by Alice Moore
I couldn’t remember the swim back to shore, but I could feel James’ hard body underneath mine. The bank was littered with small rocks and twigs, and tears welled in my eyes at how thoughtful he was. His muscles flexed under my cheek when he reached to take off my ankle brace with one hand. Softly, gently, he started to massage my leg as I stared along the bank through blurry vision.
“We should go before the mosquitos find us…” Closing my eyes to relish the feeling of James’ voice vibrating against my face, I only sighed in response. A tickle of a memory slithered into my narrow scope of comprehension, and he ran his hand down my side heavily before I found the energy to open my mouth.
“We met because of them.” Mine was such a simple confession, but I felt like it explained a lot. When I blinked, I could see James smiling, and he stroked my upturned cheek with a heavy exhale of his own.
“I’ll carry you. You look exhausted.” In my dark mind, I could focus on James as he moved and shuffled his way to his feet. Still holding me in his arms, every bit of strength he had was mine to examine. “We left the water in the car… you’re probably suffering from the heat.”
Cracking my eyes open as James carried me to the rock that tabled our clothes, I reached up sluggishly to touch his chin. His eyes were instantly on mine, and I smiled at the concern I found there.
“I’m not suffering.” He looked like he didn’t believe me, but I didn’t press the issue. Setting me down carefully, he touched me like I was a china doll as he helped me into my clothes. Each scrap of fabric was finished off with a short, simple kiss to my lips, and I curled around my knees when his hands left me. Slapping out my brace, he wrung the water free and tugged on his jeans and boots before stuffing the object in his pocket.
James left his socks and my underwear behind, and I held my camera against my midsection as he did just as he said he would. There was no trail to help his way, and he was overly careful not to jostle me. Resting my head against his shoulder, I couldn’t think past this moment.
James
Standing opposite Caroline’s father as he blocked the front door, I clenched my hands into fists by my side. His salt and pepper hair was wild, arms crossed with a dark rage displayed on his face, and for a brief moment I debated turning around and going back upstairs.
But I learned my first month in boot camp never to turn my back on an enemy, and in this moment, he was one.
“I’m going to shoot you the first chance I get.” To an extent I understood his threat; Caroline was his daughter- his only child- and I was in a position to break her heart. Grinding my teeth together, I only jerked my head in a nod as guilt coiled in my gut. Any man would be pissed off if his daughter was brought back home totally unconscious, but Caroline’s father didn’t make a single move towards me.
It might’ve had something to do with the fact that Kiki was bristling next to me, and I unfurled my fist to scratch her scruff roughly. She was tense, ready, and my eyelid twitched at the bunched-up muscle beneath her fur.
“I don’t blame you.” Finally speaking up, I caught Caroline’s father’s eye and held it as I took a deep breath. “You wouldn’t be the first person that shot me, and I doubt you’ll be the last.”
The old man took a sharp breath, and I pursed my lips together. He had to know I was a combat veteran; there was no way he could glance a split second at me and not see it. I’d made the mistake of thinking I was done fighting battles, but this one would be the hardest, most drawn out one yet. Thirty feet across the room, Caroline’s dad kept my gaze, and the steel in his eyes was almost enough to make me back down.
“… Dinner’s ready?” Oh yeah- we’re also two hours late. Sheila’s announcement wasn’t uncertain at all, and I tore my eyes off the man in front of me to take her in. She looked just like Caroline described, and I watched her take off her floral pattern apron with steady hands before she spoke up again. “If you two want to stop being gorillas for twenty minutes, I made meat and cheese shells. I already put a plate away for Care, so it’ll just be us three.”
“Thank you for the offer, but I sh-“
“Sit down and eat.” The hard command cut me off, and I clenched my jaw tightly as my gaze flew to Caroline’s father. Adrenaline coursed thickly through my veins, and I almost choked on my protest as it tightened my throat. Releasing a hot, short breath through my nose, I turned back to Sheila to find amusement slathered across her aged face.
“I would be happy to.” Grinding the words through my teeth, I walked towards the kitchen on stiff legs, and Kiki’s intense eyes bored holes into my back. Glancing over my shoulder, I flicked my hand in a mindless gesture I’d used countless times before when I didn’t want my buddy’s dog up my ass. For a moment she hesitated, eyeing her master’s father before slowly getting up and heading back upstairs. She was pushing herself; our hike had tired her out just as much as it had Caroline.
And yet, she still defended me.
“So-o…” Once seated across from the old man, with Sheila to my right, I held my fork loosely as she attempted to break the tense silence. “Why did you choose the Navy, James?”
Staring down my nose at the man across from me, I rubbed my leg under the table even though it didn’t ache or throb. The action was purely habitual, and I licked my teeth before answering without taking my eyes off him.
“I wanted to be a SEAL operator. The best way to train for it is in the Navy.” This was some fucked up version of a test, I realized. Flickering to Sheila, I wondered briefly if she was the good cop, and Caroline’s father was the bad cop. “I went to boot camp when I was 16, and went on my first tour at 18. Three days after my birthday.”
“But you never became an operator? Did something happen?” I had to forcibly remind myself that Sheila was Caroline’s mother figure, and I nodded absently. The memories had faded until nothing was left but bits and pieces, but those were the only parts that mattered.
“My brother made his first billion when I was 22, and when people realized we were related, they started to rumor that I’d bought my position. I didn’t want to deal with that, so I let my ambition go.” If she was surprised, Sheila hid it very well, and I turned my attention to my plate. Her shells looked delicious, and I adjusted my grip on my fork to cut into one.
“So, why did you get discharged, then? You’re too young to have done your career.” Blinking slowly, I focused on balancing my piece on my fork rather than Sheila’s curious observation. It’d been a long ass time since anyone called me young, and discomfort wormed its way into my chest. Pushing my forkful past my teeth, I nodded quietly to her in appreciation as cheese and meat assaulted my taste buds.
Caroline was right; Sheila’s cooking was amazing.
“On my last deployment, we ran over an IED. My leg was shredded, my commander is a paraplegic, and the Navy didn’t want to deal with it any more than they had to.” Turning my gaze back to Caroline’s father, I ended my informative mini-rant with another, larger bite of my shells. His eyes cast in shadows, and I knew he was remembering an incident similar to mine. Most combat vets lost something or someone during their tours, and I felt a little better about being able to get this man to just tolerate me.
“I see- very tragic. Was your family supportive during this time?” God, she’s like a fucking interrogator. Keeping the thought to myself, I nodded before swallowing roughly. If I had known I was going to be grilled, I would’ve brought Caroline back to my place.
“Nick was, but Ethan was too young to really understand what had happened.”
“What about your parents?” For the first time Caroline’s father spoke up, and I grimaced involuntarily. His eyes narrowed on me, and I cut another piece of my dinner before offering a reply.
“What about them? They’re just happy I came back alive and with a few new medals.” Disgust coated my voice, and I couldn’t do anything to mask it. I could see Sheila’s next question written on her face before she even opened her mouth, and I spoke up quickly to an
swer it. “Not particularly beyond what’s genetically required.”
Even slightly below average parents were still parents, and their kids loved them. Shoving a forkful in my mouth, I tried to recall a single time when my parents had loved me in any slight resemblance that Caroline’s dad did with her. No matter how far back I searched, they always came up short, though. Sure- they loved us, but there wasn’t much to show that they loved us.
And that was the exact reason I hadn’t seen them in years.
“I can definitely understand that, James. I grew up in foster care under my aunt- she didn’t want to adopt me, but she didn’t want me to get sent into the system either. It’s very difficult. So, what do you do now, if you don’t mind my asking? Do you work?”
“No- I have enough money to last until I die.” Keeping my annoyance in check was almost as difficult as breathing through the tension in the air. Every cell in my body screamed at me to get up and walk out, but my mind told me I couldn’t. If I did, Caroline’s father would never let me back- figuratively and literally.
Sheila seemed to have all of the information she wanted, and the room was filled with nothing but the sound of metal scraping on ceramic. All the while the old man across the table never dropped my gaze- he barely even blinked.
I ate as quickly as I deemed respectful, and when I was done I pushed myself up to stride for the sink. The gray and white, marble countertops were clean, and I rinsed my plate and fork before setting them in the basin. A nagging in my head told me to really clean them, but I could sense Sheila watching me intently. She’s probably the kind of woman that doesn’t let guests clean up after themselves.
Turning to her, I cleared my throat, but even then, it was hard to speak past the lump that’d formed there over the past fifteen minutes.
“Thank you for dinner, but I really should leave. It was wonderful to meet you, Sheila- and you, sir.” Nodding to Caroline’s father, I headed out of the kitchen, and surprise straightened my back when neither person told me to stay a while. Anxiety and adrenaline thrummed through me, and once the front door was shut behind me, I took a deep, shuddering breath.
At some point, I had to figure out what Caroline’s father’s name was.
Caroline
“You finally found a good contractor?” Voicing my question as I stood in front of James’ half demolished house, I eyed the construction project wearily. He’d assured me it was safe to stay in the living room and kitchen- which were the only two rooms he hadn’t knocked to pieces. Against my side he shrugged, and I reached to scratch my head as I struggled for thought.
“I asked my brother to find someone he trusted.” The news was almost as surprising as the scene in front of me, and my brows shot up as I twisted to James.
“You talked to your brother? When? What happened while I was in purgatory?” My chest still grew cold at the memory of my father’s wrath, and I frowned deeply when James did nothing but shrug again.
After our hike, my father took my cell phone for two weeks, and it took another week for James to actually come around. I still wasn’t sure what happened between them, but for some reason, it didn’t bother me. Nudging James’ shoulder insistently, I huffed in a quiet demand before he reached to scratch his cheek.
“I went to see him two weeks ago. He flew out a team he’d used before, and even offered to pay them a lot more than this job is worth. I have no qualms with him paying, but… Anyway- I wanted to ask you what you remember after we got to the lake, Caroline.” Blinking at the sudden change of subject, my mind whirled at how out of the loop I was. Parting my lips, I licked the roof of my mouth as I searched my memories for that day.
“I remember jumping, and we had sex… but nothing after that until I woke up to my dad locking my phone in his gun case. Why?” Truthfully, I could remember what we did, but I couldn’t remember how I felt doing those things. Furrowing my eyebrows, I twisted to look around for something to sit on. My legs ached, and although my doctor told me it had nothing to do with my ankles, I didn’t want to risk it. A lounge chair that had been on the back porch was only a few feet away now, and I dropped down onto it heavily before James spoke up.
“I’ve been thinking while you were dark- it’s really not a good idea, but- anyway… have you gotten your period yet?” Alarm shot through me, and I straightened as James turned to face me fully. His expression was a mix of apprehension and general chaos, and he sighed harshly. “I only ask because Hannah- the woman from before- she got pregnant during ill-timed, unprotected sex. It’s been three weeks- five since your last period.”
James knows more about my damn period than I do. Damn.
“Uh- uh-h-… I mean- No, I haven’t yet… I didn’t really think that much into it, though.” Stammering from the pure shock of this conversation, my tongue laid heavily against my teeth. “You- you really did think a lot. Is that why you tore down your house? Because you’re worried I’m pregnant?”
“I had no way to reach you, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.” Guilt colored James’ voice, and he hung his head in a way I had never seen before. Pushing myself up, I walked over to wrap my arms around him. He was stiff and unyielding, but I didn’t try to do anything other than hold him.
He spent three weeks alone with his thoughts and worries… The thought nearly broke my heart, and I took a deep breath of James’ smell to hold it in my lungs.
“James, you’re probably overthinking it. I’m glad you finally started on your house, but you shouldn’t make hasty decisions while you’re alone. We can go get a test on the way back to my place, and that’ll make you feel better.” Firmness lent to the power in my words, and I cupped James’ cheek to force him to look at me. His turmoil over this situation was endearing and I smiled before pecking his lips with my own. “Relax. You seriously have no idea how creepy it is that you went through my cycle without me. That’s, like, next level creepy, actually.”
My joke earned me a strained chuckle, and James draped his arm over my shoulders with a shake of his head.
“You’re probably right.” Hoping is more like it. Nibbling on my bottom lip at James’ assurance, I pushed the thought away to take in his half-demolished abode in the growing, comfortable silence. He’d driven me all the way out here just to show me, and I had no choice but to admit that the progress was impressive. His contractor had taken down most of the cabin to its foundation, and already there was concrete poured where it was being extended.
“… I’ve been sleeping really well… I don’t know if it’s because of you, or because I got rid of that room.” James’ confession warmed my heart, and I tilted my head to rest on his shoulder.
“It’s me. Definitely.” Smiling at my own faux confidence, I giggled as James grunted in agreement. Squeezing me to him, he rubbed my hip as I breathed in the clear, muggy air. The hottest part of summer was gone, but it’d been replaced easily by my least favorite time of year. Now, the air would always be wet and heavy, and I preferred dry heat.
Plus, my camera did, too- it didn’t do too well when water could get into it.
“So, what were you up to while you were on house arrest, Caroline?”
“Oh- um… I finished going through all of my photos- thoroughly… I have a few that I was thinking of sending in for publishing consideration, but I’m not sure yet. That’s why I brought my laptop- I was wondering if you’ll go through them with me?” Hope blossomed in my chest when James actually looked interested, and I grinned when he nodded firmly. Slipping out from under his arm, I made my way to his car to fish the back seat for my laptop bag.
“Have you ever been outside the country?” Hoisting my bag to my chest, I shut the door firmly with a shake of my head, and James furrowed his brows. “Have you ever wanted to?”
“Not particularly. I’ve never had the means, at least, so it never really crossed my mind. I’m not some big, famous photographer that can get sponsors to pay for everything.” Coming up beside him, I reached to put a finger ag
ainst James’ lips when he tried to open them. “Before you ask, don’t. I think my dad’s head will explode if I go home and tell him I’m going God knows where with you. He didn’t even want to let me come here today.”
“You’re a grown woman- he shouldn’t be making your decisions for you, Caroline.” Nodding as we headed for the house, I let out a quick sigh as I recounted the battle I’d fought just to get into James’ car.
“That’s what I told him. Thankfully Sheila agrees with me. She seems to like you, which might help with my dad.” I didn’t really believe my own assurances, and James didn’t seem to, either. Shrugging off the slight complication, I pushed open the front door to find everything exactly where it had been two months ago. The only difference was the air- there was saw dust floating in and out of the bright sun rays that filtered through the window.
Heading for the table, I set down my bag and pulled out my laptop before sitting down. James leaned on the back of the chair to peer over my head, and he rested his chin on my crown as my laptop booted.
“This one is my favorite of the seven of them. I just don’t know if it’ll get accepted because the Journal will be looking for Fall and Winter submissions pretty soon.” Pointing at the screen, I smiled at the big, fat chipmunk that stared right at my camera lens. He was cute; he was fluffy- he had all the makings of a big star. Leaning over my head, James ruffled my hair with his chin to send a fuzzy feeling down all the way to my toes.
Doing such a mundane thing was surprisingly fun. I was glad we could leave behind the heavy stuff and focus on what was right in front of us.
“I like that one, too.” Grinning, I tilted my head to kiss his chin before my fingertip bumped an arrow key. Above me James went rigid, and I tensed before slowly looking down. The next photo in the sequence was of him- the first picture I’d taken of him. In the picture, he was thinking about what he experienced with Frank before he told me, I remembered.