by Colt, Shyla
Footsteps have me dashing my eyes with my sleeve. I lift my gaze and see Cora.
At twelve, she’s all gangly limbs, pig tails and huge brown eyes full of compassion.
“What are you doing out here, Baby Girl?” I ask gruffly.
She sinks down and leans against the tree beside me. “I think you’re the most amazing person I ever—met.” Her voice wavers.
I turn to look at her.
She keeps her gaze trained on the hands in her lap, fiddling with her ruffled skirt. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re my best friend and the person I love most in the entire world. Well, next to my Daddy. And I’m sorry that you’re sad, but I want you to know, you’re not alone. You’ll never be alone as long as I’m around.”
Her words burrow deep, cutting through the pain I’m experiencing. She lifts her head and I swear I see nothing but love and acceptance. I lost a part of myself to her that night and I knew in that moment, one day she’s going to be my entire world.
Present
The memory rushes back and rocks me to the core. I rush into the bathroom and empty my stomach. I lost sight of her in all this. As I keep heaving—the shame hits. I’ve turned into my old man, pushing away the people I should hold closest.
What are you going to do about it?
The question mocks me, because I have no answer.
Cora
“Hey Daddy,” I grin at my father as he steps into the house with his biggest fan in tow. I love that my son adores his grandfather. I look down at R. “Did you have a good time?”
“Uh, Granpa took me to da park.” He grins.
“And I fed him, so he should be ready to lay down for awhile.”
The look on his face tells me he wants to talk. I groan mentally. That’s the last thing I want to do. “Oh, I don’t know. He doesn’t look sleepy to me.”
R rubs his eyes.
My father smirks. “You were saying?”
“I’ll put him down.”
“No, I’ll put him down. You sit you ass down on that couch and get ready to have this overdue conversation.”
I sigh and do as he says. I know by now, there’s no use arguing with him and since the coma, I worry. It changed my entire relationship with him. I took it for granted that he’d always be there. Almost losing him, had me cherishing every moment and thinking about my life. The good the bad, the unfulfilled dreams and promises. There was a lot I didn’t like. That’s a problem. Life is too short to live in unhappiness. You think you’ll have forever until it’s thrust in your face that life is a flash in the pan. There are so many times I should’ve walked away from Dallas, but I always held tight to the belief that our love was stronger than the hold his father had on him. Now, I know differently. What I’m trying to figure out is what I’m going to do about it. I refuse to play second fiddle to a ghost.
I hear dad’s boots on the wood and turn around to face him. His face is grim and my stomach is bubbling.
Despite the weight loss that came from his coma, he’s still intimidating. The physical therapy has him nearly back to where he was.
“Daddy—”
“No. I don’t want to hear anything out of your mouth, Baby Girl. You’re going to sit and listen to me. I don’t say much to you. You’re grown with a child and a man of your own and I respect your life decisions, even when I don’t like them.” He narrows his eyes at me.
I sink down onto the couch. He never wanted me with Dallas. He made that clear from the beginning.
He sits down beside me. “When I see what you’re doing is fucking with the club. I gotta step in.”
“I’m not—?”
He glares at me.
I clamp my mouth shut. “We both know the sun rises and sets with you for Dallas. I don’t give a fuck what kind of Daddy’s issues he has. Rule never did right by that boy. Every time he looked at his son, he saw a ghost. Shit made him mean and unreasonable. We all tried to talk to him about it, but he never listened to shit. Kind of like another man I know.” He sneers.
“You’re wrong. He didn’t give a shit.”
“No, he cared too much.”
“I don’t understand. Why are you defending him? You don’t even like him.”
“Maybe not, but I know he’s the best thing for Wesson. You don’t come up like he did intact, without being strong. We need that right now.”
I shake my head. “So, call him.”
“I’m not the one he wants to hear from.”
“And you think I am? He left me.”
“No, he went to clear his head.”
“For over a month?” I hop up from the couch. “This is bullshit, Dad! All you ever wanted was for me to get away from Dallas. You gave us hell. Wouldn’t even let him make me an Old Lady, and now you’re all on his team for the good of the club. What about me? Do I even matter? Did I ever?”
“I don’t think I’m the one you want to be asking those questions.”
“No, you aren’t.” I pace the length of the room. “What do you want, Dad? You want me to call him and ask him to come home? I can do it, but I can’t guarantee he will. I don’t know where the hell his head is right now, and really I don’t want him here. I don’t know what I want.” I tug at my hair. “This is my life, Dad. Do you understand that?”
“You think the club doesn’t matter?”
“I’m saying he’s not the only one who needs time and space. I need this.”
His eyebrows fly up with surprise.
I stand in the middle of the room now, breathing heavily. “He was the one who got patched in. He swore an oath to dedicate his life to this club. I didn’t. Hell, I’m not even an Old Lady. Technically speaking I’m a damn free agent.”
“Don’t you get sassy with me.”
“You tell me in one breath I’m a grown woman you trust to make her own decisions and in the next instant, try to tell me what to do?”
“No, I’m telling you what’s right.”
“For who, Dad?”
“Pull your head out of your ass and get your shit together. Dallas is the key to this club’s survival and Danny is living on borrowed time. How long do you think he can hack it before he starts to come apart at the seams?”
“He’s strong.”
“When he wants something, yes. This is going to eat him alive. Can you live with that?”
I glance away, pissed that once again, it all falls on me to keep everything together. My happiness in one hand and the club’s survival in another. They can’t be balanced. It’s one or the other. Maybe Dallas had it right when he bailed. Maybe I should too. The world is falling down around me and I have no one to turn to, because everyone is standing under the same sky. My mind flashes to Houdini. Ira is a Nomad. He comes and goes as he pleases. If I wanted to leave, Ira would take me in an instant. Puzzles pieces connect and I know exactly what I’m going to do. “You know what? You’re right, Dad. I’m not going to leave Wesson hanging. I’ll talk to Dallas.”
He narrows his eyes at me.
“I’ll get him back here.”
“You sure?”
“Oh, I’m positive. Leave it to me.” The thought of payback turns me into a bloodthirsty bitch. Two can play the leaving game. I’m sick of being on the losing end of the silent war, our relationship has turned into.
“Alright, then I’ll leave you to it.” Dad stands from the couch, eyeing me cautiously.
“Daddy, you know I love you right?”
His lips twitch at the corner. “I love you too, Baby Girl.”
The minute the door closes behind him, I call Houdini.
“Everything okay?”
“Ira, remember that farm you told me about?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m ready to go for a visit.”
“Say the word.”
I smile. “I’ll be ready to leave in thirty minutes.”
“You sure about this, Cora? It’s going to piss off a lot of people.”
“Since wh
en have you cared?”
His husky laughs fills me with joy. He’s become my partner in crime. “My sister is going to love you.”
“I hope so.” I know how much she means to him. I also know how prickly she can be. Though, given their lives, I can’t say I blame her. He’s giving me a place to escape the prison my life has become for a little while. I don’t want to upset his in return.
“I’ve told her about you, hoping she’d warm up to the thought of company other than me. I-I think she’s ready.”
The way he’s taken care of and loved her is humbling. I want to help her. “Well ready or not, here we come.”
“She likes kids.”
“It’s just me you don’t know about. Don’t worry about it. I can handle her.”
“I hope so. I don’t want to see her waste away out there, Cora.”
Everyone has read this man wrong. “I’m going to get me and R packed. I’ll see you when you get here.” I walk to the bedroom and think about the text. This is your last chance, Dallas Wesson.
His words back are ringing in my ear. If you run, I will hunt you down and bring you back to me. You’re mine always, Cora.
This time, I’m running. Are you game to find me? The clock is ticking, Wesson. I hit the send button and fly through the house like a tornado.
Ramble On
Rowan
“Hey Cora, what’s going on?” I ask, happy to hear from her.
“Remember when I asked you if you had my back?”
“Yes.” I frown and walk away from the bar to the area out front to escape the noise from the party.
“Well, I hope you meant it.”
“Are you driving right now?”
“Yeah, that’s why I called. I’m going to take a break for awhile.”
“Wait—what? No, Cora.” My mouth goes dry and my stomach twists itself into knots. “I don’t want to lose you too.”
“You’re not losing me. I’m just taking a breather. I’m calling to give you the address, but it comes with an explicit set of instructions.”
“What’s going on?”
“I’m sure Dallas will be blowing you up soon. If he wants to make this right, he’s going to have to work for it this time.”
“What did you do?” I ask, proud and worried out of my mind at the same time.
“I left him a message. You guys wanted him back? I’m delivering.”
“And where will you be?” I shift my weight, wondering if I should get the boys involved or let this ride.
“On a farm, communing with nature.”
“Bitch please, I’m serious.” I snicker.
“So am I, hooker. Houdini’s parents own a farm.”
“Fuck me, someone is going to die. Please tell me you aren’t fucking blues eyes.”
“Gross. No, he’s like my brother.”
“So was Danny, at one point.”
“Bad example.” She sighs. “Seriously though, we’re staying with his sister. I need to be away from this, Ro. I’m close to losing my shit and calling it quits. The pressure, the rules, the way I’m tossed aside like I’m a place holder destined to forever hang around, waiting like a little bitch.”
“You were never a little bitch,” I whisper, wanting to soothe her. In many ways, she’s been sleeping for a long time. We both have. The men spend a lot of time keeping us out of what’s going on. Now, that it has blown up in everyone’s face, we have to deal. I think of Danny and sigh. The wear and tear on him has him passed out in his bedroom. I’d been chatting up the bartender, Pinky. With her hair the same hue as her name and a wicked sense of humor, I enjoy spending time with her.
“No, but I was,” she laughs, “an idiot. I thought because we were in love I needed to hang in here, take it, let it work itself out. Who said love was some magical fix-all? No one with common sense, that’s for sure.”
The anguish in her voice pains me, and I wish I could wrap my arms around her and hold her close. “It was a different time, Cora. We were like the golden children.”
“Not for a long time, Ro.”
“I know, Baby Girl, but habits are hard to break.”
“Yeah.”
My phone beeps. “He’s calling now, should I answer?”
“No, let that motherfucker sweat it out.”
“You’re kind of sexy when you’re being ruthless,” I say to hide the anxiety spiking. Dallas unhinged is horrible, and with Cora and R gone—it’s going to be ramped up. She’s sending drama our way, but I know she needs this time, so I keep my mouth shut. “So, tell me this brilliant plan of yours.”
“When he gets back, give him this address.”
“You aren’t worried about him killing your magical friend?”
She laughs. “No, let me handle that. We need this time away from everything together. I realize that now. He’s always been shit when alone with his memories.” She sighed. “If we’re going down, it’s going to be fighting.”
“Thank God. I didn’t think you were going to even try, Cora.”
“I didn’t want to. But R deserves better and so does this new baby in my belly.”
“What?”
She laughs. “Yeah, and you think you’re surprised.”
The words make my head spin. Another Wesson is going to be brought into the fold. It’s a happy event in lieu of all the tragedy. “Congratulations, my friend.”
“Thanks—I think.” Her voice wavers, “I’m terrified. I don’t know how this is going to work, when every time I look at him, all I see is pain.”
“We had so much more good than that, though, Cora. You just need to remember that. It’s time for you and Dallas to get your shit together. Danny and I had our time away, this is yours.”
“You understand,” Cora says.
“The feeling that you’re drowning? That all you need is a minute to breathe and figure out who the fuck you truly are outside of Wesson and all the shit that comes with it.” The way I feel now.
“Yes, that’s it exactly.”
“Run, Baby Girl, and prepare because he’s going to come at you like a bull.”
“I know. I’m ready. This is make or break it time, Ro.”
“I understand,” I whisper. Dallas has taken her through the wringer. I shouldn’t be surprised she’s talking in finalities, but the two of them were like freaking peas in carrots. They just went together.
“Good, make sure he does. I’ll text you the address. I love you, Ro. Thank you for this.”
“I love you too, Cora. I’m only allowing you the same time we had.” I just pray we can hold out that long.
“I’ll be in touch.” She hangs up.
When the line goes dead, I know things are about to get worse before they get better. I return Dallas’ phone call.
“Ro.”
“Long time no talk.”
“Don’t fuck with me. What the hell is Cora up to?” His voice is frantic.
A nasty part of me wants to fuck with him. He made the wheels grind to a halt and now, we’re all falling under the weight.
“Rowan!” he barks.
“She gave you her message.”
“Don’t fuck with me.”
“Don’t take your bullshit out on me. If you hadn’t left, you wouldn’t be in this position. Get home safe and we’ll talk.”
“At least tell me she and R are safe.”
His voice broke my heart. “Of course, they are. You know she’d never risk hurting him.”
“Yeah, yeah, you’re right.”
“Why did you leave us like that, Dal?” I whisper.
“I thought I knew, but lately—I been asking myself the same question. I forgot what was important, Ro. I fucked it all up and now, I might’ve ruined the one thing in my life, I got right.”
His words lessen my anger. “It’s not ruined. It’s just on shaky ground.”
“Shit, she’s that pissed.”
“She’s hurt. Did you think you could just keep leaving when she needs you most
and she’d be fine with it?” I sigh. “You never stop and think about shit, Dallas. You’re all reaction and instant response. You’ve always been that way. You got to get this shit out of your head and your soul, before it ruins everything good in your life. The past has its hooks in you deep.”
“I don’t know if I can. I ran to get away from it, but it lives inside me. I don’t want it to spread to them. They both deserve better.”
I want to tell him he’s not Rule, but I know it’s not my place. “If it hasn’t so far, why would it now?”
“Don’t you know the older you get, the more you become like your parent? And look at me about to step up into his shoes.”
“Oh, get off the pity train, Dallas. We’re all dealing with the bad shit and the fall out. You should be here with us.” I dare him to deny it.
“Maybe. Look, I’m going to get back on the road. It’ll take me two days to get back.”
“Be safe, you asshole.”
Dallas snickers. “Yeah.” He hangs up.
I clutch the phone tight in my hand, praying Cora knows what she’s doing and this can be fixed. The four of us are a carefully constructed balancing act and it has become quite clear, we don’t function as well when we’re separated. I turn to look at the club. I need to tell Danny. The thought of waking him fills me with guilt. Things are changing yet again, and he’s going to have to hang on a bit longer. I’m not sure what’s going on with the club, but I know it’s breaking him down. He’s afraid of fucking things up by making the wrong decisions. I can hear him mumbling about it in his sleep. He’s drinking more and more, while getting rough around the edges. Get her fast and hash this shit out, Dal. We’re all depending on you more than you know.