“I missed you too,” I managed, still in shock.
“I know I can’t make you stay with me,” he said. “But I can beg you not to go.”
He got down on one knee in front of me and that was it; I pinched the bridge of my nose and took a shaky breath.
“Jesse. Don’t you dare start begging me or I’m going to cry. And I fucking hate crying.”
“Okay. Then I’ll just ask. Katie Bloom, will you marry me?”
He’d taken something out of his pocket so smoothly I didn’t even notice until he flipped open the small velvety box. A ring box.
Inside was a plain silver band with one tiny skull etched into it.
“I know it’s not much,” he said. “It was my mom’s. The only thing besides us that my dad left her. And you didn’t seem very keen on diamonds. But if you want something else, I’ll buy you anything you want.”
I looked at it, at him, my vision swimming, and drew a shaky breath.
“It’s perfect.”
Jesse’s eyes shone up at me and he bit his lip a little. Jesus, was he going to cry now?
“You need to know,” he said. “If you say yes, I’m never going to leave you. You don’t have to marry me tomorrow. We can get married whenever you want. I just need to know you’re mine, forever.”
Then I did start to cry.
“I love you, Katie. I know you’ve been through shit. I know it still hurts, and it’s a giant leap of faith for you to trust me. But if I’m what you want—”
“Yes! Yes, Jesse. You’re what I want. You’re everything I want.”
“Then I’m marrying you,” he told me, and he slipped the ring on my finger. It was too big. He slipped it on and off several fingers; the only one it fit was my thumb.
I laughed and wiped tears from my eyes.
“We’ll get it sized,” he said, and kissed the base of my thumb where it met my palm.
I cupped his face. “I don’t want it sized. It’s part of you. Part of your family. I’ll wear it right where it fits, with pride.”
“You’re my family now, Katie,” he said, all choked up.
“Then get up off your knees and kiss me.” I tried to draw him to me, but he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me down to him instead.
We rolled on the floor and I laughed, the tears streaming down my face, tears of ridiculous ecstasy and relief. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him with everything I had in my heart. When he kissed me back, the truth of it burned deep, straight to my soul; it was the first time he’d kissed me when it wasn’t a ruse—or at least, when I knew it wasn’t a ruse.
It was just Jesse. Kissing the woman he was going to marry.
He drew back and scowled at me. “Were you about to break up with me?”
“No,” I said, and kissed his nose. “Couldn’t break up with you. We were never together.”
“That’s true.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “I guess I should ask you out on a date, then.”
“You should.”
“Come to the show tonight,” he said, “and I’ll take you for dinner afterward. Just the two of us.”
“Okay,” I said. “But only because I love you, Jesse Mayes.”
He drew me out onto the roof of the studio, where across the water I could see the arena where Jesse would rock a sold-out crowd tonight. Where his new fiancée would be cheering him on from backstage.
“We may be famous,” he murmured, “but there are still places where no one will find us…”
He kissed me while the sun set over the water, gold and amber and scarlet reflecting off the glass towers of downtown.
“I will always love you, Katie Bloom,” he whispered in my ear.
It was the best thing anyone had ever said to me.
And it was enough to build a dream on.
EPILOGUE
* * *
Jessa
Two months later…
The courier caught me just as I was leaving my apartment in New York.
I was on my way to London for a job; the cab was already waiting at the curb. I signed for the package while the doorman and the driver loaded my things into the trunk. Once I was settled into the backseat and we were on our way to JFK, I tried to relax.
It had been a rough morning.
Dirty had started writing music for the new album, and it wasn’t bad enough my brother had laid an epic guilt trip on me about not being there, several times over, to the point that I’d started avoiding his calls again. I knew he meant well; he always did. But hearing that careful concern in his voice drove me up the wall. He’d been tiptoeing around me ever since Katie came to see me in L.A.. I’d talked to him about her visit, like I’d told her I would; it went well, a lot better than I feared it might, acknowledging the fact that he was worried about me. He’d never really said so out loud, and usually I just pretended it wasn’t happening.
We’d been doing this dance for years.
Talking about it didn’t really change anything, though. He still didn’t understand. I still didn’t want him to.
We still kept doing our little dance.
To make matters worse, his equally well-meaning fiancée had been sending me photos.
It started with snapshots from the band’s jam sessions. Zane rocking out on the mic. Katie pretending to play Dylan’s drum kit. My brother wrapped around his guitar, surrounded by scraps of paper as he worked on new songs.
She had also sent me photos of her and Jesse, hanging out with her dog or her niece and nephew at the beach. Sometimes other people were in the photos, too.
Sometimes I caught a glimpse of Brody and it hurt so bad I couldn’t breathe.
Last night, I could’ve sworn my heart stopped beating.
Katie had sent me a text with a photo taken inside Brody’s house. I recognized the party room; I hadn’t been back there in six years but it was exactly the same. Some of the guys were hanging out on the couch. It was a sweet picture, and I could see why she’d sent it. It was Jesse, Zane, Jude and Brody, the four of them looking exactly like they had so many times when we were kids, relaxed and happy in one another’s company, laughing at some shared joke.
Brody looked so fucking handsome it hurt. With his dark blue eyes and the deep laugh lines at the corners, his brown hair a little messed up and that smile on his face. I hadn’t laid eyes on him in years. Not until Katie’s photos started coming in. I really didn’t need to see him at all, but it wasn’t Katie’s fault.
She didn’t know.
I knew better, but somehow I’d let myself slip. Instead of deleting the photo like I should have, I kept it. I must’ve looked at it a hundred times last night, studying the haunting lines of his face.
God, he looked so happy.
And messed up as I was, I couldn’t even begin to process how I felt about that.
I’d attempted to process it with several cocktails, and when that didn’t work, I’d gone to a party with some friends, and woken up this morning in an apartment in Williamsburg with some hipster I could hardly remember hooking up with last night. I’d slipped out before he woke up, and on my way home, he’d texted me.
Not my one-night stand. Brody.
It was a shock to my hungover system. Not that he never messaged me, but it had been a long time. Seeing his name and number in my messaging app, I felt dirty and twisted and alone. I thought about deleting it; deleting him. Completely blocking him from ever contacting me again.
As if I could wipe what happened off the face of the Earth.
Thinking about you.
That was all he said. But Brody always managed to say just the thing to blow my life wide open.
I stared out the cab window, not really seeing a thing but his smiling face in that photo. I closed my eyes and he was there, awaiting me in the dark. I couldn’t seem to erase him from my thoughts, but I knew I couldn’t let myself backslide like this.
I started to get my phone out of my purse to delete the text and the photo, when the
corner of the courier package caught my eye.
I’d almost forgotten about it.
I dug it out from under my purse. It was a smallish envelope, one of those stiff ones that documents came in. I noted the sender’s name and address with a small smile. It was from Katie, but the address was my brother’s. Had they moved in together?
She’d said they were moving in together next month, but I knew my brother was anxious to move her out of her “slum”—his word—and into his place. Katie had been taking her time packing her things and making the arrangements, and didn’t seem to want to rush things. I knew all of this because Katie had been really sweet about keeping in touch with me, via email and text, even when I didn’t always write her back.
Guilt gnawed at my stomach and I made a little vow to make more of an effort there. I also made a mental note to send them a housewarming gift, something cool and thoughtful from London.
I slit the courier envelope open, just hoping it wasn’t photos… and because I was my own worst enemy, kind of hoping it was.
A small white envelope slipped out, embossed with a simple music note pattern.
My breath caught as I picked it up.
At a glance, it was obvious what it was. It said Jessa Mayes on it, in what I assumed was Katie’s careful, pretty handwriting, a little heart drawn next to my name. I reminded myself to breathe and told myself to get a grip even as my heart thudded in my chest. I’d known this was happening for a while now. Katie and Jesse had called me together on Skype to tell me about the engagement.
But now it was getting real.
I turned the envelope over; it was sealed with a small silver sticker in the shape of an electric guitar. I smiled again, tears pricking my eyes, overcome with joy and a terrible, heartrending dread all at once. My fingers shook a little as I opened the envelope and pulled out the card inside.
This was all happening so fast.
And not that I didn’t wish my brother every happiness and a long, loving marriage to an amazing girl like Katie, but in reality I hadn’t expected him to find the right girl so suddenly. In theory, I’d had six years to prepare for this eventuality.
In reality, I wasn’t prepared at all.
I opened the little card, which requested my presence at the wedding of Katherine Anne Bloom and Jesse Anderson Mayes, and I shuddered with the force of withholding my tears.
God, I was so incredibly happy for them.
And so shit-scared for me.
Katie had already told me she wanted me to be one of her bridesmaids. And chickenshit that I was, I’d told her I’d think about it.
I sniffled a little, struggling to keep my shit together, and gazed out the window. It had started to drizzle just a little. I had a long flight ahead of me, and a lot of time alone in London after the shoot. I’d never spent much time in England and I’d thought it might be fun to have some downtime to take in the sights.
Now all I saw before me was a dangerous amount of time alone with my thoughts, filled with the potential for bad decisions.
I had no idea how to process my feelings about any of this, and whenever I struggled to process my feelings… life got messy. Ugly.
Dirty.
I tried to look at things objectively.
On the one hand, I was about to gain a kick-ass sister-in-law. And if I was really lucky, a couple of adorable nieces and nephews. What’s not to be thrilled about there?
On the other hand… attending my brother’s wedding would mean confronting things I’d never wanted to think about again.
But it was inevitable, wasn’t it? Jesse was never going to live his life alone.
He wasn’t like me.
Which meant I’d just have to deal with this, somehow. There was no way I was going to skip out on my brother’s wedding. Not even I could justify that.
I took a deep breath and tucked the card back into the envelope. It seemed they’d finally gotten their wish.
Like it or not… it was time for me to go home.
BOOKS BY JAINE DIAMOND
* * *
PLAYERS SERIES
Hot Mess (Players #1)
Filthy Beautiful (Players #2)
… And more to come!
DIRTY SERIES
Dirty Like Me (Dirty #1)
Dirty Like Us (Dirty #0.5)
Dirty Like Brody (Dirty #2)
A Dirty Wedding Night (Dirty #2.5)
Dirty Like Seth (Dirty #3)
Dirty Like Dylan (Dirty #4)
Dirty Like Jude (Dirty #5)
Dirty Like Zane (Dirty #6)
DEEP SERIES
DEEP (DEEP #1)
DEEPER (DEEP #2)
DELICIOUSLY ADDICTIVE ROMANCE
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
* * *
Jaine Diamond is a contemporary romance author, fond of writing the love stories of built and badass men endowed with massive hearts, and strong, complex women she’d love to have a cocktail with.
She lives in beautiful Vancouver, Canada with her real-life romantic hero (Mr. Diamond) and their daughter, where she reads, writes, and drinks copious amounts of tea.
Never miss a new release…
Join the Diamond Club mailing list at jainediamond.com to get free stuff, advance teasers and more; you’ll get Dirty Like Us (Dirty #0.5) FREE in both ebook AND audiobook when you sign up: http://ebook.jainediamond.com/getdirty-ml/
Connect with Jaine online…
Website
http://jainediamond.com/
Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/JaineDiamond/
Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/jainediamond/
Twitter
https://twitter.com/JaineDiamondXO
Amazon
https://www.amazon.com/Jaine-Diamond/e/B017SFLY4U
THE DIRTY LIKE ME PLAYLIST
* * *
Love music like Katie & Jesse do? Me too!
Most of the songs on the Dirty Like Me playlist are mentioned in the book; others are songs that captured the feel of a certain scene or that I listened to while writing the book.
Like the music in the book, the playlist features mostly rock—from classic rock to hard rock and everything in-between—but it also includes other genres that I, and the characters in the book, enjoy as well.
For best results… listen LOUD!
Sample the songs on my website here, or listen to the whole playlist on Spotify or Apple Music.
New – No Doubt
Sweet Emotion – Aerosmith
Start Me Up – The Rolling Stones
You Shook Me All Night Long – AC/DC
Rude Boy – Rihanna
99 Problems – Hugo
Your Touch – The Black Keys
R U Mine? – Arctic Monkeys
Black Dog – Led Zeppelin
Somebody Told Me – The Killers
I’ve Been Thinking ft. Cat Power – Handsome Boy Modeling School
Are You Gonna Be My Girl – Jet
Hello, I Love You – The Doors
Let Me Blow Ya Mind ft. Gwen Stefani – Eve
Rock N Roll – GRiZ
Suga Suga ft. Frankie J – Baby Bash
Magic Man – Heart
Electric Feel – MGMT
Can’t Feel My Face – The Weeknd
Foxy Lady – Jimi Hendrix
Layla – Eric Clapton / Derek and the Dominos
Riptide – Vance Joy
Dream Weaver – Gary Wright
Next To You – The Police
Crazy Little Thing Called Love – Queen
Cowboys From Hell – Pantera
Shiver – Coldplay
Gold – Chet Faker
Lola – The Kinks
Girls Got Rhythm – AC/DC
Jessie’s Girl – Rick Springfield
Gimme Sympathy – Metric
Don’t Let Me Down ft. Daya – The Chainsmokers
The Boys of Summer – The Ataris
Girl Is On My Mind – T
he Black Keys
Waiting in Vain – Bob Marley
Let Love Rule – Lenny Kravitz
Adventure of a Lifetime – Coldplay
MANACONDA
TARYN ELLIOTT & CARI QUINN
CHAPTER ONE
* * *
Hunter
My cock was going to kill me.
Or else hearing about it would do me in. One or the other.
In the meantime, I was going to sweat until I forgot the word that had somehow come to define my life.
Mana-fucking-conda. Minus the fucking in the middle, plus a few extra millimeters at the tip. Hey, gotta finish strong, right? Or start, depending where you believed the male member actually began.
Head or base? Base or head?
These were the truly weighty questions in a man’s life. At least mine as things currently stood. Or…hung.
I blew out a breath. The clank of weights snapping together, and the whir of the treadmills, elliptical machines, and stairclimbers were my favorite sounds. It didn’t matter what city I was in, there was always a local gym to be found. I liked the small ones with the well-used equipment. Not the glossy gyms where people were more worried about what they looked like in their outfits than putting the work in.
It centered me, and man, did I need to be centered. And it wasn’t yoga crap that did it for me. It was sweat and more sweat. I walked straight to the far corner of the room and found a treadmill, and set a course for a quick warmup.
No one knew my name in here. The outside world could Tweet about my cock, Instagram closeups of my crotch, pore over Facebook posts of interviews I’ve done. I didn’t have to think about any of it.
Rock Star Romance Ultimate Volume 2 Page 61