“I had no idea it would last as long as it did,” he said. “I wish that I would have taken a better look at the forecast. I didn't know that it would get that bad, of course; I really didn’t mean to whisk Michelle off for so long. I apologize, you guys."
"It's okay," said Monica, appearing as if out of nowhere. "I'm sure that you guys found something to do to entertain yourselves.”
Her smile grew bigger and eyebrows were raised as she moved closer. Oh, Lord, here we go again, I thought.
"Tell me everything and don't leave out any of the juicy parts," she whispered loudly.
I elbowed her and grinned, hoping that no one else had heard, but sure that everyone had.
"Actually, Elijah was very prepared. His cave was stocked with all of the goodies that we needed to survive."
"Like condoms?" asked Monica slyly, not giving me a chance to change subjects.
"Like food," I said. "We were able to eat some of the canned goods that he brought along. He made a fire in the cave to keep us warm. I was really impressed with the way that Elijah handled things out there. He is really capable. And a gentlemen."
"Awww! That's good to hear," said Whitney. "I was worried that you had been eaten by bears or something. Did you get any of the messages I’d sent?"
I picked up my phone to check and saw I had no signal.
"No," I told her. "I don't even show where I've missed any calls or texts."
"Oh," said Whitney. "We called you several times. The guys were going to load the truck up to go find you, but the way that it was storming, there was no telling if they would have made it back safe or not."
"Mommy said that you died!" came a squeaky voice from under the kitchen table where we sat. I almost jumped up out my chair. I hadn’t known that there was a child under the table.
"I didn't say that she died," said Whitney. "I said that I hoped that nothing bad happened to her. And I really am."
Whitney looked like she was going to break down into tears.
"Were you scared?" asked Monica.
"Not really," I said. "I just wanted to get back
because I wanted to be here for Whitney and Harlow. I felt really bad about going out at all. I felt like I should have followed my first inclination and stayed here, and then maybe we wouldn't have been trapped in the storm."
"Yeah, but it's not every day that you meet a sexy mountain man and get invited out for an adventure either," said Monica.
"That's true," said Hope, looking at me with her eyebrows raised.
"I saw it coming from a mile away," said Harlow, his eyes fixed squarely on Elijah. "I saw it coming and we were right to worry. Something terrible could have happened out there."
Elijah didn't say anything. But he looked right back at Harlow as if to say that he wasn't afraid of him. I felt so much respect for him in that moment. He was so brave.
"But it was wonderful," I continued, undeterred. "We had a great time enjoying being in the woods. Being in nature and in good company is always refreshing. Even when it started storming, I had a chance to get to know Elijah better. I am really grateful that I had the chance to spend time with such an interesting and kind man."
I smiled at Elijah. He smiled back.
"Are those sparks that I see flying?" asked Monica, jumping up and down excitedly.
I didn't say anything and neither did Elijah.
"Well, why don't you stay for dinner, Elijah?" asked Hope. "That way we can all get to know you better and spend more time with you. I have some wonderful dishes prepared and they are almost ready."
"And those are chocolate chip cookies that I smell baking, right?" I asked. My mouth was starting to water at the thought of having a home-cooked meal and a tasty dessert.
"Yes! Oh, my goodness!” Hope exclaimed. “Thank you for reminding me! I'd better take them out before we have burnt chocolate chip cookies."
Hope ran off in the direction of the stove, to take the cookies out of the oven. Elijah walked over to where I was at the table and sat in the chair next to mine.
"I would love to stay for dinner," he said, not taking his eyes off me.
I had all his attention and I was really beginning to like it.
Chapter 28 - Elijah
I excused myself to go to the bathroom so that I could freshen up for dinner. It was at the end of a long hallway and huge, with a double sink. I walked to the sink, turned the water on, and started splashing my face.
The warm water splashing on my face reminded me of when I was in the SEALS. The last time that I had splashed water on my face like that was the day that we were preparing to go up on that fateful flight.
I could feel the nausea wash over me again as if I was standing in the barracks all over again. The stench of dried up vomit on my shirt kept wafting up into my nose, making me nauseous over and over again.
Snap out of it, I told myself. I was sick and thought that maybe it had been from something I had eaten. But what if it wasn't? What if I was just experiencing a bad case of nerves?
What if I was such a coward that the very thought of going up in the air on that mission was enough to make my stomach weak? If that were the case I knew that I would never hear the end of it.
"Are you alright in there?" came the voice of my commanding officer back then, as he pounded hard on the door.
"Yeah," I managed to say, wiping my mouth as I tried to stand up taller.
Somehow, I thought that standing up would make it all go away, like I could will my nausea away. I quickly dismissed this idea as I ran to the toilet again and emptied the remains of what was left over in my belly. I cursed myself for being so weak, so afraid and sickly.
When I was younger, I spent a lot of time in the hospital with stomach issues. My mother was convinced that I was having imaginary pain because I would stay in the hospital for weeks at a time, only for the doctors to tell me that they didn't know what was wrong with me. She thought that either it was my imagination or that I was somehow making myself sick.
I was starting to think that maybe she was right.
"Well, when you finish up, I need you to do a final check of the aircraft,” the officer had called out to me back then as I was still in the bathroom.
"Yes, sir," I answered him weakly.
I splashed water on my face one last time and walked out to the helicopter. I felt like the room was spinning and I was walking on clouds. My legs felt like they were going to give out at any minute. Another recruit noticed me and gave me a worried look.
"You alright? You don't look too good," he said.
"I'm fine," I barked back.
"Don't worry, Elijah," said Keith, walking toward the helicopter with a group of other SEALS. "If you get scared, we can always bring you a teddy bear along for you to hug and squeeze."
He started making crying sounds and sucking his thumb. He was taking advantage of the fact that I was sick, to give me a hard time even after I’d decked him, and if he wasn’t careful, I’d do it again. But not now, because I was too weak and he knew it.
The rest of the guys laughed. They made a few other baby jokes and then left the barrack to get ready for the mission.
I laughed with them, but a large part of me felt bad that they were making fun of me. I didn't say anything though, because that would have only made them rip into me even more. Instead, I focused on trying to take in enough air to make my nausea go away. I wanted to be well enough to go up in the air, so they wouldn't have a reason to make fun of me.
When I finally realized my nausea wasn't going to go anywhere, I knew that I had to tell my commanding officer the bad news… that I wasn't going to be able to go on the mission. In my mind, I thought that I would just sit this one out and be ready to fly the next one.
"The aircraft is in perfect condition, sir," I reported to him, saluting him and standing at attention. "Unfortunately, I am not in a position to operate said machinery. I am requesting leave for this mission as I am not feeling physically up to par."
"You got the shits, SEAL?" asked my commanding officer.
"No sir. It's coming out of the other end."
My commanding officer took a step back and covered his mouth as if he were trying to protect himself from catching whatever it is that I had.
"It’s probably a mild case of food poisoning sir," I told him. "I expect that I will be feeling fine by morning and ready to join the team on the next mission."
I had no clue there would be a great tragedy, that lives would be lost… that I would never go on another mission… ever!
As I’d told Michelle in the cave, the commanding officer told me not to worry, and I’d repeated to him that I was worried about this mission. He said everything would be fine, but it wasn’t.
I looked at myself long and hard in the mirror now as I stood in the bathroom at Darren and Hope's. I thought about Michelle's words, then how freeing it was to tell her the truth about what had happened. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off me, one that I didn't realize had been weighing me down all these years.
Maybe I should tell them the truth about what happened all those years ago, I thought. I wasn't sure what they thought about me after I left the SEALS. I wasn't in contact with anyone afterward to find out. This was actually my first time seeing any of them since before the accident.
It was obvious Harlow wasn’t a fan of mine. The rest of them seemed okay with me. Whatever they thought or felt about me, though, I could find out now. Good or bad, at least I would know the truth. And besides, like Michelle said, maybe it was all in my head and they didn’t think poorly of me. Maybe they would hear my side of the story and understand.
Either way, I was ready to tell my truth, to get it off my chest, and move on with my life. Whatever the future held, I hoped that it would turn out for the better… and hoped that Michelle would be included in that brighter future.
Chapter 29 - Elijah
I could hear all the voices coming from the kitchen as I made my way back down the long hallway.
"I don't want to sit next to him!" whined one of the kids.
"Well, you don't real
ly have a choice in the matter. Deal with it," said Michelle firmly.
Her voice had taken on an authoritative tone. It was in such contrast with the sweet tone in which she normally spoke. If I had not been rounding the corner and heard her speaking the end of those words, I might not have believed that it was her. Whitney was nursing a glass of water at the opposite end of the table and wasn't paying attention to what they were saying.
"There you are, Darren," said Hope, putting a bowl of mashed potatoes down on the table. "I thought you'd fallen in and I was going to have to send one of the guys in after you."
Hold Onto Me_A Secret Baby Romance Page 135