“Mom, would never.”
Charles put his hand up. “Let me worry about mom.” He assured her. “I want to meet him, though I have to say the first impression was not that great.”
Ice nodded and smiled. “Okay.” she looked down shyly.
“Are you two intimate?”
“Dad!” Ice blushed furiously and covered her face. “Oh my God.”
Charles chuckled. “You said you weren’t a kid anymore. I want you to be safe. To be smart. Don’t let anybody force you to---
They turned their heads to the commotion heard from outside her door.
“What in heaven’s name?” Charles said.
“What’s going on?” Ice got up and held on to her desk still feeling a little dizzy.
Her father and her shared a look of confusion before they both headed to the door.
Ice took deep breaths as she felt her world spin. Her father rushed out and downstairs. She tried to follow as quickly as she could.
“I said she’s sleeping, she needs her rest.” Melissa said firmly to somebody on the other side of the door.
“Peyton.” Ice whispered running down the stairs.
“No disrespect ma’am, but I’m not leaving till I see her.” He said firmly.
“This is the second time. Do you need me to put a restraining order on you against my daughter?” Melissa asked.
“I’m not leaving.”
“Melissa. Melissa.” Charles said putting his hands on his wife’s shoulder. She turned around.
“He’s here again.” She accused. “He’s disturbing the----”
“It’s okay.” Charles said straightening up. He looked at Peyton who took a step back from the door.
“I’m sorry, sir, I just---I just wanted to check on Ice.” He said nervously.
Charles nodded. “Okay. She’s coming down. Like we said she’s a bit under the weather.”
“Charles what are you doing?” Melissa demanded angrily. “Don’t let that boy---”
“Ice is up.” Charles cut her off.
She glared at him.
“Let them talk.” He took her arm.
“Peyton.” Ice whispered breathlessly as she side stepped her dad, trying to pull her mother away from the door.
“She should be in bed. You should be in bed. Go back to bed---Charles----Charles she’s not well…”
“I-c-cc-e.” he stammered. “You’re alive.”
She nodded. “Yeah.” She leaned against the door for support. Looking at him, it hit her how much she’d missed him. He looked so tired standing at her front porch with his white v neck shirt and his ripped-up jeans. His hair was in a messy ponytail and it looked like his fingers had raked through them a couple times.
“How are you?” Peyton asked nervously.
“I’m fine. I’m just a little tired and weak but I’m fine.” Ice reassured him.
Peyton looked as though he wanted to say something else. He quickly bent down and picked up a batch of roses she hadn’t seen earlier. He handed them to her.
“Here, I got you some flowers…I don’t know…to make you feel better or something…” He said.
Ice looked at the flowers. “Thank you.” She took them. “But…I don’t really like flowers.”
Peyton snatched them from her hand and threw them behind him. “Fuck the flowers, I don’t care for them either…I mean they stink…don’t know why people bother to get them.” She’d never seen him look so unsure of himself.
Ice looked down at the ground. She didn’t know what to say. “I appreciate the act.” She said kindly.
Peyton looked more hurt by what she said. “I-I-I---I was just so worried about you…you know…I haven’t seen you in like 5 days…and you don’t answer my calls.”
“I couldn’t find my phone.” Ice said. “And most of the time, I’ve been sleeping, and dreaming…and thinking.”
“About?” He asked nervously.
Ice shrugged. “Life…me…my family…you…us…my …past.”
“And?” His grey eyes looked worried.
Ice looked down and back up at him. “I’m still thinking…still figuring stuff out. Nothing makes sense
Peyton ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “What does that mean Ice?”
Ice held the side of the door. “It means I need time…it means I can’t…there’s some stuff I need to work out about myself. About my family…I just…I don’t understand…” She shook her head in confusion. She sighed tiredly. “I don’t even know….” She trailed off. She wanted to say she didn’t know what was real or fake in her memories.
Peyton took a step forward. “What am I doing wrong?” He pleaded.
“What?” Ice looked up startled. “Nothing.” She tried to reassure him. “It’s not you, it’s me…my family---"
“Fuck.” Peyton put his hands on his head and turned to face the street. “Fuck.” He slid his hands down his face. “Oh fuck.”
“Peyton…What’s wrong…”
Peyton rubbed his face. “Shit.” He turned back to look at her in defeat.
“Peyton---"
“You’re leaving me.” He stated cutting her off.
“I’m not leaving you.” Ice gasped.
“It’s because of everything I told you in the library.” He whispered, his voice shaking.
Ice reached out to grab his hand. “No, no, no not at all. Peyton stop, listen to me.”
“Shit.” He said softly, looking as if he was in immense pain. He looked down at her holding his hand.
“Peyton whatever’s going on now, it’s about my family. My past. It’s not about what you told me in the library.” She whispered feverently squeezing his hand. She looked behind her but didn’t see anybody in her hallway. She didn’t want to let go of the door because she was still using it as support for her weak body. “I think my mom’s making me si----
Peyton put his arms around her and held her tight. “Ice…” he said scruffily. He grabbed her face, he kissed her hard. His lips moving against hers desperately.
She was surprised but kissed him back.
Peyton pulled away, breaking the kiss he initiated. He opened his mouth to talk and then shut it. “You didn’t call, text or anything….” He stammered. “I told you so much about me. Things I’ve never told anybody before. Things I haven’t even told my mom.” He whispered passionately.
“I know….”
“And then you just disappear…. you just get sick? Just like that? You don’t even…. you don’t even say…”
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you.” Ice pleaded. “I think it’s Melissa…I don’t….”
“It’s not Melissa.” Peyton cut her off. “It’s you. It’s you not wanting to be with me.”
Ice stepped out of his hold in shock.
“After everything I told you, it’s too much. You want to leave me.”
“Peyton!” Ice said angrily. “I told you about me too.”
He paced in front of her shaking his head. “You’re leaving me. You’re abandoning me just like everybody else. I knew you----fucking hell!”
“You’re jumping to conclusions! Can you calm---”
“You were too good to be true.” Peyton continued, his eyes red and filled with tears. “Just be fucking honest with me!”
“Stop it!”
“Be fucking honest Ice! Admit it! My baggage is too much! I scared you off---"
“Why won’t you let me talk!” Ice demanded, her body feeling hot and weaker than earlier. “I was sick Peyton.”
He scoffed. “You were sick. You were sick after I fucking spilled my heart out to you.”
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This wasn’t going to work. He was already upset. He already made up his mind. He wasn’t listening. Peyton Stone never listened. They would go back and forth right now, and she had no energy. “Look, just wait---"
Peyton looked at the ground, and then at the sky. He exhaled deeply. “Wait?” He questioned. “I�
�m supposed to just sit around and wait like your little bitch until you decide whether or not I’m worth it?”
Hot tears fell down Ice’s face, her head was pounding as she stared at her frantic boyfriend. He was scared, what was he scared of? How had she never noticed his insecurities. It must have all came out from their conversation in the library. It had been a lot. They had said a lot. About their past, about themselves. She didn’t even have the strength to continue talking this out with him. She was seeing two of him right now. She was gripping the door again for dear life. Her body shaking.
Ice swallowed hard, a tear dropped down her cheek as she closed her eyes. “Peyton today is not a good day to talk about this. I don’t feel well. I need time to reco---"
“Fine take all the fucking time you want then.” Peyton said pacing around nervously. “I don’t fucking care. I don’t give a fuck what you do, or if you don’t want to be with me---“His voice broke at the end.
“Peyton please….”
Peyton ran his hands over his face and shook his head. “You’re just like him…” He whispered as he looked at her in disgust. “I should’ve known this was too good to be true…I should’ve known you were too good to be true. I trusted you.”
“Stop it! Leave before you say something you’ll regret.” She pleaded wavering slightly.
“What regret?” He asked haughtily. “I don’t need you.” Peyton said his voice shaking.
“Fine.” Ice said stepping inside and slamming the door in Peyton Joseph Smith’s face. She gasped and dropped down to the floor, her body giving up on her.
“Fuck you!” She heard Peyton through the door. “I don’t fucking need you Ice! Fuck you.”
“And that’s the kind of guy you want to be with?” Melissa asked as she stared at Ice.
Ice’s body shook as she got on her hands and knees. She heaved and vomited whatever was left in her stomach. Her hand came over her mouth to stop herself, but she couldn’t.
“There, there….” Melissa crooned as she knelt by her daughter.
“Stop it.” Ice pleaded. “Please stop…” she cried. Her head hung low.
“I haven’t done anything sweetheart.” Melissa whispered, wiping Ice’s forehead. “I haven’t done anything.” She smoothed her daughter’s hair gently.
Ice closed her eyes. Cold sweat dripping down her forehead. “I want to get better.” She whispered.
“You want to get better?” Melissa repeated.
Ice cried and nodded.
“You want to leave me?”
Ice shook her head.
“You want to go to California?”
Her daughter’s shoulders shook as she cried. “No…no, I don’t.” She responded.
“Good. Good.” Melissa grabbed Ice’s weak body and pulled her into a tight hug. “That’s a good girl. Momma will take care of you. I’ll take care of you. Make you all better. You just have to behave Iceria. You have to listen. It’s for your own good.”
Ice cried harder against her mother’s chest.
“I won’t let you be like her.” Melissa swore softly.
**
(Peyton)
“What are you doing out here?” Cheryl asked as she walked up the porch with a big paper bag of groceries.
Peyton groaned and took out the cigarette from between his lips. He closed his eyes and pressed his palms to them. “Fuck.” He whispered before dropping his arms and looking up at his mom with bloodshot eyes.
“Pey?” Cheryl shifted as she stared down at her teenage son.
He offered up a weak sad smile. “You know how you say when I get scared and nervous, I blow everything out of proportion?” He whispered.
Cheryl sighed and hugged the bag to her chest.
Peyton sighed. “I left Ice’s house like 20 minutes ago. I uh…. I calmed down…” He shakily brought the cigarette to his lips and took a deep drag before exhaling. “I fucked up.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. He brought the heel of his palms against his eyes again and rested his elbows on his knees. “I got scared she wanted to leave me, and I fucked up.”
Cheryl sighed louder. “I tell you over and over again, think before you talk. Listen before you talk.” She shook her head and walked past her son. “Just like your father.” She mumbled and opened the front door. “Come help me with these groceries and you figure out a way to apologize.”
Peyton took a quick drag of his cigarette before putting it out and stood up.
Cheryl whirled around with teary eyes and hit her son’s arm. Peyton stared at her and she stared back. The tears she was trying to hold back rolled down her cheeks. She opened her mouth, but her bottom lip shook. She reached out and cupped the back of his neck and Peyton lowered his head to her touch. “Your father didn’t abandon…..”
Peyton closed his eyes.
His mother took a deep breath and couldn’t finish what she wanted to say. She turned around and went inside the house.
Abandonment
Ice opened her eyes and looked around her room. The clock read six in the morning. She groaned as she sat up and reached for her cellphone. She probably wasn’t going to make it to school today, but she was already feeling better. She’ll go to school tomorrow. A week? A week of not being in school.
She settled against her pillow and clicked for her voicemail. Peyton had left her messages before he’d shown up to her house yesterday and lost his mind. After listening to the messages, she knew why he’d reacted the way he did.
There was a lot of explaining and talking to be had.
She held the phone to her ear with a small smile to listen to his voice again.
“Hey, hope you’re feeling better.”
“Ummm…I guess you’re still sleeping…I came last night after you didn’t pick up the phone but…shit…ummm sleep tight and I’ll talk to you later.”
“Hey…I have a question to ask you…would you go…umm never mind, what the fuck am I thinking asking you over the phone? Okay I miss you. Bye.”
“Okay I don’t want to seem like I’m nagging…shit. Okay call me when you get this. Let me know if you need me to get you anything.”
“Ice can you call me back?”
“Hey, do you like flowers? Any flowers?”
“Okay fuck, I’m nagging…I just…what are you doing? I mean I know you’re sick…but I’m fucking dying over here…I miss you…I haven’t heard your voice in so long.”
“Hey…I came tonight again…I’ll try to come tomorrow morning before school? Do you need anything…I don’t know…I don’t…Are you avoiding me? Are you gonna leave me? Look, I know I did a lot of shit before, but I’m not like that anymore you know. I’m not…I mean I’m not perfect but…I don’t want to lose you…I don’t want you to look at me differently…I don’t want you to leave me okay…I love you. I promise I’m trying so hard not to fuck up Ice…I’m not going back to that…I just…I know I’m sounding like some whiney little bitch…but I…you mean a lot to me and…okay I’ll just hang up before I embarrass myself further. I’m probably overreacting…I just… even sick…I would like to see you or hear your voice…. I guess that’s all I’m asking”
“I love you… that’s all I wanted to say.”
That was the last voicemail he’d left before showing up at her place yesterday. She checked her phone again. No calls or messages from him since then.
Why would he be scared that she would leave him? Seriously wasn’t he in the library with her? Didn’t he hear what she had to say? She shook her head and smiled. Who knew Peyton Stone was so full on insecurities? And she couldn’t deny that made her feel a tadbit happy. That he would worry so much about her leaving him. She grinned. She yawned and surprised herself. Her body was still recovering that was for sure.
Speaking of recovering.
Ice hugged herself. She was more scared of Melissa than she’d ever been before. How had she done it? When? She needed out. she needed to get out. No more. She couldn’t do this anymore. Her moth
er had her throwing up her guts only to prove a point about control and power and making sure Ice knew she was nothing without her.
Ice shook her head.
Enough was enough.
It might have worked before, but not this time.
She was leaving and getting as far away from her psychotic mother as she could.
**
(Ice)
Ice opened her eyes to the intense sun shining through her window. Her head turned to her alarm clock. It was four in the afternoon. She’d slept for more than 24 hours? She got up and stretched lazily. “OH GOD.” She moaned in satisfaction. She felt great. She felt like a new person. Her body wasn’t hurting anymore. There were no cold sweats, drenched clothes, vomiting.
Ice: Part I Page 32