by Alice Moore
“You’re so obtuse, you know that? You don’t want me to get hurt, but you’re setting yourself up for the same thing. I saw it at the theater and today at lunch- you started crushing on William the moment you met him. He’s not like the others, and that scares you because you don’t know what to expect.” Staring down at my phone as my mother gave her reply, I shook my head but didn’t speak up. My heart squeezed, knowing Cynthia was right.
William was older, much more embedded in his success, and my mother’s deviation was scary. I knew with all of my being that she didn’t like him for any reason beyond the depths of his pockets, but that wasn’t any different than usual.
Closing my eyes, I pictured William in my mind’s eye. He obviously took care of himself, and my fingers tingled at the memory of the muscles that lay just under his shirt sleeve. Just the air around him was laden with experience, and I reached to rub my chest absently.
“… If you need me tomorrow just call me, okay?” Breaking the silence, I rested my cheek on Cynthia’s crown as she nodded. Resignation spread through me, thinning out my blood as my heart slowed to a steady rhythm.
Holding my forehead in my palm, I listened to Anthony stress rant a list of things I had already done. Patiently I waited for him to finish, but he’d been going on for nearly five minutes now. My eyelid twitched in annoyance, and pressure built behind my eyes from holding my breath for too long.
I hadn’t gotten any sleep last night, too busy worrying about what Cynthia said. In just a few hours I’d be meeting up with William, and I still couldn’t decide what to tell him.
“-re you listening to me, Risha? I ne-“
Slamming my free hand down on my desk, I cut Anthony off to stand up. My chair flew back to hit the wall, and I glared at my boss as he finally fell silent. Even in my heels I had to crane my neck to look him in the eye, and his widened at the angry red that heated my cheeks.
“I quit! God, Anthony- I know you’re stressed, but you can’t take it out on me. I did all of this prep yesterday, and if you’d stop yelling at me for a single moment I would’ve told you so. You know I only got this job to pass the time, but it’s becoming too much. Find a new secretary.” Taking a harsh breath, I grabbed my bag to roughly sling the straps over my shoulders. Stunned quiet met my outburst, and my heels clicking on the hardwood floor became the only noise. Fierce blue eyes bored into my back as I made my way to the stairs, but I didn’t look back.
Anthony wasn’t an abusive boss by any means, but I was done with his attitude.
Sliding into a sleek, leather capped bar stool, I let loose a hot sigh before glancing around. The bar was nice, nearly empty, and my gaze floated over couches and lounge chairs in disinterest. Turning my attention to the vast array of wine, I set my purse on the bar top before dropping my chin into my palm. Quiet permeated the space, and I relished the reprieve to get some thinking done.
Anthony had just hired a new partner, but his stress over it couldn’t be my problem. I wasn’t his therapist. Every day I went above and beyond for him just to get berated for his own inability to stay organized. Just repeat it enough and the anger will go away.
Groaning quietly, I sunk down to rest my forehead on my arm to listen to my slow, steady pulse.
“Rough day?” The bartender’s smooth voice washed over me, and I nodded miserably without lifting my head. “Want to talk about it? I’m a great listener.”
“… Can you just get me a really nice bottle of red? I want to be classy while I drown in my own terrible decisions.” My request earned me a chuckle, and I shuffled to watch the bartender saunter off. He was young, maybe even younger than I was, and a nicely starched, black button down hung from his shoulders. His hair was pulling into a thick tail, and I could see his beard when he pushed his way into the back room.
Hipster. Shivering slightly in disgust, I shook my head to clear him from my thoughts. So easily he was wiped away, making way for the man that seemed to dominate my listlessness.
William was a mystery to me simply because I knew what my mother saw in him. He was wealthy, grounded, and seemed like he wanted more out of life than being rich. Those were all attractive traits, but it still didn’t explain why he was dating my mom. She couldn’t care less about anything about him but his money; surely he realized that after six months.
But what if he doesn’t realize she’s playing him like a fiddle?
“Ugh…” Frowning into my arm, I took a deep breath before lifting my head just as the bartender stopped in front of me. His nose piercing glinted in the white lights above our heads, and I had to physically stop myself from frowning.
I never found male piercings attractive.
“My best bottle for the sad beauty. If you need anything just tap this bell.” Setting a small button bell next to the bottle, he flashed me a smile as he poured me a glass. The fruity smell wafted up into my nostrils, and I took hold of the stem to take a deep breath. For a moment he watched me, but when I didn’t pay him any mind he wandered off to do whatever bartenders do when there are no customers.
Half the bottle was gone before I felt a body next to mine, and I turned my tipsy gaze to watch William seat himself quietly. He expression was placid, as if he knew I had already been drinking, and I smiled when his eyes met mine.
“I don’t usually drink during the day, I swear. I quit my job today, so I figured extenuating circumstances…” Trailing off, I pursed my lips together when I realized I was slurring slightly. Half a bottle of wine wasn’t enough to get me drunk, but I pushed my glass away with hands that trembled slightly. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine, Risha.” Gently patting my shoulder, William’s warm, hard palm mixed with the alcohol in my system to spread a fuzzy feeling through my chest. “Why did you quit?”
“My boss started taking advantage of me.” Alarm colored his face, and my eyes widened as my own words echoed in my ears. “Not, like, sexually. Oh- no. I think he’s closet gay. I mean- erh… he started yelling at me and I just left.”
Tearing my gaze off William, I stared hard at the edge of the bar as my face flamed. Drinking before meeting him had been a terrible idea, I realized. Twiddling my thumbs, I scrunched up my face is dismay.
I seemed to be making a lot of terrible decisions lately.
William
My laughter boomed through the near empty bar, and I shook my head as Risha’s huff chased the sound into my ears.
“It’s not that funny, William.” Through squinting eyes I watched her pout, and she took another sip of her sprite through the straw. Waving off her complaint, I reached for my beer with an unsteady arm as her story circled my mind.
“It’s very funny, Risha. I can’t believe you put neon green skin dye into a body wash bottle. I bet your mother didn’t find it funny, though.” A wicked smirk picked up Risha’s plump lips, and her eyes sparkled with mischief. Beyond the rim of my beer glass I admired her beauty, scanning her face as she readied herself to speak. Her wine buzz had revealed a playful side to her, and I flat out grinned at her.
“She refused to let anyone see her for almost two weeks until the dye washed off. It was so worth it, though. The classic witch look was very good for her…” Propping my chin in my palm, I tried to remember a time in the past six months that I had laughed like this. Anna was so serious and intense, sweet but narrow, and I couldn’t help but compare the two. Risha was full of life, all sides of her perfectly connected to create a personality that was, at the very least, incredibly appealing.
“So, what about your parents, William?” Casting me a curious glance, Risha posed her question with caution, and I reached to swipe my beard with my free palm.
“My parents live in upstate New York. I actually just visited them a few weeks ago- I guess my father finally convinced my mother to get some goats.” Smiling at the memory, warmth spread through me as my mother’s annoyed face flashed in my mind’s eye. “She hates farm animals. She didn’t even want to get dogs when I was growing up. I
don’t even want to know how he managed to pull off goats.”
“My mom hates animals, too. She always said they’re too much work. That’s why I’m an only child, too.” The sudden turn in conversation tightened my chest, and my mind snapped to the present as Risha sighed heavily. Dismal rejection rippled across her features, and I reached out without thought to brush her pinked cheek. Her skin was smooth, soft, and the sensation caused goosebumps to rise on my arm under my shirt.
“It must’ve been lonely. I don’t think I could be content with just one child.” Absently tracing her jaw, I frowned while Risha sat still to hesitantly accept my touch. Pleasantness evened out her expression, and she hummed quietly as my tongue grew thick behind my teeth. “I just haven’t found the right woman. When you approached me about Anna, I had already had my suspicions, of course- but I’m beginning to think you’re right. She wants to go to dinner next week at the Wendel, and she knows I don’t care for that particular restaurant.”
“Why are you going, then?” The soft beat of Risha’s pulse throbbed against my fingertips, and I mimicked her hum. Truthfully, I was still searching for that answer; Anna didn’t give me anything but a vague response. Circling Risha’s pulse point with my thumb, my gaze flickered to her face as she tilted her head in acceptance. A shallow crease appeared between her eyebrows, her expression a mask of sluggish, tipsy enjoyment that picked up the corners of my mouth.
“I don’t know. She said it was important, but I’ve been considering calling us off. After what you told me, I started to realize how little I know her… how much she pushes me back when I try. It’s frustrating.” Blinking slowly, I clenched my jaw when Risha gulped to draw my focus to her neck. The action flexed against my palm, and I gave a soft squeeze that sent her gasp into the small space between us.
Stiffening at how close we were, I forced my hand from her neck to clear my throat harshly. Before me Risha flopped her head forward with a groan, grabbing my wrist to keep my fingers from slipping from her skin completely.
“Don’t. I like it.” Breathy and slow, Risha’s confession struck a chord in my heart, and I gripped her slender column firmly. My beer was going straight to my head, and I leaned forward to mindlessly press my lips to hers. Just like I knew they’d be, she was soft and slightly fruity from her wine, and after a moment she kissed me back. Cupping the back of her head, my palm tingled as she raked her fingers through my hair.
Only when Risha pulled back to breathe shallow pants did my brain kickstart, and I rubbed my thumb over her artery as she licked her lips. Her dark eyes were clouded, and her hand slipped from the nape of my neck before I realized what I’d done.
“Shit…” Leaning back, I carefully released Risha’s neck as she blinked dazedly. I hadn’t opened this gate to myself in so long, and yet she was bringing it out of me without even doing anything. “I’m sorry, Risha- that was wrong of me. You’re drunk and I-“
A long, perfectly manicured finger touched my lips to cut me off, and she shook her head. Shame speared my chest, and it festered the longer she kept quiet. Holding my breath, I sat in tense expectation for her to open her mouth.
“Don’t apologize, William. If anyone is wrong here, it’s me. I- Is it okay if we meet up again when I don’t do something stupid beforehand?” Nodding dumbly, I frantically worked to staunch the shouting that rattled my skull. Shakily reaching with her free hand, Risha fumbled around her purse before pulling out her phone. “I’m going to call a cab.”
For a second I watched through wide eyes as she struggled with her phone with one hand while the other still pressed against my mouth. Risha was sloshed- or the equivalent a woman could get on wine. Reaching to take the device, I wrapped my free hand around her wrist to lick my lips. Her taste lingered, and I adjusted her phone in my palm before speaking up.
“Risha, I’ll drive you home. Come on.” Sliding from my stool, I set Risha’s phone back in her purse to wrap my arm around her waist. She didn’t protest, leaning heavily against my side as she struggled to stand on her low heels. “Slowly, slowly.”
“I- I just don’t understand why she wants you.” We almost made it to the exit when Risha spoke up, staring at her feet with a slight scowl. “You’re so- so… so nice… and you’re more likely to say ‘no’. Anna hates that.”
Stiffening at her mumble, my mind flew back to the few times I’d told Anna ‘no’. She’d gotten annoyed, not answering my texts until she’d calmed down. She didn’t have a single ounce of humility, and I tried to ignore it. Like a teenager, oblivious to her faults.
“I mean, I know how it starts. She seems so nice, so sweet, so- so pleasant. But it doesn’t last. Did she ask you for a car yet?” The more she grumbled, the more Risha riled herself up, and she flung back her head. Surprise rippled through me, and I clenched my teeth as she let out a harsh, little scoff. “Of course she did… hers broke down, right? But going with her to pick out a used car was too tedious, and she didn’t want to bother you with it. So, you just gave her a check.”
That’s exactly what happened. Stepping out into the cold, blustering street, I held Risha’s wobbling form closer to mine. Sharp wind cut against my face, and her hair flew every which way. Anger knotted around my heart, my lungs shuddering in their cage as I took in the freezing cold air. Anna had to go early to make her client meeting, and I had just gotten to work. She didn’t want me to leave when I just got there.
“Just relax, Risha. Where do you live?” In only a few strides down the sidewalk we reached my car, and I fished out my keys to carefully sit Risha in the driver’s seat. Rolling my jaw, I closed the door and rounded my car as my brain skimmed through everything she’d revealed. Obviously she knew Anna very well, and I jammed my key into the ignition with a low grunt.
Anna didn’t tell her friends about me, to the point that one of them actually sought me out. She only wanted to do things that cost me, and a quiet night in wasn’t an option. Anna only called or texted if she wanted to do something, or if she needed money.
The scenes were coming together to paint a very bad picture.
“You shouldn’t go to that dinner.” Slowly pulling off the curb, I tightened my grip on the wheel at Risha’s loud, slurred declaration. “Especially if you don’t like the place. I mean- one time Cynthia and I tried out this place that had terrible seafood, and it just ruined our entire week. We couldn’t get over it. The sushi was falling apart and kinda old, and the sake wasn’t drinkable. And the shrimp- oh my god, it just disintegrated on my fork.”
“I hope they didn’t charge you for that, Risha.” Glancing across the center console, I watched through narrowed eyes as Risha’s perfect face contorted in disgust. Even then she was beautiful, and she clapped her hands together loudly. Taking a slow turn, my hands ached at the turn this night had taken.
“William…?” Rolling to a stop in front of a blinking red light, I leaned back in my seat as she crossed the center console. Risha’s wine-stained breath glided across my cheek, and I held my breath as she whispered in my ear. “I lied to you. I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad at me.”
My head whipped to the side, and I reached automatically to grab Risha’s jaw. In her drunken state she hiccupped in surprise, her throat flexing as I squeezed in my shock. My heart thundered in my chest, blood pounding against my ear drums as she rasped against my lips. Her smell enveloped me, and if it wasn’t for the wine that tinged it I would’ve kissed her again.
“I’m not mad, Risha. Tell me what you lied about.” The night was so late that no one bothered to honk at me, simply choosing to drive around me and fly through the red light. Normally busy streets were empty, and I focused entirely on Risha. My body moved on its own as my mind went back to everything we’d said to each other, pulling her over the center console to straddle my lap. I barely registered the fact that she hadn’t even buckled herself.
“I- I can’t… you’ll hate me, and you won’t believe me anymore.” Big, fat tears welled in Risha’s eyes whil
e her mumble traveled around my palm, and my eyes narrowed on her wet lashes. “I just want you to be happy.”
Her confession hit me right in my heart, and I slid my hand down to her neck fully. The pulse points throbbed wildly, and she sniffled a choked sound when I squeezed in warning.
“Tell me now, Risha.” The command ripped harshly from my chest, and Risha’s pupils widened as one, brave tear escaped. “Tell me what you lied about. I won’t ask again.”
Jesus- I haven’t said that in nearly decade. Grinding my teeth together, I watched with a growing, familiar irritation swirling in my gut. When did I decide to settle?
I pondered the answer to that question before Risha slowly shook her head.
“I won’t. You can’t know yet.” Staring hard at her, I licked my teeth at the realization that I wouldn’t get any more from her. She was drunk, on the defensive, and I pulled her to my chest to stare out the windshield. Gently stroking her hair, my hands tingled with an urge I hadn’t felt in years.
To bend her over my knee and slap her ass until she gave me what I wanted. After I turned 30, I closed that chapter of my life because no one fired my blood anymore. Every woman was just like the last- boring. No one excited me, and after a while I figured the problem was with me.
“I’m… sorry… for once I’m the one that ruined everything.” Mumbling into my jacket, Risha peeked up at me from beyond her long lashes with sparkling eyes. Frowning deeply, I didn’t bother to offer a reply before wrapping my arms around her to grab the wheel. Rolling through the intersection, I circled my jaw absently as I took deep, calming breaths.
Risha’s house was part of the RedRock district, so named for its sprawl of brick factories that were in the midst of being remodeled for new uses. It’d been 12 years since the project began, but only half the area had been transformed. Slowly driving through the worse off, southern end, I peered around at the endless expanse of dirty, old red. The construction began in the north end, and that was where Risha lived.