by Scot Gardner
‘Are you going to meet up with your boyfriend?’ Chooka asked.
I laughed, but I had an instant gut-freeze. ‘Boyfriend? What boyfriend?’
‘Dad said you were dancing with Nathaniel Carrington at the Show.’
‘Ha! Dancing together doesn’t mean we’re . . . going out or anything. What else did Dad tell you?’
He shrugged. ‘Nothing much.’
‘He said you were dancing like a couple,’ Naomi sang. ‘Like a couple! He’s your boyfriend, don’t try and deny it.’
‘He’s not my boyfriend.’
‘And you went next door to make hay,’ Chooka said.
‘So? They needed help. Mr Carrington has hurt his leg. I was just . . .’
‘You’re such a liar, Avvie. Tell us what you like, but we know the truth,’ Naomi said, and I wanted to slap my hand over her mouth.
‘Shut it!’ Katie barked. ‘Leave her alone. It’s none of your business.’
‘Whooo,’ Naomi said.
Katie grabbed her by the hand and dragged her squealing to the water’s edge. Naomi put up a token struggle but she was laughing too hard to do much. Katie tried to sling her in but she slipped on the mud and they both went down together in a squelching, splashing, giggling heap.
Hoppy got up to leave as I entered the kitchen. There was nothing subtle or coincidental about the way he left – he just stood up, grabbed his hat and slid past us without saying a word. I’m not sure why I went after him, but I did. I think the little kids had something to do with it. Their teasing meant my secret wasn’t really a secret any more. Everybody knew and everybody was cool with it – except Hoppy.
‘Hoppy?’
‘What?’ he grunted, but he didn’t stop walking.
‘I . . . I’m sorry.’
He huffed a little sarcastic laugh. ‘You will be,’ he said.
‘Don’t be like that.’
He turned. ‘Don’t be like what? What do you expect me to do? Jump up and down and get excited because you’re in love with the one scumbag in the whole world who’s guaranteed to mess up your life? Of all the rotten scabs on the planet, you choose that one.’ He shook his head. ‘I don’t even know who you are.’ He turned on his heel and stumped off to the shed.
I couldn’t eat. I lay on my bed and cried. I wet my pillow with my sweat and tears and honked my way through half a box of tissues. Everyone left me alone, or maybe there was nothing they could do. I could hear them banging, laughing and flushing the toilet. My window was wide open and the air that made its way inside was as warm as my breath. Katie came in a couple of times but she just rubbed my back and didn’t say a word. At ten o’clock she came in again and stroked my hair until it felt a bit weird, strange enough for me to roll on my back and look at her face. It wasn’t Katie I saw; it was Mum.
She offered a sad smile. ‘Oh, Avvie, I wish there was something I could do.’
I bit my lip and rubbed at my eyes. I rolled on my side again and stared at the wall.
‘You know what he’s like,’ she said. ‘He’ll come around eventually.’
‘Will he?’
‘Of course he will. He hates them with a passion but he loves you more than that.’
‘He said he doesn’t know who I am.’
‘Did he really?’
She sat there for a minute then got up sharply.
‘Don’t, Mum,’ I said.
‘What?’
‘Just leave him alone.’
‘He’s being stupid. You’re not Juliet and Romeo. We’re not at war with the neighbours, even though he’d like to think we were. You’re not a traitor, sweetheart. You can go wherever you want, with whoever you want. He’ll have to get over himself one day.’
She patted my shoulder and closed the door quietly as she left.
The house was quiet for a long time after that. My ears were straining but I couldn’t hear the TV or anything. Not a voice. I was holding my breath, my heart a distant bass drumbeat, when a single word cut through.
‘Enough!’ Hoppy shouted.
Glass smashed. A door slammed. The ute revved hard and hawked at the gravel on the drive. Inside, a little bit more of me died.
CHAPTER 20
I thought I’d never sleep again, but I did. Sleep has a way of finding me, of sliding between my random ugly thoughts and covering me with its blanket of nothing. When I don’t dream stupid dreams, it’s my reset button. I woke in the milky light of a new day and Mum and Dad and Nan were already up.
Hoppy hadn’t come home, but nobody seemed surprised.
‘Probably parked out by the dam and fell asleep,’ Nan suggested. ‘Bet he was eaten alive by mosquitoes. Serve the old grump right.’
Dad saw the look on my face and put his cup of tea down so he could hug me. ‘He will calm down, love, we just have to give him some time. There are years and years of aggro stored in him. I reckon it’ll take a while to dig through that lot, but he will.’
Katie appeared in the kitchen, puffy-eyed and crazy-haired. She stretched and yawned. ‘Morning.’
‘Good morning, Katie,’ Mum said. ‘You’re up early. Did you wet the bed?’
‘What? No! It’s just that Avvie and I talked about going camping today. I didn’t know if she still wanted to and I thought she might go without me and I really . . . I’m hungry.’
We all laughed.
‘I’m still here,’ I said. I hugged her and she patted my head as if I was a puppy.
‘So, are we going camping or what?’ she asked.
It was my turn to pat her head. ‘All in good time, Katie.’
I wondered if the others could see the devil behind that smile.
Hoppy did eventually make it home again. Katie and I were almost ready to leave when he turned up. We had the swags strapped on behind the saddles and two shopping bags each, filled with camping gear, like chocolate and apples and Katie’s iPod and more chocolate. Hoppy looked to the yards where we were and quickly looked away.
Katie raised her eyebrows. ‘He’s in a good mood this morning. Do you want to trot over and say hi?’
I considered it for a few seconds but the memory of that ‘I don’t know who you are’ came stomping back.
‘Let’s go,’ I said.
We rode past the front of the house and yelled our goodbyes. Mum came to the kitchen window, Chooka and Naomi scrambled out the back door.
‘Why can’t we come too?’ Chooka wailed.
‘They’re trying to get away from you guys, Chooka,’ Mum growled. ‘Can’t you take a hint?’
Chooka pretended to cry. ‘Nobody loves us, Nam. Let’s get out of here.’
Naomi crossed her arms and looked down her nose at us. They both huffed and strutted back inside.
‘Watch out for Joe Blakes,’ Mum said. ‘And no fighting each other.’
Katie laughed. ‘We won’t.’
‘Which direction are you going?’ Mum asked.
‘Oh, probably out towards the creek,’ I said.
I kept a smile on my face as we headed for the gate but I was glad no one could hear me breathing. I sounded as though I’d sprinted ten kilometres. My heart was galloping along. I wasn’t strictly lying but I wasn’t telling Mum everything, either. We were getting away from the little kids. We were taking advantage of the good weather to get out in the country and lie down under the stars. The only detail we’d omitted was that there were two guys out there somewhere, waiting for us.
‘Who is Joe Blakes? Did you tell your mum what was really going on tonight?’ Katie asked.
‘Not exactly,’ I said. ‘Joe Blake is rhyming slang for snake.’
She chuckled. ‘That makes sense. I thought maybe he was a child sex offender or something and your mum was making sure we stayed away from the paddock where he lives.’
‘Your head works in mysterious ways, girl.’
‘Tell me about it,’ she groaned.
The sun had set but the sky was still bright when we made it to the boundary.
We took the bridles and saddles off the horses and let them graze. We piled all our gear beside an old rivergum and silently followed the creek to the Carringtons’ fence.
‘Where are they?’ Katie whispered, her breath all sweet and chocolatey.
‘Where’s mine?’ I demanded, and held out my hand.
She grudgingly broke me a line of chocolate and I stuffed the whole thing in my gob at once.
She snickered. ‘Go easy. There’s a limited supply, remember.’
My mouth gummed up and I chomped and slurped aloud.
Katie frowned. ‘I didn’t realise your place had such a problem with feral pigs!’
I swallowed hard. ‘There’s only one.’
I heard an engine. Katie – eyes agog – grabbed my sleeve and did a little dance then dragged me behind a gum.
‘Are you ready for this?’ she whispered.
‘I’m dying here!’
We peered around the tree and watched the four-wheeler pick its way down the bank to a grassy flat beside the creek on the other side of the fence. There only appeared to be one person on the bike but when it stopped I heard voices.
I realised I hadn’t packed toilet paper. I realised I’d had my hat on all day and would certainly have hat hair. I realised that without Katie, I would have been running by now – running for the horse and galloping wee-wee-wee-wee all the way home.
Katie stepped out from behind the tree. ‘Hi!’ she bellowed.
‘Katie!’ I whispered, but it was too late.
‘Hello, neighbour!’ Nathaniel replied.
I jogged to catch up and we all met at the fence. I hid behind Katie but she moved to the side and left me stranded, hanging there in full view of the boys on the other side of the wire.
We stood there awkward and speechless for three of the longest seconds of my life, checking each other out. Jacob was certainly as handsome as Nathaniel – but he was pint-sized like a jockey. The top of his head came up to Nathaniel’s armpit. He looked as though he’d been built with the same attention to detail that Nathaniel had but he was the extra-small to Nathaniel’s large.
‘Oh, sorry,’ Nathaniel said. ‘Katie, Avril, this is my mate Jacob. Jake meet Avril and Katie.’
Jacob had a killer smile. Even with my attention so wrapped around the guy next to him, I could still sense his smile. He reached through the fence and Katie shook his hand. I followed suit. It was a warm, full-handed country shake. His cuff button got caught on the wire and the twang it made as he pulled free made us laugh.
‘Where’s your stuff?’ Nathaniel asked. ‘Are you staying?’
‘Yeah!’ Katie said.
Not Well, we might, or even If it’s okay with you guys, just Yeah! I’d forgotten the toilet paper and I’d also forgotten to tape Katie’s mouth shut. Nathaniel and Jacob laughed.
‘Cool,’ Jacob said. ‘Where we setting up camp?’
And then the silence got really awkward as we all realised we were about to discuss sleeping arrangements. It was very early in the evening to be considering such things for the first time in my life.
‘There’s already a firepit here,’ Nathaniel said. ‘Plenty of room to roll out the swags on the grass. Have you guys got a tent or what?’
‘Swags,’ I said. My voice squeaked and I coughed to cover it.
‘Reckon you could still sleep if they were on this side of the fence?’ Nathaniel asked.
‘Fine by me,’ I said.
‘Yeah!’ Katie said again.
‘Cool,’ Jacob said, and wandered off to get their gear from the bike.
‘We’ll call that a plan then, hey?’
‘Yeah!’ Katie said, once more, and she took me by the sleeve and dragged me back towards the creek. When we were out of view and earshot, she did a little dance.
‘God, he’s soooo CUTE!’
‘Shhhh!’
She covered her mouth then spoke into her fingers. ‘He’s so little! He’s got the cutest smile and that curly hair and those eyes. My god, did you see his eyes?’
‘Calm down, Katie! You’re drooling.’
She wiped her chin. ‘Sorry, sorry.’
We dropped our gear on the other side of the fence and I scrambled over, using a post as my ladder. Katie tried to climb the fence but got wobbly and bailed out still on our side. Rather than try again she went hunting for a spot to get under. She walked way down towards the creek and got onto all fours. I carried all I could to the place where the boys had dumped their gear and when I turned around again Katie was still lying on the grass.
‘Help!’ came her muffled voice. ‘I’m stuck. Can somebody help me?’
‘I’ll go,’ Jacob said.
He practically sprinted to her rescue.
Nathaniel looked over at me and shook his head. ‘My hero,’ he said.
Jacob offered his hand when Katie was free from the wire. She took it and held on a little longer than she should have.
There was plenty of firewood beneath the trees along the creek; big old rivergum limbs that I knew would burn well into the night. We collected a pile almost as tall as Jacob and the busyness eased my nervous blood pressure. One by one we flopped onto our rolled swags in a semi-circle around Nathaniel and his packet of matches. Soon, a bright, fragrant fire was popping and spitting in the shallow pit. I surrendered to its hypnotic flicker. It was quiet for a few minutes – I could hear the creek and the motorbike engine ticking as it cooled – and I realised when I dragged my eyes from the fire that the others were also lost in its glow. The air was perfectly still and the smoke rose in a lazy column, straight up to a sky that had exploded with stars since I last looked.
‘Whoah,’ Katie said. She was looking at the heavens now, too. ‘This is what I miss most when I go home.’
‘Pretty amazing, hey?’ Nathaniel said.
‘Where’s home?’ Jacob asked.
‘We live in Pentland. Suburb of Melbourne.’
‘Oh yeah. I know Pentland,’ said Jacob.
‘You do?’
‘Yes. I lived with my Dad for a while in Candon.’
Katie laughed. ‘Seriously? Where?’
Jacob began to explain, but then I was distracted by movement beside me.
Nathaniel was sliding his rolled swag closer to mine. I dragged mine across so they touched and we sat next to each other with the barest air gap between us.
‘They seem to have hit it off,’ he whispered.
‘Yes, a little too well if you ask me.’
‘Too well?’
‘He doesn’t know what she’s capable of.’
‘You don’t need to worry about that,’ he breathed.
I huffed a laugh. ‘You don’t know what she’s capable of.’
He looked me right in the eyes. ‘You don’t need to worry about that,’ he mumbled. ‘Trust me.’
I didn’t really have a choice in the matter, anyway. My heart wasn’t banging away in my chest at the thought of Katie with Jacob. If my thought energy had colour, it would only be a trickle of orange snaking away to those guys. It would be a trail of yellow curling into the night sky where my eyes were resting and a raging inferno of gold and silver and purple and red hooked out and around Nathaniel. I could smell him – all warm and salty over my own perfume of horse and sweat and canvas. I wanted to dive into his sweet scent and swim around in there and never come up for any other air.
I looked over and he was smiling at me. ‘What?’ I asked.
‘Thanks,’ he said.
‘For what?’
‘For ignoring my family and their stupid ideas. For being you. For coming out here.’
I shrugged. ‘I should be the one thanking you. Same.’
He nodded. ‘Yes, you Stantons are certainly a weird mob. Not quite as weird as my grandad would have me think but . . .’
‘You haven’t seen anything yet,’ I said. ‘Wait till the moon comes up.’
‘Riiight,’ he chuckled, sliding away from me on his swag.
‘Actua
lly, I’ve changed my mind,’ he said. ‘I’ll take my chances.’ He slid back hard and bumped me sideways. He grabbed my sleeve and sat me up. ‘Though I have to admit I’ll be running if your grandad turns up.’
I remembered how Hoppy had treated him when we’d met at the broken fence. It seemed like years before. As if Nathaniel was a different person. As if I was a different person. The only person who hadn’t changed was Hoppy. It suddenly dawned on me that except for the grandads, and maybe Nathaniel’s mum, the feud had burned itself out. Even Les Junior seemed to have come around.
‘Did you know that my grandmother and your grandmother are best friends?’
He scoffed. ‘No way. What gives you that idea?’
I leaned close. ‘It’s a secret and they’ll kill me if they find out I told you, but I caught them sitting together at the Show.’
‘Sitting? Together? What’s the world coming to when a Carrington can sit next to a Stanton and there is no bloodshed?’
‘I know! How crazy is that?’
He looked down his nose at me. ‘Are you serious?’
I nodded. ‘Your grandmother was there when my father was born.’
‘I’m shocked. Shocked and stunned. I thought they hated each other.’
I shook my head. ‘Big lie to keep the blokes off their backs.’
‘Nah. I can’t believe that. Not for a minute.’
I looked to the sky. ‘Believe what you want. I’m just telling you what I saw with my own eyes. What I felt with my own arms. I hugged her, you know.’
‘Who?’
‘The devil . . . I mean Marilyn. She’s lovely.’
‘That explains why she didn’t shoot you when you turned up in her kitchen the other day. I wondered about that. I thought maybe she’d had a change of heart when I told her that you’d saved my dad’s life.’
In the glow from the fire, his eyes looked serious.
‘I didn’t save anybody.’
He looked to the sky. ‘Believe what you want. I’m just telling you what I saw with my own eyes. What I felt with my own arms.’
I punched his thigh. It wasn’t hard but he made a scene.
‘Settle down over there,’ Katie said. ‘Some of us are trying to have a decent conversation.’
I told her to shut up.
She levelled a finger at me. ‘You watch your lip, young lady, or you’ll feel the heat of my hand again. Okay?’