Will blinked in response. So she is thinking beyond graduation—far beyond. He was surprised to find that he was excited about this and not scared.
EJ tried to furiously backpedal, and it was hilarious. “Not that I’m thinking that far ahead, just talking, having fun, because I’m a fun person.” She continued sputtering until she ran out of words.
“I’ve never seen you so flustered,” he said in mocking wonder. “It was kind of beautiful.”
EJ slapped his arm.
“Seriously, though, Ella,” he continued. “You don’t have to hide thinking about us beyond Longbourn. I’m not ready to let you go, either.” He lifted their clasped hands and kissed her knuckles. “In fact, I think we should talk about the future.”
Almost instantly, EJ tensed. She was more than flustered; she seemed to be panicking.
“But there’s so much we don’t know,” she quailed. “Like where we’ll even be in three months. I may be back in DC, Chicago, maybe even Scotland—in the unlikely event that I get that Fields Fellowship. And you could be literally anywhere. Either with acting or a grad program. Why focus on the darkness, when we can enjoy the sunset?”
“But,” Will countered, “if we don’t talk about the darkness, how are we going to find our way back to the campground . . . because we don’t have flashlights, or a map, or a way out of this metaphor?” They laughed. He turned to face her and took both of her hands. “Let’s just try, okay? Like it says on that poster by your door.”
She shook her head. “I can’t believe you’re using the House commandments against me.”
“Not against you, for us,” he countered.
“Okay, okay,” EJ agreed. “And since we’re putting our cards on the table, I’m not ready to end things, either.”
Will smiled. He couldn’t help it; he felt like fireworks were going off in his stomach.
EJ continued. “I know a clean break after graduation is the smart thing, but then I look at you.” She stroked his face and sighed. “I could happily make some really bad decisions chasing you.”
They were quiet again when Will offered a compromise. “Okay, so if we don’t talk about the future, capital F, let’s talk about possible futures. Like a future in which we keep this going after graduation. Maybe one in which we’re both in New York?”
“I could see that,” EJ replied with a smile. “Especially if the future includes more fresh bagels.”
“Could you see yourself out west?” Will asked.
“I think so.” EJ leaned back against her pillow thoughtfully. “I could do San Francisco, Seattle, even Vancouver—I’ve heard good things.” She smiled at him. “How about you?”
“I could do any of those places. I also like San Diego.”
“I could try it—but not LA,” EJ added firmly.
“Agreed. Never LA, not permanently anyway.”
“Nashville?” EJ suggested.
“Why?”
“I have family in Tennessee. Besides, this is the time of life when you try stuff.”
Will squinted. “Can’t see Nashville, sorry.”
“Well,” EJ began in a conciliatory tone. “Should we somehow not end up in the same place, I could even see doing long distance, calling every day, seeing each other on the long weekends.”
“I think I could see that, too,” he agreed. “Especially if we’re in the same time zone. Given my work, we’d probably have to factor in some long-distance periods, no matter what.”
EJ bit her lip thoughtfully. “Yeah, but for, like, permanent long distance—not work travel—I think I could do up to three time zones, East to West Coast, but no more than that.”
“And now you’ve identified a deal breaker,” Will summarized. “See, little talks like this can be really helpful.”
“It was,” she agreed with a kiss. Then she looked behind Will, out the window. “You know what’s perfect for a rainy day? Museums! Why don’t you take me to see some art, handsome?”
Will agreed, but then EJ’s phone rang.
“Dia? No, I’m not on campus, but we can talk now.” She sat down on the bed and signaled that they weren’t going anywhere for a little while. Will made no secret of his annoyance, but then EJ said something that stopped him in his tracks.
“Jordan’s gone—with Carrie Dean?” EJ looked at Will with wide eyes. He sank into a nearby armchair. “Wow, that is a lot. Tell me what happened.”
Jamie
It took almost a month for things at Bennet House to get back to normal after the Girly Show, and it wasn’t just because of EJ and Will. On the Sunday of that weekend, Carrie Dean made a “surprise” appearance on campus to support Dia. As everyone knew at the house, Dia was chief of the Deaniacs, so this made her life. Jamie had gone to support Dia with a large contingent of Bennet Women from their floor. And Jamie was so glad she went; Dia was incredible. She had one of the best scenes onstage that night.
After the show, Jamie was giving Dia a big bouquet of flowers from their floor when who should saunter over but Carrie Dean. Knowing everything that Carrie had said and done to EJ, Jamie discreetly gave her the finger and left. Dia, however, completely melted when she met Carrie. Rumor had it that Carrie even came to the showcase after-party and hung out with Sir Titus and the class. Then Carrie shared the selfie she’d taken on IG. Jamie fully expected Dia to be riding the high of the showcase until she flew back to Utah for the summer, so it was a shock to see Dia looking like a heap of black eyeliner and tears for a full week after the showcase. It just didn’t make any sense. Jamie was so curious that she resolved to ask EJ about it during their next waffle brunch. It didn’t feel too nosy since EJ had her own Carrie Dean incident.
“From what Dia told me, everything was great until her parents turned up. After talking with Dylann, Will helped fly them out,” EJ explained, half whispering. “They surprised Dia in her dressing room. Her dad cried and told her he was proud of her. She was super happy, but after a while, she noticed that Jordan was being really weird. He refused to go get dinner with them even though Dia knew Jordan didn’t have plans.” EJ took a quick sip of her soda. “It’s like Will said, Jordan can really only get his hooks into someone if they have no one else. Once he saw that Dia’s family was back in her life, well, it was too much work.”
Tessa gasped. “OMG, is Will the one who invited Carrie—to distract Jordan?”
EJ barked with laughter and shook her head. “Hell no. Carrie and Jordan meeting was just a crazy coincidence. He sure kicked Dia to the curb as soon as he got a good look at Carrie Dean, though. I guess he was desperate, starstruck, or both. Anyway, once Carrie and Jordan started talking, she totally ignored Dia and was even borderline rude to her. Never meet your idols, I guess.” She shook her head. “Anyway, Carrie must have been pretty into Jordan, because she took him back to LA like a souvenir.”
Jamie raised her eyebrows. “So he just dropped everything and followed Carrie Dean?”
EJ nodded. “He dropped everything, including Dia. At first, he ghosted her for like a week; then when he called, he basically tried to order Dia to lie for him and smooth things over with Sir Titus. Lots of super-manipulative bullshit about loyalty, how he carried her in class, how she owed him.”
Jamie shook her head sadly. “Poor Tinkerbelle.”
EJ continued the story. “Thankfully, I was able to get ahold of Dia’s sister. Will flew her up and got them a spa weekend in Vermont. Dylann took Dia and basically deprogrammed her. She’s been doing much better since the trip.”
“Will to the rescue again?” Tessa asked, impressed.
“I know, right?” EJ replied.
Jamie put her hand up. “Wait, Dia is better?” she exclaimed. “When I last saw her, she was wearing a black veil.”
EJ’s head bounced between a nod and a shrug. “Yeah, but she went to all her classes, took all her exams, and packed up her room. I think she’s even said something about working on cruise ships this summer. Dia came back to herself, in the end. We
’ve seen worse, right, Tessa?”
Tessa blotted her mouth with her napkin and nodded grimly. For the first time Jamie wondered about all the stuff RAs saw that they couldn’t talk about for privacy’s sake. They probably knew the lives of everyone on their floor, if not everyone at Bennet House.
EJ picked up the story again. “Anyway, when she got back from Vermont, Dia told Sir Titus the truth about Jordan—and he was pissed. All I can say is things better work out with him and Carrie, because Jordan essentially got himself blackballed in the NYC theater community.”
“Well, we can all be thankful for one thing,” Tessa said. “Carrie and Jordan found each other.”
Jamie sipped her iced tea and nodded. “It’s beautiful when two shitty people take themselves out of the dating pool.”
“We don’t even have to worry about Jordan wrecking Carrie’s life. From everything Will’s said, Carrie’s momager will have Jordan defanged before the plane lands in Cali,” EJ added. “Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say.”
Tessa snorted. “I swear, Eej, sometimes I think you must be twenty-two going on fifty.” She shook her head with mirth. “Anyway, Jamie, you said you had news.”
Indeed, she did: her postgraduate life was finally starting to come together. She knew where she was going to be in the fall. All she had to do was cross that stage, and not even her transphobic—and sexist—advisor could stop her now.
“I got the Dramaturgy Fellowship at the Shakespeare in DC, and Lee got accepted to the master’s program at Johns Hopkins. We’re picking those programs and staying together.”
EJ screamed. Several heads whipped around, but she didn’t seem to care.
“This is so great!” she said, hopping up to give Jamie a hug. “I’m so happy for you; the Shakespeare does great work. And I’m happy for Lee, too! I’m happy for the both of you—together.” She clapped enthusiastically. “Just know that you can stay with my parents if you need to. I know it’s in the boring suburbs, but I don’t want you to ever feel trapped in a bad-roommate situation. They know you and love you,” EJ assured her.
“Thanks for that, Eej.”
“High fives all over the place, J!” Tessa agreed.
Jamie smiled. She was truly happy. If you’d told her a year ago that she’d be leaving campus with her first post-transition boyfriend, Jamie would have laughed in disbelief. Yet here she was, with the support of her best friends and Lee at her side. Still, she couldn’t help feeling a teensy, tiny bit nervous about moving back into the real world. It was hard enough being a trans woman on campus. Yes, DC looked like it was a pretty safe city for her with a strong LGBTQ community, but you never knew—you never could know. That was just how life was, being herself in a world that was hostile to her. But even if she didn’t have Bennet House anymore, she’d always be a Bennet Woman. Jamie would just have to carry that with her into the next adventure. (She was confident that she’d have EJ and Tessa, too.)
“Okay, that’s enough about me. Eej, what’s going on with you?” Jamie asked.
EJ picked at her afro a bit before speaking. “The good news is I’ve got no finals, and I’m pretty sure I’m getting some kind of ‘laude’ on my degree.” She did a little shimmy. While normal people would have been happy just to have an engineering degree from Longbourn (it was a fucking hard program), Jamie’s bestie had been talking about graduating with honors since orientation.
Tessa and Jamie both gave her high fives.
“Congrats, gir—lady; you earned it!” Tessa exclaimed.
“Thanks, doll. I’m just so relieved. When you’re working toward something for four years, happy doesn’t quite describe what you feel when everything goes right.” She leaned back in her chair and sighed. “Now I just have my Fields Fellowship interview—thanks for sitting through my new presentation, by the way. It really helped.”
“Of course,” Jamie responded encouragingly. “Anything for the cause.” She thought this fellowship would be good for Eej. Sure, she was still working way too hard, but she was inspired. She kept coming up with new ideas and writing down new areas to study when she started her grad-school program. If Jamie’s bestie was destined to be a workaholic, she at least wanted her to be a happy one.
EJ nudged Tessa. “Hey, Lady T, don’t you have some of your own news to share?”
Tessa nodded, brushing her new bangs out of her face. (She’d gotten herself an amazing pixie cut.) “Well, EJ already knows, but I got a yes from Bryce Canyon National Park: you are looking at their Summer Stargazing Program intern. After a semester of looking at Colin’s IG pics from Sydney, I decided that I didn’t want to be in a lab this summer.”
“That’s awesome!” Jamie exclaimed.
EJ bumped Tessa with her elbow. “If I make this road-trip thing happen, I’m going to crash on your floor,” she said half-jokingly. EJ was still trying to figure out her solo cross-country trip, looking for friends to stay with at every stop between Maryland and San Diego.
Tessa placed her hands on her heart. “You will always have a place on my air mattress, Eej.”
Jamie chuckled. “I want postcards from both of you, as soon as I have my new address.” Her fellowship at the Shakespeare started in July. In just a couple of months, she was going to have to be a real adult. Thankfully, her fellowship came with housing—but still!
Do I need to buy business clothes? Do I even like business clothes? Somehow the idea of getting an office wardrobe depressed her. She looked across to Tessa; something had gotten her down, too.
“We haven’t discussed our bad news yet: this is our last ever Longbourn waffle brunch together.” Tessa heaved a big sigh. “I’m going to miss you both so much!”
Jamie reached out and squeezed her hand. It wasn’t going to be easy for Tessa next year, but at least she still had Bennet House.
Bennet House! At that thought, Jamie sat up straight and tried to catch EJ’s eye.
“We’ll stay in touch, hon,” EJ told Tessa, pulling her into a side hug. She looked as sad as Tessa did. (EJ really wasn’t good at goodbyes.) Jamie coughed and finally got EJ’s attention.
“Especially since you’ll be upholding the grand traditions of the house next year, which reminds me . . .” EJ reached under the empty chair at their table and retrieved an eleven-by-seventeen gift-wrapped box.
“Aww, you two.” Tessa sighed as she ripped away the paper. Slowly she revealed their present. “Are these the house commandments, in embroidery?”
EJ gave another little shimmy. “I did the needlework; Jamie did the frame. She covered it in little paper butterflies and decoupaged.”
Tessa gaped at EJ. “I can’t believe you embroidered the whole thing—in cursive!”
“It was really relaxing,” EJ replied.
Tessa then looked at Jamie warmly. “You crafted for me, J?” She laughed. “You hate crafting more than EJ hates a cappella.”
Jamie couldn’t help her grin. This reaction had been worth a few lousy hours at the campus craft center. “We had to give you something cool to remember us by.”
Tessa teared up a little. “I know this sounds so summer camp, but you want to know what my Hearth Night wish was? That the three of us would be friends forever.”
EJ dropped her head on Tessa’s shoulder. “Oh no, you’re gonna make me cry.”
Me too, Jamie thought. So, to avoid royally fucking up her makeup, she lifted her coffee mug in a toast. “And so we will!”
“And so we will,” said Tessa.
EJ took a moment to get her mug. “And so we will,” she echoed. “We’re goddamn Bennet Women.”
Tessa went home the next day. Jamie came to realize that, as they moved out of finals and into Senior Week, every day was going to be her last “something.” Like today was probably going to be the last time she and EJ were hanging out in her single, just shooting the shit. Jamie was packing up her room and moving into Lee’s until graduation. EJ wasn’t leaving Bennet House until she had to, but Will wasn’t going to
be back on campus until Senior Week, anyway. Life had come at him fast after the Girly Show.
A week before final exams, someone had posted the video of Will’s piano performance online—and it blew up. (Thankfully, the thoughtful uploader had removed any mention of EJ.) Celine Dion retweeted it, and it got over a million views in three days. Suddenly, Will had his pick of TV appearances and pitch meetings. Netflix even announced that they were going to start streaming Will’s old show Band Camp. He was presently away from campus making the most of his spike in marketability.
“Are you guys making plans?” Jamie ventured. She’d watched EJ fall for Will with the same level of excitement and trepidation that she usually reserved for Olympic figure skating. It was clear to her—even if it wasn’t to them—that they were in love. But they were killing her with their mutual refusal to risk anything, Love required risk. It required someone being willing to look foolish. She wasn’t sure that either of them was capable of that. Even now, watching EJ frown and hesitate, she knew that her bestie’s mind was at war with her heart in how to proceed.
“We’ve decided not to change anything until the end of the summer,” EJ replied. “By that time, I should know where I’ll be living for the foreseeable future, hopefully.” She plucked a bit of lint from her sundress. “For now, we’re just going to enjoy what we have.”
Jamie smiled, but she was unconvinced. EJ returned her smile and chuckled lightly. “I know you don’t like my approach, J, but I can only be who I am.”
She softened. “And I love who you are. That’s why I wanted to make sure that you and I had a heart-to-heart before Senior Week and all the related craziness kicks in.”
Jamie swallowed. What do you say to someone who’s been your everything for four years? They had become friends on the first day of freshman orientation. EJ had walked her drunk ass home from every party freshman year. She was there for Jamie through her whole flippin’ transition. Words couldn’t contain how much EJ meant to her. Still, the moment needed something.
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