He groaned and I smiled at him, a real one this time, because it would be so easy to just give in to him. He wanted me again, and I was ready to have him. But one mistake was enough for both of us. Caleb smiled, then quickly threw on some clothes from his bag that I’d brought over during the night. I checked us out of the hotel while he brought his SUV around the front.
We had breakfast at the diner down the street. It felt like a date, with him finding excuses to touch my hand and offering me bites of his omelet off his fork. We left and drove back to Thornwood, and I still hadn’t said much to him.
“You okay?” he asked when we were back at his house.
“Yeah. I’ll be fine.” I gave him a little smile and hoped he thought I was only upset over losing Simon. That was a big part of it, but not really the full story.
We got out of his SUV, and I walked over to my patrol car. “So I’ll see you later?” he asked. There was something there, hiding in his voice, and in the way he kept looking at me, like he could tell just how much I really was pulling away from him.
I wanted to joke with him, to tell him that of course he would see me since we lived in the same small town, but I could only manage a little nod. He stepped up to me, and I took him into my arms. I didn’t kiss him, but I did hold on to him as tightly as I could before I got into my car. He was still standing in the driveway watching me when I drove to the main road.
Chapter Eleven
Caleb
I DIDN’T hear from Trent the next day, or even the next week. I saw him once, at the grocery store, but when I waved he didn’t wave back. I’d left a few messages, probably a dozen texts, and two weeks after Simon’s death, I was no longer just hurt and confused, I was angry at him. Luckily Dean, Nat, and Sam had come to stay with me and we had a fat, happy draft horse to foster.
“Dude, there you are!” Sam called as he ran up to me while I stood against the fence watching the gelding, Magic, graze. He was a lazy horse that was nearly as round as he was tall as far as I could tell. I was fostering him, but only for as long as Sam and his family were here, and only for as long as Sam was taking care of him. Luckily the kid and the horse had seemed to hit it off.
“Dude? No one says ‘dude’ anymore,” I teased.
Dean and Nat were up at the house, doing what, though, I wasn’t sure, but Nat was definitely in love with my house, though mostly my kitchen, I thought. She’d already made three of her pecan pies that I could never get enough of.
Sam bumped my shoulder and started to climb over the fence to sit on top of it. I stayed where I was. “He’s an awesome horse. How long are you gonna keep him?”
“Long as you’re here,” I answered. He might have wanted to keep Magic beyond that time, but that wasn’t happening. I looked back at the house to see if Dean or Nat were watching before nodding toward the horse. “Go get some lead ropes and his halter, and you can go riding.” They’d been given to me by the rescue.
His eyes got really big as he jumped back off the fence and ran into the barn. His parents didn’t mind that he went riding, as long as someone was watching him, but I had looser restrictions than they did on what Sam could do with the horse. Magic would never be good for much more than pleasure riding; he was too old and too round, but he’d been a school horse, and according to Green Acres, he could handle anything. I’d been on him a bit, just to make sure he was safe, and I figured it was okay for Sam to get some time with him doing more than going around the pasture at a trot. Trotting was fine, but I grew up being a bit more wild on horses, and I remembered having fun with it, so I wanted to share that with Sam while Nat wasn’t around to yell at me.
“Put the halter on him and get the leads on him like your reins. The rescue said he’s fine bareback, and I’ve been on him like that, so that’s how you’ll ride too,” I told him as he climbed back over the fence. There was an actual gate on the pasture, which I went through, but Sam was twelve, so I got why he refused to use the gate most days. Though, honestly, they’d only been with me for three days, and I’d seen him use the gate just to bring Magic through.
“Like this?” Sam asked.
I nodded and helped him tie them together so they didn’t bounce against Magic’s sides. “Now, get on him, get comfortable, but stay at a walk. We’re going to do some fun stuff.”
“At a walk?” Sam didn’t sound convinced.
I smiled at him. “Yeah. Now get going before your mom sees us and we get in trouble for having fun.” Sam was a good distraction, one I desperately needed to keep me from thinking about Trent and how he was avoiding me.
I helped him onto Magic’s back, then took the lead rope reins from him while I led Magic around a bit. Sam looked disappointed in the pony ride, not that I blamed him, until I said, “Bring your legs up under you like you’re a jockey. When you’ve got that down and you feel comfortable, I want you to kneel on his back.”
“Won’t I fall off?”
He looked so worried. It was pretty funny actually to see him uncomfortable with something since this had been the kid who couldn’t wait to get into the water and go surfing the first time. This kid wanted to swim with great white sharks but was afraid of falling five feet off a horse. I had to laugh. “Maybe. But we’re going at a walk right now and everyone falls off sometimes. You want to ride, you’re going to fall off. Better you figure out how to fall correctly now than when you’re galloping,” I told him.
He didn’t look convinced, but he grabbed some courage from somewhere and brought up first one leg and then the other. I was close enough that if he started to fall I’d catch him, but I doubted that he’d slide off. I was there more to make sure he didn’t get hurt and that Nat wouldn’t have another reason to yell at me. She’d already laid into me just that morning for washing all of my clothes together instead of separating them by colors and temperatures. If I did that, I’d never make a full load of laundry.
“How’s this?” Sam asked when he’d gotten most of the way there.
I saw him clutching at Magic’s mane and hanging on for dear life and wanted to challenge him some more. “Pretty good. You comfortable right there?” He gave me a shaky nod. “When you’re ready, I want you to hold out your left arm. Straight out like an airplane.” It was the arm closest to me and as he tried I was able to grab his hand and give him a little support until he wasn’t so ready to topple.
“Now the other arm,” I told him.
He shook his head, and I smiled up at him. “Sam, you’re doing fine. Magic is the slowest horse I’ve ever seen, and you’ve got the balance you need from surfing. Put your other arm up. I’m right here.”
“And if I fall?”
I rolled my eyes. He wasn’t going to fall. I was right there, and I’d make sure he was fine. “Then I’ll take you out for pizza. Just put your arm up.”
Apparently that was a fair bargain because he brought his right arm up and after a minute I let go of his left one.
“I’m doing it!” he nearly shouted.
“I see that.”
“This is awesome!”
I was glad he was so happy. “Yeah it is.”
“Caleb!”
I cringed as I heard Natalie call me from the house. Sam quickly dropped his arms and went back to sitting on Magic with his legs down.
“I didn’t do it!” I yelled back to her. “It was Sam!”
“Hey!”
Sam knew I was joking, though, because he covered his mouth to hide his laugh.
“There is a cute cop up here looking for you, so it better not be for my son!” Natalie yelled back to us.
I turned around, nearly tripping over myself, and sure enough saw Trent and Natalie standing on my back deck looking down at us. I lifted my hand to wave to him, and he gave me a little wave back.
“Kid, we gotta get this horse cleaned up,” I said as I turned back to Sam.
“Why? I wanna go faster. We barely got started.”
I shook my head and brought Magic to a stop. �
�Jump off. Let’s go back up to the house.”
“Are you in trouble? Is that why there’s a cop here? Are you going to go to jail?”
“What? No. He’s a friend.” I rolled my eyes. This kid could be—
“Oooo. He’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?” Sam asked as he slid off Magic’s back.
I gave him a glare, which only made him laugh as he ran out of the pasture, once again refusing to use the gate. I was left shaking my head and being very glad I didn’t have kids of my own, as much as I adored Sam.
After I’d put away Magic’s halter and lead ropes I headed up to the house, but Trent met me in the driveway before I could get there. “Leaving already?” I asked. I didn’t know what he was doing there, or why he hadn’t been returning my messages.
He shook his head and leaned against his patrol car. “Sorry to drop in. I didn’t realize you had company.”
“Friends from California who are visiting for a while,” I explained.
Trent gave me a little smile and crossed his arms over his chest. “I saw Dean in the driveway and thought he was someone you were seeing before he introduced himself.”
I snorted and shook my head, hoping Natalie hadn’t heard that story. She could be a jealous woman when she wanted to be. “He’s just a friend.”
“I’m glad,” Trent said.
I was still angry at him, as much as I was glad to see him again, so when he tried to come in for a hug I shook my head. “Nope. We need to talk first.”
He didn’t look that put off by my refusal. “I agree. Um… do you want to go to my place or do you want to talk here?”
I loved my house and was comfortable there, but I also didn’t want Sam overhearing something he was too young to know about. “Let’s go to your place. But I’ll follow you.”
“It’s about a twenty-minute walk, even from the edge of town like you are here. I’m right in the center of Thornwood,” he let me know, even as I headed toward my SUV.
“And if I get mad at you and want to leave, it’ll be even faster to come back home with my vehicle.” He didn’t say anything to that as I got in my SUV and he went to his car. Natalie was watching me from the front door, and I gave her a wave before I pulled out of the driveway and followed Trent down the main street in town to a row of townhouses right by the grocery store.
“It’s a lot smaller than your house,” Trent warned me as we got out of our vehicles and headed toward a plain-looking townhouse near the end of the row. Trent’s townhouse, like all the others on the street, had light gray siding and a dark gray roof. The only thing that really stood out to me was the faded police parking sign hanging on his front door.
“It’s bigger than my apartment in LA was,” I said as I followed him inside. “And cleaner too.” Actually, his place smelled like fresh lemons. I figured it was probably a cleaner, but it didn’t have any of the funky chemical smell that went with most of the cleaners I was used to. His front door opened up to a living room with one couch in it, like mine, but his was a lot newer. I saw a small kitchen to my left and two doors, one of them for the bedroom and the other for the bathroom, I guessed, but I didn’t ask.
I was still too mad at him for ignoring me.
He tried to hug me again after closing the door behind me, and this time I let him. It felt good to be in his arms again, to be held, and it reminded me of the night we’d shared. As those thoughts sprang to life in my mind, I pulled away, and he let me go.
“How’ve you been?” he asked as I leaned against the wall next to his couch.
I shrugged and stuffed my hands in the pockets of my jeans. “Busy. How’s your sex life been?” I was being blunt and I could have been nicer, but I didn’t see a reason to be. He’d hurt me, and I had a right to be angry with him for that.
He blanched a little, and I felt slightly better at knowing he wasn’t unaffected by my anger. I needed to know that, needed to see that what I thought of him and what I said actually mattered to him on some level.
“Quiet,” he admitted. I waited for him to tell me more, to let me know just how many guys he’d fucked since me. I wanted that kind of information because if I knew, if I heard the numbers, then I’d know for sure I hadn’t mattered and maybe I could have started to give up whatever feelings I had for him.
But he didn’t say anything more than that, so I asked him directly. “How many since me?”
“Caleb….” He shook his head and came closer to me. With the wall against my back, I couldn’t move away, but when he put a hand on my hip and rested his forehead against my neck, I didn’t move to touch him. I turned my head away and looked toward his front door. I shouldn’t have come here. Being alone with him, when I still wanted him so badly and cared about him far more than I should have, was not a good idea in the least.
“I’d like to know the number,” I said. He pressed his mouth to my neck, and I shut my eyes.
“Why? What would knowing do for you?”
Trent lifted up my shirt and pressed his hands to my stomach. This wasn’t a brief touch at all. Instead I felt the warmth of his palm completely against my stomach, and I stood there, absolutely unsure of myself as my resolve to be angry with him, to hate him almost, began to slip away.
“Because I want to know how little I meant to you.” It was the truth, and all of my hurt and anger wrapped up into one little sentence. I pressed my lips together as he pulled his mouth from my neck and used his hand to turn my face toward him. I looked at him, waiting for an explanation. But instead he kissed me. I didn’t open my mouth for him, didn’t even think about it, and after a few minutes of trying to get me to kiss him back he stopped. Then we were just staring at each other again.
“You know what I’m like,” he reminded me, as if it was my fault that we’d had sex and then he hadn’t called or texted me back.
“You said we would be friends afterward,” I countered. He put his other hand on me too, both of them on my stomach, right above the button of my jeans. “I called and texted you, and you didn’t say hi back once. That’s not what friends do.”
He scrunched up his face, like he was upset about what I’d said, and I expected him to move back, since I clearly wasn’t into what he was offering, but he moved his hands lower so that he was cupping me through my jeans. I lifted my eyebrows at him. “Really? Did you bring me here because you thought we’d ever be having sex again?”
This time he did stop touching me, and as stupid as it was, I wished he hadn’t. He braced his hands on the wall on either side of me, holding me there in front of him. If I bothered to take my hands out of my pockets, I could have touched him too, but I knew where that would lead. I wanted him, and he clearly still wanted me. And if I got to touch him, then we’d end up together again. We might not even make it to the bedroom. Part of me didn’t see a problem with that, and it was at war with the thoughts in my head about how hurt I was and how angry I’d been at him for not calling me back. It was such a simple thing, to want an answer to a text message.
“I was worried about you,” I told him as he leaned his head against my shoulder. I let myself do the same to him. He smelled like pine trees, like the forest that grew around Thornwood. I closed my eyes and relaxed by a few degrees. It wasn’t much, and I definitely hadn’t forgiven him for anything. But with him here in front of me, his warm breath on the side of my neck, it was hard to be as mad at him as I had been.
“I know. I got your texts.”
“You didn’t say anything back.”
He sighed and kissed my neck. “I’m sorry.”
That really didn’t do anything to calm my anger. He was sorry, which was great and all, but seriously, what the hell?
“Tell me how many guys you’ve had sex with since me.” I didn’t like repeating myself, and I should have just let it drop and figured it was anywhere from one to ten, maybe, but I wanted a real answer.
He didn’t answer me at first, and I thought I’d have to ask him again. But then he did. “None.�
�
I frowned, because he had to have been lying. “Yeah, right.”
Taking his phone out of his pocket meant moving away from me, and I wished he hadn’t. But then he showed me the app on his phone with all the guys he’d either had sex with or wanted to. “The star in the corner of their profiles is red if I’ve been with them recently. It’s supposed to be fun, like we were hot together or something stupid like that.”
He logged in, then handed it to me. I didn’t need stars on an app to tell me he hadn’t been on it recently, though. “Says here you have forty-two unread messages and haven’t logged in for fifteen days.” It was nosy of me to go through his messages, and I should have just given him the phone back. But I wanted to know what the guys who wanted him said because I was in that group too. I may not have met him on some cheesy hook-up app, but I’d been just another man in his bed. I’d known that when we were having sex, and the first day afterward had been hard. But it would have been a lot easier if he hadn’t completely shut me out.
“This guy says he misses you,” I told him. I felt disgusted with myself just looking through the messages, but it was hard to turn away and stop reading them once I started. “This one wants you again.”
Trent shrugged and reached for the phone. I handed it back to him without a fuss. It wasn’t any of my business what he did. We’d tried to be friends, and it hadn’t worked. Now he was just some guy I desperately wanted, and had honestly really liked, but knew I wouldn’t be having again.
“These are the kinds of idiots I have sex with,” Trent told me.
“Thanks for lumping me in with them,” I snapped defensively.
He quickly shook his head and went back to putting his hands on me, this time on my hips. He still went under my shirt, though, and ran his thumbs over the band of my jeans. It was getting harder to stand still with my hands in my pockets instead of touching him too. It would have been so easy to give in, to say screw it and just have sex with him and figure it out in the morning. But I was better than that, and stronger than that, and I was worth more than just someone for him to fuck when he was having a bad day.
One More Time Page 14