Air whooshes from my lungs as I land heavily, the muscles in my back clenching automatically, giving me the strength to spin around, kicking my leg out to connect with his torso.
My hit doesn’t do much damage, but it gives me a moment’s reprieve to scamper back up onto my feet before he springs forward, his swift hands already grabbing for me once again.
I duck swiftly, his long fingers sliding across my sweaty shoulder, unable to grasp enough traction to take me down again. My lungs heave the humid air, and I take several steps back, trying to catch my breath before he rushes me again.
Every inch of me hurts, muscles I never even knew I had quake from hours of training over the last two days, with little rest in between. Sweat drips into my eyes, trickling down my flushed body making my skin itch and only adding to my aggravation.
My hair fell out of its tie ages ago and I haven’t bothered tying it back up, leaving it to cling to my drenched body in a wild, messy display of rebellion. Not that Kozhan would have allowed me the time to tidy myself up even if I wanted to, which I don’t. I made a vow, one I’m sticking to, and if that means being in constant discomfort to allow me to gain the skills I need, so be it.
Kozhan’s training methods are good; he’s straight to the point, not overloading me with complicated techniques or fancy moves, purely teaching the safest and most effective attacks that suit my skills, but he’s tough. There’s no space for whining in his presence and he doesn’t take my occasional suggestions for breaks lightly.
According to him, my skills are limited and I’ve got to use the time I have to master as much as possible. So he doesn’t let up, even now as I stand here, cheeks beetroot red, sweat marks staining the light grey singlet I wear, shaking from exhaustion, he still stands opposite me, his arms raised in a perfect guard, his electric eyes watching every subtle movement of my feet, anticipating my next move even before I know what I’m going to do myself.
I lunge towards him, my fist ready to strike that handsome face of his, only for him to side-step me at the last moment and suddenly he’s behind me, his arm wrapped around my middle, pulling me against his solid chest while his large hand wraps around my throat.
“And now you’re dead,” his breath tickles my ear as he whispers my fate.
I stand deadly still, feeling every inch of him heavily pressed up against me, his lips so close to my cheek that if I was to turn slightly we would connect.
The heat pouring off of him sears my back and I ache to lean against him, to feel his strength when all I feel inside is my own weakness. My skin tingles and I close my eyes, conjuring memories of another time, when another boy held me in his arms and I had felt safe, alive and terrified all at once just from Blay’s touch.
My heart beats out a new melody, a frantic tune of dread and excitement which stutters my erratic breathing. My mind mixes the past with the present, confusing me to a point where I don’t want it to ever stop. Unadulterated thoughts rush through my mind and before I know it my body warms in an entirely different way.
“Do you know what you did wrong?” His lips brush against my temple, his presence shifting from his usual calming energy to something else entirely.
“Yeah, I went to the movies when I should have stayed home.” The thoughts of the night I was captured play out in my brain but are quickly consumed by the shivering sensations rippling up my back.
These last couple of days have been intense. Throughout the near non-stop training I have spent nearly every minute with Kozhan; practising together, eating together, heck we even fell asleep once lying right here on the practice mat after talking and telling stories for what seemed like hours.
He is different than any other Prytorian I’ve met before. He possesses Zaneth’s unrelenting practicality but it’s lessened slightly by a wicked sense of humour that puts me at ease, forgetting that I’m fighting to stay human, fighting to keep another alive, just living in the moment and following my instincts. He makes me forget what I’m becoming, never treating me as a pariah or a hero either, like so many other Prytorians do, still under the illusion of my supposed greatness.
Kozhan is easy to be around, not aloof like Blay, or charismatic like Calasis. He’s his own kind of person, one who has quickly worked out my floundering emotions and knows how to drag me out of the despair I fall into every time Blay crosses my mind. He has become my personal punching bag when the emotions overcome me, and a sounding board anytime my mouth opens and my unprocessed thoughts come spewing out.
I’ve found myself enjoying his company, needing him for more than just the enduring training, just being near him strengthens my soul in some weird way I’ve never felt before.
My breathing grows deep and heavy as I feel his body curve around mine. His hand slips from its chokehold and trails the arch of my neck, tickling in a gentle, intimate softness I didn’t expect from him. Reaching my chin, he gently turns my head so I have no choice but to look at him, his unusual eyes alight with intensity.
I barely notice the bracelet singe my skin as it awakens something deep inside of me, I’m too lost in his eyes to feel the mutation of my nails change into the weapon that they have become. Heat thumps through my body convincing me of desires that are not mine and silences all rationality.
Kozhan leans closer, his full lips parting, eager to taste my own. His heart beats wildly against my back, his excitement growing as his lips softly brush across my cheek, sweeping towards my lips.
My teeth tingle, an aching pain stabs along my gums as I feel them changing shape, lengthening to sharp points that slice my tongue and fills my mouth with blood. The sickly sweet, metallic taste drips down my throat and I can’t stop the primal noise of pleasure vibrating inside my chest which only urges him on.
My eyes close, shutting out his captivating gaze, breaking the connection between us and suddenly my heart freezes, reality crashes down, dumping a sickening sense of betrayal and disgust over me like a bucket of ice water.
This is not what I want. Kozhan isn’t who I want to be holding me against him in steady arms meant just for me, feeling his lips pressing against mine in a deep sensual kiss. No, that person is far away, fighting for his very life on a scorched planet surrounded by monsters who are literally his family.
Suddenly being held by Kozhan is sickening. His skin pressing against mine burns with a razor-like sting. Disgust makes my stomach revolt at my stupidity. I have to get away, far away from the boy who invokes desires deep inside that I know are wrong but still niggle away at my resolve.
With the bracelet’s powers surging through me, I grab onto it like it is an actual physical weapon. Summoning the acquired strength like it belongs to me, an extension of my being rather than a curse I’m trying to hide from. I twist out of his embrace, stopping his lips edging closer to mine, spinning around before he can contemplate what is happening.
My lips draw back, revealing razor sharp teeth which slice the inside of my mouth, sending intoxicatingly delicious blood across my tongue as an animalistic snarl rips from my throat, none of which startles me like they really should.
Kozhan’s eyes widen, his reactions frozen as I lunge towards him. I don’t want to hurt him, but I also don’t want him anywhere near me for fear that I might succumb to the desires that are so much simpler than what I have for Blay.
The increased strength that is not my own, rushes through my bloodstream but I am still in full control. For the first time since the Zantronian bracelet started its mutation on my body, I’m not engulfed by its strength. Instead I yield it, bend it and shape it to my needs like never before, and right now I need Kozhan far away from me.
Reaching out I grab him in my petite hands, being careful not to pierce his skin with my talons. I lift him from the ground effortlessly, spinning around and throwing him with full force straight into the side wall. His body connects heavily though he somehow manages to wrap his arms around his head, protecting himself before crashing to the ground.
I st
and there, feet spread apart, fists balled at my sides, pale lips barred, hissing crazily at him as he looks towards me, terror filling his suddenly childlike face.
He is afraid. He should be. But I am not, for the first time in a long time, I’m overjoyed.
I am still me.
Chapter Eleven
“What just happened?” Kozhan gingerly stands up, brushing himself off and taking a couple of tentative steps towards me.
The Nevithan lights flourish across my skin, dowsing the scalding ache which burns through my veins and represses my changing physical abnormalities.
I don’t fight it, no longer needing the added strength of a monster to do my bidding. I stand there, completely motionless, my eyes glued to Kozhan as he witnesses, for the first time, my unusual transformation.
His eyes are fully dilated, giving a ‘deer in the headlights’ impression and he swallows hard, his upper lip pulled back in a sickened grimace as he sees my talons merge back into normal fingernails, while my teeth make the painful transformation back into their usual setting.
“Bloody hell,” he whispers.
I lick my lips, moistening their sudden dryness and tasting the lingering flavour of my blood, my stomach rolling in disgust, no longer finding it incredibly delicious.
“Sorry,” I say simply and barely meaning it. “You should really keep your distance.”
He raises his hands in mock surrender, trying to lighten the mood, but his eyes don’t lose the new found fear I’ve installed in him.
“Lesson learnt.”
He stretches out his shoulders, keeping his distance while he starts packing up, unconsciously never turning his back to me.
“We’re probably done for the day anyway,” he pauses to glance my way. “You should get some rest and we can start again first thing tomorrow. My father will be interested in seeing your improvements.”
I have the feeling that he is no longer happy to be alone with me anymore, needing Zaneth to accompany us just in case I flip out. I don’t say anything, unsure how to console him about what he’s just witnessed when I’m too ecstatic to feel guilty about what has occurred.
Finally I’ve gotten an edge on this cursed anomaly. I was in control, more than I have ever been before when the bracelet activated a change. I can’t be happy about the latest freak transformation mutating my teeth into flesh tearing weapons or how my body sang out with desire when blood filled my mouth, but still, a sliver of control is more than I’ve ever had before. It’s progress, both forward and backwards, good and evil. Isn’t it always?
Kozhan slings his bag across his shoulder, edging past me towards the door, only to stop before leaving. He stands there, a soft sigh lifting his shoulders and he turns to look at me, his face a mixture of disbelief and awe.
“Is it always like that?”
I know what he’s meaning, he doesn’t need to spell it out. When the monster inside of me takes control of my body, do I always mutate into a hideous being, and I realise that even though I live through it, feel the change inside of myself, I have never once seen it happen. I don’t know how grotesque it looks to someone else, how much of a monstrous creature I become visually. I’ve always been too worried about how malicious I become mentally to care about my outer characteristics.
I hold his gaze and let the truth fall free.
“It’s getting worse.”
***
I wander along the vast hallways, both wanting to find someone as well as trying to avoid being found.
After Kozhan ditched me, leaving me alone for the first time in days, I treated myself to a ridiculously long shower, washing away the built-up smell produced by layers of sweat. Just one whiff made me question why Kozhan had even bothered getting that close to me in the first place, I seriously stunk.
On a whim, I unearthed the mystery book, wanting to read more of the twisting tale that made little sense and knowing now might be the only chance I got. I went to sit down in the chair overlooking the lake below, but a knock at the door had me quickly sliding the book into the back of my waistband before a single page was read.
I pulled open the door, hoping to see a friendly face that didn’t want to beat me to a pulp, unfortunately the woman standing on the other side of the door wasn’t there to provide me with entertainment.
Abruptly I was ushered from the room while it was scrupulously cleaned and my bed stripped, and I inwardly thanked fate for giving me the heads up to grab the book when I did.
With nothing much else to do, I miraculously weaved my way through the maze of halls to locate Ellestra and Calasis’s rooms, but neither were anywhere to be found. They have been noticeably absent recently. At first I thought it was solely to allow me time to concentrate on my training, even though Ellestra would have delighted in seeing my failed attempts to defeat Kozhan in a fight. But now their absence makes my hackles rise suspiciously. It wouldn’t surprise me if Calasis was still planning on blocking me out of the fight, even after his admission, and that’s something I can’t allow; if only I could find someone to figure out what’s going on.
I would storm my way towards Zaneth’s quarters - if I had any clue where they were that is. Now that I think about it, I haven’t even seen Mum in days either, not that I’m complaining about that fact; the last thing I need is the added guilt of seeing her worried face pained by my distance.
I come to stop at a full-length arched window, the view beyond taking my breath away for an instant, as it usually does. The waterfall crashes into the lake below with a rapid urgency that beats through my veins. It is the same ice blue as Kozhan’s eyes, turbulently beautiful and equally deadly if one was to get too close. Oh, how I feel connected to that natural force, raging wildly yet controlling itself too, if only it was that easy.
A door shutting further down the hall draws my attention from outside and I glance around contemplating hiding, until I see who it is.
Karadese walks swiftly towards the opposite direction, a dark shawl covering her shoulders, her long raven hair tied up in an intricate braided bun, regal as always.
My heart leaps the moment I see her, for the first time since she showed me her vision through the Eidolon Eye days ago. Since then I swear she has been avoiding me, just like everyone else around here, it seems.
Anytime I have requested to see her, she’s been too busy or too tired. Once I waited for ages in her office, only for her to never show up even though that’s where she usually spends her days, and then I was too busy training to worry about the fact that she still hasn’t answered my questions, leaving me to come to my own conclusions about facts I really shouldn’t be guessing at.
Now I finally have her in my sights, no guards around to prohibit me either. It’s now or never I guess.
I sneak down the hall, careful not to give away my intentions, having to gain speed to catch up to her fast-moving pace in a wing of the castle I’ve never searched before. If I lose her then my hope of finding my way back is slim to none.
Eventually she comes to a stop outside a large wooden door. She bows her head, taking several deep breaths, her hand quivering softly as she clutches the handle before pushing it open, hesitating briefly in the doorway as she enters and I frown, wondering what is inside that seems to have made her so jumpy.
I make my way to the room before the door shuts properly, slipping inside unnoticed and wait for my eyes to adjust to the dimmed light of my new surroundings.
“It is rude to follow a person, particularly a queen, in whose home you have been welcomed into.”
My heart drops instantly at her disappointment in me, yet I won’t apologise for my actions. She owes me nothing, but I still won’t leave without the answers that can only come from her.
“You have been avoiding me.” I find her standing beside an overly large bed, the blankets tucked in with military precision, not one crinkle to be seen.
“How else am I supposed to get answers if I don’t track you down?”
She li
fts a pillow from the bed, bringing it up to her face she inhales the scent and then clutches it to her chest. I wonder if she even heard me, or if she is too lost in her grief to bother listening to the very person who is at fault for causing this catalyst in the first place.
A stirring inside my chest brings a yearning need I instantly know the meaning of, and my eyes dart around the sparsely decorated bedroom I’m slowly coming to the conclusion belongs to Blay.
The pink puckered scar above my wrist starts to tingle, sending out non-invasive blue tendrils faintly across my arm as if searching for its missing piece.
The swords. They are here, somewhere hidden in this very room, but how can that be? Calasis searched Blay’s room and came up empty. Why then can I feel them so completely, beckoning to me, as if they urgently want to be found? The strong connection pulling me in like a magnet to its partner.
Karadese perches on the side of Blay’s bed, sighing softly and dragging my attention back to her.
“I never wanted anyone to discover my secret.” Her lips twitch into a shattered smile and my heart breaks for her, knowing what she has hidden inside would have caused her more anguish than I’ve ever known.
“But since you have uncovered the truth, Rayna, let me explain my story so you don’t think ill of me.”
Even as my body is being enticed in one direction I push myself towards the opposite, coming to sit in an overstuffed chair beside the bed. A small gap between the base cushion and back, allows me to slip the book from my waistband to hide inside the inconspicuous space, undetected, as I sit directly facing Karadese.
“Believe me, I would never think badly of you, Karadese. I don’t know what happened, how Blay came to be, but I know in my heart that you would never have done anything callous enough to hurt the people you love.”
Fallen Paladin (The Paladin's Curse Book 2) Page 8