Regenerate

  I search the streets near the gymnasium until I find Lander, pacing in circles down a side alley. He sees my approach and stops.

  I stop too and bite my lip. I’m not sure what’s going to happen, or what to expect from him.

  “H-hey, I’m sorry about that back there.” He tosses his head in the direction of the gym. “I don’t know what got into me,” he says. His hands are shoved deep into his pockets, but his arms are still tremoring.

  I tuck my hair behind my ear and slowly walk towards him. “Don’t you? There’s more you’re not telling me. What is it? Does it have to do with your tremors?” I thumb toward the gymnasium. “Cause that was like a different person in there. Different than you’ve ever been.” I smile, trying to ease the tension. “And for you, that’s kind of saying something.”

  He stares down at the flat trail he’s blazed into the synthetic lawn, and kicks it with the toe of his shoe. “I guess it’s like you said the other day, n-nothing artificial is ever quite as good as the real thing.”

  I stumble a step toward him, my arms wide and pleading. “That’s not what I meant! I didn’t know what I was saying then—” But he holds a hand up to stop me.

  “It’s ok, Averi.” He shuts his eyes and draws a long breath. “My series, my…generation of Artificials, though an improvement to former ones, aren’t without defect.” He looks at me, and his eyes are tight, like he’s wrestling himself to say the words. “They solved the low brain function obstacle, but it was exchanged for certain parts of the brain having a rapid degeneration rate. They can’t cure it. They figured out how to counteract it with an implant in our arms. The implant supplied a nutrient our bodies are unable to produce, one that keeps our nervous system intact and functioning. But as insurance that we stay compliant, they linked it to our trackers so they could shut it off if they wanted to, or if they needed to stop us. They actually used it as a form of discipline. Most of us were never repeat offenders.” He pauses and braces both fists on top of his head, gnawing on his next words before speaking. “When the flare happened, it knocked out both for me.”

  I feel like a boulder is sitting on my chest. “What are you saying?”

  He lowers his hands, and his eyes search mine with that same sadness I’ve only seen one other time in my life. It’s like that conversation with Granny Ann all over again. No. No, don’t say it. Not those words. Not that all-too-final news. Please say something else, anything else!

  My eyes burn as they start to fill with moisture.

  He clears his throat and looks down at his shoes. His hands are back in his pockets again. “Within a day or so I’ll become catatonic, and within a week . . . I’ll be dead.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  My breathing hitches. My hand claws at my heart and I burst into a coughing fit, coupled with the suffocation of lungs that won’t hold air. My tears instantly break free and roll down my cheeks.

  Lander reaches out to steady me, his warm hand wrapping around my waist, the other supporting my arm. “Averi, slow down, breathe. Take it easy. It’s ok. We need to get your medicine.”

  Medicine. Medicine. I’m not the one that needs medicine. He is. He’s the one that’s dying. If only Jo were here, I bet she could think of something to help.

  I press my palms against my head, his hands still bracing me up. I shut my eyes. Think, Averi, think! I picture Jo in her little house; I see Rax and me trimming herbs with her for tinctures. Suddenly the conversation rings in my ears.

  “This here is skull cap. It’s good for healing the nervous system.”

  “What would you use it for exactly?” says Raxtin.

  “Oh, any number of things,” replies Jo. “I’ve seen it cure everything from a common cold to Bell’s palsy. In fact, several of my old friends came to me with various degenerative diseases, and it healed those as well.”

  My eyes fly open, my tears suddenly stemmed. I grab hold of Lander’s hand. “That’s it!” I take off at a brisk, run-like pace, pulling him along behind me despite my continued coughing. Strangely enough, my lungs are not as tight as they were.

  “What are you doing? Where are we going?” he asks, jogging to keep up so I won’t drag him.

  “I’ve got to get Jo’s tinctures. I know how to help you.”

  The fading light of another evening casts orange and pink hues around the infirmary. I made Lander take up residence in here after he had a bad fall during lunch. His legs just stopped working suddenly and he dropped.

  I make my way through the rows of cots to the one I set up for myself, positioned between Jo and Lander.

  Lander is sitting on his cot, his legs dangling over the edge, facing me. His blue eyes watch me with an expression I can’t read. “Y-you should s-sleep wh-where it’s q-quiet, Averi.”

  I smile at him. “And miss all the action? No way. You know I live for the thrills.” I wink at him.

  He smirks and rolls his eyes.

  As I ready my bed, I discreetly asses him. His shoulders are locked and stiff like they have no joints in them, and his legs seem almost lifeless as they dangle there, but his clenched knuckles are chalk white. I think he went immobile again and he’s keeping himself in his cot with his death grip.

  “Can I ‘tuck you in’?” I wriggle my brows at him so he won’t know I’m actually freaked out he’s gonna fall on his face any second.

  He swallows, looks to the floor, then his gaze slides up to me. “Y-yes, th-thanks. F-faker.” He flashes me a crooked smile.

  I chuckle and stick my tongue out at him, then rush around to help him slide onto the cot all the way. But when I go to help him lie down, he puts a hand on my arm to stop me.

  “N-not yet,” he says, his stormy blue eyes searching mine.

  “Why?”

  “I w-wanna w-watch you a while longer. Wh-while I st-still can.” He brushes his palm and fingers across my cheek, and even though he’s tremoring constantly now, his touch feels firm and reassuring.

  I smile and draw a steadying breath. “Ok.” I give him a quick peck on the lips and head back to my bed.

  Moans from Jo snatch both Lander’s and my attention. It’s the first sign of consciousness she’s shown. I dive to her side just as her eyes start to flicker.

  “Jo! Jo, can you hear me? It’s me, Averi.” I can’t keep the emotion from shaking my voice.

  Jo’s head tosses back and forth and her limbs bend and shuffle in the bedding, then she calms and her dark brown eyes open, gazing up at me.

  “Averi?” Jo says with a sandpaper voice.

  My eyes mist over and I nod. “Yeah, Jo, it’s me.”

  Her warm, wrinkled fingers find my hand and pat it softly. “Child, you’re ok!” Her eyes moisten as she smiles. “Lander, did he—”

  “Lander is here too.” I point over towards him.

  She presses her other battered hand to her heart. “Thank heavens he made it.”

  “He carried you all the way here,” I add, a note softer.

  Jo nods knowingly. “He’s something special, that one.” She coughs, wincing with pain. Then she cranes her head to see Lander better.

  “G-good to s-see you, J-Jo,” Lander says and tries to wave, but it looks completely disjointed.

  Jo frowns and her eyes narrow. “What happened, boy?”

  I rush to explain about his degenerative condition and the skull cap.

  A small, proud smile tugs at her lips and she pats my hand again. “That’s my girl. Skull cap is the one I’d have chosen. It’s the most potent.” She shuts her eyes a moment and raises a wrinkled hand to her temple. “In my bag you’ll find gotu kola and milky oats. Those should help too.”

  Her glassy old eyes open and she smiles up at me. “You’ve done good, Ave.” Then she rolls her head towards Lander. “Both of you have.” Her eyelids seem to get heavy and her hand on mine relaxes. “I’m gonna sleep some more now, dearies.”

  I kiss her velvety forehead as she dozes off. “Good night, Grandma.”

  L
ander has fallen into a waking coma. His eyes open and close, and sometimes, even though he doesn’t respond, I think he can still see or hear me. But most of the time he lies there perfectly still, while his mind seems to be far away in a world of his own. I can’t let myself think on it too hard. It hurts too much. Besides, I don’t have time for being sad; there’s work to be done.

  I’ve added him to my regimen, rubbing skull cap tinctures on his feet, and when his swallowing reflex is working, I drip it into his mouth. I’ve also been giving him the herbs Jo told me about.

  I think he’s starting to have muscle twitches here and there, but it’s hard to tell if that means it’s actually working.

  Fate is a strange thing. I never imagined that weed I found in the synthetic lawn would be saving the life of a guy I care so much about.

  One of the girl Artificials named Cari taps my shoulder. “Your friends said to tell you they’re leaving.”

  I draw a long breath. “Thank you,” I say.

  I find my way to the air tram station, where Jett and Rax are checking over their bi-peds and supplies one more time.

  “You two leaving without even saying goodbye?” I say, holding up my arms.

  Jett smiles and rushes over to give me a hug. “Sorry we gotta go. Be sure and take care of yourself. As soon as we find the others we’ll come back. If we don’t die.”

  I hit his arm and his grins.

  “Speaking of which,” Jett says, “I’m going to double-check with Greg to make sure we know everything we need to.” And off he goes.

  Raxtin looks at me with his dimpled half smile and gorgeous hazel eyes. It sends a wave of pain through my middle.

  “Averielle,” he says, “I’m going to miss seeing your face.”

  I smile and pull a hand to my hip. “My face? What about the rest of me?”

  He wriggles his thick brows. “Well, that too, of course. But that sounds a bit piggish to say, don’t you think? Thought I’d stick with what’s safe.”

  “Piggish,” I repeat. “Nice word.”

  He smiles. “Made it up just for your benefit.” His expression sobers and I can feel the weight of the moment threatening to crush the both of us. “I really am going to miss you. Everything about you.”

  I swallow hard and wrap my arms tightly around myself, but it doesn’t stop the throbbing ache in my heart. “I’m going to miss you too. Honestly, I don’t know what I’m going to do without seeing you at least once a day.” I sniff and wipe at my nose.

  Rax steps close enough to close the gap between us. He slides his strong arms around me, pulling me into him.

  I let my tears roll down my cheeks and onto his coat, savoring the feeling of him holding me like this. Will I ever get to feel this again? What if he never comes back? I slip my arms around his waist and we just hold each other, long and firm.

  “Please come back. Ok?” I whisper. “Even just to let me know you’re all right.”

  He breaths deeply. “I’ll do my very best, Ave. I promise.”

  We hear Jett approaching and Rax pulls away from me.

  “You ready, Raxtin?” Jett asks.

  “Not really,” he says, still watching me. Then he turns to Jett. “But let’s do this anyway.”

  “Yes!” cheers Jett, shaking two fists in the air. “Two dudes out on the adventure of a lifetime. I wonder if anyone has ever done something like this before. You know? Back in the olden days.”

  Raxtin combs his fingers through his black hair. “I don’t know, Jett, but if we live to tell the tale, we’ll be legends.” He looks at me with his best dimpled grin and winks.

  I blush and wave.

  “Legends. Ooh, I like it!” says Jett as they mount their bi-peds. “Write it down, Averi: Rax and Jett–the Legendary.”

  I laugh. “Ok, Jett, I will. Oh, and if you happen to run into my dad during your travels, please send him this way.”

  “Absolutely,” says Rax. “See you around, Averi.”

  With that, two of my dearest friends ride off and out of view, possibly for me never to see them again.

  I feel empty. Hollow. Everything aches and the cold wind feels like pins of ice stabbing into my face as my feet drag me back to the infirmary. My friends are all gone, Jo is severely injured and might not recover, and Lander is unconscious in bed, most likely dying. This is more pain than I knew I was capable of feeling. I guess when Granny Ann died, I’d had a little more time to prepare. I was also on that fish toxin that dulled my emotions. Part of me wishes I still had the option of the toxin. This hurts! A stabbing pinch shoots through my left arm and wrist, and I rub at it to try and make it stop.

  I trudge through the infirmary doors just as Grandma Jo is coming to. She sees me long before I reach her but doesn’t say a word. She just holds my gaze, her brow furrowing in the middle.

  Jo reaches out for me once I’m close and takes my hand in her soft, wrinkled fingers with a squeeze. In a horse, warbling whisper she says, “Let it out, dear. You’re a tough kid, but crying’ll do you good. It’ll be all right. Somehow it’ll all work out.”

  I let silent tears roll down my cheeks and the comfort of her warm, weathered grasp soothe the aching inside.

  I have no idea what time it is, but the stale flavor on my tongue says it’s morning. My eyes are nearly swollen shut from crying. This had better not become a regular thing, or I’ll wind up severely dehydrated. Get a grip, Averi!

  I sit up from my slumped position, having apparently spent the night in my chair, hunched over, my head resting on the edge of Lander’s bed. On the sheets is a small puddle of my drool. I wipe my cheek. Gross! Good thing he’s unconscious.

  A voice I know all too well startles me. “Morning, Shrieker.”

  My eyes snap to Lander’s face and there are his vibrant, blue eyes staring back at me. His complexion is warm and alive. “Lander!” I cry and shove my arms around his neck, crashing onto him without thinking. “Lander, you’re awake! I can’t believe it.”

  “Still the sexiest bedhead I’ve ever seen.” He ruffles my frizzy hair then loops his arm around me, pulling me tighter. “Now this I could get used to.”

  I laugh and press my forehead against his. Lander smiles—his real, warm smile, and I melt.

  His hand slides up to the nape of my neck and he pulls my mouth to his.

  Kissing Lander has never felt so wonderful. I am definitely a yes for this being a regular occurrence.

  I pull away to take a breather. “For a guy who’s been in a coma for three days, you sure can still kiss!”

  He grins and winks. “Just give me a few hours to recover a bit more, then I’ll really show you some mad skills.”

  He kisses me again. I’m so glad I’m fully able to feel this, in all its wonderful, crazy range of emotions.

  As Lander holds me, the noise and people in the room seem to fade away. Lander is going to be ok. Whatever challenges come, we have each other, and our human-to-human connection will see us through.

  Epilogue

  It’s been three months since the solar flare. Even though my friends haven’t returned yet, I feel like they will.

  We haven’t heard anything of my dad. I find myself worrying about his arm detonator a lot, that maybe it was set off by the flare. Jo tells me not to worry, that my dad is much stronger and more clever than I realize. It doesn’t stop the ache in my heart to see him, but for now, her assurance is enough to hold onto.

  Jo is almost back to her normal self. She has occasional dizzy spells, but they don’t slow her down by much.

  Lander continues to improve. From what Jo says, most likely his body will heal to the point he no longer needs the herbs. A few of the other Artificials have started taking some of Jo’s medicines too, and the results are more promising than we’d dared hope.

  All of us are learning to farm and be self-sufficient. Even the Lost are pitching in with weeding and planting. Mom and the other surviving Lost have dropped a lot of their extra weight. They’ve regained so
me mobility, thanks to us modifying their air chairs so they now have wheels. Several Lost have even learned how to walk.

  A few GAPs from other villages have found their way here, adding strength to our numbers and talents. They’ve also brought rumors of a new revolution started farther east, and once our Lost are strong enough, we’re making plans to head that way.

  As a GAP, most of my life has been safe, controlled, and planned out for me. Society regarded my kind as the generation that almost didn’t happen. We were considered a fragile point in the race of mankind, a gap in the chain of human existence. But that’s not how history will remember us, and that’s not how we see ourselves. We are strong. We’re healing and mending the Lost who came before us. We are the ones who will regenerate the human species.

  About the Author

  Emily Goldthwaite lives in Mesa, Arizona with her survival-guy husband and adventurous kids. She grew up homeschooled on three acres of dirt and weeds in rural southern Arizona. Her after-school days were a blur of mud pies, raising calves, riding bikes, and toad hunting. She finished high school in a fantastic small town in Utah before heading back to the desert.

  Now she enjoys writing till 2 am or until her eyes cross (whichever comes first), going on crazy wilderness adventures with her family, and picking at the mysteries of what makes the universe tick. She loves to write those signature, coming of age moments: the highs, the lows, and all the awkward in-between. She believes it’s those moments that make adolescent years particularly special and powerful. She loves pouring her heart onto the pages through her fingertips and seeing what comes out, and she loves sharing her work with the world and watching its impact on individual lives.

  Find Emily at the following places

  Emily’s Website