by Tara Brown
The thing that used to be a man, before he let his darkness overtake him, steps from the cell. He is much larger than I thought. My nerves come back. They push away the bravery I have mustered.
He smiles and tilts his head.
"You're a very pretty girl. What's your name?"
My mouth twitches. His thick fingers ball into fists and then straighten out again. I can hear the knuckles cracking.
I shiver and watch his shadow on the floor. The air whispers and sparkles. The dead want me to run. They fear him. When the dead fear you, something is wrong inside of you.
He looks at my chest and licks his lips. I try to focus on the feelings I have inside of me. The feelings of disgust. I can't make them bigger than the fear.
He lunges, suddenly and pins me against the metal wall. I start to cry. His warm skin is making heat everywhere. It's angry heat. He licks my neck and pins my arms against the wall. His legs hold mine. He has done this before. He anticipates my moves and counters before I even have a chance.
I feel a sob rise in my throat. I'm still panicking. He doesn’t kiss my mouth. He must know not to. His face buries itself in my neck. He spins me and throws me to the floor. He pounces. I try to scramble away but I can't. My head slams into the floor and he is on top of me.
I see stars, but then I see something else. I see a color. It builds at the back of my eyes and becomes everything I see.
I see red. Raw red anger and hatred.
It's his, not mine.
My eyes do their thing. I inhale him even from the floor. I can drink from him without seeing him. I can taste him in the air. I drink and feel his essence inside of me. I can taste his evil. It's sweet and delicious. He weakens for a moment. Apparently it's all I need. I turn and wrestle him off of me. I pin him to the floor. I'm sitting on him the way I did Wyatt. Pelvis to pelvis. I lean forward until our faces almost touch and take the biggest breath I can. As I am doing it, I hear a click.
I suck him until I feel fingers biting into my skin.
I look up to see the angry child killer looking at me, with contempt and hatred. She wraps her dirty fingers around my throat. My mind is panicking but my body ignores it. It reacts on its own. I push her and pin her in the air. I suck from her until the next click.
I am lost in a sea, no a buffet of tastes and pleasure. The clicks are coming two at a time but I don’t fight them. I dance with them. I twirl and suck, choke and suck, and devour them one after the other. I choke one, while eating another.
Something is happening and my body is giving into the moment. Every bad thought and dirty moment is filled with the sweetness they stole from someone else.
My leg kicks at a tall man. I pin his face to the wall with my foot and drink from the man trying to grab at me and scratch me.
I drink from the man I choked with my foot, like a ninja. I pull away and feel like I could run straight up a skyscraper. I am invincible. I am on fire in a good way. My stomach rumbles low, it feels hot and naughty. I look around the room for my next bite, but there is no one. The floor is littered with bodies. Their faces are distended in awkward positions. Like they died crying out.
They did.
I look at the cells. Every stall door is opened. There is no one left. I walk to the hall and let the food I've had be enough. When my finger grazes the cold metal of the door I feel it. Reality slams into me.
I look back, horrified at what I have done. Remorse, self-loathing and regret battle around inside of me.
My jaw trembles. I have murdered a dozen people like it was nothing. The moves of my death dance fill my mind. I sucked them and never thought another thought.
I have never had such a conflict inside of me. Not even when loving Wyatt whilst hating him.
"You are more impressive than I remember."
I look at Constantine who is beside me. The metal door is closed and yet he is here like he never left.
"Why did it taste so good now but when the devil used me to cleanse, it tasted so bad?" I speak but don’t recognize the voice.
"He forced it on you. Plus it's so much all at once. Nothing tastes good when it's shoved down your throat. But here you ate like you should. Naturally."
"You opened all the doors."
He nods, "I needed to see if you were ready."
My hands react. I have no control over my body. I pin him against the wall and look up at him, "What did you do to me?"
He smiles, "I freed you."
My fingers stop biting at the soft dress shirt. He wraps his arms around me and holds me to him, "We'll succeed this time Rayne. I promise."
My eyes shut but fill with images.
I'm standing on the cliffs. It's raining and dark and the sea is everywhere. The salt clings to me. I'm wearing a long dress. I'm me. My dark hair clings to my face. I hold a sword and a dagger. A man comes at me and I fight. My body twitches as I watch the images. It wants to move along with what I see. Like how I twitch watching dancing, like I should be dancing too.
I kill the man and he falls off the cliff. I'm standing on an outcropping of rocks, jagged rocks.
Another man comes at me. I spin and butt the hilt of the sword in his face. His nose bleeds. We fight and I slice the dagger across his cheek. I grab his face and lick the blood from his cheek. I press my lips against his and suck him dry. He drops to the ground in a heap. I kick him off the cliffs and watch as Constantine walks along the rocks. He laughs and grabs my face. He kisses me and I remember it all.
I look up at him. He bends his face, pressing his lips into mine.
"You came back to me." He whispers.
His lips are feverish. I let him devour me. I swear I can feel the rain upon us and the sword in my hand.
He pulls away and cries out. He grips my forearms, "What have you done? Have you Handfasted?"
I tremble, "He tricked me. Wyatt tricked me."
He looks at the white ceiling and screams.
Chapter Nineteen
She moans in her sleep and it bothers me. Not because she is making noises, but because she is dreaming about him.
If I could have normal dreams and normal sleeps I would bet we would both be dreaming about him.
Asshole
He pushed me hard enough to make me remember him. Unfortunately my memories are not whole. I remember the feeling of a sword in my hand and the feeling of killing something without guilt. I knew what I was and had no issues with it. What I don’t remember is a much larger list, than what I do. Constantine is the center of my confusion. I loved him. I know it. When I look at him I feel it. But I also fear him and sense a betrayal.
I can't sleep. It's never actually happened to me before. I don’t seem to be resting with the dead. I can't help but wonder if it's him or if I over ate. They never filled me up. It wasn’t the same as the devil who fed me. He made me feel full and sick. This is more like I am full of energy.
I get up from the bed and leave the room. I wander down the wide hallway and glance at the paintings. I walk like my feet know the way. Suddenly the air is sparkling and the dead are calling me. They want me to lie with them, there in the hallway. Weirdo's.
My feet walk through the mazes of hallways and corridors until I come to a dark door. It's closed. I reach out and brush my fingers against it. I've seen it before. I act before I can think and stop myself. I reach for the handle and turn it slowly. I slip inside of the door and close it quickly.
My back is pressed against the door. My heart is attempting to beat out of my chest. The door makes me nervous. The room makes it worse. So many things feel like they're trying to come back to me all at once.
I look around in the dark. My eyes have been doing their thing all night.
The room is jam packed with old trunks and boxes and chairs. Dust lingers in the air. I recognize one trunk instantly. I cross the room silently. I kneel at it and run my fingers along the carvings in the oak. A tear slips from my eye. I trace the old fashioned design. I remember it.
&n
bsp; I remember my maid filling it with my things. Her face is hidden from me but I know I loved her like a mother. So many pieces of my memory are still blocked.
I know I was about to leave for the Americas the next week. I remember so many things upon seeing it.
Constantine was there.
He was with me constantly.
He laughed and told me the lies I needed to hear. He rescued me the first time it happened. The first time I changed. I was in a heap down a long dark alley. I sat there sobbing in a torn gown with a dead man in my arms.
Constantine kissed my fingers and carried me away. He saved me from myself and the hatred I began to feel, as I began to understand what I really was. He trained me with the swords and daggers. He taught me to fight using what I was. He loved me and kissed me and together we plotted the demise of the seven devils. My parents and the five.
"What are you doing in here Ellie?" I turn hearing my name, from before.
The moonlight coming in the window glints off his eyes. Seeing him standing in a corner the way he is brings it back. The memories flood. The emotions take over. I barely recall who I am now.
The last memories filters in slowly, it takes its time. It burns me slow and deliberately. Ellie wants me to remember exactly how it felt when Constantine drove a sword in my side, and let the Van Helsings take me.
He sees the recognition on my face.
I leap at the wall but he's gone before I get the chance to rip his throat from him. I slam into the wall chipping my nail on the corner.
The memories merge. The story fills in.
I have the answers I have been seeking.
I turn and walk from the room. I don’t slip through the halls. I stomp and pound my way to our room. Feelings as old as time, crush against me.
The monster in me wants to feed and let the pain of others wash away my own, but the girl with the broken heart takes over. I drag my fingers along the wall, knocking the paintings to the floor. I swipe my arms across the desk at the top of the stairs, knocking everything to the floor. I am angry and broken. Wyatt and Constantine. In every life I have been broken by love. Fitz was right. I never should have fallen in love.
No matter where I run or what I do or who I eat, the heartbreak is there.
I am broken.
Tears blind me.
Mona is in the hallway looking alone and small and frightened. She is scared of me. Finally.
I look at her and drop my gaze, in shame. If she knew of the things I'd done, she would run away. She would scream and run and never look back and I would be completely alone. I deserve to be alone.
She does the thing she always does. She wraps her arms around me and lets me mentally collapse.
"We need to get out of here now." I whisper into her hair. "He's evil. Like Wyatt."
She nods and holds me. She doesn’t ask, not yet.
She asks in the car we steal. Of course I take the nicest of them. It's small and red and the inside smells too new and clean. It's fast. I don’t think I can control it. Even with my new found strengths. I stroke the steering wheel and grin. I know he loves it. He always liked the fastest of things. Horses and hounds and women. I flinch at the memories I now have. Him in the arms of women. Women he would always tell me were food. After the sword stabbed me in the side and I was dragged to the tower to be tortured and starved for the devils, I knew. I knew he was a liar and a bastard and they were more than food. They were conquests. No different than I was.
I steal a look at her. She is fidgeting. Michelle would freak.
She looks at me and watches my face, "What happened?"
I need to get rid of her. She is in danger with me.
"I remember the last time I lived."
"In the dark ages?"
I shake my head, "This is my fourth time being born I think. They were all wrong. Besides the first time, I was born in the Dark Ages and the Middle Ages. The last time was the late fifteen hundreds. I was a girl named Ellie. I had a mother and father and they were very rich. They bought a plantation in the New World. I was to take a ship to meet up with them. Traveling with my fiancé and my maids."
She grimaces, "Fiancé?"
The burn behind my eyes threatens me. I focus on the dark road, "Constantine. He was a Romania Prince." I feel a smile cross my lips, I can't fight it. "We met at dinner party in the winter. We went on a sleigh ride."
She laughs, "All vampires must be Romanian Princes."
"Anyway he was to marry me when we arrived in the New World. I was upset about it. I didn’t want to go. I wanted my wedding in England with my friends. I was in a shop buying some supplies to take with us, when I smelled something. It was the best smell in the whole world. I ended up in an alley killing a man. They never told me what I was. My parents never even knew. I was in a heap, sobbing, when Constantine found me. He saved me and showed his true nature to me. He, of course, knew what I was. His plan was to help me kill the devils. The seven devils. The five Sin Eaters and my real parents. He brought me to America. He married me and we lived in an amazing house, where his house now is. We plotted and then one day he betrayed me. He let the Van Helsings take me. I was tortured and starved in the same tower you found me in. I died in that room. Crucified and rotting from the evil of the world."
Her face looks how my heart feels, "Gross. You for real remember this shit?"
I nod, and sniffle. A lone tear slips down my cheek.
She sighs, "What the hell do we do now."
I shake my head and wipe my eye, "Not we. Me. I can't bring you into this. I remember how to fight and how to kill the devils. I remember who I am. It's too dangerous."
She laughs, "I'm coming. Before you say no hear me out. Firstly, I can guarantee either the Van Helsings or Constantine will come for me and use me as bait against you. It always happens that way in the movies. You drop me at school and in the middle of the night they come for me and dangle me like bait for you to come rescue. Bad idea." I nod. I can't argue with that.
"Secondly after everything we've been through I am completely certain I won't last like, a day. I will be pulling my hair out and squirming in my seat. School is like a distant memory. This life rocks. As scary as this shit is, and believe me it's scary, it's also exciting."
I laugh.
"Thirdly you're not as smart as I am. You may like languages and all that shit, but I am actually smarter than you. You need me. Everyone needs someone. Even if I have to sit in the car all the time, you need someone."
She sits back and that is that. She is coming. Mostly because I don’t want her to be bait.
"Constantine is hot. You have the two hottest guys I've ever seen, in my life, trying to kill you and sleep with you."
I sigh, "Yeah. I wish it was just a battle over who to pick for sleeping with, and not for who gets to murder me, slowly."
We look at each other and both shout, "Constantine." And laugh.
We drive to Mona's parents house in New Haven, Connecticut. I am stunned when we drive into the town. My heart leaps a little bit. It's my dream life. My dream town. Her mom and step dad are wealthy, obviously. Her house is on a circle street next to the country club. It's stunning and breaks my heart. I don’t mean to be envious but I have always wanted it. Always. The plan was to get my Linguistics degree from Vermont, with honors, and then get into Yale to get my PhD. New Haven is a painful place for me. Her mom is a specialist and her step dad is a professor at Yale.
I know she too had dreams of attending there for her PhD. Instead we will be failing out of Vermont, more than likely due to lack of attendance.
Her mother greets us coldly and I instantly understand the headband and perfection. It wasn’t a choice, it was the expectation.
Her mother is perfect. She doesn’t look a day over thirty and her step dad has an obvious roving eye. I'm uncomfortable around him. He licks his lips and hugs both of us for too long.
"Darling, it's fabulous to see you of course but what about classes?" I hold my
glass of red wine and look around. The room is portentous. It matches them. Their life suddenly doesn’t seem as appealing. My home with Willow always felt like a home. This feels like a museum. Their life is obviously minus love. Love is what makes a home from a house. Willow and I lacked so many other things, but love was never one of them.
"So linguistics?" She says it though her teeth.
I nod, "Yes. I suppose Mona's father will be my professor next year." I leave out the part where I might not be alive then. And that Mona might not be either.
She smiles like she wants to cut me. "I suppose he will. How interesting." It doesn’t sound interesting the way she says it. It sounds like I'm offering poison instead of conversation.
Richard watches me like a predator. His evil is so thick, I can feel the low burn in my belly every time I make eye contact with him.
He watches me. I know exactly what he will taste like. I know why he is a professor in a university. He is a bad man. The dead whisper things about him. Not good things.
Her mother takes her into the kitchen to get another bottle of wine, also known as lecture her for cutting classes no doubt.
Richard's eyes sparkle when we are alone. He sits back and spreads his legs. He looks like he's daring me to look between his legs. Testing me.
"So is that a roadster I saw you pull up in?"
"I have no idea." I shrug, "My boyfriend's car."
"It must haul. Is it the twelve cylinder one?"
I laugh, "I wouldn’t know. It drives very fast and uses a ton a gas."
He laughs, "I think I did see it was. Wow, that's an impressive car for someone so young. What does his family do?"
I shake my head, "Blood sucking leeches I think. Fanged and evil."
He smiles and tilts his head, "Must be acquisitions and mergers or something like that. Investment lawyers."
It makes me laugh, he assumes I was talking about lawyers.