by Con Template
It didn’t matter.
It didn’t matter until Tae Hyun came along.
“Happy birthday, Yoori.”
His words echoed in her mind like the softest melody, causing a tidal wave of euphoria to submerge her. The simple words lifted sadness off her and replaced it with bliss that she didn’t even realize she yearned for until this very moment.
“How…how did you know?” She was barely able to form a discernible sound from her dumbfounded mouth. She was still astounded with everything.
“When we had our dinner, the guys and I went outside to deal with some trouble that was brewing with the initiation for our new recruits. After we settled that problem, Kang Min and Jae Won used the opportunity to tell me that there was something about you that I needed to know. They told me that Chae Young informed them that your birthday had passed recently. She was going to set up a belated party for you, but then she thought that I might want to do something special for it. So she had the guys tell me instead.”
Yoori recalled the dinner where Hae Jin and Chae Young pulled her aside and told her about Tae Hyun’s birthday.
Those four…they planned everything…
Tae Hyun went on. “I asked them for the date that passed and I realized that it was the same weekend that we left for the lake house. That whole day, when we were sitting on the dock till a little after midnight, when we were on the boat, when we played the drinking game and when we danced in the gazebo…that was your birthday.” His eyes flashed at the remembrance of their first weekend away. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I…I didn’t remember,” she replied honestly. Then, something clicked in her mind that made her smile. “So the dress and jewelry they got me – ”
“Your birthday gift from them.”
“And dinner yesterday?”
“Our birthday dinner with them.”
“So they all knew?”
Tae Hyun nodded. “Hae Jin and Jae Won were here helping me set up for your gift. And I guess Chae Young and Kang Min were helping you with mine.”
And just like that, Yoori found the air lodged in her chest. She recalled all the other birthdays that never resulted into much of anything. Her birthday had long came and went (and God knows if it was even the right “birthday”), but she couldn’t help but smile as her eyes gleamed with gratitude.
“But today is your day,” she breathed out, feeling incredibly emotional. Her friends and Tae Hyun were taking her breath away. It was something so simple. A birthday. Something so simple and it was making her emotional.
“You think I would make a big deal out of this day if I wasn’t celebrating your birthday too?” He laughed. “To be honest, I’ve never been a big fan of my own birthday. It’ll be nice to take the spotlight off me and give it to my girlfriend instead.”
“BFF,” Yoori corrected out of habit. She wanted to smack herself thereafter. It was extremely annoying. Yet, it was the only thing she could use to protect herself from her feelings.
“Maybe it’s time you read between the lines when you use those words with me,” Tae Hyun said sternly, stroking the bangs away from her eyes just after a puff of wind darted through them. He smiled, gazing back at the two cakes staring at them. “Should we put candles on the cakes?”
Yoori bobbed her head, still feeling dazed. She reached into the pocket of her pants and took out a package of multicolored candles and a lighter. When she pulled it out, she saw that Tae Hyun had the same package of candles. He also had the same red colored lighter.
“It’s too windy,” he complained, having trouble getting the candles to stay lit. The harsh wind continued to ripple around them.
“Yeah,” Yoori agreed, flinching when the fire from her candles burned her slightly before flickering into oblivion.
“You know what this means, right?” Tae Hyun asked coyly, staring at her and then at the table. He was still standing beside it and by the show of things, he wasn’t planning on jumping back on.
Yoori grinned knowingly. She blew out the rest of the flickering candles.
Delicately placing his hands on her hips, he helped her jump down. After Yoori landed on her feet, both reached out with their lighters in hand and picked up their respective cakes.
“Duck kickers first,” Tae Hyun offered, motioning to the area underneath the table.
“Duck lovers first,” Yoori counter offered.
“Did you get attacked by another duck today? You know I’m not going in until you go in first. So hurry up. My ass is freezing right now.”
“You sure know how to do bed talk, don’t you?”
“You know it, baby. Now get your pretty little butt in there.”
“Don’t stare at anything,” Yoori warned, bending her knees and pushing the cake in before she crawled in under the table too.
“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he replied, tilting his head and shamelessly staring at her butt. If the look on his face was any indication, he loved what he saw.
Fully situating herself underneath the table, Yoori waited eagerly as Tae Hyun lowered himself, pushed his cake in, and slid underneath the table. He started lighting the candles to the cakes.
As she sat with the icicle lights hanging off the table and hovering all around them, Yoori didn’t feel the cold. The candles from the cake warmed her under the secluded shelter. It was a beautiful feeling. She felt like she was in another world.
“Okay, you ready?” Yoori asked after she was done helping light the candles.
24 candles for Tae Hyun and 24 candles for her.
“I was just waiting for you, slowpoke.”
“Should we sing?”
“Please don’t make me,” Tae Hyun begged, his voice mirroring that of a little kid’s.
Yoori laughed at the child-like innocence exuding out of him when he said that. How adorable!
“Okay, fine.” She raised his cake up instead. “Should we just blow the candles at the same time then?”
He nodded, relieved that they didn’t have to sing.
“What’s your one wish tonight, Yoori?” Tae Hyun asked when he held her cake higher.
“What’s your one wish tonight, Tae Hyun?” she replied, holding his cake higher. “Wait, wait,” she cried. “We can’t tell each other or else it won’t come true.”
“Fine,” Tae Hyun said with amusement. “At the count of three then…” he instructed, watching as Yoori nodded in agreement.
“One…”
“Two…”
“Three…”
48 strings of smoke sashayed and dissolved under the weight of the wind as Yoori and Tae Hyun settled their cakes before them. Streams of smoke waltzed around the icicle lights and filtered into the air. Then, it was unexpectedly ripped apart by white particles that had begun to descend from the dark winter sky above.
Snow.
Finally snow.
Extending her right palm into the outer vicinity that surrounded the rectangular table, Yoori collected pieces of snowflakes that started melting over the heat of her skin. Compelled to do something her drunken self wasn’t sober enough to do the other night, Yoori took off her black boots and then unzipped her black hoodie.
“Choi Yoori!” Tae Hyun shouted after Yoori tossed her boots and jacket in one corner. “What the hell are you doing?”
Only dressed in her black camisole tank top and her lounge pants, Yoori smiled wickedly at Tae Hyun. She slid herself out from the table. She threw herself under the grandeur of the icy night.
For as long as she could remember, she had always loved snow. It was a strange habit of hers to run outside and just prance in the wintriness of the night, basking under the touch of the snow as it kissed her bare shoulders and danced underneath her bare feet. Yoori didn’t get to enforce this habit the other night, when the first snow of winter fell while she was with Tae Hyun at the park. She was drunk and occupied, but she promised herself she wouldn’t let this moment pass again.
She stood in the center of the balco
ny and inclined her head. Yoori closed her eyes and felt her body relax as the snow touched every uncovered area of her skin, leaving her to feel not only the chills, but also a sense of renewal. The ice melted on her, fulfilling her need to be cleansed under the care of nature.
“Did you drink tonight without telling me?” Tae Hyun’s voice swam over her like a tidal wave, drawing her out of her serene state.
She lowered her head and opened her eyes. She smiled at Tae Hyun, who had his arms folded before his chest. He was staring oddly at her.
“Take off your hoodie,” Yoori commanded, wanting Tae Hyun to enjoy the same serene splendor she felt.
“What am I, your personal stripper?”
“Just do it. You were willing the other night,” Yoori reminded, though she wanted to say, “Yes, yes! Be my personal stripper!”
“Can I hold you if I take it off?” he negotiated with charm. He drew toward her, his eyes speaking of nothing but desire for her. “I haven’t seen you all day and I’ve missed you. I’ve been good and held off my charms until now. It also doesn’t help that you’re not wearing a jacket and it’s cold out. My first instinct is to hold you and keep you warm.”
“And here I thought your seductive charms were over for the time being.”
“It was over,” he said slickly. “But now it’s alive and well again.”
If only it was as simple for her to give in. If it were that easy, she would’ve already jumped into his arms. Yoori resisted the impulse to do so when the fog of recent events milled around the fortress of her heart. She would like nothing more than to forget everything. Despite this desire, she couldn’t ignore all the fears that continued to tread through her. No matter how wonderful this night had been, she couldn’t allow herself to get lost in it completely.
“You can take it off or you don’t have to,” Yoori said impatiently, though she secretly hoped that he would just take the hoodie off. She wanted him to enjoy this with her. “I don’t care.”
“Prude,” he complained under his breath. He was already ripping the hoodie off his shoulders and tossing it onto the table. He drew closer to Yoori, stood beside her, closed his eyes and awkwardly lifted his head up to meet the skies.
Yoori realized what a mistake it was to offer him the opportunity to enjoy this with her. If she were smart, then she wouldn’t have offered him this moment, only because seeing him in the black muscled shirt, the fabric of which wrapped snugly around his upper body, more than enticed her eyes. The sight of him standing there while the snow caressed his skin tempted her. It made her want to do the same. It was evident that he found no enjoyment (or peacefulness) in standing barefooted with no jacket, freezing his ass off. He only did it for her and by God, he couldn’t have looked more adorable doing it.
“Close your eyes,” Tae Hyun said suddenly, turning around to face her.
Using all her strength to not flinch at the fact he caught her staring at him, she said, “Why should I do what you tell me?”
“Because I’m still your boss and I want to take advantage of you.”
Yoori wanted to snort at his incriminating reply. “You know this can be considered sexual harassment, right?”
“I didn’t hear you say ‘no’ to the sexual advances the other night.”
Under any other circumstances, Yoori would’ve put up a fight and objected just because she was used to objecting to Tae Hyun. But because he got her with his statement, she merely blushed and closed her eyes. She was too bashful to look at him after the reminder of the “sexual advances” the other night.
“You’re not going to strip down to only your towel again, are you?” Yoori asked with humor and a hint of hope. She was such a pervert for him, but she accepted this long ago. She concluded that she wouldn’t be too healthy if she weren’t like this for him. No woman would be able to resist him.
“Me? Strip for you in the snow?” There was interest in his voice. “Is that one of your fantasies, Yoori?”
“You’re so hot, I bet you’d melt all this snow into rain as soon as you take off your clothes.” The words came out of her laughing mouth too quickly, but it made her giggle like no other. The same effect wasn’t lost on the one she addressed it to.
“You’re lucky you’re a cute one.” Tae Hyun laughed. “Because you would not get any action with those sucky pick up lines of yours.” He sighed and then moved forward with his intentions. She could feel the anticipation in his voice. “This will only take a couple of seconds…”
"Oka –"
His warm lips pressed against hers, holding prisoner a snowflake that fell between their lips. Yoori stilled at the unexpected kiss.
“Just enjoy this with me.” She heard him whisper before he pulled her closer to him.
The snow melted onto her lips and caressed over her as Tae Hyun pressed deeper, his hands framing her warm cheeks and trapping more snow between the heat of their yearning bodies. Yoori was ready to wrap her arms around him when Tae Hyun abruptly pulled away from the kiss.
He pressed his forehead against hers. His eyes mirrored hers. It teemed with suppressed longing and need.
“Dance with me?” he asked, his hands already finding a comfortable hold on her hips.
“There’s no music though,” she noted quietly. Despite this observation, she wrapped her arms around his neck anyway.
“It doesn’t matter,” Tae Hyun assured. “I don’t need music. I don’t need anything to dance with you. I just need you.”
Warmth rolled over her. How could she say no to that?
“Okay,” she uttered. She followed Tae Hyun’s lead and began to move with the rhythm of the falling snow.
Silence surrounded them and they moved like petals to the wind. There was no music. There was just the whispers of the wind, the company of the cold, and the innocence of the snow dancing all around them.
“I’ve missed you,” he whispered simply. He kissed the top of her head, holding onto her tightly. Snow continued to frost over them. She knew he was talking about not seeing her today and not seeing her for all those days where he was too preoccupied with Serpents business.
“I’ve missed you too,” Yoori replied, unable to hide her feelings with a witty comeback. All she had as they danced under the cloak of the night’s snow was honesty. “I’ve missed you a lot.”
The snow spilled over them, caressing their skins, melting on them and sheltering them from the wind that lingered in the night. It should’ve been cold, but Yoori felt none of it. She was numb. All she felt was Tae Hyun. She was lost, lost in the spell of Wonderland.
Framing his cold hand over her cheek, Tae Hyun made sure their eyes met before he said, “I don’t want to go through another day wondering where we’re at in our relationship. I want to settle this and I want to settle this tonight.”
There was so much determination in his voice, so much determination and hope that it tortured Yoori. His words were like knives that cut her out of her bliss.
Fear returned to her with full force.
“I’m not ready to settle it tonight – if ever,” she admitted, hating that she was so afraid of what was coming. There were so many reasons why she was afraid, so many reasons why they would never work out together.
“Why are you so afraid?” he asked, stroking her cheek with his fingers. His eyes pleaded for her answer.
“Because I am,” she whispered, feeling so numb that she didn’t even feel the sting of cold beneath her heels.
“Why?” he persisted, standing in his place.
It took her awhile to realize that they had stopped dancing. She was now avoiding his gaze. “There are so many reasons.”
“Tell me.”
She shook her head while backing away from him. She was still determined not to answer.
“Yoori,” he said sternly, stepping forward to reach out to her.
Unable to hold back any longer, she said, “I’m afraid of you.”
Tae Hyun stopped inches away from her. His eyes
flashed with confusion. “Me?” He was stunned with her answer. “Out of all the answers you could’ve given me, you say that you’re afraid of me of all things? Do you really think I would hurt you?”
Yoori shook her head. Her heart was clenching like fists at the pain in his voice. “It’s not a question of whether or not you would hurt me. The only thing that matters is that you have the power to.”
The liveliness of the wintery night had since dimmed as they finally journeyed onto a topic that agonized Yoori to talk about. The candles had burned out from the wind, the icicle lights had dimmed under the cloak of snow and the city lights had flickered away in the distance. It was a silly thought, but Yoori could’ve also sworn she saw the stars above diffuse in its vibrancy. It was as though they were watching her and Tae Hyun with pity in their eyes. It felt like the whole world was watching them with nothing but sympathy in its silence.
“I forgave you for leaving me that night,” she began faintly, using all her efforts to keep her voice steady. She couldn’t allow her voice to break. “I forgave you, but I’ll never forget what happened. I know that you never actually left me that night...but when I thought that you did, I waited for you. I counted down the minutes and I waited for you. I waited until the tears started to soak my eyes. I waited until my heart began to rip itself apart. I waited until I became one of those girls…one of those girls who was sitting beside a wall…crying over a guy.”
She went on as the sting of fear circled around her. Her chest had tightened in such agony that she wondered how she could stand for so long without keeling over.
Throughout her ordeal, Tae Hyun remained silent, attentive. Although he said nothing, she could sense his anguish all the same.
“I’ve always been spineless; I always run away from things. I may be a coward, but I never cry. I never cry…yet that was all I did that night. You broke me. You mean so much more to me than I’ll ever want to admit. You left me then…but you came back. But what about next time? What about next time when you leave…and you don’t come back?”