Except tonight when all the walls were closing in. The one voice he wanted to hear from had cut him out of her life.
If only he didn’t have to face all of this alone. He didn’t want to call Grace, why would he? It was her fault.
He wanted Lucy. As a friend, partner, in any position she would be willing to try. Not even his silent inuendo could raise a smile.
“Dad?” Matt stood wearily at the door. Only then did he realize the white knuckles holding the phone.
“Oh, son,” he embraced the boy, kissing the top of his head. “No matter what happens, you are my son and every bit a major part of this family. Whatever they decide, we stay in touch and get them to look at things again when you are sixteen. I won’t stop fighting for you.”
“So, it’s over?” Matt pulled away, “Just like that, some stranger can fuck up my life.”
“No, we have one more chance. I need someone who has known me as a parent to vouch for me on Monday morning.”
“Why?”
“I guess the judge was undecided and figures if I can’t find someone, then you deserve someone better.”
“What about your social worker lady-friend?”
Seth tried to keep a neutral face. “She won’t return my calls. I’m about to call Grace when it is morning over there.”
“No!” Seth jumped when Matt punched the wall. “Keep that fucking bitch out of my life.”
“Mate, we need her. She might be the only way you get to stay here.”
“She left us and didn’t want anything to do with me when she came after the small fry.”
It went against everything Seth felt for his ex-wife to try and convince Matt to allow him to call her.
“Matt, come on. I don’t want to call her any more than you do. But she knows both of us and let’s face it. If an ex-wife can say that someone is an amazing father, the judge has got to listen.”
“She’s the reason they are doing this. Why couldn’t she just be happy here with us?”
In all the turmoil, Seth found a clarity and calmness. “She didn’t leave you guys. She left me. I don’t know when she realized that marrying me was a mistake but I’m grateful it took her so long because we have Eddie and Retha.”
“She loved you. She had to love you.”
“Yeah, well once upon a time she loved me. Then she moved away for university – I told you that story. She met someone but chose me. I honestly tried to make her happy but in the end, Grace chose love – and it wasn’t with me.”
“You sound okay about it. Not angry like you used to.”
“I am okay. Looking back, I knew it was over years ago. It took a lot of courage for her to make the move and as much as it has stuffed us around, I’m happy for her.”
“I hate her.”
“And I hope one day you’ll change your mind. How about you talk to her when I call?”
“Don’t you understand, I don’t want her making one phone call and thinking she saved the day. I’d rather sleep on the streets. If she turns up, I’m leaving and no one will find me.”
Matt slammed the door to his bedroom, leaving Seth with one option.
Checking on the younger kids, all sleeping on camp beds in the same room. Needing to keep each other close, at least this way Retha hadn’t had any nightmares for a couple of nights.
“Matt, I’m going out for a while,” he called out and then texted just in case Matt was hiding behind his earphones.
When he paid for petrol, he wanted to buy flowers or chocolates. Something to leave with her to think about in case she kicked him out. Even if he had to leave them on the doorstep.
All the flowers were wilted after a day in the hot sun. The chocolates were cheap, convenience blocks. Nothing special, nothing that would prove to her how special she was to him. He had to admit these were all time-wasting distractions. He either had to go to her or go back home.
In complete desperation, he parked outside her house. The lights in her bedroom on and he watched the shadow move from room to room.
Summoning the courage if not the words, he knocked on her door. “Lucy, it’s me, let me in.”
“Go away.”
“Please, give me five minutes.”
“Go away before I call the police.”
“I’ll keep calling until you hear me out. Please, it’s important or I wouldn’t be here.”
“I’m dialing.”
“It’s not about us, it’s for Matthew, please.”
He was speechless when she opened the door to greet him in a long jacket worn as a short dress. Sheer black stockings and high heels.
“You didn’t have to get dressed up for me,” he tried to joke to her scorn.
“I’m going out with friends.”
“This late?” he chided himself as she shrugged. It was only late to family men, not to sexy young, single women.
“Male of female,” his eyes traced her hemline, becoming distracted. Damn it! He needed to focus on Matt, but …
“Does it matter?”
He should be there for his son, but deep down he was partially there for himself. He could have called Grace and submitted whatever excuse to the court. Deep down, he agreed with Matt and didn’t want his ex-wife in his life, or to owe her his family.
Not when coming here gave him the perfect reason to see Lucy again. Prove to her once and for all, how right they could be if only she would let them.
“It matters, to me,” pulling her to him, Seth’s lips found hers in a furious, passionate kiss. For a moment, he felt her return with equal fury, until she bit him and pushed him away.
“You bastard,” she saw the red mark where her slap stung his face. She slammed the door, but it bounced back, stopped by his foot. “Get out, I don’t want you.”
“Lucy, I’m sorry, I saw you and couldn’t think of you going out with anyone else. I’m sorry. I honestly didn’t come here to fight with you but get you to fight with me to keep Matt.”
“What makes you think I would do anything for you. Do you really think you can fuck me, pretend to make love to me and use me?”
“I never used you.”
“What do you call this?” She slammed the door shut this time, following him into her living room where she continued to rage. “The only reason you came over here is to kiss me until I agree to whatever you want. That’s using.”
“Lucy, I kissed you because you are gorgeous, because I’ve wanted to kiss you since you ran out of my house without a reason. I kissed you because you are infuriatingly in my head and heart and I can’t stop thinking about you.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Right now, I don’t care if you believe me. I need you to help Matt. Mrs Grainger now supports Matt living with me.”
“I know,” Lucy closed her eyes, knowing what was coming.
“The new social worker that replaced you thinks Matt is better off without me.”
“I know.”
“Luc, I need you to come to court and vouch for me as a parent. Forget about you and me. Whatever I did to you, I’m sorry and if I knew what it was I’d try to fix it. Forget about me as a husband or partner or even as a lover. I need you to answer factually how you have seen me as a father to Matt.”
“I can’t.”
“I need you, Matt needs you. No one knows us better.”
“Call your precious Princess Grace.”
“Not an option.”
“Why, because she won’t take your calls?”
“Because she is my past and not my present or future.”
“Pretend to call her for Matt. I’m sure if you turn on the charm you can win her back.” Lucy spat at him. Too many nights had been spent wishing her life had been so different. To hell with Seth of the hazel eyes and the blonde strands that fell so nonchalantly over his face just asking for her to smooth them away. “Call Grace, you need her, not me.”
“Not going to happen. Not in this lifetime.” She tried to read him, find the usual lov
e or regret when he spoke about her. Nothing. “If you don’t help us, then Matt and I agree. We’d rather risk losing the court case than call Grace. She’s out of our lives and we don’t want to owe her anything.”
Stunned, Lucy walked to the table where her half-drunk glass of wine still stood. Downing it quickly, she tried to make sense of what Seth was saying. He had the perfect excuse to contact Grace of the cropped top and perfect boobs. And didn’t want to? There had to be a reason.
“Afraid she’d reject you again? Poor Seth, would rather come slumming over to me, thinking at least I’m a sure thing? Forget it. Go home and call your Princess Gracie.”
“I have no idea what you are talking about. I need you as Matt’s advocate and am asking you as a friend and someone I wish felt the same about me as I do about you.”
“Liar,” she cried, not having the strength to scream anymore but needed to hear him admit the truth. “The photo. I saw how you looked at her photo.”
“What photo of her? I packed them all up or gave them to the kids.”
“The photo on you shelf. I saw the way you held it in your hands and put it back. One night with me and you were already mooning over her.”
“I seriously don’t know what you are talking about!”
“Don’t lie to me. Were you thinking about her when you kissed me? Did you hold back with every thrust hoping not to accidently call out her name? When you closed your eyes were you thinking of her?”
She tried to push him away as he held her close. “Not at all. I don’t know what bloody photo you are talking about. I was with you, completely and utterly with you.”
“I don’t believe you. You stood there and said ‘I love them so much’. What do you expect me to think?”
“How in the hell am I supposed to convince you - I told you I was over her. I even stopped us from recreating the first night I was with her because you deserved better than that.”
“You’re right. The first time we dated, I never stood a chance. I was only ever your consolation prize, well I won’t ever let myself be second best again. Not for you and not for anyone else. Just let me go out tonight and have a chance at meeting someone who will think that I’m the best thing that ever happened to them.”
“How can you believe that? Didn’t you feel what we had together? Damnit Lucy. I can’t tell you that I love you unless you give me a chance to be a couple and feel it.”
“Prove you’re over her.”
“I can’t prove a negative any more than I can stop you from being jealous of a shadow.”
“Then, get out of my house and stop calling me. I’m not your lover and I’ll never be your friend again. Get out of my life.”
He arrived in desperation and left completely confused and desolate.
Until he said the word, “love”, he didn’t realize how much he meant it. He loved Lucy the person and had done for years. Hers was a rare friendship he didn’t let marriage erode. Which was easy with so many charities and interests in common.
If he closed his eyes and imagined the perfect woman for him, it was Lucy. He wanted to wake up next to her, bring her breakfast in bed. Create amazing children who would all have her soft brown hair and a cute dimple on their chin.
If the court case went against him, he’d pay Simon whatever it cost to string out a series of appeals until Matt was old enough to make his own decision. Or, he’d look into turning the garage into a self contained flat that Matt could “rent”. Surely, there would be a way to keep them all together.
Probably a lot easier than convincing Lucy to let go of her jealousy and allow him to love her.
Final arguments
“You are a bloody idiot,” Joanne threw the photo frame at him. Yet again, the two Jo’s came to his rescue, coming over to listen to Matt and him rehearse their arguments for Monday.
When he explained that Lucy got upset over photos of his kids, Jo demanded to see them.
“What do you see here?” she demanded.
“Owen. For weeks he refused to let me take off his training wheels. He finally let me, and as soon as he got his balance, Grace let go and …”
The realization dawned on him.
“No. I mean it, no. The photo isn’t of Grace.”
“Yet, as a woman who has just left your bed, if you were looking at the photo in front of her the way you just did.”
“She thought I was looking at Grace, when I didn’t even see she was in the picture. How could I? It was Owen’s first taste of riding on his own.”
“Except without knowing that day, it is a photo of your ex-wife’s boobs. How could you not see that?”
“I’m sorry. Next time my kids do something memorable, I’ll make sure everyone is appropriately dressed for the photo.” He collapsed, holding the photo to his chest. “I screwed up with Lucy and I don’t think she will ever forgive me. Don’t let us screw up Matt’s life or I’ll never forgive myself and neither will the kids.”
“You’ll be fine. Keep to the script that Simon helped you with and let Matt speak from the heart. When he talks about losing his dad and how much you all mean to him, I promise you that no one will want to strip him away from you guys.”
“I just hope his father is up there in heaven pulling a few strings.”
“From your lips to God’s ears,” Jo looked to her husband. “We need to get home to the kids.”
“Thanks for coming over, and for deciphering my stupid photo. I can’t put it away. It means too much to Owen.”
“You don’t have to and if Lucy loves you, she won’t ask you to. Get through tomorrow and see what happens. We can always set up another double date.”
“Yeah, well I can’t see past Monday.”
“I wish we could be there to help,” even Joe hugged him as they left.
“Simon said he needs someone that has a level of independence. You and Jo could be character witnesses but only as friends, not talking about me as a father.”
“That’s so totally screwed up.”
“I know, and I know you’d help me if you could.”
“Call Grace.”
“Not a chance. It’s one thing that Matt and I agree on.”
Monday morning and he sat between Matt and his lawyer. The weekend had been packed with building memories of them as a family. Potentially the last game of family football, the last night out at the movies. The last night of bedtime stories and the last time he might have to pass on all the advice from father to son.
Tears filled his eyes as Matt took the stand to plead his case.
“I don’t talk much about my real dad. I went to live with him after he and mum split up. Her new boyfriends never liked me much anyway. I didn’t know how sad dad was and will never forgive myself for not being enough for him.”
Even the stenographer who had to have heard it all before, had tears as Matt struggled for his composure. Seth couldn’t be silenced any longer.
“Son, you don’t have to …” he called out, not wanting Matt to air his pain to save their family, not when the cost was reliving the past.
“Dad, I need to say it,” Matt turned to the judge. “I’m blessed because of my two dads. The one who raised me until he left me by dying, and the dad who took me in and wants to raise me.” His heart broke when his son dropped his notes, unable to finish.
“What my son is trying so eloquently to say, is that we want to be a family, through the good and bad. He’s already lost one father through absolutely no fault of his own,” he held his sobbing son. “Please don’t make him lose another.”
All the preparation, the carefully constructed arguments he tested with his lawyer were set aside. If the pure love for a father and son wasn’t enough, nothing would suffice.
“Thank you Mr Greenwood. This is a difficult case with strong arguments made for both options. It is unfortunate you were unable to find anyone outside your family to …”
The judge stopped as the creaking door opened.
Seth turn
ed to see an older gentleman walk down the aisle, supported by a walking stick and accompanied by a soldier in army uniform.
“Darby!” Matt and Seth leapt to greet his other “son”. “Mr Compton,” he shook the hand of the school principal.
“I understand this court requires some evidence of Mr Greenwood’s capability in working with or caring for teenage boys?” Years of facing down errant high school students and their parents was evident in the masterful way John Compton held the room.
“You are?”
“John Compton. I have known Seth Greenwood since he was a school student in my math classroom and I had cause to box his ears. Metaphorically of course,” he added as Seth rubbed the back of his head, remembering how close he could have been to living a different life if Mr Compton didn’t set him straight.
“After Mr Greenwood left high school, I have asked him to look out for various, troubled individuals.”
“Do you have any evidence of what impact Mr Greenwood has had in their lives.”
Seth didn’t know if the next move was calculated or an accident, but when Mr Compton opened his briefcase, the bulldog clip snapped open and hundreds of sheets of paper flew over the desk and floor.
“Your Honor, I am terribly sorry. I did have these in order. They are letters, obtained over the course of the weekend, from almost all of the young men who have been mentored or supported by Mr Greenwood over the past twelve or so years.”
“I expect you want me to read them.”
“Certainly, I would encourage you to read all of them, but in the interests of sampling, if you or your assistant would like to select one of these sheets at random, I’m sure you would find the same message echoed across all of them.”
“And I’m supposed to believe these are the true statements from each of these young men?”
“We didn’t have time to arrange statutory declarations for all of them, however, I do have a list of names and their phone numbers. The asterisks are against the men who are available to talk to during their lunch breaks today.”
Never Second Best Page 9