Chapter 34 - Michelle
Riding with Elijah back to his cabin reminded me of the drive home after picking my father up from the police station, the day he was kicked out of our old house. He had his arms folded and was pouting like a toddler while he stared out the passenger's side window.
"So, do you want to tell me what happened?" I asked in what I hoped was an inviting tone.
He had said nothing. I waited a few beats and repeated the question. When he didn't answer yet again, I slammed on the brakes and jumped out of the car.
"What are you doing?" he asked me, bewildered.
"Oh, now you can speak?" I asked, angrily. "Look, dad, I know that it's been hard for you adjusting to things since Mom has been gone. It's been hard on me, too. But I need you to focus. I need you to act like you know that life is worth living. Most of all, I need you to be present. I love you, Dad. Seeing you become someone that I don't know has been hard. Mom might not be here, but I am still here. And I’m not going anywhere."
I stood on the passenger's side window, yelling words at what looked like a blank face. It was at that moment that I knew that the father who had raised me, whom I had known my entire life, was gone. Long gone.
And I didn't really hold out hope that he was ever coming back. The look of defeat on his face told me that the best that I could expect to do was to love this shell of a man and hope that things didn't get any worse than they already had.
Unfortunately, things did get a lot worse. But, it was in that moment of resolve that I saw something that I had never seen before: ultimate defeat. And the fact that it was something that I saw in my own father, the man at whom for many years I looked on as my hero, was unnerving and disappointing.
I drove the rest of the way home that day in complete silence, trying to sort out my own thoughts and feelings. My father didn't even try to say anything. I think he was hoping that we would both ignore the elephant in the room. My father had been broken by life.
As I sat next to Elijah now and saw the lively way that he spoke about our future, I was filled with an excitement that I couldn't have conjured up in my wildest dreams. I didn't really know the details of what was going to happen next, and, to be honest, I wasn't sure that Elijah knew, either.
All we knew was that what we thought was going to be a short trip had now turned into something longer. That alone gave me hope that things were, at the very least, going to turn into an amazing adventure.
Elijah reached over and put his hand on top of mine, splitting his view between me and the road.
"I am so glad that you decided to join the rest of them on the trip this weekend," he said. “And I’m glad I happened to be out hunting when you guys were taking that walk in the woods.”
"Me, too," I said smiling, placing my hand on top of his. “Our lives have changed so much in such a short time.”
His hands were warm, and his skin was soft, yet the palm part was rugged from years of working outdoors. I noticed it the first time that he touched me. I hadn't expected that any part of them would be so soft, considering all that he does out in the woods. But the experience that I had with Elijah let me know that sometimes there is more to life than what meets the eye.
We drove for a while holding hands, taking in the beautiful mountain scenery around us. I kept remembering our amazing time in the woods, and being grateful for the experience.
Soft country music drifted from the radio, making me feel like I was in a classic movie, with one of those happily ever after endings. I couldn't wait to see what adventures we would have next. And I was more than ready for anything and everything that might be in store for Elijah and me.
When we pulled up to the cabin, he sat there staring up at the darkness of the house, the place that he had called home for so long. I could tell that his thoughts were everywhere.
"What are you thinking?" I asked, softly.
He jumped a little, as if I had startled him out of his thoughts. Then he looked at me and forced a smile.
"A lot actually. Don't get me wrong, I am really excited about being able to spend more time getting to know you better and creating the best life possible, the life that you deserve. I look forward to doing everything that I can to make you happy. It's just..."
He stopped and looked away.
"What is it? You can talk to me. I promise I won't get upset. I just want you to be happy."
He turned abruptly to face me.
"That's just it. I know that you want me to be happy. And just being around you, having you near me, is enough to make me happy. But, I wonder if I can really make you happy? I have been out here for so long in my own world that I can't say I'm fully convinced that a few fun days of hot passionate sex and hanging out is going to be enough to have changed me from the person that I have been for so long. I really hope that it can, but the truth is... I'm just not sure.”
I stayed silent while he paused, and then continued. “One thing I am sure about, though, is that I want to help out the guys who are struggling in the ways that I have. I know that all these fears that I have are because of what I went through. And I know that there are others who are suffering in silence. I lied to Harlow about being okay. I just didn't want him to ask me any more questions. I was afraid that if I opened up to him that he would judge me."
I touched his face. He was such a gentle giant. It was crazy how sensitive he really was despite his strong, impenetrable exterior.
"You know that I am by your side every step along the way, whatever it is that you decide that you want to do. I just want to make sure that you make a decision based on what you really want and nothing else. Are you sure that you really want to give up your life, the one you love and have gotten used to for so long?"
Elijah stared ahead out the front window of the truck and slowly nodded his head.
"You know what? Yeah. Until I met you, I didn't realize that I wasn't living. I thought that I had the best possible life that I could have, especially after my embarrassment in the SEALS. And then leaving them and not being able to fit in with civilian life made me feel like I had more to gain by being alone.”
I nodded at him, and he continued. “I put everything into building this house so that it would be perfect. I hadn't made any plans beyond this. And now, I am actually excited about the prospect of starting a new life. I feel my mind opening up to new possibilities that I had never dreamed of. And it feels really good. It makes me feel more alive. I know that I am not really giving up anything, but I am gaining even more in deciding to move to be with you. And at the same time, I can help men like me who have shared my struggles. This is what I was meant to do."
My heart felt filled with joy.
"I am so happy to hear you say that."
I really was. I felt so grateful for him. And I was even more grateful to hear him say that I had something to do with his happiness.
"I almost feel strange saying this, but I know that it's right. I feel it so deeply. It wouldn't be right if I didn't talk to you about it. I know things have moved really fast, but... I love you,” he said. “I love you so much. The main reason that I knew that my decision to move was a no-brainer is because I tried to think of what life would be like if you weren't in it. It suddenly doesn’t feel like any a kind of life at all."
I could feel the tears burning behind my eyes before they poured out.
"I love you too," I managed to say, after tears streamed down my cheeks for a few minutes and I finally had a chance to find my voice.
Normally, I would have agreed that it was too soon to make such declarations since we had just met each other. But it felt like the right time; it so did.
He opened the car door, walked around to my side of the car, extended his hand and said, "Come on."
I wordlessly took his hand as he guided me into the house and down the short hallway to his bedroom. There were things scattered everywhere. He swept an arm across the bed and clothes toppled onto the floor like a dust storm. He motioned
for me to lay on the bed. I did as was requested. It was time for us to give each other a parting gift in this cabin that had been his home for so long.
He paced back and forth, unbuttoning his shirt. Apparently he was teasing me a bit, or else there were things still on his mind to talk about.
"I can't tell you how much you’ve made this house and my life better already in the short time that we've known each other,” he said. “I really thank my lucky stars that I met you. And as an added bonus, we get to have the most mind-blowing sex. I can't wait to see what the future holds for us in Albuquerque."
"Me, either," I said, shedding my clothes, too.
He crawled across the bed to where I lay, pressing his body on mine. He kissed me long and hard on the mouth. I kissed him back with every fiber of my being.
"I love you," he whispered over and over.
He ran his hands up and down my body, taking care to carefully knead my breasts, caressing my nipples between his calloused fingers. He reached over to the table next to the bed and pulled a condom out of the drawer.
He ripped a corner of the wrapper open with his teeth and pulled the condom out. He quickly slid the condom down over his hard penis and pushed his cock into my wet vagina.
I moaned, my pussy still sore from having sex the night before. But I could never get enough of him no matter what.
I pulled him into me greedily, wrapping my legs around his tight ass as he pounded my pussy like a jackhammer. His piercing eyes stared deeply into mine as he pushed and pulled his dick in and out of my slick pussy.
“It’s so hot when I’m deep inside your hot little slit,” he said, spanking my ass a bit.
I liked when he talked dirty to me. My fingers gripped his shoulders and I was sure they were scratching his skin along with the rhythm of his cock going in and out of me.
The bed creaked with each thrust. I pushed my hips up to meet his, my pussy tightening to grip his hard dick as my desire began to mount. I felt the orgasm beginning to rise up and then wash over me. The pulsating of my pussy on his dick drove him wild and made him cum hard, yelling to accent each gush of cum that poured from his rock hard member.
We laid there in a sweaty pile, struggling to catch our breath, silently holding each other. I smiled, excited about the prospect of this becoming my life all the time. This was the first time since we met and started having sex that we had had sex knowing that there was a future.
Before, I just had to settle myself with the possibility that it might be our last time enjoying each other. Now, I was safe and secure in the knowledge that we were together for good now. It was definitely a different feeling. I felt like I could lean into it, like I could enjoy it more.
"Let's go ahead and get you packed up," I said, trying to will myself to get out of the bed.
We both managed to get out of bed slowly and get dressed again. He grabbed a duffle bag and threw some clothes in it. He got another bag and put some hunting gear in it. He didn’t plan to stop his favorite hobby, and I was sure there were places he could do it in Albuquerque.
"That should do it," he said, heading toward the front door.
"Are you sure that you have everything?" I asked, not wanting him to leave anything important behind.
He looked at me with those sexy bedroom eyes and smiled coyly.
"All I really need is you," he said.
I could feel the blood beginning to rise up in my cheeks. He had a funny way of unnerving me with his flattering words.
He locked up the cabin and we loaded up in the truck. As we drove away, I could see him looking in the rearview, but there was a sureness in his eyes that I hadn't seen before. I was sure he would miss the woods and his cabin after living here so long, but, he was clearly looking forward to exploring other places. And, as he had said, we could always come back.
I could tell that he was happy. And that made me happy. Not to mention the fact that ever since I had met him, my own life had already become so much happier than I had even known possible.
I knew that things would just keep getting better for us, no matter where we lived or where we went together. As long as we had each other. I may have been his captive for a couple nights in his cave, but now I was his willing, happy lover—free to go with him to the ends of the earth.
Epilogue - Michelle
It had been six months since Harlow and I had moved to Albuquerque and things had been going very well. Elijah had been helping out at Harlow's organization for men, and had even received a coveted humanitarian award for his hand in helping a retired veteran with PTSD reclaim his life and move into his own home after living on the street.
It was such a powerful story that the local newspaper did an interview and write up on Elijah and on Harlow's organization. From there, the mayor of the city reached out to Harlow and asked for the name of the man who was pictured. And things moved pretty quickly after that, with the organization continuing to grow, expand, and gain national recognition.
I’d been continuing to work as a nanny for Whitney and Harlow and I still loved every minute of it. Well, most minutes of it— potty training wasn’t exactly my favorite part. But I truly enjoyed being around the kids and taking care of them.
It didn't take Whitney long to start instigating the start of our own little tribe. When I told her that my getting pregnant would mean the end of my working for her since I would have a little one of my own to care for, I didn't hear anything else about it. But, the conversation about it with Elijah had been very interesting.
"You know, I have been actually giving a lot of thought to starting a family," he had said. "But, there are some things that we need to work on first before we do that."
Just hearing him say that made me feel really excited. I had spent so many years caring for the families of others that I’d never really taken much time to date, or do anything else for myself, and I hadn't even considered what it would be like if I were to actually find someone that I would want to spend the rest of my life with and have a family.
Now that I was with Elijah and seeing that things were going so well, I gave in to the idea. Of course, I was in no rush. I wanted things to be right. And I wanted things to keep going as well as they had been. Elijah and I were falling deeper in love each day.
But his being late to dinner was something that I wasn’t used to. I had been in situations where dates had stood me up or left me sitting there waiting for a long time. But Elijah had never done anything that would make me think that he was that type of person. Unless there was very good reason, Elijah was always communicative and punctual.
Just when I was going crazy wondering what could be wrong, he arrived.
The energy in the room almost seemed to shift when he walked in. A hushed lull filled the room as I watched his large frame make its way from the front door to the table where I sat leaning against the wall. When I asked why he was late, he sighed and told me that he would tell me everything once he got to the restaurant. I nervously nibble on a dry piece of bread as I waited for him to walk in.
"Hello, gorgeous," he said, throwing me a toothy grin.
"Hello," I answered back.
"I am so sorry for leaving you sitting here like this. I thought that I was going to have more time... doing what I was doing..." His voice trailed off and he down as he scooted his chair up to the table.
"What were you doing?" I asked nervously.
He was acting very distant, like he was hiding something. I didn't like it at all. The thought of what he was going to say (or maybe what he was not going to say) was making me feel physically ill.
"I was putting together the final details of our trip," he said.
"Where are we going? The cabin?" I asked.
We had been back to the cabin several times in the past couple of months. I felt like it was our saving grace as we adjusted to life in Albuquerque. Things had been great, but in trying to adjust to everything, we still had to remind ourselves that we were developing a whole new rela
tionship. And with all the exciting things going on in our world, we made sure that we got back out to the cabin pretty regularly so that we could shut everything and everyone out, except for each other.
"No, not the cabin," said Elijah, shaking his head. "Somewhere else. Somewhere we're long overdue for visiting. At least one of us is, anyway.”
"You’re right,” I agreed. “What we need to do is head back to the cave since it's warmer now, so that we can relive that amazing night that we had. This time, we can do it without freezing our asses off. And now, since we're in committed relationship, we don't have to worry about fumbling around with condoms. We can try it bareback without anything holding us back. That sounds like an amazing trip."
“I’m talking about something completely different,” he said. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. I like that bareback idea and I definitely want to take you back to that cave. But there are some other outstanding issues to resolve first somewhere else maybe, don’t you think?”
His words bounced around in my head for minute and I started to go into a mild panic. I realized how he said that one of us was long overdue for a visit, followed by there being things to resolve, and it was only then that it all clicked in my head. He wanted to go to Iowa with me.
"Wait. Maybe we should think about this a little more..." I stammered, feeling immediately overwhelmed with thoughts of how going to Iowa was one of the last things that I wanted to do.
"I know that it seems hard. Trust me, when I first started to face my fears, I was scared. I wanted to run. But, I had you there to help me through that. And now you have me to be here for you."
I wasn't as confident as he was that this would turn out to be a good thing, but I went anyway. We packed up the truck and drove to Iowa. It was one of the best road trips that I'd ever been on. We stopped and took pictures whenever we saw anything interesting. There were so many street signs, statues, and wildlife that we got pictures of. It definitely was a trip that I would never forget.
Hold Onto Me_A Secret Baby Romance Page 139