by Tara Brown
My eyes clear and I see the face of the person stabbing me. Pain and betrayal take everything away from me. Every moment of love and kindness I have ever felt, are all replaced by the agony being inflicted upon me.
"What are you doing?" I whisper harshly. My cracked lips bleed when I stretch them by speaking.
She trembles and sobs as she pushes an old sword in my stomach. "It's crazy the amount of pain you are capable of living through. I should know this. Look at me. I went through it all to be this. To be this perfect." She is sobbing and ranting. She looks demented.
My cries come as wheezes and my eyes burn as they attempt to cry. No moisture is left in me. My tears are dust and my eyelid gets stuck on my eye. It stings.
"Why?" I croak.
She shakes the sword with her sobs. It wiggles in the cut. "To be this. To be what I am. I'm a real girl. Not a fake girl. When Mona guessed, I knew the doctor's hadn’t done a good enough job. I went back. They couldn’t take any more of my Adam's apple. There were other issues." She cries out at looks at the ceiling, "I WAS NEVER GOING TO BE WHOLE RAYNE! NEVER! I WOULD ALWAYS BE FRANKENBARBIE!" She collapses on the ground and sobs. She stops crying and whispers, "A man came to me. He asked for simple things. Your location, your cell phone, where you slept, things like that. Simple things. He wasn’t going to hurt you." Tears stream down her cheeks.
I sob, dusty tears and feel my body dying. I don’t know if I can die early. I don’t know anything about myself.
"I just wanted to be real."
I shake my head and feel my legs buckling, "You were real. You were real to me."
She cries harder, "I wasn’t real. I was never going to be real. I was always going to be half done. I couldn’t have babies. It wasn’t fair to be born in a body that wasn’t mine. It was never right."
She is a sobbing mess.
I close my eyes and smile, "You have no idea." My voice cracks and breaks.
She drops the sword. It makes a loud clang when it lands on the floor next to her. I can't help but think about the way I acted when I saw her transformed. I wince. No wonder she hates me. I just kept saying the wrong things. I never meant any of it. It doesn’t matter now.
She turns and faces the stairs, "I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! I CAN'T!"
She looks at me and shakes her blonde head. Her eyes are dead. She whispers, "My debt is paid." She walks to the window where the cold stormy ocean air is coming in. She stands on the ledge.
"Noooooo." I scream but it is barely louder than a whisper.
She looks back at me. The wind blows her hair, "Forgive me." A tear slides down her cheek.
I nod, "Anything. I forgive you. Please don’t jump." I feel my throat tare. I taste my own blood. It wets my throat.
She looks down and shakes, "He's going to kill me. He wants you dead but he can't come here himself. He wants you dead. It's you or me."
I look at the sword on the ground, where she was crying. "Kill me then."
She sits on the ledge. I feel a small measure of relief.
"Kill me. My wrists and shoulders are dislocated. My body is completely dehydrated. I'm dying anyway. Kill me. I think my arms are broken. I know my heart is."
She shakes her head, "I can't. I can't hurt you anymore. I just didn’t want to die Rayne. I tried to kill myself but I couldn’t." She trembles in a heap, "I couldn’t."
I hear voices.
"Hide. If they see you then they'll kill you. They want the opposite of whoever is trying to kill me. They want me alive."
She winces and climbs off the edge. She picks up the sword and takes it out of the room. I don’t know where she is hiding but the voices get closer. I hope she's safe. It's an ironic feeling.
Wyatt's mom walks into the room. She is dressed as a schoolteacher again. Homicidal schoolteacher maybe.
She looks at me and snarls.
A man is behind her. When he rounds the corner I gasp. The man in the sweater.
His smile doesn’t reach his dull gray eyes.
He looks exhausted and unkempt.
She crosses her arms.
He walks to me and runs his fingers against my arms. His touch rots my belly. I would squirm but I have nothing left.
He looks down on me and smirks. He leans in and kisses me. His kiss is stiff and I feel like it defiles me. He parts my lips with his and before I'm ready, wind is forced down my throat. I can't get my breath or exhale. He does it rough and violently. He forces it on me. His fingers grip into my arms. I feel them puncture my skin as they knead me. I suck him dry. Instead of his life force, I take the evil. He gives me a nibble of a kiss and steps back. He is shiny and clean and beautiful. His clothes look amazing and his face is young and handsome.
He smiles at me and walks from the room. He says nothing. Wyatt's mother watches me for a moment and turns and leaves. I feel full. I feel gross and dirty and full, in a way that makes me feel sick. Like I've swallowed a slug and I can't imagine anything else in my belly with it. The evil sits in there. Rotting me. I can feel it. I'm instantly sick. I would throw up but I'm dehydrated and nothing is inside of me.
I don’t understand how I'm not dead yet.
The pain ripping through me is new. The rot of the world is writhing inside of me. It's stretching my insides and getting cozy. I gag and heave as it slithers around in there.
My legs buckle and a scream rips from my throat when my shoulders stretch again.
'Rayne…Rayne…Rayne…'
My eyes flutter but I can't get my feet to stand and take the pressure and weight off my wrists and shoulders.
"Help me." I croak.
Mona runs into the room. Her eyes widen and she looks back, "Up here. Hurry."
She runs to me. Her hands shake and tremble, "Rayne. Oh my god what did they do? WYATT HELP!"
She is sobbing. Her glassy eyes are full of horror and fear.
I can barely open my eyes. In the sliver of light I can see him. Everything moves in slow motion. He lifts me and shouts at Mona. She panics and starts shaking. She is sobbing and panicking. He's yelling. My ears are full of the sounds, but my brain doesn't comprehend them.
She ends up holding me up and he rips the shackles from the wall. He looks savage and crazed again. When I feel the weight leave my arms and his arms close around me like a cocoon, I let myself close my eyes.
Everything is in flashes.
I feel the cold water and the dead weight of my broken arms.
I see him spitting out the seawater and swimming out into the black water.
I'm shivering and convulsing.
I feel close to death.
He kisses my cheek and swims.
His face lights up and he steels himself against whatever he sees.
I turn my head to see the angry face of a Nixie.
She is about to attack him when she sees me.
Her anger fades and crystals fall from her eyes made of light. She cries the most beautiful tears. They hit the water and make something like a phosphorescent.
She reaches a pale hand for me.
She cries out when she touches me.
Other lights come to the surface.
I can see them everywhere.
Seawater slips into my mouth.
I swallow and gag.
My eyes close and when I open them the ocean is lit up by the lights of the Nixie. They are everywhere, bobbing in the waves. Some are crying. Others look panicked.
The one with the red hair swims forward. She looks at me and him and then lifts her face in the air.
I feel him shifting.
I see the bright glint of the steel in hands. It’s the same small blade he used on the last one. He drives it into her neck. She jerks and shakes and bleeds light into the water. It spills everywhere. It's like phosphorescent dancing on the water, but it's her blood. I see the whisper of something float in the air. It's the purest light I've ever seen. He takes the blade and lifts my hand to the surface of the water. He slices my hand. I barely registe
r the pain. My hands are black and bloated anyway. The blood that seeps out is black and gross looking, like tar.
He puts the dagger out into the light. It coats the blade and sparkles with light and life. He stabs it into the cut on my hand and I feel the scream rip from me again. I feel everything shift. My shoulders pop back in and my wrists snap and crackle. My ribs and stomach convulse again.
The next Nixie swims up. She bares her throat.
I am helpless still. I scream and cry out but they ignore me.
I beg them to stop. Everyone ignores me.
Tears well in Wyatt's eyes as he cuts the essence out of each one.
It takes seven of them before my blood runs red again.
Chapter Sixteen
They are now my sisters. I can feel them watching me from the water.
I look in the backseat of the SUV at Michelle. I reach for her hand. She watches me and ignores my touch.
I squeeze and smile, "I will forgive you anything."
She looks broken, "You can't. You have to stop. You need to be smarter than that. I am a terrible person."
Wyatt looks annoyed, "Lucifer is the king of manipulation. He is a master. He made you weak. Apparently he does it better than anyone." He isn’t defending what she did. No one will.
He looks at me. I smile. He frowns, "I haven’t ever met him but that’s what Fitz says."
The name is a razorblade on my skin. I shiver and wince.
He looks at me and then down, "Sorry."
I shake my head to dismiss it, but I can't. Physically, I cannot let it go. I can let go of Michelle's betrayal because she was used. My own father used her pain and suffering against her. Wyatt's uncle and mother tortured me on purpose. They didn’t need to. I was no threat to them.
The drive to the old church is long and I'm antsy. My legs twitch and I tap on everything I touch.
I glance at Wyatt under my lashes, "You saved me."
He laughs, "It was an accident. I panicked."
I blush and smile. It's the first real smile I've felt in ages. I laugh and it feels like I'm whole again for the moment.
"So this priest knows about the light of the world?"
I shrug, "Not sure about that but Willow says he for sure knows how to kill the five devils. She's been researching a ton since we left her place. They all have."
Wyatt sighs, "I spoke to my mom today."
I almost get whiplash from how fast my head turns. My skin crawls and I feel every pain she inflicted upon my flesh.
"She said to say she was sorry and it wasn’t personal."
I watch his face for his reaction to the words. He shoots a glance at me but then looks back at the road.
Mona leans into the front seat, "Are you kidding?"
He shakes his head.
Mona looks at me and strokes my arm. I lean into the affection.
I glance at Michelle. She is twisting up inside. She looks ready to crack.
"She can say whatever she wants. I have no intention of forgiving her."
Wyatt looks at me, "You are awfully choosy about who you forgive." He hasn’t forgiven Michelle. To him his mother was trained to do what she did. She had every reason. Not to mention her son handfasted with a Sin Eater. To him Michelle chose what she did to me for selfish reasons and she is the one who is guilty. His mother was doing her chosen purpose in life. Her job.
I want to punch him in the head sometimes.
"Yeah well when you watch seven women die to save you, plain old you. One of you, for seven of them. You may then be as choosy as you like." My voice is calm but my insides are freaking out.
Mona looks at Michelle and scowls. She hasn’t gotten past it either. We are taking Michelle back to school after the church. I think it's a mistake. I feel like I need her. Not to mention she knows what my dad looks like. I need to know why he wants me dead before I eat all the sin.
Wyatt pulls into a motel and hops out of the SUV.
I look at Michelle and Mona, "Thanks for coming."
Mona looks annoyed and Michelle scowls.
I sigh, "Can we just get this out. Get it out. Mona you're pissed. Michelle you're embarrassed. Just say it."
Mona looks at Michelle and slaps her hard across the cheek. Michelle lowers her head and sobs quietly.
"You are a bitch. You betrayed her. For what a uterus?"
Michelle ugly cries. I lean across the back seat and hug her.
"You aren’t a bitch." I look at Mona, "She isn’t a bitch. You don’t know what it's like to be something you can't love and understand."
Mona processes it and crosses her arms.
Michelle looks at her. Mona reaches over and hugs her. "I liked you better before. Now you look plastic."
Michelle snorts, "You're a dick."
I look at them both and dive in for a hug. It's not one hundred percent better but it feels like it might be, one day.
He gets back in the SUV and looks at us funny.
He hands them a key and me a key and drives to the far side of the motel. He gets out of the SUV and stretches. I climb out and open the door with the number matching my key. He is right behind me. I look back at him, "What are you doing?"
He presses himself against my back, "Sharing a room. Open the door." I don’t even get to say goodnight to my friends. When I open the door He pushes me in and locks it. He slides a chair against the door and makes certain all the windows are locked. I stand watching him.
"You can't share a room with me."
He looks back at me and grins, "Scared to be alone with me?" He's cocky and I hate him sometimes, well, really dislike him. My ability to hate him is diminishing. Which is annoying.
He jumps onto the one bed and grabs the remote. He turns on the TV and starts flicking. I look at the door and wonder, how far I can make it if I push the chair and make a run for it?
He watches me with one eye and football with the other.
"Don't even think about it."
I sit on the chair in the entryway and ignore the closed door and the man I love and the way my belly feels warm and nervous.
A knock at the door startles my thoughts.
I look at the door and wait for something.
"Yes?" He shouts at the door.
"Wyatt where is Rayne?" Mona is outside.
"Go away Mona." He doesn’t trust Michelle.
I stand and walk to the window facing the parking lot. I tap the double paned glass.
She comes to the window and frowns. "Open the door."
I shake my head and point to Wyatt. I put a mock gun up to my head and pull the trigger and roll my eyes.
She laughs.
She puts her face up to the window, "Michelle needs you."
I frown and put my face up to the cold glass of the window. I shout back, "Why?"
She looks at Wyatt and shouts really loud with a shitty grin on her face, "She got her period."
My eyes are huge. I can feel the strain of them being so wide.
Wyatt moans, "Gross, what the hell? Keep that shit to yourself. Jesus."
I slide the chair away from the door, "I gotta go. She's going to be freaking out."
He waves a hand at me, "Gross."
I open the door and run out. Mona grabs my hand and pulls me to her room. Inside she slams the door and looks at Michelle.
Michelle is on the bed with the guiltiest look on her face, "He knows."
I look at them both and frown, "Who knows what? About your period?"
"Where the light of the word is."
I am confused, "So no period?"
Michelle tilts her head. I shrug, "I don’t know."
She shakes her head at me, "Anyway, I heard them talking at their house when I was sneaking around trying to find you. He's using you to take it. I never put two and two together until you said something in the truck just then."
I don’t trust her. I never realized it until now. Pitting her and Wyatt against each other is a no-brainer for me. It's him every
time. It's always going to be him. I love him. My brain plays the devil's advocate and whispers, 'Even if he doesn’t love you? Can't love something like you?'
I watch her face, "Where is it?"
She looks at Mona for support. Mona nods slightly, "It's inside of someone. It's kept in a person. You have to suck it out. You know the way you feed."
"But who?"
She swallows hard, "Your mother."
I sit on the bed and watch her face. She is in turmoil.
"Where did they say she was?"
She shakes her head violently, "They never said. I swear. I know you don’t trust me and I'm sorry for that. I'll always be sorry for it."
"You are my friend. You don’t owe me anything Michelle. You'll always be my friend." I don’t say that I trust her. I don’t lie.
"How do you know he knows?"
She sighs and stares straight ahead, "I was walking around the rooms, trying to find where they had hidden you. He was at the table with them, the one in the basement. Anyway the uncle said he needed the Light of the World to do something. He never said what, just that he needed it. Then his mom said well it's inside of Lillith. It always has been. All she ever had to do was kill her mother and she would have lived, forever. Then the dad says well take her to her mother and get her to kill her."
I feel sick. It sounds too elaborate for her to be lying to me. But I can tell she is holding something back. "What else?"
She presses her lips together, "Then Wyatt said that if he killed you as the light left your mother he could take it."
He plans on killing me. I doubted his love from the beginning, but I have never doubted his care for me. He can't explain it, even to himself but I know he cares.
"He could be leading them on and not planning on hurting me."
Mona rolls her eyes, "No, you're thinking with the va-jayjay. If he were on your side, he would have told you how to find it. He would have told you how to kill your mother. He would help you. Not plot against you. Besides he took you back to their house and let them torture you."