Nightmares! the Sleepwalker Tonic

by Jason Segel

  As Charlie stood at the hole, the edge seemed to move. He watched in wonder as it inched toward the tips of his toes.

  “It’s still growing,” a voice behind him confirmed. “We haven’t stopped it yet.”

  Charlie spun around to see Jack stepping out from behind a tree. “Have you been following me?” Charlie asked.

  “No!” Jack insisted. “I was just…”

  Charlie saw the fear on the little boy’s face, and he knew that his brother was being honest. “You were hiding.” He was sure of it as soon as he said it out loud.

  Jack nodded. “I don’t want to run into one of them.” Charlie’s heart broke a little to hear such a thing. The boy who’d made friends with half the creatures in the Netherworld was now reduced to hiding from them.

  “Did you come through the portal?” Charlie asked. “Are you here in the flesh?”

  “No,” Jack told him. “I’m just having a really bad dream.”

  Charlie walked over to his brother and put an arm around him. “Then there’s nothing to be afraid of,” he told Jack. “Remember what Mom told me? If we stick together, two will be stronger than one.”

  “I just don’t understand, Charlie.” Jack’s voice had gotten smaller. “Why do the Nightmare creatures think I want to destroy them?”

  Charlie had never wanted to kick an ogre’s butt more than he did at that very moment. “They’re scared,” he said. “And sometimes when you’re scared, you do stupid things. But as soon as we stop the hole, things will go back to the way they were.”

  “I don’t want everything to be the way it was,” Jack said miserably. “All I want to do is go home.”

  —

  The brothers crept through the empty streets of the Netherworld Cypress Creek, toward the mansion that sat on top of the hill in the center of town. It seemed like the best place to pass the night and wait for their nightmares to end. But it wasn’t long before Charlie began to regret that they were making the trip. Everywhere he looked, Jack’s face stared out from WANTED flyers that were taped to the town’s windows, streetlamps, and walls.

  When the boys finally reached the forbidding black mansion, Jack was a nervous wreck, and Charlie was eager to get him inside and out of sight. But the front door was locked. The back door wouldn’t open either, and all of the downstairs windows appeared to be sealed.

  “What’s going on?” Jack asked.

  “No clue,” Charlie admitted. He left the front porch and walked out onto the barren brown yard. With his head tilted back, he scanned the building, searching for some other way inside. When Charlie’s eyes reached the tower, they went wide with surprise. Someone was standing in one of the windows. It was a girl in a blue dress and a white shirt. A red tie peeked out from beneath the collar. Her auburn bob was parted on the side, and though he couldn’t see her eyes, he knew from Charlotte’s drawing that they were a deep, dark brown.

  It was either ICK or INK. The sister who’d burned down the lighthouse had last been seen in Maine and was now at large in the Waking World. The other sister was here at the Netherworld mansion. Whichever one it was, she was clearly sending Charlie a message. The Lairds might have put a few Walkers to rest, but they hadn’t saved their house. If Charlie didn’t do something, the purple mansion would belong to the evil twin sisters by the end of the month. Now that the lighthouse was gone, they needed it more than ever.

  Charlie heard Jack’s footsteps. His brother was coming to join him on the lawn. “Indy!” the little boy shouted. “Indy, what are you doing up there? Let us in!”

  A shiver ran down Charlie’s spine. “You know that girl?” he asked his brother.

  “Sure,” Jack said. “Her name’s India. I have no idea what she’s doing in our house, though. She lives far away at the end of the world.”

  When Charlie looked back up, he saw the girl lean forward toward the window. A round patch of condensation appeared on the glass, and the girl used the tip of her finger to write five letters in the fog. IZZIE. She drew a line beneath the word for emphasis. Then she disappeared.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Jack said.

  Charlie understood. “I think it means that’s not your friend Indy. It’s her sister, Izzie. They’re twins.” Charlie bent down to look Jack in the eye. “How did you meet Indy anyway?”

  Jack shrugged. “She just showed up one night while I was here,” he said. He still had no idea what was going on. “We hung out for a little while. She said she heard there was a human in Cypress Creek, so she came to say hi. I think she used to be human too.”

  “But she’s not anymore?” Charlie asked.

  Jack shrugged. “I don’t know what she is,” he said. “I don’t know anything about her, except I think she’s really lonely.”

  Charlie looked down at his brother. “I need you to be completely honest with me, Jack. Did you tell Indy about the portal in the purple mansion?”

  “No! I swear I didn’t! Indy already knew,” Jack insisted. “What’s going on, Charlie? Why are you asking me all of this?”

  “You sure made some interesting friends here in the Netherworld,” Charlie said. “Your friend Indy and her sister also go by the names ICK and INK.”

  The morning after the epic Walker battle, Andrew Laird tiptoed into the kitchen. “A strange woman is sleeping on the couch in the drawing room,” he whispered.

  “Oh, that’s just my mom,” Ollie said. He was standing on a chair in front of the stove, wearing an apron and stirring a batch of antidote that was bubbling inside Charlotte’s biggest cauldron.

  Andrew Laird stared at Ollie and then glanced over at his wife. Charlotte grinned nervously and shrugged.

  “When Mrs. Tobias came to pick up Ollie, she said she had a really bad migraine,” Charlie explained. They’d spent at least half an hour crafting the story. “Charlotte told her to go lie down, and she ended up falling asleep.”

  “Oh,” his dad said. “So who broke the window in the drawing room?”

  “We got a little rowdy last night, and there was an accident,” Charlie answered, again prepared. “Don’t worry. We’re being punished. Charlotte’s put us all to work.”

  “And what exactly are you working on?” his dad asked.

  The kitchen had been turned into a factory. Every spray bottle, water gun, and plant spritzer in the house had been commandeered. A raid of the garage had produced a paint sprayer and a bag of balloons. Alfie, Charlie, and Jack were filling the bottles and balloons with antidote. Poppy cleaned the containers while Charlotte and Ollie prepared the next batch.

  “Ummm,” Charlotte said, unable to answer her husband’s question. She’d been up all night, and her brain wasn’t fully functional.

  “We’re making plant food,” Jack piped up.

  “Interesting delivery methods,” Andrew Laird said. “I never would have thought of water balloons.” He grabbed a banana, pulled back the peel, and took a bite. “Say, did you guys hear anything strange last night?” he asked through a mouthful of fruit. “That valerian root really knocked me out, but I swear it sounded like there was one heck of a party outside.”

  “Nope,” Charlie answered for all of them. “We didn’t hear a thing.”

  “Okay, then. Good.” Andrew Laird swallowed and cleared his throat. “Listen, Charlotte. I think tonight’s the night for that family meeting we’ve been planning. We can’t keep putting it off. How does six o’clock sound?”

  “That sounds great,” Charlotte replied distractedly. “Can’t wait.”

  “You can’t?” Andrew Laird looked like he was wondering if his wife had gone crazy. “Well, then I guess I’m off to work.” He waited for a proper goodbye from his family, but the antidote factory couldn’t stop production. There was an entire town to save.

  “Bye, Dad!” Jack shouted without looking up from his work.

  “Have a great day, honey,” Charlotte said, hastily blowing a kiss.

  “You too,” Andrew Laird said, but no one was listeni
ng. He shook his head in confusion and left the room.

  —

  By ten a.m., Charlotte’s Range Rover was jam-packed with spray bottles of every imaginable variety. There was barely enough room for Alfie, Ollie, Jack, Poppy, and Charlie. When they stopped to pick up Rocco, it took five minutes to figure out how to squeeze him inside.

  There was no traffic on the road to Orville Falls. It was as if the mountain village had been completely forsaken by the rest of the world and abandoned to the Walkers. Even the forest animals seemed to be keeping their distance. The entire ride passed without anyone spotting a single deer, rabbit, or skunk.

  Charlie and the gang met their first resident on the edge of town. As the Range Rover passed the rustic wooden sign that said WELCOME TO ORVILLE FALLS, a burly teenage Walker dressed in camouflage barreled out of the forest. Charlotte hit the brakes.

  “Who’s got this one?” she asked.

  Charlie’s heart was racing, but Rocco was grinning from ear to ear.

  “May I?” Rocco asked the car. When he got the thumbs-up, he picked out a Super Soaker water gun. As the teenager rushed toward the car’s open window, Rocco aimed and fired. A stream of antidote hit the teen right in the forehead and flowed down over his nose and mouth. In an instant, the kid’s legs went limp, his eyes closed, and he fell to the ground in a great camouflage heap.

  “Nice work, Rocco,” Charlotte said. “Now two of you get out there and put that kid to bed.”

  Charlie and Alfie hopped out of the car and dragged the teenager to a soft clump of grass on the side of the road. Alfie dug into his pocket and pulled out a small chocolate, which he left on the kid’s chest, like a hotel room mint. Then the boys scrambled back into the car. The plan had gone like clockwork.

  “Woohoo! Only a few thousand more to go!” Alfie yelled, then added a quick “Sorry” when he realized exactly how daunting that seemed.

  The team took down twelve more Walkers on the way to Paige’s aunt Josephine’s house. Poppy’s and Ollie’s aims turned out to be almost as good as Rocco’s, so the three of them acted as sharp-sprayers. Jack was a whiz with the water balloons, and he almost never missed his mark. When the Walkers fell asleep in safe spots, the car drove past. But when they landed in the street—or fell face-first into a puddle—Charlie and Alfie would hop out of the car and drag them to safety. It had to be done, but it took precious time.

  While Charlie and Alfie were moving one such sleeper to safety, they were attacked by a kid dressed in the blue uniform of the Orville Falls Comets. He appeared out of nowhere, launching himself at Charlie with such force that he almost seemed to be flying. One solid head butt was all the kid managed to land before he was drenched with antidote by Poppy, Ollie, Rocco, and Jack. Charlie could feel his cheekbone swelling from the head butt, but the pain didn’t bother him. He was completely focused on getting where they needed to be.

  It was almost noon by the time the Range Rover finally reached their destination—Paige’s aunt Josephine’s house. The rest of the kids stayed in the car while Charlotte and Charlie trudged through the now nearly chin-high weeds in Josephine’s yard.

  After Charlie gave the emergency knock, Paige opened the door and took one look at their happy faces. “You did it!” she exclaimed. The hug she gave Charlie was what he’d been looking forward to all morning.

  “Thanks in part to you,” said Charlotte. “Josephine’s lip balm helped us figure out how to make the antidote.”

  “What was inside the lip balm that almost woke Josephine up?” Paige asked.

  “Hope,” Charlie said.

  “Really?” Paige asked, eyebrow lifted skeptically. “Hope?”

  “And a little bit of honeysuckle,” said Charlotte.

  “Come on,” Charlie said, grabbing Paige by the wrist. “If you don’t believe it, you’ll just have to see the antidote in action.”

  He led the way to Josephine’s bedroom, where the three of them found Paige’s aunt sitting up in bed just as she’d been the last time Charlie had visited.

  Charlie pointed a bottle of antidote at Josephine and gave her a spray. Within seconds, Josephine’s eyelids began to flutter, and then they closed.

  Paige bent down and studied the tiny droplets of antidote on her aunt’s skin. “It looks like water. Do you think it’s really going to work?” she asked nervously.

  “Your aunt will be fine,” Charlotte said confidently. “But the antidote isn’t the only reason.”

  “What do you mean?” Paige asked.

  Charlie watched a smile spread across his stepmother’s face. “You know, the day your aunt came into my shop, she told me that her sister was ill.” Charlotte looked over at Paige. “But now that I think of it, she seemed to be far more worried about her young niece.”

  “Me?” Paige asked. Charlie could tell by the look on her face that she was wondering where Charlotte’s story was going.

  “Does Josephine have any other nieces?” Charlotte asked.

  “No,” Paige replied.

  “Josephine told me that things get really hard for you when your mother is ill. And I told her that I knew you were going to be fine. Do you know how I knew?” Paige shook her head, and Charlotte continued. “Because I could tell that you have the most important thing a person can have—someone who loves you and will always look out for you. And that’s how I know that Josephine’s going to be okay too. She has someone to look out for her, Paige. She has you.”

  The room was silent, and Charlie saw Paige’s lower lip quivering. He was about to reach out for her, when someone spoke up.

  “What just happened? Why am I soaking wet?” His eyes were instantly drawn to Josephine, who was yawning and wiping her face with the sleeve of her nightgown.

  “Josephine!” Paige shouted. She leaped onto the bed and hugged her stunned and soggy aunt.

  “I’ll get a towel!” Charlie offered, rushing for the bathroom. As he grabbed a towel from the rack, he noticed a painting tucked away in the corner. He suddenly recalled seeing it hanging on the living room wall when he and Paige had first visited Josephine. When he’d first come across it, Charlie had assumed it was a picture of a girl gazing at her reflection in a mirror. Now Charlie knew there were two auburn-haired girls in the picture. The painting was a portrait of ICK and INK, watching each other across an open portal.

  He pulled out the painting and carried it back to show the group. “Look what I found in the bathroom!” he exclaimed.

  Paige let go of her aunt and glanced over her shoulder. “Oh, that,” she said with disgust. “I left it in there so I wouldn’t have to look at it.” Then she quickly turned to her aunt. “I’m sorry, Aunt Josephine. I usually love your art, but that picture really creeps me out.”

  The valerian root in the antidote seemed to be dragging Josephine toward sleep. Charlie could see the woman’s eyelids drooping with exhaustion. But when she caught sight of the artwork, she let out a weak yelp.

  “Do you know these girls?” Charlie asked quickly before Josephine could fall asleep.

  Josephine let out a big yawn before she answered. “One of them was with the Shopkeeper when he came to the newspaper office and he gave me a bottle of the tonic,” she said, and rubbed her eyes. “I thought she was his daughter, but she was really in charge. And the other one…” Josephine’s voice trailed off.

  “I don’t understand,” Paige told Charlie. “What are you guys talking about? There’s only one girl in that picture.”

  “No, there are two—ICK and INK. They’re the masterminds behind the tonic, and they’re twins,” Charlie announced. He’d expected the revelation to astound Paige. But his friend didn’t bat an eye. “Why aren’t you surprised? You just found out that the bad guys are evil twin girls!”

  “Why would I be surprised?” Paige asked haughtily. “Girls can do anything. Now if you don’t mind, can you put that hideous thing away?”

  Charlie turned the painting around and propped it against the wall. By the time he’d
turned back, Josephine was fast asleep.

  Paige glanced down at her aunt and leaped up in alarm. “Why are her eyes closed?” she asked frantically.

  “She’s resting,” Charlotte explained. “I added enough valerian root to the antidote to put a rhinoceros to sleep. I didn’t know how long it would take the stuff to work, so I thought it would be a good idea to let the Walkers sleep through their recoveries.”

  “How long will it take for my aunt to wake up?” Paige asked.

  “We gave it to some Walkers in Cypress Creek last night,” Charlie told her. “The first one was still asleep when we left, and she’d been out for at least eight hours.”

  “Perfect,” Paige said as she tucked her aunt in. “That should give us enough time before Josephine wakes up.”

  “To do what?” Charlie asked.

  Paige pointed at the painting that was leaning against the wall. “To go kick those brats’ butts.”

  —

  Back outside, the Range Rover was surrounded by sleeping Walkers of all shapes and sizes. Their bodies were twisted together and piled on top of each other. But each and every one of their faces wore a blissful smile.

  “They just kept coming down the street!” Ollie called from the car. “Where the heck were they all going?”

  “Tranquility Tonight is a few blocks away,” Paige informed him. “They were probably heading to the shop to stock up on tonic.”

  The line. Charlie hadn’t factored it into their plans. Suddenly he knew how to cure all of the Orville Falls Walkers. At one point or another, they’d all need to go to the shop. The only thing he and his friends had to do was be there to ambush them. Charlie marshaled his troops.

  “Grab as much antidote as you can,” he ordered. “We’re heading downtown. It’s time to put Tranquility Tonight out of business.”

  The announcement was met with a loud cheer and a thud as another Walker was felled by Poppy’s impressive aim. She and the rest of Charlie’s little army stayed busy as they marched downtown, splattering Walkers with antidote.