“Hey, back,” he says, looking down.
“Do you want to come in?” Dear God, he is beautiful even in cargo shorts, a tee shirt and that beanie.
“No.” He shakes his head slowly and then finally looks at me.
“Did you come to tell me you hate me?” My voice betrays me, showing the pain from the thought. He looks at me like I’m crazy, which makes me feel stupid. “’Cause you could have just sent a text.” I step out in the hall.
He sighs. “Did you get the flowers?”
“They are so beautiful. Thank you. Thank you so, so much.” This is a good sign, right?
“They still alive?” His nose scrunches up as he runs his hand over his black beanie.
“Yeah.”
He starts to take a step forward then stops himself. “They smell good, Tales?”
“You can come in and—”
“Nah.” He shakes his head. He looks in my eyes and groans then slowly grazes down my body with his eyes, and I feel my nipples strain against my leotard. “Tales?”
“Yes?” I say as I step back against the wall, seeking its cool comfort on my very warm body.
“I’m gonna be touring for a long time.” He may as well have thrown a bucket of ice water on me.
I open my eyes and look at him as I cross my arms in front of me.
He smirks, noticing the change in my demeanor. “You still gonna be here when I get back?”
“Is this where you want me to be, Memphis?” I feel my lip quiver. “Here?”
“Tales.”
“Have you forgiven me yet?”
“Yeah. Have you forgiven yourself?” I shake my head. “His death wasn’t your fault,” he tries to tell me.
I blow upward, trying to cool my eyes to stop the tears, to keep myself together. I don’t want to push him away by acting too needy.
Wanting to change the subject, I ask, “How is Madison?”
“Busy.” He chuckles. “We put her on travel detail.”
“Travel?”
“Find hotels, and book flights to tour cities. She works about thirty hours.”
“Will she travel with you?” I ask.
“Does she have to?”
I give him a confused look, suddenly feeling insecure, “Why are you asking me that?”
“Will you feel more comfortable if your best friend is hanging out with your … me?”
“Is she still my best friend? I mean—” I am all emotion right now and I don’t like it. I push myself back against the wall, wishing I could sink into it so I don’t reach out to him. All I want to do is hang on to him, any part of him.
“Damn, Tales.”
“I miss her. I miss you. I miss—” I finally admit.
“I miss you, too, but we have another three weeks before—”
“Three weeks?”
“I’m healing.” When I look at him without expression, he says, “The fucking dolphin prince needs to just chill the hell out for—”
“Your penis piercing?” I whisper.
“Yes,” he whispers back mockingly.
“Because of that … thing.”
“The Great and Powerful Oz?”
My jaw drops, and I have to cover my mouth so I don’t wake the entire building with my laughing.
He smirks. “Tales, you don’t laugh when a dude talks about his dick.”
“Do you regret it?”
“I don’t know. I’d like you and me to figure it out together.”
“Together?”
He looks around as if he’s lost something. “Were you not the one I nailed under the stairs? Do you have a fucking doppelganger? If you do, before I make any sort of commitment, I really want the three of us to get together at least once.”
“You still want me?” my voice squeaks with excitement and emotion.
He smiles and nods. “Yeah, Tales.”
I walk up and hug him, taking care not to push against him. “Does it hurt?”
He wraps his arms around me, returning the hug. “What?”
“When you’re hard?” I whisper in his ear.
“Wow. Shit, apparently not. It’s gonna when I can’t be up in you, though.” He grinds against me.
“Why did you do it?” I ask as his nose runs across my hair, and he inhales.
He pulls back to look me in the eye. “I was pissed at you, pissed enough that I was afraid, if I went on tour, I would fuck whatever I could to feel something other than angry for a while.”
“You were going to have sex with the—”
“Gaggle of groupies,” he confirms with a nod, “until I stopped feeling sorry for myself and realized I’m not just Forever Steel. I’m kind of forever Tales, too.”
I look up at him, wishing, hoping. I know I’m pleading with my eyes for him to tell me what I desperately want to hear from him.
“All that shit you said to me the other night.” I frown at him, and he corrects himself. “I mean, stuff, Tales, not shit. Shit, you know that.” I nod. “All the talk about me being your fantasy has sent me into my head so deeply I can’t even begin to understand it all myself. But I do know that, for years—and when I say years, I mean it—I have been drawn to you.
“When we were kids at church, your old man saw me looking at you. It wasn’t like I wanted to bang you; I was just watching you and how you acted, how the girl who smiled and was kind to everyone held herself together. I suppose I have been in awe of you since then.
“One day, your father caught me watching you and said, ‘Do you know what happens to sinners, young man?’ I told him no, I didn’t. I was a fucking kid! He looks at me and says, ‘They burn in hell.’
“I fucking laughed in his face. Hell, he preached God’s love and was pegging me at ten years old as a sinner. He didn’t think that shit was funny. I wasn’t thinking about banging you back then, Tales. I was fucking ten.
“He told me, ‘If you have sexual desires for her, you best get down on your knees and pray, young man.’” Memphis shakes his head. “I had no clue what he was talking about. Sex was far from my mind. I was into Legos or some other shit my old man bought, promising he’d spend time doing it with me and then bailing.
“I figured out about sex really quickly after that, and you, Tales, were my first fantasy. I mean, I’m not sure it was planned, but I thought about you, and I thought about sex. I thought about sex, and I thought about you. You understand what I’m saying?”
I nod and he continues, “You were also untouchable, too good for me: sweet, kind, innocent, all the things I never was. I also wanted to protect you from the little fucks who picked on you, but you would just smile in their faces like an angel. I was never gonna be good enough, so I didn’t even give it a second thought until Miami.”
I push up on my toes and grab his face in my hands. His admission, his confession, makes me not only love him, but want him even more. “I hope you know better now. I’m no angel.”
“And … that’s my cue,” he groans and steps back, his massive erection prominently on display. “I’m out, Tales, like a boner in sweatpants.” He takes something out of his pocket and hands it to me. “Don’t give this up again.”
I nod, watching him walk away. Then I open the apartment door, and as I shut it behind me, I whisper, “I love you, Memphis Black.”
I look down at the phone in my hand where I have a message already from him.
- See you soon, sweet cheeks.
When, I want to ask, but I don’t.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
* * *
DOLPHINS BY DAMNED
Memphis
Morning comes too early. They all have lately. I toss and turn and think of what commitment and being on the road means.
I got Mads a job, hoping it would give her something to do. She and Mom are all sorts of emotional lately. Mom, she, and I aren’t on bad terms, but when I found out Mom knew for a couple years that Dad was all kinds of freaky, I was kind of pissed.
She was unapologet
ic and told me, when I had children someday, I would understand her choices. I’m not sure that’s true, not even sure I want kids.
Kids? I grab my phone and send Tales a message.
You on the pill yet?
I get a response twenty minutes later.
- I have an appointment next week. <3
Chick doctor?
- Does it matter? <3
Does a bear shit in the woods?
- Some do it at the zoo. <3
Dolphin be damned, I need to see her. It’s not like I can sleep, anyway.
Dinner tonight?
- You sure you have time for me? <3
I call her immediately, and she hangs up. What the fuck?
You fucking kidding me right now?
- It was meant as a joke. I’m sorry. I know you’re busy. <3
I’ll pick you up at eight.
- I won’t be back until nine. <3
My bad. It’s Wednesday, right? You teach the kids.
Shit, did I really just send that? What the fuck!
- Stalking me? <3
Nine p.m.
***
“You’re early,” Xavier says when I walk in the front door of Forever Four.
“Yeah. I have another song.”
“Is it good?”
I look at him like what the fuck?
“What? Is it? You know whether you write shit and whether you write something good.”
“Everything I write is—”
“No, man, how about “Come fly with me”? That was shit.” He shakes his head. “Then you follow it up with “Soaring,” and that was shit and—”
“Fine, just have a lot on my mind; that’s all.”
“Spill it,” X says, pointing to his office.
We head back, and he sits down behind his desk.
“I left my vagina at home. Maybe—” I start to walk away.
“Shut the hell up and sit.”
“No really—”
“Tallia Priest, sister’s best friend. You—”
“What the fuck?” I snap
“Billy,” we both say at the same time, and Xavier laughs.
“And your parents are having problems. Add all that plus preparing to take STD to the top, and it’s hard. I get it, so spill.”
I sit down and shake my head. I tell him damn near everything, even about my dad.
“Okay, well, that’s...” He runs his hands through his hair and shakes his head.
“Fucked up? Yeah, it is.” I feel my blood boil.
“Have you confronted him yet?” Xavier asks.
“You want me on stage or in jail?”
“I hear ya. Maybe he’s not gay.”
“Well, what the fuck, then? Was he just holding it in his mouth till the swelling went down?”
Xavier sucks in his cheeks and tries not to laugh.
“Laughing won’t offend me. I’ve been between rolling fits of laughter and ready to knock him out. The shit kicker is I say he’s a piece of shit out loud or joke around to the wrong person, and I’m labeled as some fucking gay basher when I’m not. I am bashing the fact that the asshole who raised me is a fucking heap of shit who lied to his family and ruined our lives and the life of a girl who means a lot to me.”
“I feel you.” He sits forward in his chair. “I’m also pretty damn proud that you are thinking of the backlash it would have on you.”
“And the band. Fucking wackos everywhere would be following us and ruining us before we even really get a chance.”
“And the girl?”
I look up and shake my head. “She’s the most down-to-earth chick in the world.”
“And you like her?”
I stand up and walk to the window that overlooks the parking lot. “Yeah. Known her forever, but this life...I don’t know.”
“I understand,” he says, “but how are you gonna know if you don’t try?”
I turn around and sit against the windowsill. “I just want her to stay her. How fucked up is that? I should want to shower her with gifts, help her get a place for her and me when I’m home, buy her some damn clothes that aren’t second-hand.”
“Look, it sounds to me like you want a kept woman. That’s not fair to her,” he begins, but I cut him off.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
“No. You don’t want her in second-hand clothes and to have a place to tuck her away when you’re on the road.”
I laugh, and he scowls at me. “Sounds bad when you say it like that,” I admit.
“Not my words, yours.” He waits for me to explain, and when I don’t, he says, “Oh, I see how it is.”
“You see how what is?”
He stands up and walks toward the door.
“That’s it?” I yell behind him.
“Sure is, man.” He chuckles. “Sure is.”
I follow him out. “I don’t want this life to suck her in and change a fucking thing about the girl I love.”
He turns around and smiles. “Yep, I saw how it was and I get it. I also know you gotta figure it out for yourself. If it comes easy, it doesn’t always stay. You’ve got this, but like everything, you gotta work to find a way to make it happen. Now, go give me a song, not some shit.”
I walk out of the sound booth an hour later.
Nickie D pats me on the back. “Platinum in six months.”
“Hey,” Xavier calls from behind. “Band chat.”
“Band chat?” Nickie raises his eyebrow. “Which one of you did some shit I’m gonna have to get you out of?”
“You were with me, so my buck’s on River.” I laugh.
We walk into the conference room and sit. Finn is chewing on a pen cap, staring at his notebook; River is baby talking to Xavier’s kid, who’s in some jumpy thing; and Billy is messaging on his phone.
“Okay, listen up.” X-man starts. “The talk about the opening act contest has gone fucking viral. We aren’t just getting rock bands; we’re getting Americas Got Talent shit. So, Taelyn, Nickie D, and I have decided we are going to step in until we get this record produced or find some people who know talent.”
“Groupies know talent.” River laughs, and so does the kid. “Yeah, they do. Huh, little buddy? Fist bump.” He holds up his fist, and the kid literally taps his fist with his hand. “We’ll work on that.”
“Or until Patrick understands what the hell is going on, which looks to be any day now.” Xavier looks at Taelyn and shakes his head. “This is happening too damn fast. It’s your fault.”
“My fault?” She laughs and picks the kid up. “Lunch time.”
“See? Your damn fault,” he scolds her, but when she walks away, he smiles.
He returns the focus to the task at hand. “As much as you all are dying to be involved, we’ve got it for the first few dates. Shit’s subject to change, and I really would like you guys to be part of this. It’s good for your image. Show support and love for the community, and they’ll show it for you. We all on the same page here?”
“I’ll help whenever, X,” River offers.
“Sober?” Xavier asks.
“Right now I am, but not gonna promise that in a couple hours. Besides, I’m at my fucking best when I’m in my own head.”
“But not passed out on stage, River,” Xavier warns, looking at him and trying his best not to yell.
“I kept my shit together for the Burning Souls tour; I will be doing the same for ours.”
“Travel is booked. Madison has done really well at that, and she’s working with Taelyn on social media promotion of the band. Nickie and I are trying to set up interviews and radio spots in cities where we are playing. And the album,” he pauses and smiles, “fucking insane.”
“Epic,” Nickie concurs.
“Orgasmic.” River laughs.
***
- There’s a man here with a car, and it’s not you. <3
He’s gonna bring you to me.
- So I should trust a man with a black town car who may po
ssibly resemble someone from an Italian mafia movie and not an OBGYN who works in an office surrounded by people because he has a penis? <3
Enough finger tapping. Get in the car.
A little while later, I see her get out of the car and look around. Her shoulders sag a bit, but there is no regret on my end.
I’m sitting outside my mom’s home by the outdoor fire pit with my acoustic when she walks up.
“Come on over here,” I say as I put a foot on the bench and pat between my legs.
She smiles a little. “Is that safe?”
“I’m not sure. I guess we’ll find out.”
She walks up, sits between my legs, and leans back. “If you get uncomfortable, let me know. I’ve sat on this bench a million times, for hours on end.”
“Listening to a dumb kid strum his guitar and watching him dream.”
“He wasn’t dumb.”
I laugh. “Are we going to argue about younger me, Tales?”
“No. I just wanted you to know that I’m perfectly comfortable on this bench.”
“I wasn’t talking about the bench, Tales. I was talking about the harpoon that will very possibly be poking you in the back any second now.”
She looks up and smiles. “I see.”
I lean down and kiss her, and she gives it right back. After a couple of minutes, I pull back and groan.
“Does it hurt?”
“What, Tales?”
“The wizard.” She blushes
“No. I was thinking about a new song. Mouth open, tongue in...I better stop there.”
“Sounds very interesting,” she says.
I reach behind the bench and grab the bag I brought for her. “I hit Yelp up and found a couple vintage shops, so I got you some things.”
She smiles and takes the bag, not opening it. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“Aren’t you gonna look at it?” She leans against me fully and looks over her shoulder.
“I’d rather look at you while I have you.”
“Play along, Tales.” I kiss the top of her head and push the bag toward her.
I watch her open the bag and smile. She pulls out the first one—a Kermit the frog T-shirt.
“When I look at you, I see cartoons and everything in vivid color,” I tell her.
Rock Star Romance Ultimate Volume 2 Page 103