by Vera Hollins
I wanted to tell him that he couldn’t order me around, but the last few minutes left me too emotionally drained to do that. I just wanted to go home and curl up in my bed.
I scanned our surroundings once again, but I couldn’t see anyone. Hayden’s expression didn’t give me any answers, like always, so there was no way for me to know if he was lying. If he was telling the truth, then this twisted situation had just become even more serious.
If this was someone else, hiding, playing mercilessly with my mind, who could hurt me in the most dreadful and unimaginable way... The terror rushed through my veins.
I dashed away from Hayden, the dire thoughts swarming my mind.
I reached my home, still contemplating whether Hayden was lying or not, when a new message from the hidden number arrived. I opened it, shaking and on the verge of a breakdown.
“It was fun seeing you accuse him. You really are stupid. You got off the hook this evening, but you won’t be that lucky next time.”
Chapter 22
THAT MESSAGE ON MONDAY night was the last straw that sent me to the police. I let my mother know about the messages, but she wasn’t so optimistic that they would help me against this unknown sender.
I hated involving her. She was already drunk and lost in her thoughts when I returned home, so I couldn’t count on her to go with me to the police. Once again, she failed me, and what pained me the most was that our conversation felt like we were discussing bad weather. Her reaction when she heard someone was threatening me was disappointing. It was as if I weren’t her daughter.
“That kind of things happen, Sarah. That’s life. You’ll get to my age, and then guys will try to get into your panties,” she said and downed the bourbon in her glass in two large gulps.
I watched her in disgust, wishing for the umpteenth time she weren’t my mother. She was treating these messages like they were an ordinary part of life, which sickened me to the core.
“Just don’t let it get to you. You’ll have to endure much worse things in life than that teenage bullshit.”
Seriously? She called it a “teenage bullshit”?
That was when I lost it and screamed at her, telling her she was living the kind of life she herself had chosen. We almost had another huge row, when I decided it would be best to just leave and go straight to the police. Alone.
I didn’t have much to back up my claim, so reporting this case felt like another failure. The inspector agreed that those messages were worrisome, but they didn’t exactly feel like a potential killer was after my head. He assured me they would try to find the sender, and that was it.
What if Hayden sent those messages after all? If he was pretending last night, he was even more unstable than I’d thought.
Today’s computer science class didn’t help matters, because it brought another moment that added to Hayden’s resentment. Ms. Clare asked us about the outline of our project, but we hadn’t started it. We didn’t even have a theme of our website. I begged him to work with me on the project, but it fell on deaf ears.
Ms. Clare reminded us we had only one week left to send her the outline, but Hayden acted like he couldn’t care less about it, and the fear of failing her class got the best of me. I decided on our theme alone and told her we were making an art blog, which caused Hayden to blow his top.
However, she left him no room to complain, accepting my theme. I could barely focus during the rest of the class, expecting him to retaliate any moment, but he didn’t do anything.
Somehow, I found it hard to believe he was letting this slide, puzzling over it even after I arrived home.
It was close to seven when I finished a drawing I was going to send as a part of my college application portfolio. I didn’t have time to admire the perspective and depth I nailed in this one, because the doorbell rang and I had to go down and open the door since my mother wasn’t home.
I went downstairs, hoping this wasn’t something about her. Was she all right? She had her episodes from time to time when she got too drunk and made a mess, so the police or her “friends” from bars had to intervene, coming to our house to notify me about her latest fiasco.
I was close to the door when the doorbell rang again. I approached it and looked through the peephole, expecting to see a police officer who had some news about my mother, but I could see only someone’s shoulder.
They rang the doorbell once more. I sighed and cracked the door open, but then I was pushed backward when they shoved the door wide open. I stumbled, barely managing to catch my balance.
I shrieked when I saw Hayden step inside and lock the door behind him. I couldn’t believe him!
“What are you doing in my house, Hayden?!”
This was bad. No matter how much he’d tormented me, he’d never ever set foot in my house. What was he going to do now?
“You wanted to work with me on that stupid computer project, so here I am.”
Is he serious? I observed him carefully, looking for any trace of drunkenness or madness, but there was none.
“You entered my house without permission, and I absolutely don’t want you here. Get out!”
His eyes hooded, his step forbidding as he advanced toward me. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Damn it. I needed to get him out of here. He was intruding, and that was a crime. My quick inspection of the hallway told me there was no object I could use as a protection. “I’ll call the police.”
He curled the corner of his lip in disdain. “You won’t call shit. It’s up to you whether you’ll play nice or not, but if you choose to make this difficult for me, you’re going to regret it.”
I didn’t care. I darted to the living room to reach the phone and call the cops, but he easily outran me and grabbed me, snaking his arms around me. I started kicking, hoping to break his grip and escape him, but he was too strong.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he growled in my ear, further reducing me to nothing but helplessness and anxiety.
He couldn’t get away with this. He just couldn’t. If I couldn’t call the cops, then I had to save myself some other way. He couldn’t terrorize me in my own home! This was too much!
“Let me go!”
“I won’t.”
“LET ME GO!”
I screamed and kicked wildly, my heart pounding a mile a minute. He clamped his hand over my mouth, muffling all sounds. “Enough, idiot. As I said, I’m not going anywhere. It’s in your best interest to cooperate. That is, if you want us to complete this project successfully.”
I didn’t trust him. He couldn’t expect me to let him stay in my house after everything. I couldn’t let him.
Then again, we needed to finish our project. I didn’t know if he really came here to work on it, but I couldn’t be picky. I had to brace myself and go through this.
I went motionless, and he removed his hand from my mouth. “All right. We’ll work together. Can you let me go now?”
He released me at last, and I scurried away from him, breathing more easily now that there was some distance between us. “Wait here. I’m just going to my room to get my laptop and notebook.”
“No need,” he said and rushed up the stairs, leaving me flabbergasted.
“Hey!” I shouted and went after him, fear seeping into my every pore. He couldn’t be doing this!
By the time I reached him, he was already in my room. He was standing frozen, taking everything in. The lamp on my desk emitted a slight amount of light in the otherwise dark room, letting the shadows rise, and this alone made me feel extremely vulnerable.
He didn’t pay attention to me as he studied the college portfolio drawing on my laptop screen and the papers scattered on my desk. His pensive expression didn’t change a bit when he slid his gaze to the drawings on the walls, but then my pulse rapidly increased because he was seconds away from finding a drawing of Kayden, which was placed next to my window.
To make the humiliation more complete, I’d drawn Hayden as well and
placed the drawing right above my bed, which happened a long time ago, when I was head over heels for him. Now, I deeply regretted not destroying it.
Kay’s and his drawings were dissimilar, at least to me, because they depicted a different reflection in their eyes and showed those tiny differences on their faces. Also, I’d shadowed their facial lines differently, thus making Hayden’s face darker and more mysterious.
It didn’t take him long to notice Kay’s drawing. He stepped closer to it, not taking his eyes off of it. “Of course you’d draw him,” he muttered to himself.
What was that supposed to mean?
He didn’t move for quite a while, looking at Kayden’s drawing, while I racked my brain to think of a way to get him out of here.
“I figured out recently that I’ve never been in your room before, and that’s a huge mistake, because this place means everything to you.”
I felt sick. He knew. He knew that my room was my safe place; something that wasn’t stained with his hate. Ironically, his room was just a few feet away, but despite that, this was the only place where I felt safe, where I felt far away from the world of pain—from Hayden’s world.
As if he’d read my mind, he faced me and said, “I don’t want you to feel safe anywhere. Not even in your own room. Besides, you went against me when you decided on that website theme alone, and I won’t just let you get away with it.”
Of course. He didn’t come here because of our project. He wanted to retaliate. He wanted to use this situation to hurt me on the most personal level.
Horror gripped my insides when I remembered that my Instagram and YouTube accounts were open in the separate tabs in my browser. If he decided to snoop through my laptop, he would easily see them.
Hell no. If he realized I had successful art accounts, he would most likely shut them down.
“Get out of my room. I don’t want you here.”
“Yeah? Well, I don’t want you in my life, but there you are, always present and impossible to avoid.”
“You can easily avoid me. Ignore me.”
He swiveled around, his intense eyes fixed on me, creating a churning fire in the pit of my stomach. My small room felt much smaller, and I couldn’t breathe evenly anymore. I willed myself to take a few deep breaths, watching Hayden move and stop right in front of me. What was he going to do to me?
“I could never ignore you, no matter how much I tried.”
What?
My stomach did a somersault, and I actually felt weak. It was like my legs weren’t mine. There was something about him that kept me in place, causing me to forget about everything but us in this moment. I inhaled deeply, greedy for the air that could help me clear my thoughts, but that was a big mistake because the distinctive scent of his pine tree cologne met my nostrils. I liked it, which was befuddling.
“Please, get out,” I whispered, battling to maintain the eye contact. He remained silent as he studied my face. It felt intimate having him here. It felt unusual.
I was afraid. I was excited.
“I make you nervous.”
I swallowed with difficulty. “You already know that.”
He came closer to me, and I couldn’t move. After everything he’d done, after everything that was Hayden, I couldn’t move. What was it in him that didn’t scare me away? Where were my instincts that were always telling me to run?
I hate him, so why?
He raised his gaze above my head, focusing on something behind me, and grew still. “What?” he asked in surprise. I lowered my head in shame, knowing exactly what he was looking at. “You drew me.”
He recognized it. He understood it was him in that picture, which I’d spent so many nights on, trying to make it perfect and working on every tiny detail until I was happy with my Hayden. I’d spent so much time staring at that drawing and dreaming of him, hoping he would grow to love me one day.
I’d been so naive.
“It was a long time ago.”
He returned his attention to me, and the sudden fire in his eyes shocked me. “But you still kept it all this time.”
Damn, why did he have to be so perceptive? Why couldn’t he leave?
“You... Why did you do this?” he asked.
“Why do you care?”
I expected him to say he didn’t care and include some mean remark. Instead, he tipped up my chin. I jerked when his skin came in contact with mine, but he didn’t let me go. I tried to take a step backward, but he placed his other arm around my waist, keeping me in place, keeping me so close to him... Too close.
“Did you really mean what you said at Kayden’s grave? You wanted to help me? You wanted to be there for me?”
His eyes... Oh God, his eyes were like nothing I’d seen before. They were burning into me, devouring me, and getting through to the farthest corners of my soul. There was no hate. Only... Need.
He was shaking my world.
And for the first time after a long time, I wanted to reach for him. I wanted to touch him.
I...
No. No.
This must be a trick.
This must be an illusion.
He didn’t deserve this, and he didn’t deserve me. I snapped out of it, becoming rigid under his hands.
“It didn’t mean anything. I don’t care about you, Hayden. And as far as I am concerned, you—”
Too suddenly, he grabbed my arms and pushed me down on my bed, pinning me to the mattress. He raised my hands above my head and captured my wrists in his hand, just like that evening in the forest, and fear clouded my mind. I screamed, expecting the worst. He silenced me by pressing his hand against my mouth, and I began kicking and writhing violently, trying to get him off me.
“Shhh,” he whispered into my ear and kissed it softly. I closed my eyes, hating to be at his mercy like this. “I won’t hurt you.”
That... That is a lie. I don’t trust you.
He pressed his lips against the sensitive skin bellow my ear, and I whimpered against my will. He licked that place, and to my complete confusion, it felt good . My heart throbbed.
He didn’t stop, nibbling and leaving hot kisses all over my neck. Slowly, my fear turned into something else—something I didn’t want to name.
Everywhere he kissed he left only pleasure, and my inner demon begged for more. That demon made me forget. It made me dazed and no logic or pride mattered. What is Hayden doing to me?
I had no idea when I stopped resisting. The way my body felt was too good to be true. It felt unreal, like a sweet nightmare.
His lips ended their journey on my jaw. He removed his hand from my mouth, searching for something in my eyes desperately as his breathing grew heavier. His eyes were liquid black, gleaming with desire. My throat constricted at his arousal, blood rushing through my veins in excitement.
“Why did you kiss me back at Kayden’s grave?”
I just stared at him, totally baffled by his question. My mind was still enveloped in that sweet fog, intoxicated with his kisses, so I needed time to catch what he was talking about.
Finally, reason won over passion, and all the pleasant feelings Hayden had created in me disappeared, replaced by a potent wave of shame, anger, and regret.
“I didn’t kiss you back. I just went along with you, hoping it would end soon so I wouldn’t have to feel such disgust anymore,” I lied without blinking, glaring at him spitefully. To my twisted satisfaction, he went stiff above me, the fire in his eyes turning into the ice.
“Bitch,” he spat and gripped my wrists above my head even harder, punishing me. He was becoming aggressive in a hot minute, all rousing, ardent feelings forgotten. “You deserve everything I do to you. You deserve suffering and pain.”
“Let me go!”
“No. I will never let you go. Never.” His gaze slid over my trembling body under his, and a cold smirk formed on his face. “Maybe I should steal your virginity after all. Just like I stole your first kiss.”
“You’re horrible!”
> “Just like you.”
I stared daggers at him, wanting to hurt him like he’d hurt me. I wanted to shatter his control. I wanted to make him less powerful...
“You didn’t steal my first kiss,” I said spitefully, hoping this would throw him off guard.
Once again, he froze, letting me see the fleeting confusion on his face. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that wasn’t my first kiss.”
“You’re lying.”
“I’m not.”
He stood up with a deep frown, separating himself from me. An unexpected longing filled me because I didn’t have his body against mine anymore, and I felt ashamed for it. I raised myself and sat on the edge of my bed, watching him pace around my room as he grew more restless. I wondered what was going on inside his head.
“Who kissed you?”
I averted my gaze. “That doesn’t matter.”
He grabbed my chin and made me look at him. “Who kissed you?!”
Why the hell did he care?
“Kayden!”
He opened his eyes wide and stepped away from me, looking at me like he couldn’t believe what he’d heard. “So, you two were in love,” he said, sounding like he was asking for confirmation from me. Why did it matter to him?
I certainly couldn’t tell him the reason why we kissed. I would never tell Hayden that. “That’s none of your business.”
His face twisted in an ugly grimace of fury and madness, and for the first time since he entered my room, he looked like he was going to smash something.
“ You bitch !” he screamed. “You’ll pay for everything! I’m done sparing you!”
I jumped to my feet, beyond angry. “Sparing me?! Are you kidding me? You destroyed everything good in me! You made me a wreck! You hurt me in so many ways, and now you say you were sparing me? Are you out of your mind?”
“I still didn’t destroy everything, but I will,” he responded fiercely and marched over to my window. Startling me, he yanked my blinds violently, removing them from the upper part of the window and breaking them into pieces.